Chapter 19: Chapter 19

My eyes peered at my surroundings. It wasn't questionable as  to where I was.  I was definitely in a hospital room but why? I wondered.

"Cas, you're awake." I heard Amsey's voice say softly.

I turned to see him sitted on a chair holding my hand.

"Amsey." I said.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm okay, I guess." I tried to sit up

"Easy." He said and assisted me.

"My head aches." I said. "What in the world happened to me?" I asked.

"You fainted." He simply said.

"Oh... Yeah.." I said, as images flashed in my memory and reminded me of what had happened. "I felt dizzy and I collapsed, right?"

"Yes, that's right." He responded.

"But who brought me here? You weren't there so how come you're here?" I asked, weakly.

"Rita and a man she said you were about serving when you slumped." He explained.

"That's right. Where are they now?" I asked.

"They had to leave. Rita said she'd come see you later on. She was the one who had given me a call with your phone and asked me to come meet you." He said.

"Oh. I'm sorry for  causing you trouble.  I  hope you weren't too worried." I asked.

"I was before came here but when I discovered the reason behind your collapse, I didn't feel worried anymore. I only felt irritated." He said with his teeth clenched.

"I don't understand. What happened to me?" I asked.

He just stared at me with a look of hurt and probably disappointment in his eyes.

"Hey. Is something wrong?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "I have to see the doctor and tell him you're awake. I'll be back." He said and stood up.

"Amsey, did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No." He replied.

He turned to go but I held his hand.

He turned his head to face me. "What is it?" He asked.

"You seem somehow."

"How?"

"Like you're upset. You're not even teasing me. You're just acting like I'm a total stranger you just helped." I said.

"Well, do we know each other?" He asked in a deep tone.

"Of course. We've been staying together for some time." I said.

Was he annoyed thinking I had overworked myself which is the reason why I had slumped? I wondered.

"Living together doesn't mean we actually know each other. You've proven to me that I'm nothing more than a total stranger to you." He said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"I don't know a thing about you. I even feel you probably lied to me all this while." He said.

I tried to get up but I was receiving drip so I couldn't. I'd have confronted him squarely.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"You're pregnant. That's what." He replied and walked away.

"Pregnant? It can't be." I said aloud.

Was that the reason for my sudden change in behaviour, eating unreasonably, the dizziness and the pimples?

No. That couldn't be the reason but then it hit me. I had missed my period but I could... I just might have an irregular period. He was definitely pulling my legs. I couldn't possibly be pregnant. Not at this time of my life. I made barely enough income that couldn't even provide me with the basic necessities of life and I was just putting the pieces of my life back together. Besides, I was still very young and I wasn't ready to look haggard or older. Besides, Amsey wasn't even ready to be a father.

We had only shared a kiss and hugged a few times though. That was incapable of causing me to fall pregnant.

My mind gracefully then decided to give me a trip down down memory lane... Oh no... Was it??.... One night; three men.

I gasped suddenly seeing the possibility of the truth in Amsey's statement.

The things I'd done with the useless excuse of a man my mum worked for, my sham of a boyfriend and the rapist of a Reverend all flashed in my memory.

"I.... I didn't.... I didn't use.... I didn't use protection." I whispered to myself, now coming to terms with the bitter realization that I was undoubtedly pregnant.

No! How could I have made such a silly mistake? I had been so desperate and couldn't afford to waste time on thinking things through.

I had foolishly given my pride to that good-for-nothing John in a haste then I went to see Mr Grumpy who had said he wanted to do it raw of which I didn't even care about then, my own was for him to just do as he pleased and give me the money and although I could barely remember the sex I had had with the devil of a Reverend, he probably hadn't used protection; he might had been in a hurry to fulfil his sexual desires so would he had even remembered to use protection?

I was in a dilemma, I was a novice in these sexual practices. I couldn't even point out who could be the father of the child. I had no resources whatsoever to take care of a child and I couldn't drag Amsey into this. He was obviously displeased at what had happened.

"Oh God!" I cried out. "No, just when I thought things were finally looking up. God, why? I cannot be pregnant. I refuse to be pregnant." I sobbed hard. "It's unfair. I'm not the only one in this world. Why do I keep facing problems upon problems? If I did anything wrong, just tell me. Better still, forgive me. I can't be pregnant, please. I'm not pregnant." I said, tears falling from my eyes and being uncontrollable.

"What's done is done." Amsey's voice pierced through the walls of the hospital ward.

I looked up to see him. He stood by the ward entrance with crossed arms looking at me doubtfully.

"Who's the father?" He asked.

"It's not what you think." I said.

"I asked you a question and I believe you owe me an answer." He came closer. "Who is the father?" He yelled.

"Amsey, I don't know." I said, shuddering, my voice; teary.

"You better tell me." He said as he shut the door. "Tell me now the honest truth. Nothing but the truth." He ordered.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. "I don't know. I don't know. Amsey, believe me, I don't know. I swear, that's the truth." I said.

He moved and sat on the edge of the bed and gripped my left hand tightly. I whimpered.

"Your tears won't fool me this time." He said coarsely.

"What are you trying to say? I've never fooled you. Never." I said.

"You're lying. You used those tears to get into my life. I'm not weak, okay? I can stand seeing you she'd tears. If you don't know who the father is, how did you get pregnant? Are you Mary in the Bible?" He questioned sarcastically.

"I..... I.... I....."

"Just speak up, will you? Who got you pregnant? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know."

He sighed. "Why did you come to Lagos?"

"Because my house burned and I had to run cause I couldn't afford to pay for the damages ensued." I said.

He increased the grip his hand had on mine. "Cas, I thought you were soft and innocent. I loved you, no! I love you and you're pregnant and you don't even know the father of your child. Were you a prostitute in Jos? Were the police on your tail? Is that why you fled? Did you rob your client or...."

He had barely finished his statement when I  broke free from his grasp and gave him a tight splitting slap. "You have no right to question nor defame my character. You have no freaking right. I get that you're upset but don't make baseless and hurtful accusations at me. You don't know anything, you have no idea on how my story is like. You don't know what I've passed through. You can't judge me simply because I'm pregnant. Do you know how terrible I feel? Do you know if I was raped? Do you think I'm happy about all these? You don't even understand!" I screamed as the tears flowed down my face and hurt pricked at my very soul.

He looked withdrawn and sober.

He took me in his arms and petted my hair. "I'm hurt, that's why I said all those things but I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, Cas. I'm sorry." He said.

After about ten minutes, I had calmed down. I withdrew from his arms.

"I want an abortion." I blurted out.

"Why?" He asked, looking surprised at my sudden outburst.

"You wouldn't understand." I said, looking down.

"Make me understand."

I opened my mouth to speak.

"I have a right to know. I'm your guardian after all and I may just be the only one you have in the entire world." He said, interrupting me before I could say a word.

He's right. He has every right to know. The voice in my head said.

Must you always be on his side? I replied inwardly.

**About an hour later**

"My God!" Amsey exclaimed.

He looked shaken at what I had just told him and had a disgusted look planted on his face.

"You mean you slept with three different men?"

He had asked me that for the umpteenth time and I was getting really angry.

"I slept with two. I was raped by one." I explained for the umpteenth time.

"Whatever. Cas, I'm not judging you here but I expected much more from you. How could you stoop so low? You should've gotten a better means instead of reducing yourself to a...... You know what." He said in an angry and disappointed tone.

"I don't know. Say it." I said.

"I can't."

"You meant, reducing myself to a prostitute, right?" I questioned.

He only nodded still having that look of disappointment on his face.

"I didn't have much time. I needed to save my mother's life." I said.

"Of course, you'd definitely try to justify your actions. Your mum died at the end, didn't she? And the so-called man you slept with didn't even give you the full amount required for your mother's treatment, not so?" He asked.

"You're right.... But it was for my mother's sake." I said as a drop of tear slid down my left eye.

"Exactly the notion I'm trying to erase. You have to see that you're wrong, okay? Stop justifying what you did. It was wrong! I'm sure your mother wouldn't have wanted you to do so. I get that you needed to save the life of the only person you had in the world but you shouldn't compromise your dignity for that." He said.

"Yeah. I shouldn't have done that. We can't change what's happened though. What's done; like you said, is done." I shrugged.

"Why did you go out with someone like him?" He asked, swerving to the other part of the discourse.

I understood immediately he was talking about John. "I liked him and he protected me."

"You saw the evidence that he was cheating.  Why didn't you leave him?"

"I....was....in...love." I said, feeling really stupid.

"And why in the world would you accompany a stranger to his home?" He asked.

"I felt like I could trust him." I said.

"Obviously, you were wrong." He said.

"Yeah. But all what happened changed a part of me. I'm not stupid anymore and I know what's what and what's not. I know not everyone is good and I know that......"

He cut me off. "You know using protection is essential?"

I chuckled. "That wasn't what I was going to say though. But, yeah. I should have used protection." I admitted, still laughing.

"It's not funny. What if you had contradicted a sex disease? What would you have done? Thank God you were lucky." He said.

"Yeah. Thanks be to him."

He smiled. "Those men are bastards. You had a survival instinct which isn't entirely a bad thing but you know the great thing about life? You can always make it worth the while as long as you're alive. You're still young. Don't get yourself worked up over these." He said.

"I'm not planning on getting myself worked up. That's why I want to terminate the pregnancy." I explained.

"No, no. It's not the child's fault." He said.

"So are you suggesting I keep it?" I retorted.

"Yeah. You have to. Children are a gift from God." He said.

"What are you saying? I can't afford to take care of a child at my age."

"That's why I'm here." He said.

"I don't even know how to take care of a child." I blurted out.

"You'll learn." He said, convincingly.

"I see you have the answer to every question. Now answer this. I don't even know the Father of the child. What do I say when the child grows up asking for the father?" I questioned.

He heaved a sigh and gave a knowing smile. He placed his hands on my tummy and rubbed it.

"The child doesn't need to be tortured with the fact that one of those disgusting men is its Father. I'll be the child's father." He said.

"But....."

"I know I'm not the biological father of your child but some biological fathers are not worth it. Trust me Cas, I know what it means to have a useless person as a father and I most definitely won't let this child go through the same phase." He said.

"You promise?" I asked.

"Have I ever gone back on my word?" He asked.

I covered his hands which were still placed on my belly with mine and my tears flowed in torrents.

"It'll be our baby then." I said.

"And no one deserves to find out it's not really mine." He said.

"No one will." I said.

I felt his gaze on me and I looked up to meet his brown eyes. His eyes were reassuring and mine was hopeful.

He smiled and I smiled back then he leaned closer and planted his lips on my forehead.

It was his child from now on.

I'll be the mother, he'll be the father.