Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Daniel's P.O.V

How dare someone make her cry, I will kill the person that has caused this. Only I had the right to make her cry. No one else! I looked at her sitting on the floor, she looked so miserable and alone, I immediately wanted to go to her, to comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but just as I took a step towards her she looked up and saw me standing in front of her. Sara wiped the tears that had fallen away and got up off the floor, she started to walk away and just as she was about to pass me, I gently grabbed her hand, making her stop in her tracks, but she did not look at me.

“Who is the reason for your tears, Sara?” I asked, but I got the feeling that she either did not want to or could not tell me.

“Why do you want to know?” Sara asked me and I looked at her pained face and puffy red eyes, I could feel my anger rising up inside of me thinking about who the hell would dare to hurt her and make her feel this way.

“I will destroy that thing for you. I will kill them.” I replied and she looked at me in shock. I knew that I had scared her even more but I just told the truth and said exactly what I had planned.

"I am the reason for my own tears….please kill me." Sara said and I was frozen, I could not say anything. She actually asked me to kill her. I felt as if she was asking me to kill myself and it broke my heart to hear her say those words. Someone had hurt her and caused her so much pain and misery that she actually wanted me to kill her. Who the hell was this person? The tears were welling up in her eyes and threatening to fall any second, but she did not let them, not a single tear fell from her eyes, like she was somehow managing to hold them at bay. Sara had said that she was the reason for her tears, but how? Why was she the reason?

I did not believe it for a second, looking in her eyes and they were not only filled with pain, but also hurt and despair. How could a person inflict so much pain on themselves? No! this was not her, it could not be, someone has done this to her and they will pay dearly for it.

Sara looked as though she had many questions racing through her mind and if only she would talk to me and tell me what was going on then I could help her, but she would not, so I would have to get to the bottom of this on my own.

Sara held so many innumerable secrets and hidden pains in the corner of her heart and it was giving me a strange feeling, which forced me to release my grip on her hand. I looked down at our intertwined hands and as soon as I loosened my grip, she gently pulled her hand away from mine and was leaving me again.

I was watching her leave, but I could not do anything to stop her and I did not know why, it was as if I was frozen to my spot. I wanted to ask her why she was so sad? What was the real cause for her tears? She was only ten steps away from me and the sight of her leaving again made me lose my mind.

“Sara!” I shouted out and she stopped, but did not turn around or even look at me. I forced my legs to move and walked towards her, standing behind her.

“Sara….” I softly whispered in her ear, but all I could hear was her quietly sobbing. My hands went to her waist and I turned her around, so that she was now facing me, but she had lowered her eyes and was not looking at me.

“Sara….please look at me.” I gently asked her and she looked up at me, her eyes were red and puffy from crying and it made my heart break seeing her like this. I brought my hand up to her face and gently brushed my fingers over her cheeks, wiping away her tears.

“Why are you blaming yourself? Why are you the reason for your own tears?” I asked her, but she just smiled. It was a smile filled with so much pain, that it made me feel as though I were dying.

“I wish I could answer your questions, but I do not know the answers. I just know that I am the cause of my tears, but I do not know why.” Sara replied, holding back her tears and my finger stopped on her cheeks. Her eyes wandered behind me and I knew that she had seen Jacob.

I already knew he was standing there, but I did not care. Her hand came up to mine, as she gently squeezed it and removed my hand from her cheek. She was again going to leave me.

“Sara….” I said, my voice panicked as I held onto her wrist. She stopped and looked back at me, with a faint smile.

“I am sorry to have wasted your precious time Mr. Lautner, but your world and mine are completely different from each other and I think it would be a good idea for us to stay away from each other....” Sara said, walking away from me and leaving me alone once again. Gradually she disappeared from my sight, but I just stood there unable to move.

I balled my fist in anger as every single word she said meant that she wanted to run away from me again, she wanted to leave me and for us to stay away from each other, it felt as though I was losing her all over again and I could not bear the pain of losing her again.

I looked down at my hand which had held her cheek and soft hand, I automatically brought it up to my face, smelling her scent. It was like a drug to me, a drug I would never tire of being addicted to. I closed my eyes while inhaling her scent and all I could see were her big beautiful innocent eyes, staring at me with both wonder and fear, her soft pink lips, which I had kissed a mere few hours ago. I basked in the image of her in my mind, but when I looked again her teary eyes hit me and made my heart ache.

I opened my eyes and took two steps towards the balcony where Jacob was standing, watching everything that had just gone on. I looked down and saw Sara going down, when suddenly she stopped and looked up towards me. Her expression was blank and again she turned her eyes from me, saying nothing.

I watched as she put a false smile on, as if to tell everyone around her that she was fine and that there was nothing wrong, but I knew different and could see the worry visible on her face, whatever the problem was, it was very big.

Seeing her in this state made me feel extremely angry, I walked away from the balcony and slammed my office door shut behind me. I just fucking wanted to know the reason at any cost and if she would not tell me then I would find out for myself.

I walked over to my desk, sitting down in front of my computer, so that I could see the entire office from here. Jacob followed me and stood beside me, both of us carefully watching the CCTV monitors. I was watching her movements carefully, but she was not going back to her department, she was going in the other direction.

“Where is she going?” I said to myself, as I watched her. Jacob leaned down, carefully looking at the monitor.

“Sir, she is going to the accounting department.” Jacob replied, but I could not understand why she was going there. I noticed that she was slightly hesitating and thinking about something before she entered the department and then stopped again, before turning right and I had no idea where she was going.

I had only been in this company for two days and had no knowledge of the other departments, but it seemed that neither did the girl that was standing next to her. Both of them were talking about something and so I decided to listen, hoping it would give me some of the answers I needed.

Sara’s P.O.V

I had nowhere else to turn and under the circumstances I needed help. I gathered up all my courage and made my way to the accounting department, but when I was standing in front of Suzy, I became a little nervous. I knew coming here would earn me a lot of attention, but I did not care, it was necessary and I had to do it.

Desperate times call for desperate measures and I was desperate. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me as soon as I entered the department. Suzy was working on her computer, but as soon as she saw me she stopped what she was doing and looked straight at me.

“Hey Sara, I have never seen you in my department before. Is there something important?” Suzy asked me, typing again on her keyboard and it was strange, she was talking to me normally, like she would anyone else and she has never talked to me like this before.

I just smiled a little after listening to what she had said because she was telling the truth, I had never been here before. There were four people sitting next to her, listening to our conversation and looking at me, which was making me feel even more nervous about why I had come here. I wanted to leave here and go back to my desk, but I stayed, I needed to at least try and sort this out.

“Suzy….” I started to say, but then nothing else came out of my mouth, it was as if someone had taken away my voice. I licked my now dry lips, feeling my panic as I looked around and knew that everyone was able to hear me.

“I….I wanted to ask if I could get an advance on next month's salary?” I said, but as soon as she heard me her hands stopped typing on the laptop keyboard and she looked over at the four people next to her. They all looked over at me and looked me up and down.

“Advanced salary?” she asked me and I nodded my head, hoping for the best and trying to stay positive in this horrible situation.

“Yes, that's right. I really need the money, due to unexpected circumstances and I had no other way, but to come here and ask you for an advance. Can you give me an advance on next month's salary?” I asked her, with a slight smile so that I could hide my nervousness.

“But all the employees including you were only paid 15 days ago, plus you received a bonus for working over and there are still 15 days to go until next payday, so why do you need your salary so soon?” Suzy asked me and she was right, my salary was more than enough to last me for the month, but I could not tell her the real reason why I needed an advance. How could I tell her that I had to give my money grabbing step mother my money just so she would not kick me out of my house the same day?

How could I tell her that I had no savings because my father had loaned them and never bothered to pay back? How could I tell her that my step mother had stolen the cheque of $1000 out of my purse? I hated having to come here with my hand outstretched, as if I was begging for money and disrespecting myself, which in a way I was, but I had no other choice. There wasn't a single person here that did not know me, even if we did work in different departments.

“I am going through some difficult circumstances and because of which I am short of money this month, but if I get an advance it would greatly help me out. Can you please do this for me? I am desperately in need of money.” I replied, yet again begging her, but as soon as she heard me she took off her glasses and put them on the side of her computer.

“I understand that you are in desperate need of money, otherwise you never would have come here and asked for an advance, but I am unable to do it. I can not give you an advance on your salary.” Suzy said, point blank refusing me without even thinking about it first. This was my last hope and even though it made me nervous I still came here and asked, but now my hopes had been shattered. She was the only one that could have helped me so I could pay the rent on a new apartment, but now I had nothing and there was no one that I could borrow money from.

“Suzy, please reconsider this. If I can not get an advance then I will be in big trouble.” I pleaded, not caring about the views of other people. I knew that people would start talking about me after seeing me begging in this way, but if I thought about what these people would say and think then I would be sleeping on the streets.

“Forgive me, but I can not help you. You know that I am not the owner of this company, but just an employee following orders.” Suzy replied, telling me her dilemma, after apologising to me and returned to her work. I knew she was lying, she used to give advances to her friends all the time when they asked, she just didn not want to do it for me. It was foolish for me to even try, but I had to.

“Thank you for your time Suzy, i am sorry to have disturbed you.” I replied, turning around and starting to walk away from her with my head held high.

“Sara….” Suzy called after me, I stopped and turned around to look at her.

“I can not do it myself, but if you bring it in writing stating that you can be given an advance on your salary, then I can do it and give you the money.” Suzy said and yet again I got my hopes up. I ran straight to her, happiness spread across my face. I thought that she hated me like everyone else and was refusing to help me, but now she had made this suggestion and was actually trying to help me.

“Okay, I can do that. Who do I need to ask to put it in writing?” I asked her, suddenly seeing a light at the end of this extremely dark tunnel.

“The only one that can do it is the manager, he has to put it in writing.” Suzy replied, with a sickly sweet smile. As soon as I heard her mention the manager, the smile vanished from my face and when I looked at Suzy and the other four that were present I saw that they were taunting me and started laughing at me.

“Oh Suzy! You really are a bitchy woman. Why are you playing with this poor little girl until now?” one of the others said, laughing at me and I knew there and then that Suzy had no intention of ever helping me or giving me an advance, she was just being mean. She was intentionally behaving as if she was worried about me to try and lull me into a false sense of security and it worked.

I was a fool to believe that she was actually going to help me and understood my circumstances, but I forgot that she hates me just as much as everyone else does. I have not done anything against her or ever caused her any trouble, but she hates me because she is the manager's girlfriend. I did not bother replying to her and just decided it was best to leave, but suddenly she grabbed my wrist and aggressively pulled me closer to her.

“Let me go, Suzy!” I shouted and tried to pull my hand from her grasp, but she just gripped it tighter and pulled me closer, causing pain in my wrist.

“I understand all your tricks, Sara. you deliberately confront the manager and try to behave all pure and innocent, as if you are being harassed, but I know the truth. I know how your personality works, you are a characterless girl, with loose morals and have your eyes on other boyfriends and husbands. I have seen your eyes on my boyfriend and I'm not going to let this happen.

I will make it difficult for you to stay in this office and as far as your advance is concerned I will not give you a single cent, even if you did manage to come back with it in writing, which I do not think the manager will ever do because I will not allow it.” Suzy said, digging her nails into my wrist, but as soon as she finished speaking she let me go and sat back down behind her desk. Everyone that was present heard everything that she had said and all started laughing at me, they were enjoying themselves at my expense.

They wanted to see me crying and begging for money, but I was not going to give them the satisfaction. Yes I was hurt, but I was not going to stoop down to their level by replying to them and so I held my head high and started to walk out of there. I could still hear them talking about me, but I was not going to acknowledge them because if I did then they would know that they had got to me.

“That girl is really something, you just said so much shit about her character, but she didn not react at all. She is strange.” a girl said and I could not help listening to them.

“There is nothing surprising in this, the entire office talks about her and insults her, but still she does nothing. She is just used to hearing all of this, it's nothing new for her. She just wanders around the office flaunting her slutty fat ass for the men to fuck.” Suzy replied, talking loudly enough for me to hear everything she just said. I walked out of there and was going to go back to my department, trying to think of another way, but there wasn't one.

I could not ask Lisa and Mia to help me because they also had their own family and expenses to take care of. I walked down the hallway to my department and stopped in my tracks when I saw the manager standing there flirting with a girl, she was trying to get his signature on an advance salary slip. I knew that he was the one I needed to ask, but I also knew that he would do his usual thing and make the proposal of a one night stand in return for money and I was not willing to do that. I was desperate for money, but I was not that desperate.

I stood there thinking about what I could do and in the end decided not to go back to my department and walked out of the office. I walked towards the office gardens and sat down on a bench. I knew I was not meant to be here because it was office time, but I needed to be alone right now. I needed some time to come to terms with my circumstances, so that I could figure out what my next move was going to be. I sat there for a few minutes, just looking back up to the office building and trying to think. i had to close my eyes as the sun light was not allowing me to open it. i looked down and then opened my eyes again.

“Right let's look at my situation rationally. My father loaned money off me two months ago and still hasn't bothered paying me back. I had to give my salary to Lucy fifteen days ago in order to stay in my own house and I have no chance of getting either of them to give me my money back. To top it off Lucy stole the $1000 cheque that my grandma gave me. I can not get an advance on next month's salary because I have to speak to the manager about it and that is completely impossible. I have to leave my own home in two days, and now I have no means of raising the money to pay the rent for a new place.” I said out loud to myself, before burying my face in my hands and sighing. I closed my eyes, hoping to forget about all my problems, but I knew that as soon as I opened my eyes, my problems would still be there. This is the truth of my life and there is nothing I can do to escape it.