Chapter 16: Chapter 16

He caught up in seconds as she stalked toward the road, pulling her back into him and spinning her around to face him, tear-stained and all and it just hit him in the stomach like a punch. Emma crying was something he could never handle, she rarely did it, and when she did, he felt like the biggest dickhead on the planet. He hated seeing her cry, it wounded him in ways he could never explain.

She tried to fight him off angrily sobbing, but he just folded her into his embrace, pushing his face into her hair and cradling her so she couldn’t get away, trying to soothe her.

“I’m sorry … Emma, stop … Emma. I’m sorry.” His voice was raw and strained. She kept fighting but was losing against his sheer size and strength, she was no match. He just held her close, stopping her outbursts and trying to cuddle her in until she finally began to slump and give up the effort. Finally stilling in his arms, silently crying against him yet not really cuddling him back. He knew if he let her go she would still walk off.

“I don’t want to fight with you.” His voice was quieter, closer to her ear, his crazy mood taking a new direction again and just trying to stop the stupidity between them. No matter how he felt for her, above all she was meant to be his friend and friends didn’t hurt each other like this.

“I don’t want to fight either.” She swallowed a sob. Slumping into him dejectedly and he could only hold her closer, that horrid feeling of sadness sweeping through him once more.

“Maybe we should go back to the boat.” He sounded tired, he was emotionally exhausted and physically fatigued from the events of the last twelve hours. He had no fight left in him and right now all he wanted to do was lie down and try to block all of this out of his head for a few hours.

“Maybe,” she whispered with slight relief and Jake just snapped at her easy agreement. Losing his temper erratically for no obvious reason other than all of this just fucking sucked and he wanted her to care more about it. He couldn’t explain or control any of this anymore.

“No,” he snapped, surprising her and making her tense in his arms, looking up with a look of pure confusion.

Fuck this shit … Fuck her and everything she did to him!

He stalked to the car quelling the urge to push her away from him, placing his hands on the hood in a bid to stop the angry energy surging through his entire body. He needed to go to a gym and beat another boxing bag to death to get rid of it this time. Glaring at the hood of the car and wondering how much damage he could inflict before his hands gave out.

“I can’t do this, Emma,” he snapped, his gaze was steady on the hood of the low sleek car. He clenched a fist and went for a punch, stopping it millimeters from the hood and laying his palm back flat on the hot sun heated surface. Deep breathing to try to curb every internal crazy impulse.

“Do what?” Emma tried softly, keeping her distance and obviously a little wary of his mood. He tried to quell it some more for her sake.

“This! Us!” He waved his hand in an exasperated motion, turning back to her, looking at her with sheer frustration and frowned.

“You drive me crazy … and not in a good way.” He sighed. Facing the car again. His body emanating all kinds of crazy signals no doubt, but he had no control over all the crazy messed up emotions colliding from months of this hell with her.

“I do?” Her small fragile voice sounded completely surprised. She had no clue at all the effect she had on him which only strengthened the fact she saw only friendship between them. She was so innocent and naïve to what this really was for him.

Too angelic for words.

He sighed again, and his face tensed.

“You frustrate me on so many levels.” He carried on, deflated again. Just so fed up with everything that this was.

“Sorry,” she murmured sarcastically, he could tell she was probably rolling her eyes too, while he wanted to just forget he ever met her. He threw her an unamused look over his shoulder, seeing her look down to twiddle her fingers nervously and it only made him sigh. Looking back at the car to get a grip on himself and reality, he began kicking at the solid rubber of the tire with his boot toe childishly, trying to just distract his head from the urge to throw something. He needed to self-calm.

“Why do you never talk about your childhood?” His tone softened, new direction, trying to change this whole topic to something else … anything. He didn’t even know why he would choose this topic among them all. He just needed to talk about anything else, maybe a little insight into her past would help him understand why she was this way. Simmer his anger.

“What?” He heard the defensive scared tone in her voice instantly and it didn’t help with his own mood. “There’s nothing to talk about … You have knowledge of the highlights,” she said drily, that warning tone in her voice she used when the conversation was over.

“I know bits and pieces, Emma, mostly from getting you drunk.” He glared at her accusingly, so pissed at everything right now, even though he was trying to dampen it. Especially this one-sided fucking relationship they had and the fact that after everything, she couldn’t even let him know the details of her past. It said a lot about how she felt about him.

“Where is this going?” Emma glared back at him suspiciously, always closing him out. He was sick of being shut out.

“It hurt you?” His eyes came to rest on her, trying to push every ounce of aggression away again with a mammoth effort and barely holding on. She messed him up in so many ways, and she just had no clue at all.

She looked away, crossing her arms around her body protectively and he just sighed and crumbled inside. He was mad, he wanted to be mad but somehow all she ever did was make him feel guilty and want to stop being angry with her. No wonder he was all over the place. He had no control over his own emotions.

“It’s the past and it should stay there.” Her voice wobbled a little this time with raw pain, and she moved away to turn her back on him. Jake took that hint of softness as a signal that maybe this wasn’t the brick wall he was meeting this time after all.

“Your mom? You don’t talk about her much either.” He pushed, his voice gentler, trying hard to just not be a dickhead. Coaxing her to open up about this gave him a little hope that he meant something to her at least. This topic was easier than the previous one and it was something he had always wanted to know. It was distracting him from his anger, which was a good thing.

“She’s my mom … What else is there to say?” She replied coldly, still keeping her back to him defiantly.

“Tell me about her.” He turned on the hood of the car and sat down to watch her, intrigued that for once he wasn’t having to battle any information out of her and it was helping take his mind off other matters. Her poise was hostile and stiff, but she hadn’t ended the conversation and closed up in true PA fashion like normal.

“My mom is a sucker for a sob story.” Her voice was raspy with emotion yet held a hint of anger, at him or her mother he wasn’t sure. He hated knowing that she had never had the childhood she deserved, hated knowing she had been hurt in ways that someone like her should have never endured. “That’s about all there is to her.”

“She has bad taste in men?” He got up silently and moved toward her, aching to soothe her while she talked about this stuff, just wanting to be there for her. Despite everything, all Jake ever wanted was to help her and learn more about what made her tick. She walked further off, putting the distance back between them a little as though she had sensed him getting closer, always holding him at bay.

“That’s an understatement,” she snapped angrily.

“They hurt you?” He had moved faster, got to right beside her before he had spoken again. Instinctively reaching out to her like he always did when she was close, the smell of her shampoo in the fresh air luring him against her, his fingers moving into her hair near her ear. Flexing his fingers into her scalp, causing her to lean into his touch, with a sigh and dampening over his mood like a balm. Touching her always brought him calmness, even when the topic was hard to digest. She leaned into him and he was lost to her almost instantly. His other hand sliding over her shoulder on the other side and sliding down her arm a little. Savoring the softness of her creamy skin with little resistance.

She always feels so fucking good.

Leaning in close to the back of her head, breathing slowly and placing his mouth on the back of her hair, inhaling her, and curbing the urge to kiss her pain away.

“Some … Some just wanted to …” Her voice weakened as she swallowed hard. His hand left her arm, snaked around her waist, and pulled her into his body smoothly. His mouth moving to her neck gently and pulling her tight and close to him to be the strength she needed.

“She didn’t protect you,” he whispered against her collar bone, the soft delicate smell of her skin bringing him a sense of completeness, the gentle soft curves of her body making the pain in his chest fade a little and he just held her, wanting to always keep her safe. He could stay this way forever.

“She did what she could,” she mumbled, softly allowing her body to meet his, having a little too much of an effect on his ability to think clearly and instinct at being joined with her was taking control. He couldn’t stop his nose skimming her shoulder and neck, the hand that was in her hair trailing down her naked arm and wrist and back up. He couldn’t deny that no matter what he would always want her this way, always want to touch her and devour every inch of her. Even while trying to give her solace about that bitch mother of hers a part of him wanted to turn her in his arms and just kiss the pain away, lose himself in that mouth and against that honey-sweet tongue.

“She didn’t stop bringing men around her child, miele.” His voice was hoarse with a mix of emotion and lust, and he felt her tense again, this time he knew it was at his words not his actions, his mind coming back to what he said and honing in on a tiny glimpse of Emma’s past.

“Why did you leave Chicago … Leave her?” His hands were still trailing down her arms and up again, but his focus was fully on her words now, the thought that his Emma had run from home to find safety in New York of all places. The thought of the girl he knew running scared from anything made him feel sick to his stomach.

“I needed to walk away from all of it … I needed to save myself because no one else was going to.” Her voice broke a little, and he knew without turning her there were more tears and it tore him open to the bone.

“I think you need to talk to someone about all of this, Emma … a counselor … I could …”

She jerked away instantly, spinning to glare at him angrily. All moods snapped closed with simple words, and suddenly she was fire and anger and squaring up to him like he was the enemy.

“Not a goddamn chance,” she spat, all venom and pain in her face. “I’m not fucking crazy!”

“Emma, that isn’t what I said,” Jake responded a little surprised at her sudden turnaround in mood, seeing a side of her she normally kept so under control. Sheer emotion and rage seeping from that beautiful face. He attempted to put his arms around her gently again, but she held out a hand stopping him. He stayed back, allowing her breathing space to vent. Unsure how to deal with the fire he had always sensed was just under the surface.

“Don’t okay … you wanted to know … now you know, and that’s the end of it.” The strength was back in her voice, PA Emma had returned, and she stalked past him toward the car, keeping her eyes averted. Her whole demeanor closing up, standing taller and her grace and mannerisms of the polished PA sliding in defensively. He could read her signs, she was putting that fucking wall back up because he was an idiot that somehow always pushed it. He was pissed as hell again, instant anger flooding back too, but mostly at himself.

“Don’t do that,” he snapped accusingly, following her back to the car, close on her heels, he grabbed her arm to turn her, but she yanked it away.

“Do what?” she yelled, deliberately looking anywhere but him in an attempt to get away. He grabbed her arm again and tugged her around to face him harshly, this time succeeding.

“Don’t shut me out again, clamp down like you always do. Not after everything, I’m … I’m sick to death of this never-ending fucking circle.” He raged losing his temper at always feeling like he would get so far and then boom, door slammed shut in his face again, driving him crazy.

“I didn’t want to tell you; You just keep pushing.” She wrenched her arm away, chin lifting defiantly. “Let’s go back to the boat. I’m hungry and I’m tired.” She sounded so cool and closed off he could feel himself erupting again internally.

Always the goddamn same shit with her.