Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Songs for this chapter are:

Always in a rush - Andy Mineo

Momma taught me - Andy Mineo

Mangia (Ramen and Rhyming) - Andy Mineo

Sumo eh - Limoblaze

Lovin - Simi

Cassandra

"Cassie, you can't do this at the very last minute. We spent roughly a week planning this party to celebrate your liberation. Now that today is the main day, you are suddenly saying you don't want a party anymore. Why?"

My Elder sister, Demi was the only one in the best state of mind to walk up to me after I'd walked out on everyone the way I did. Now I'm in the bathroom, bathing my face with water just so I don't have tears fall down my eyes and I wish it wasn't sister Demi asking me this question.

Truthfully, Demi was annoying. Siblings were one of the most annoying sets of people but there was a tone in which sister Demi said most of her words and did most of her things that you could sense an iota of pride in it. Now, I could not help but feel that she was asking me this question because she had organized all of the decorations and aesthetics for the party.

I knew she cared for me as a big sister would sometimes and I was appreciative of it but on some other times, I observed that self-gratifying, money-thirsty, prideful side that there was to her. I knew I had no right to tag her as money thirsty because I had done the worst things for that same tool but there was just something about sister Demi.

I mean, the reaction she gave when she learned that I was pregnant with Dan's child and would have to get a divorce read, "See? I told you but you wouldn't take advice from the best" instead of an "Oh my God, what can we do to get you out of this shithole?" expression that my sister Yemisi had.

This was why I wished it was her who was asking me this question but I had shocked her and broken her heart when I yelled at her as a response to the question she asked me and I walked out on her. I felt bad for being so mean to her.

"I'm not okay. I just don't feel like having a party anymore, " I answered, not trying to look into her eyes because I wasn't interested in seeing the expression on her face.

All I hoped for was that my answer would serve as a cogent reason for her to leave me alone because truly, not feeling like doing something even at the last minute should be a valid reason to be excused from doing it.

Unfortunately, she wouldn't accept my answer. She'd even gone as far as turning off the tap from the wash hand inlet in which I had been scrubbing my face. After gritting my teeth noiselessly for as long as I could keep my a few at bay, I breathed out, promising myself not to yell at anyone anymore.

"I won't accept that answer because it's just not fair to us. How do you think sister Yemisi and Brother Alexander would feel if I told them your shallow reason for not wanting this party?"

"Shallow?" I repeated the word like it was vinegar and unavoidably had to look her in the eye as I kept a firm grip on the base of the inlet and I was surprised to see an actual heartbroken expression on her face... Like she cared. Nevertheless, I'd made the resolve to lie to her because I had a good lie to tell.

"If I say, I don't feel like having a party simply because I don't feel like, calling it a shallow reason is disrespecting how I feel. Healing is a weird and annoying process you know? One day you're happy and okay and the next day you are not. When we won the case at the court against Dan, my joy knew no bounds but now, I'm suddenly not very okay about it. The fact that he died by electrocution. The fact that Farida can never know who her real dad is. The fact..."

I'd deliberately stopped my speech midway to let the tears I'd spent minutes trying to force ever since she walked in to fall down my eyes. She already believed me but some crying to show the intensity of the pain I was feeling would make every iota of doubt leave her mind.

And it did.

Placing her hard on my shoulders softly, she spoke, her tone shifting from irritated and heartbroken to compassionate. "I think I understand where you are coming from. Watching or hearing news about someone dying even if the person was your greatest enemy is not an easy thing to deal with but you have to remember that this is Dan we're talking about. He suffocated you. Made your life nearly lose its meaning. Do you remember how I started to gain everything I lost after Kimberly died? I couldn't afford to feel any pity for her when I watched her die. Even when I was close to feeling pity, I had to remember that I lost my son because of her. This is a time to celebrate, Cassie. Stop crying."

I almost felt the urge to change my mind after hearing all of that but I'd already gone far with my lie and I had to convince myself of why I decided not to have the party

In all honesty, I was glad about how well I'd healed within a moderate time. Especially ever since Dan died. I'd expected to feel bouts of nostalgia or an irritating mix of emotions. I'd expected to question my life and where it was headed after his demise but nothing of such things did I feel. Instead, it was undiluted peace and happiness.

Four days earlier, I was very enthusiastic about making preparations for the party to celebrate my liberation from captivity. One hundred percent of my heart and spirit was invested in the preparation. I'd taken over Ebun's duty to buy wine. I traveled to the best breweries outside of town. I'd done most of the food shopping from countless markets and stores.

I'd wanted the party. I wanted to feel the togetherness that only family could provide. I wanted to laugh merrily with my five siblings. I'd never done that in my entire life and I never expected that it would ever happen but when it looked like it, I realized to what extent I'd longed for it.

Suddenly, I didn't feel like it anymore and it broke my heart. This was the real reason;

I knew it was not completely over yet. I knew I wasn't done fighting my battles and I knew the battles that awaited me were going to be tougher than the ones already fought.

But...

I'd started to think of Zoe and it ruined my mood. One thought and one figment of my imagination birthed by paranoia were all it took for everything we'd spent so much time and energy on to be destroyed.

My willingness had lessened from a hundred to a zero real quick. The way I'd smashed the wine glass onto the ground in the presence of my siblings, screaming that I didn't want the party anymore and that all the decors should be taken down was something I couldn't explain by my power or reasoning.

I'd done my best to put that horrible day she came visiting unannounced at the very back of my mind. It was easier to put it aside because I had a lot to deal with at that moment. I had a whole court trial to focus on and a pressure that weighed on my shoulders to be a truth-telling witness so it was of minimal importance but now, the mere existence of her posed so many mighty threats to my future.

Especially as a woman who has planned to co-parent her children with her ex-husband.

Mustafa wasn't the problem. I knew we both still had a long way to go in healing. I knew he still had plans to be Ahmed, Youssef, and Farida's father. The standing block between him and being a father was the great deal of time that healing usually took and that was fine.

I was already doing what I could do to be a great mum to my kids, therapy and coaching wise but Zoe? she was there to make me feel like co-parenting with Mustafa was impossible, null, and void.

I never knew how much Zoe loathed me nor knew the amount of resentment she had stored up in her right from our days at high school until she slapped me heavily across my cheek that afternoon during the heat of our argument.

I was never the kind to fight over a man neither did I enjoy being in a situation where two men would have to fight over me which was why I asked Zoe to make her moves at Mustafa even while I was married. It wasn't a thing for me to be proud of but still, I knew it was a wasteful, parasitic, and draining fight to engage in.

Hence, I tried to make her understand that the only existing relationship between Mustafa and I was his paternity over our children but that only made her even more bitter. As though it was the trigger for the anger boiling in her, she'd dared to slap me, hard.

I kept it to myself and ensured that no-one including my sister, Ebun who was at home that day when she came know about it. I treated my swollen, red cheek myself.

"I still don't want the party. I hope you can make them understand. I'm not okay, " I told Demi after the memory of that painful day played in my head.

Sighing in defeat, she gave me a gentle tap on my shoulder.

"Okay, I'll tell them, " she said and after I heard her shut the door firmly, I slumped onto the floor as the real tears started to fall.

I was scared. What if Zoe shows up today like she did and ruins the party with dumb, slanderous statements? And even if she doesn't, I wouldn't be in the right state of mind. I would be unable to get it off my mind that she could show up unannounced like she seemed to love doing.

Being the edgiest soul at my party wasn't something I wanted. All I just wanted was for Mustafa to be there for our children. I didn't want to be a single mum.

Yes, I knew I should have had that in mind when I was busy cheating on Mustafa but still...

"Oh, God. I said I don't want a—

The sound of the door opening fiercely took a huge toll on the pace at which my heart started to beat and I had no time to wipe my tears away. It frustrated me.

But thankfully, I had looked up before going full high-pitch mode when I saw it was my sister, Yemisi that barged in.

She no longer looked heartbroken but rather...determined which surprised me even more. Squirming, I got up from the floor, nervous that she might be successful in convincing me to have this party.

"Someone is here to see you. Telling from what Demi told me, it was easy to figure that you were lying but that's okay. I know what you're truly afraid of and the perfect person to solve that problem is here. Come."

There, there. She knew me too much and at times like this, it was a little annoying. She was always so diplomatic in her speech that I always ended up succumbing to her like a sheep that depended on its shepherd.

How could she even know what my real fear was?

Confused but curious, I followed her lead out of the bathroom. Once we reached to field, my jaw dropped, seeing that the trimmings were still intact, the table even filled with assorted dishes and big jars containing juices of all flavors, the seats decorated with ribbons and all my siblings, staring at me, waiting for some alarm to tick off so they could all burst into a fit of merry laughter for being able to fool me.

We were having a party.

How irksome.

I was going to open my mouth to complain when I spotted the 'someone' that my sister said was here to see me. I saw his car move into the driveway after parking successfully and then, he stepped out of the car in grand style, clad in the navy-blue two-piece suit that I always loved to see him in when we were engaged.

Mustafa.

What the hell was he looking for at a family gathering? Why should he of all people be here to 'celebrate' with me? Why would my sister do a thing as disrespectful as this? Had she lost memory quickly of the pain I had caused this guy? What was there for him to laugh about? Why this?

Heartbroken and thirsty for answers, I turned towards my sister, feeling tempted and justified to shout at her but I kept my cool and asked softly with the little patience left in me.

"How is my ex-husband supposed to help me get rid of my true fear that you claim to know?"

***

Exodus 14:14 - "The Lord will fight for you and you will hold your peace."