Chapter 79: Chapter 79

Lily

“I can’t believe you’re back, Lils.” He’d said it a hundred times over dinner already. Lily’s heart twisted a little more each time.

Her dad reached over the table and squeezed her hand. Lily stiffened at the touch for a second before relaxing into it. For all his faults, Atticus had never once touched her without her express consent since he’d rescued her from Red Ripper. Today, she’d been touched more than she had in the last month and, as the rush of excitement wore off, so too did her ease at the feel of foreign fingers on her body.

She swallowed hard and, after a moment, she let his fingers drop. “Me either,” she murmured, poking at the roasted vegetables on her plate.

“Aren’t you going to eat those?”

She shrugged and pushed the plate over to him. “Probably not.”

His brow furrowed, even as he took it and started to eat her leftovers. “You’ve told me what happened while you were gone, but… You haven’t told me everything, have you?”

“I can’t.” Her voice came out hoarse. “Not yet.”

“Lily, even if you can’t ever tell me it all, know that I’m here for you. I know things haven’t always been… Easy, between us, but I’m your dad. All I want is to see you happy and healthy.”

Tears swelled in her throat. Lily nodded, unable to speak.

“I love you, Lils. I don’t say it enough.”

“I love you too.” Guilt soured her tongue; she kept her gaze fixed on the gnarled wood of the table, on the cracked vase and the fresh wildflowers in it. Anywhere was preferable to the light in her dad’s eyes. Light she knew she’d extinguish when she left again.

Why couldn’t Atticus have loved her before? It had all fallen into place now, after Elijah, after true love had reared its beautiful, flaming head and complicated things. She could stay here, in Blood Moon, and be the Luna she had learnt to be in the Sea Pine pack. But she wouldn’t be happy, even with her family and friends and a title that gave her the power to change her father’s life for the better. So long as she was apart from Elijah, she wouldn’t be happy. Even if what she wanted – what she needed – made her selfish.

“I was wrong before,” he said softly, pulling Lily from her thoughts. “I should have listened to you. Alpha Atticus… He should have listened to you, too. Everything that’s happened to us since you left – it’s because nobody dared tell Atticus that he was wrong. He needs someone like you, Lils. No – he needs you. And so do I.”

The icy knife of guilt pressed in deeper. Its chill spread through Lily’s veins, slicing down to her bones. She shivered.

It all felt too similar. Like nothing had changed – when everything had. It was the same table they’d sat at and fought over every month.

But the fresh flowers in the vase were proof that it had changed. For the first time since her mother’s death, she and her father had picked wildflowers and put them in the vase. In her vase.

“We’re starting over,” her dad had murmured, brushing his fingertips down the side of the vase. “You’re home now. She’d want us to put flowers in it. She’d want us to celebrate.”

“Yeah,” Lily had muttered, tears glazing her eyes. “She would.”

“Dad?” she said, finally looking up and meeting his gaze. “How… How did you cope? Without Mum?”

His eyebrows drew together. It wasn’t something they spoke about very often. “For a long time, I didn’t. I thought serving this pack would make her death mean something. But… It didn’t. It lost me my daughter as well as my mate.”

“You never lost me.”

He shook his head. Hazy evening sunlight streamed in, painting his olive skin in tones of peach and gold. “Not just physically, Lils. Even before you left, I’d lost you. I didn’t listen to you. I thought I knew best – all parents do – but I was just driving a wedge between us. And I am so sorry for that. I always will be.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” Hesitantly, she reached for him and caught hold of his hand. “I was stubborn. I thought I knew best, too.”

He smiled sadly. “I suppose we both had things to learn.”

Withdrawing her hand, Lily nodded. Could she put her dad through losing her again? It wasn’t like losing Elijah meant she’d never love again – she had her first fated mate right here, willing and ready to love her. She’d be with her family if she stayed. And Elijah – Elijah was kind, and good, and whole. He didn’t need her the way Atticus did. Her dad was right; Alpha Atticus needed a steadying hand to hold, someone to temper his anger and hold him back.

Lily bit her lip. “It must be nearly time for the bonfire,” she said.

“Yeah – it won’t be long now.”

Scraping her chair back as she stood, Lily reached for their now-empty plates and started piling them up. “I’ll clean up quickly before we go.”

“Wow.” Her dad grinned. “You really have changed.”

She rolled her eyes at him, but something snagged in her chest. Lily had thought it impossible to be happy here without Elijah, but… In that moment, she was happy. In her parents’ cabin, her dad grinning at her in a way he hadn’t in years, since before her mother’s death, Lily thought that maybe, just maybe, she could learn to live without the other half of her heart.

* * *

The flames rippled, resplendent against the dark, smoky backdrop of the night sky. Everyone was cast in shades of orange and painted in shadow. Above, a bloated moon hung heavy between silver pinpricks of stars, a sliver shy of being full.

Lily scrunched up the scrap of paper she held. Beside her, Rose snickered.

“What?” Lily whispered.

“I’m releasing being single,” she whispered back with a grin, before flinging her paper into the bonfire.

“It doesn’t work if you tell me,” Lily teased, tossing her own paper into the fire.

“So I’m guessing you won’t tell me what you’re letting go of, then?”

“Obviously not.”

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” interjected a deep, gravelly voice. Lily stilled.

“Go on then, Alpha,” said Rose, her eyebrows shooting up towards her hairline. “Do tell.”

“I’m letting go of the past. Of my mistakes. And,” he added, his gaze finding Lily’s and fixing her in it, “I’m letting go of Red Ripper’s control.”

“That’s three things.” Rose cocked her head. “I thought we could only do one. Do you think mine’s burned already? I might grab it out and add some more–”

Lily snorted. “I don’t think you can add more now, Rose.”

Atticus ignored their exchange. “And you, Lily? What are you letting go of?”

Her lips twitched up into a smirk. “I never agreed to that. Rose told you hers, and you told Rose yours.”

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. “You’re no fun.”

“Lily thinks it won’t come true if she tells,” interjected Rose.

“It must be important, then.”

This time, it was Lily that held his gaze. “Oh, it is.”

He lowered his voice. “Can I talk to you?” His eyes flicked to Rose. “In private.”

Rose ducked her head. “I will leave you two alone, Alpha.” She winked at Lily before slipping away into the crowd.

“Walk with me?” he asked, offering Lily the crook of his elbow. After a moment, she slid her hand through it.

They strode away from the heat of the bonfire towards a run-down wooden shack. As the sky darkened, its purple hues dipping below the horizon and swathes of black and navy taking their place, Lily shivered.

“Here.” Atticus slid off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. “I’ll get us some mulled cider. That should warm you up.”

Lily caught his arm before he could leave. “Att – thank you.”

He grinned, and something about it made her heart squeeze. “Anything for you,” he said, and as he turned away Lily realised what it was about that smile in particular. It was open, honest. There was no trace of resentment in it.

It was the sort of smile they could have shared if none of this had ever happened. It was a smile of pure, unadulterated love.

And Lily realised she was smiling back.