Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Lily

Lily held the ring in her palm, tilting it back and forth. The garnet sparkled softly in the sunlight. She didn’t have long, but –

But this was too important a moment to rush. She sighed, closing her fist over the ring as she re-read the words marked carefully on the paper before her. Rose had offered her a nicer piece of paper, framed with delicate flowers inked down the margins, but Lily had refused, choosing instead to use a piece torn from her notebook. It wasn’t as pretty, but her dad would know it had come from her.

Her throat bobbed at the thought of her father sitting at the kitchen table, the same peanut butter and banana toast he favoured after training slipping from his fingers as his eyes traced the words of her betrayal. She was leaving him here, alone.

Lily knew it was the lesser evil. She knew that, if she stayed, her dad would face the same taunts and roughhousing she did. She knew it, but it did not make it any easier. He had tried so hard to help her, to protect her, but it had all been for nothing. She had been rejected, and that stain would mark their family forever. What was left of it, anyway.

Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Gritting her teeth, Lily placed the ring down atop the note and stood. She didn’t have long. Rose wouldn’t be able to distract him forever.

Her gut curled with unease as she gathered up the small pack of belongings in the hallway. She’d worn as many layers as she could stand, and filled her bag with a few stolen items from her father’s room. Guilt ate away at her, but he would be able to replace them easily. Once she left, she would be cast out from society – and utterly unable to find such things.

He would want her to have them, she’d told herself. The blade he would miss, but she needed it far more than he did. She’d strapped it to her calf using a length of elasticated rope, and she hoped that, when the time came to use it – and she was sure it would – she’d be able to grab it quickly enough. She swallowed hard, brushing out imagined wrinkles in her trousers. She abhorred the thought of violence, but in the no man’s land between packs she would have no choice in the matter.

Besides, the things that lurked in the woods were dangerous. The Blood Moon pack revelled in meaningless violence, but this was a case of survival.

Lily flicked her braid over her shoulder, and stared back towards the kitchen. Without thinking, she marched back in and retrieved the ring. She couldn’t leave it behind. It was the only piece of her mother she had left.

Skin prickling, she glanced at the clock. He’d be home any minute. She grabbed a jar of jam off the counter, sending a mental apology to her dad as she did so. Raspberry jam from Rose’s garden would make stale bread far more palatable, and it was a luxury she doubted she’d find in the wilderness. Sliding it into her pack, Lily stole once last glance around the cabin.

She knew she would never see it again.

* * *

Rose was waiting for her in the clearing. It was small, an odd patch of barren land with a circle of logs at its centre. Everyone in the pack swore that they’d fallen that way, but Lily had always raised an eyebrow at that. They formed a near-perfect circle, equidistant from the centre and the edge.

Rose pulled her into a tight hug. Her textured hair brushed against Lily’s cheek, and warm arms held her close.

Stepping back, Rose coughed. “Now, you watch out for bowstrings, alright? And faelen, and giants, and eleves, and–“

Lily cut her off with another embrace. “Thank you,” she breathed, squeezing Rose as hard as she could. Though they’d drifted apart since her mother’s death, Rose was the only friend Lily had left. They separated, eyeing one another with mouths full of words they did not dare say. To speak them would bring them alive, and there were too many dangers for them to risk it.

Lily adjusted the straps of her pack, settling them across her shoulders, chest, and waist. Her bedroll bounced at the base of her back with every movement, but she was sure she could manage it until nightfall. Nightfall, when she’d have to set up camp in the woodland – leaving herself prey to bowstrings, and faelen, and giants, and eleves, and –

“I should go,” she said, glancing around the clearing. It was far from the path, and well away from the main areas of the pack’s territory, but it was a well-known spot. They couldn’t linger for long, though Lily knew that was not what pushed her to leave.

She balanced on the line, here. She danced between the past and the future, what could be and what had been. The weight of her bag became the weight of her choices, of everything that had brought her here. Her father’s sadness and disappointment clung to her, drawing her shoulders down.

If she did not leave now, she feared she never would. She would ruin him, one last disappointment holding them both down forever. To be rejected was the ultimate failure – the worst possible sign of unworthiness a wolf could live through. And to be rejected by the Alpha of her pack told every other pack member that their Alpha did not think she was worthy.

The ache in her heart had long since settled, but leaf-green eyes flashed before her vision, tugging at her chest and tightening her throat. She couldn’t think about the pain, about what she’d lost. She could only think about what she had to do, and about where her new path would lead.

The ring felt too tight around her finger. She took a deep breath. She was honouring her family by leaving, honouring both her mother and her father. She could not bury her name in shame.

Rose nodded. Her brown eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “I know.” She reached for Lily’s hand and squeezed it, holding her gaze. “Good luck.”

“Tell my dad – tell him I didn’t want to leave him. That I’m sorry.”

One side of Rose’s mouth tugged up into a sad smile. “He’ll understand.”

Lily hoped that he would. Her heart burned with it, smouldering and crackling around the ache Atticus’s rejection had scored into her chest. Despite everything, she managed to force a smile of her own in return.

“I’ll miss you,” she said quietly.

“I know,” Rose said, smirking even as a lone tear dripped down her cheek. Then she sobered, wrapping her arms around herself. “And – I’m sorry, Lils. I’m sorry that I wasn’t a better friend, after… after everything.”

“Me, too.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“S’not yours, either.”

Silence fell, broken only by the whisper of wind arching through the thick boughs above. Lily twisted the ring around her finger, her throat too tight to speak.

Rose nodded at her, and Lily nodded back. Understanding thrummed between them, and then Lily stepped towards the crowding trees surrounding them. The bedroll bounced against her back. Rose bit her lip.

“Goodbye, Lils,” she murmured, throat bobbing around the words.

Lily couldn’t bring herself to speak. Flames crackled and popped in her chest, and she let Rose see them all as she met that familiar, warm brown gaze. She hoped that Rose understood, and then she turned away.

Hefting the pack up higher on her back, Lily stepped into the unknown.