Chapter 40: Chapter 40

Lyric’s P.O.V:

“I love you.”

“No.” She shook her head vigorously. “You don’t mean that.”

“I love you.” I repeated, taking her hand in mine. “I love you.”

“No, you don’t. You can’t.” She took her hands out of mine and stepped back.

“Why?” I asked her calmly, while my insides turned into stone. I never knew it was so difficult loving someone until I had finally fallen hard and fast. This pain hurt worse than any hit I had ever taken in the ring.

“Why can’t I love you? Why?” I begged. “I know I haven’t been the best person Lydia, you were right all this time. I’ve been a bully, I’ve been reckless and so much worse, but I promise you, I’ll change. I’ll get my act together, be the better man that you deserve.”

I moved towards her cautiously, making sure not to make any wrong moves that’ll scare her away. Gently, I cupped her cheeks and drew her closer. “I’ll promise you anything, Lydia. I love you. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love you, but I do. I’ll do anything for you Lydia, I-“

“You can’t love me, Lyric.” There was a desperation in her voice that I hadn’t heard before. “I’m not a person, I’m a shell. Don’t waste your time loving someone who’s barely surviving. I have a bullet inside my brain, literally. And I keep getting worse. I don’t know how long I will-“

“Don’t.” The world almost froze around me at what she implied. Living in a world without Lydia? I don’t think it’ll ever be possible. “Don’t do this, please.”

“I’m sorry.” She closed her eyes tight and took deep breaths. “I’ve been selfish all this time. I shouldn’t have…after the incident, I felt like no one could truly understand me anymore. I’ve always…just wanted someone to understand how hard and painful it is…wanting to scream and cry and laugh…but not being able to do it. And then I met you. Somehow…even through our initial differences…you were the one person who could always understand what I meant…what I wanted to express…”

“Then what’s wrong-”

“I’m what’s wrong, Lyric!” She shook her head again. “I’m being selfish and tying you down.”

“Oh, for God’s sake, Lydia!” I snapped at her, feeling frustrated that she never got the point when it came to our relationship. “Who told you that you’re tying me down? Does it look like I’m incapable of making my own decisions? If I didn’t want to be here nothing in the world would have been able to stop me and trust me, I’ve done this several times before. But I’m with you because I chose to be with you, because I’m in love with you.”

“Why don’t you get it, I don’t want you to chose me!” Lydia snapped. “This between us…” she motioned at us with her fingers, “it’s okay as a temporary fling but nothing permanent could come out of it!”

“Is that what all this was to you?” I asked her in frustration. “A temporary fling? Nothing more? Were you just using my feelings for your own comfort?”

“We both know I’m not that kind of a person and we had both chosen to be in this relationship, but I had warned you right from the start, I can’t offer you anything more!”

“What are you so damn stubborn?” I balled my hands into fists by my side. God I wanted to shake some sense into her.

“Well, this is who I am.” She said stubbornly, folding her arms across her chest. “If you don’t like it then you can just leave!”

“You know what, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.” With that, I walked out the door , slamming it shut behind me and walked out of the apartment building. My bike was parked just outside so I pulled out my keys and headed towards it.

I got on my bike and started the engine and just…drove away. I didn’t know where I wanted to go right now or who to talk to, but when I reached the warehouse where most of our fights took place, after wandering around for a bit, I knew what I wanted to do to get off some steam. I hadn’t been here in some time now but I knew there weren’t any fights scheduled today so the warehouse would be empty.

Leaving my bike at the entrance, I found the door unlocked so I went inside and headed straight for the ring. Most of the lights were out, except for a few at the corners and the one on top of the ring. A punching bag hung at the centre, suspended from a hook in the ceiling and without thinking, I got on the ring and went straight for the punching bag and hit it with all the pent up anger I had inside me.

My knuckles felt the sting of the leather, the impact of the hit vibrating through my entire body. I heard the creaking of the back door and instantly knew that Derek was here as well, because he used the office room as his own. But I didn’t turn to greet him. Instead, I focused on hitting the bag and getting most of my anger out before I told Derek something that I didn’t mean.

There was a moment’s pause before I heard Derek’s wheelchair glide across the room toward the ring. He didn’t say anything for some time, just watched quietly as I got my anger and frustration out on the bag. Sweat beaded my forehead and my breathing came out in pants, and I knew pretty well that my knuckles were bruised, but I didn’t stop, only lowered my pace to let Derek know it was alright to talk.

“What’s wrong?” Derek asked calmly. “You haven’t been here in some time now.”

“Well, shouldn’t you be glad that I’m back.” I punched the bag harder, felt the bones in my fist rattle at the impact. But it felt good; damn it felt good!

“Not really. I’ve been re-thinking a lot of things recently.” He shook his head. “I took some time off last week…I’m getting therapy.”

I paused with my fist inches from the bag. “Therapy?” I looked at him in surprise. “Why do you suddenly need therapy?”

“Wise words from a wise woman.” He shrugged. “I decided to listen to Lydia’s advice and I think it’s working.”

On hearing Lydia’s name, my anger returned. Turning back to the bag, I punched it with all my strength, gritting my teeth to ride out the pain. The bag flew away from me, but returned with just as much force and I hit it again, this time moving away from it so I don’t get hit in the process. Panting, I sat down at the side of the ring, before falling back so I was lying down with my legs hanging off the sides.

“What’s gotten you into such a sour mood?” Derek wheeled closer to me.

“Lydia.” I let out a sigh, wiping away sweat from my forehead and realizing only then that my knuckles were bleeding. Serves me right for not using the protective guards.

Derek let out a short bark of laughter. “What did you do?”

“I told her I was in love with her.” I shrugged as I sat up to look at Derek. “She keeps on thinking she’s broken and that I deserve better.”

“Have you thought everything through?” Derek asked me instead, much to my surprise. “You’re both still very young. Maybe, several years later…you might come to regret your decision.”

“Of course, I’ve thought things through, Derek.” I frowned. “You of all people know how I used to be. If I didn’t want to stay with her then I wouldn’t have put in any effort. She inspires me to become a better person. And I do feel like a better person when I’m with her. There’s no way I would regret being with her.”

“If you feel like that then give her some time to think, let her come to a decision herself.” Derek told me sincerely. “You’ve made it clear how you feel, now it’s her time to sort out her feelings.”

“And what if she chooses to reject me?” The thought itself was painful, but I had to think about that possibility as well, especially after what happened today.

“Then respect her decision and walk away.” Derek held up his hand when I shook my head. “Are you willing to shamelessly pursue a woman who has no interest in you? Think of the countless women you have rejected. They aren’t here, knocking down your door, are they? They left when they got the hint. You should do it too, if that’s what Lydia decides.”

I sighed. “You talk like you’ve been in love before.”

“Of course, I have.” Derek frowned. “I’m thirty, it would be absurd if I had never fallen in love.”

“What happened?” I asked, curious to get a glimpse of the person my brother used to be. This was the closest I’ve ever been with Derek, the longest conversation I’ve had with him that didn’t involve anything fighting related.

“We were in the same class in high school.” A smile spread on Derek’s face as he recalled old memories. “We didn’t get along when we first met. We were always fighting and arguing and always got ourselves into trouble. But we got to know each other better in detention. We were together for two whole years.”

“What happened after that?”

“Life got in the way.” Derek sighed and leaned back on his wheelchair. “I left for SEAL training and we didn’t see each other for two years. At first, we spoke over the phone every day, even wrote letters, but as time went by, we began growing distant. Our one call a day routine began to change to one call a week, then month and eventually, we lost contact.”

“You never tried to reach out to her?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“I was super busy with my job and I was hardly ever at home base.” He shrugged. “The last I heard of her was four years ago, when she was getting married to one of my old school pals.”

“A year after your accident?” I asked. “She never came to visit you in the hospital?”

“We didn’t end on a pleasant note and I regret letting her go.” Derek gave me a rueful smile. “It’s too late for me, but I hope it’s not too late for the two of you. Finding real love is very difficult, holding on is even more so. So if you do decide to take that plunge, remember to hold on tight with both hands.”

“I have every intention to do just that.” I got off the ring and dusted myself off. “I’m off then.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” Derek narrowed his eyes at me.

“Back home…to Lydia’s apartment.” I clarified when I realized I’d involuntarily come to call Lydia’s apartment my home.

“Oh, no, you’re not.” He shook his head. “Distance might make Lydia realize just how much she really cares about you, so the only place you’ll be going tonight is back home, to our house.”

I narrowed my eyes and thought it through. Derek had a point, distance might make Lydia come to a decision. I just hoped it wasn’t one that ended us even before we really began.

“Let’s go.”