Chapter 132: Chapter 132

After taking care of our own losses, I animated some goblins. Waste not, want not. They were all low-level, so they came back as zombies.

“Zoblins,” Lesseth said. “They’re kind of cute, really. We can use them for tasks where the other zombies don’t fit.”

I was still at that when Shizuka found me. She was wearing only a bit of leather around her waist, and her stride reminded me of a cat on the prowl, except with two legs rather than four. Betsy followed along behind her, moving more ponderously and with less affectation, her shirt tight over her four breasts.

I appreciated the aesthetic of the catgirl’s toplessness and the predatory sexiness of her walk, but was too tired out to react to it. Not only did I live a life of plenty, but animating the dead did not put me in the mood. All these deaths were so senseless, and I was mad at Aurea for not talking it out first, and yet aware too that appearing in human form for a chat would have been taking a huge risk for her.

Either way, I’d made a deal, and I had to live up to it. I’d made multiple deals, actually.

“Hi, Shizuka,” I said casually. “And hi, Betsy. What’s up?”

Shizuka looked at my crotch. “Not what I want to be up,” she said. “Is that because Betsy’s here?”

“No. Sorry. It’s been a day. Are your people all okay?”

“Yes, Abby. Thanks to you. We will keep our end of the bargain. And we hope you will still choose to mate with some of us.”

I smiled. “Hopefully we’ll all get to know each other better,” I said.

“I hear this was all started by some goblin stealing from a dragon?” Shizuka asked.

“Um, yeah, it seems so.”

“I have a proposal for you.”

“When you find the goblin responsible, I will rip his throat out in front of everyone, and then Betsy will trample him. Then all will know what happens to those who cross the great Queen Abby!”

I groaned. “Thanks! I’ll try to forget that image as soon as I can.” I bent over a dead goblin woman, and cast Animate Dead. She popped right up, three feet tall. Lesseth was right, I supposed. They were kind of cute in a way, especially compared to Shizuka’s bloodthirstiness.

“Seriously, Abby, it would be a pleasure. Of course, I’d play with it a little first.”

“Of course.” Cats will be cats. The poor thief would probably die of a heart attack. “I’ll administer my own justice, but thank you.” Cats would be cats, dragons would be dragons, and goblins liked to grab shiny things. How much could I blame them, and how much did I need to hold them responsible?

And when had it all become my job? I hadn’t set out to be a queen, or anything. I’d just solved one problem after another in ways that made sense to me at the time. I needed to delegate, of course. Set up court systems and probably a parliament. Maybe with safeguards so that the more numerous orcs and goblins couldn’t trounce over the rights of trolls and beastkin. A bicameral legislature?

I chuckled. I was every bit as much of a twenty-first century American as the thief was a goblin, Aurea a dragon, or Shizuka a cat. I needed not to assume that making everyone like me was the best solution.

“So,” Shizuka said, getting closer and swaying her hips. “Why don’t I distract you a little from all those silly dead goblins and we have a fun time, hmm?”

“Well,” I said. “One kiss.”

“If I stopped what I was doing every time someone wanted to have sex with me, I would never get anything done.”

Shizuka grinned and pressed her body up against mine. “And what’s wrong with that? I mean, eventually all your children would get all sorts of things done.”

I reached into her hair, because I had been curious about something. While we kissed I felt around.

Nope, no human ears. Just cat ones. I always did think that configuration made more sense for cat girls.

Shizuka started rubbing her crotch against my leg. “Don’t you want to take me right here, Abby?”

“Dead goblins. Not romantic.”

“Dead goblins are the most romantic kind,” Shizuka replied.

I gently pushed her away and turned to Betsy. “I’m glad our paths crossed again,” I told the cowgirl.

“Me too, pardner!” Betsy said.

“Would a hug be appropriate?” I asked.

We hugged. Lots of squish, but Betsy didn’t make it go in a weird direction, and it was just a good, warm friend hug. As much as I enjoyed my lovers, it was good to have people in my life who were just friends. The fact that hugging Betsy was a good way to break the sexual tension with Shizuka was just a side benefit. The rıghtful source is 𝘯𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭⟡𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦⟡𝘯𝘦𝘵

I went back to the dead. They gave me experience points, although it was admittedly slow. I could probably gain points faster as a seductress, but right then, the dead felt more peaceful.

Gren interrupted me, arriving with Valeria. “Good news first, or bad news?” Gren asked.

“We found the dildo. It was in some goblin’s knapsack, and he claimed someone else put it there, but he was lying.” She pulled it out. It was a tube made of a rose tinted metal, and the top of it was a giant smooth stone that looked like a ruby. I took it from her. When it touched it, it started moving in my hand.

“Yep,” Gren said. “But I have something better.”

“How do I make it stop?”

“You could try putting it in your mouth,” Gren said, smirking.

I raised my eyebrows.

Valeria reached out and touched the bottom of the tube, and it quit trying to thrust in my hand.

“Thanks, Val. Alright. I’ll talk to the culprit.”

Valeria suddenly ran off.

“I think she’s running to stop the execution.”

“Was that the bad news?”

Gren shook her head. “The stunted stack is perilously pissed.”

“The goblin. Maggie.”

“Oh. We don’t say stunted stack. It’s short stack. For short, and stacked.” I made a motion to indicate the curves.

“That’s not the best alliteration, though.”

“Sometimes one needs to sacrifice art for clarity,” I suggested.

“Anyway, what is she pissed about and why is it my problem?”

“She might be able to explain it better than me.”

I rolled my eyes, and sighed. I was beginning to understand why royalty locked themselves up in palaces and made sure access was limited. “Excuse me,” I said to Shizuka and Betsy.

“If you fuck that goblin before you fuck me, that might dampen our relations,” Shizuka said.

“I thought you wanted your relations to get damp,” Betsy said. “Slides in easier that way.”

Shizuka shot Betsy a dark look, but Gren grinned. “I knew I liked you,” Gren said. “We need to have some drinks together, soon.”

“Sounds good to me, pardner,” Betsy replied.

“Mother’s milk is better for babies than cow’s milk,” Shizuka said.

“Not the kind of drink I had in mind,” Gren said.

“Actually,” I said. “It’s best not to drink alcohol while you’re pregnant.”

Gren glared at me. I shrugged.

“Okay, fine,” Gren said. “No drinks, then. Cake.”

“Cake works,” Betsy said.

“I’ll just have the cake,” Betsy said.

“Alright,” I said. “I’ll go talk to Maggie.” I gave the existing zoblins orders to carry the dead bodies and follow me, so I could get to them right after I talked to the saucy princess.

She was in one of the tents, resting on a bunch of cushions, but as soon as she saw me, she sprang to her feet, crossed her arms under her chest, and glowered. I don’t know if the arm crossing was to emphasize the fact that she was angry, or to make her cleavage even more apparent. Both things could be true. I nodded to the orc who was guarding her, and felt bad I didn’t know his name.

“Hi Maggie. What’s up?”

“Princess Maggie, if you’re going to act like that.”

“Queen and Uberarchfiend Abby, if you’re going to insist. What’s wrong? I’m pretty busy.”

“Busy fucking dragons, from what I hear. You let that dragon bitch jump in line!”

“Jump in line?” I asked.

“Yeah. I was here first, but she comes along, and wham! You’re fucking. It’s not fair, I tell you.”

“You’re very used to getting your way, aren’t you?” I asked.

“Yes I am. And you better remember that.”

“You’re not in a line. In fact, if you take that attitude, you aren’t even in consideration. And by the way, I’m not in your line, either. You can do what you want, with anyone else you want, as long as they consent.”

“You’re bluffing,” Maggie said.

“You wouldn’t mind if I went and had sex with him?” She pointed to the orc guard.

“Nope.” I glanced at the orc, and his name came back to me. Garrul. “Not if Garrul is okay with it.”

“Really, your highness?” Garrul said to me, looking way more than just okay.

“I’m ‘your highness,’ too,” Maggie said.

“Not in bed you’re not,” Garrul said.

“You can negotiate all of that,” I said. “Lots of people talk about what words they want, and don’t want to hear, in the course of a romantic encounter. Sometimes it’s good to be spontaneous, but you don’t want to say the thing that turns your lover off in the middle, even if you think it’s hot.”

“Doing it with you would wreck my chances with Abby,” Maggie told the orc. “So never mind. No offense.”

Garrul shrugged. “If I thought I had a chance with Abby, I’d pass you up, too. But you’re totally my second choice.” He seemed to mean it as a compliment, as in second, and not third or fifteenth.

Maggie nodded. “You’re my second choice too, but only if you call me your highness. If we were to do it, I mean.”

“For the record, I won’t hold it against either of you. And it doesn’t affect your ‘chances,’ Maggie.”

“Really. But I think I should absent myself. Gren, could you assign another guard here? In addition, not instead of.”

“Of course. Things are pretty calm now.”

“Don’t do anything the other doesn’t consent to,” I told them, and ducked out of the tent. Once we were outside, I said, “A female guard, I think.”

“Because I don’t trust two men alone with her? Just tell the guard that if everything is consensual she’s not to interfere, but if anyone yells stop, she’s to make sure that things stop.”

“You know, orcs have very small penises,” Gren said. “Since the curse.”

Heh. That got me a lot of experience, too.

“How do we undo it?” I asked.

Gain levels. Some mass slaughter might help.

“Talking to Enash?” Gren asked.

“Yes. For all the good it does me. Anyway, Maggie’s a pretty small girl, so that might work fine. They might be a good fit.”

“Literally,” Gren said.

“Literally,” I agreed.

“You’d split her in two,” Gren said. “But you can’t tell me you don’t think she’s cute, or that she doesn’t have a resplendent rack.”

“No, she’s cute and stacked alright. But I prefer princesses with less attitude.” I put my arm around her.

“I have an attitude,” she said.

“Yes, but I like yours. You’re not full of yourself. You know what you can do, and you’re confident. There’s a difference.”

“Want to show me how much you like the right kind of princess?”

I grinned. “I suppose I could replenish some mana,” I said.

“Ooh, you know how to speak to a woman’s heart,” Gren said sarcastically.

I sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I feel like everything has to be justified as helping, somehow.”

“Nope. Some things are just about you, Abby. Tell you what, since you like princesses so much, how about a threesome with me and Lysandra? Double princess action.”

“Valeria wanted to make sure she got to sleep with me tonight,” I said. “But she was fine with sharing.”

“Valeria can be an honorary princess for tonight, then,” Gren said.

The corpses could wait. The sun was setting, the horizon has turned rosy, and it was time to enjoy the living.