Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

ALEX

“Gosh! I'm pretty sure Caiden will keep you tonight" Kathy giggled as she passed me another lingerie which I disposed back into its rack.

"There's no use for me to wear this Kathy, you know that. He would never take a second glance at my body"

"Geez, you're not that crazy are you. He's been always protective at you and the way he warned Chris. I know that he really want you. You just don’t acknowledge him that is why." I snorted at her comment and went into the other store.

"Hey, how about the surprise you are telling me. Where is it, Kathy?" My attention was now focus at her and not in those stupid lingerie.

"Well, I'm sorry but I think uh-Maybe this summer. I'll give you the surprise this summer." She grinned sheepishly at me.

"But why?" I gave her my cutest pout trying to make her sway.

"Oh, just drop it." I drop the bag and she sighed "Not that of course. The conversation I should say"

"Okay" I continue to pout, dragging the bags behind. It took us the whole day to buy all the clothes I need to wear so Caiden will fall for me. I snorted. Like it will ever happen.

It was past four when I arrive. I am now staying at the penthouse so as to make our relationship real. Me and Caiden are still playing hide and seek with each other. We smile at each other when we meet, acknowledge each other when we see each other. We say goodnight to each other before going to bed, but other than that, nothing. I’ve tried to tempt him for a couple of times but he chose to ignor it and act like it never happen. Sometimes, the rejection hurts but most of the time, I am thankful. This only proves that he is not a jerk and obviously not a pervert. Though, even if it was awkward like that, we are comfortable and peaceful. All we need is to feel each other’s presence.

I open the door and put all the shopping bags at the kitchen. After that, I headed to our room and to my side of the closet, stuffing all my new clothes there. I pick up a white summer dress, freshen up and braided my hair. I cook some dinner and knocked on his office, expecting that he is here. "Caiden?"

"C'mon in" I slowly open the door and marveled for a while at his serious face focusing on the documents.

"Here, I've brought you some dinner" I put it down and headed for the door .

I was about to go out when I heard him mumble, "Wait"

I looked at him and saw his eyes scanning my body. I glared at him but he was so confident of himself and gave me a smirk.

"Yes?" I asked, not enjoying his now lustful eyes and preparing myself to hear his insults.

“You know you can’t seduce me with that. I’ll feel like a prick raping a nun.” He smiled before he stood. He tucked a stray hair on my ear and I couldn’t help but stop my breath. I can feel my cheeks heating up as he lean down and kiss my…

Forehead.

I wanted to roll my eyes right then and there but I am so giddy. Why do I feel like whooping?

His lips lingered on my forehead for a while and left a hot sensation all over my body as he straightens up. He gave me a smile before he led me out of the door and push me outside. I stayed there, my back resting on the door.

I don’t understand what had just happened. Does this mean that he accepts me? That he has feeling for me? I wanted to ask him all this but before I even open the door he already open it. He gave me a smile before he pushed the tray towards me. “I enjoyed it, thank you.” He smiled once again before kissing my cheek. He closed the door and I couldn’t help but sigh. I went off to eat but I couldn’t focus. I was just so shock at Caiden’s action. I headed to our room and fall into a dream filled sleep while clutching my fast beating heart.

•••

"Good Morn-" I turned around to see his side of the bed fixed neatly. I sat up and called him. "Caiden?" hmm, maybe he's in his office. I took a bath and headed down for breakfast. A piece of paper was on the top of the table. I picked it up and read.

I'm going to leave you here for a while. I'll be gone for three weeks. I have to fix something in Italy. You could stay here and feel free to do whatever you want. I’ll be missing you.

-C

I turned around and headed for the elevator. My tears poured out as I descend. A million thoughts running inside my head, why would he leave just like that? He should’ve woke me up. I wish that accident never happen to me. If it didn’t maybe he will stay warm and passionate with me.

Urgghh, I'm going to strangle him, put him in a sack, cut his balls, put it around his neck and use it to hang him into a wall.

He'll die as soon as I saw him.

I tried to find some trace on where he could possibly have gone but realize that he might have left very early. Because I feel so sad and lonely, I rushed into the busy crowd and ran. I don’t know where I am going. I just let my feet bring me where they want to be.

They brought me into the park a few blocks away from his penthouse. I saw a swing and sit at it, my feet those old times when Dwayne was with me; eating ice cream with our nose covered with it and laughing hysterically.

Soon dark clouds are approaching and I found myself still sitting there.

"Why?" I looked up the sky and stood up.

"Why do you need to do all of this? Why do you need to make me forget what really happen?" Rain poured down at me and I can feel my own tears joining each drop."Great, just great!"

I stomped my way back to his penthouse and cleaned up. I can feel my fingers twitching because of the cold. I headed at the spare room, pulled out my canvass paper and fastened it. I pull out my paints and started.

I dipped my brush in blue, because I thought he will be here to comfort me. Black, because he does not come. Red, because I'm angry, very angry.

The paint forms an orb. A deep orb with black, blue and red swirling around it. I can feel myself feeling better because of the sight of it. I dipped my brush for another color, and another, and another.

It seems to me that the more I add bright colors, the more I feel better.

I was finally finished. I look at my artwork and smiled. It was me and him on the swing in the park back home. It was a sunny morning. He was pushing me up, higher in the air.But that happy moment was crushed when I remembered him now. He's right. He's not the Dwayne I love. He has changed, really changed. I wiped the tear as I look at my painting once more.

A tear was followed by another. “Why do I need to forget everything?"

"Why is he my everything?" I turned to another painting which is a picture of me and him laughing. I stood up and threw it.

"I hate you, Caiden. I hate you! Please, come back…I need you."

I threw canvas after canvas. All of my brushes and paint were scattered on the floor. I keep on trashing everything I saw. As I kneeled down into the pile of my things, my hand crept into my chest and I felt a cold metal.

I pulled it out and stared at the star. The star. Star.

Star.

"The yacht"

"That night" I groaned as the room spin wildly around me.

•••

"Kathy, we have done five plans but nothing work out. I already dressed myself out, impress him with my body curves, look at him in the eye and act seductively, offered him dinner every evening," I took a deep breath and continued, "I even assist him that night when he came home drunk!" I wiped my eyes and covered a sob with a horrible laugh.

"I'm tired Kathy, I really am. Tiffany is winning. She has Caiden all over her”

“But, what about the plan? I thought you wanted to have a revenge on him. This is it! We have three weeks to prepare" She encouraged me while giving me a pat on the shoulder.

"The plan is a failure." I looked down at my hands and continued," Nothing happened. He made me feel pathetic everytime I go and reach out to him. I know he feels something for me but I could not understand why he chooses to bottle it inside of him. And now, he was gone, again, without even saying a proper goodbye to me"

“Sometimes I wonder,” I sip my wine and look at her. “If I die, maybe he won't even notice it if I'm gone"

"No, he notice you. He just don’t know how to deal with it. His feelings for you confuses him. Look he brought you to the island, the beach there was fantastic, you even told me about it and the Malibu trip-"

"Malibu? I went to Malibu?" She look at me questioningly and sighed. "Oh right, I forgot that you have an amnesia."

I bang my head on the wall and groaned. I can remember bits of it and as she told me, I remember that day when I let go of Dwayne. I was reminiscing all of the memories I can remember when Kathy shook me and that brought me to my problem-loaded world.

"So, what now? What will you do?"

"I’m done. I’m out of it, I'm out of this mess." I turned around but she held my hand.

"But, Alex…" I looked at her and sighed in defeat "I'm tired Kathy, I don't want to fight a losing battle anymore" I turned my back at her and ran way.

"Alex, wait!"

"ALEX!"

*

I started to run out of the building. The rain was slowly pouring, drenching me. I'm a loser, a big loser. For I couldn’t tell him what I really feel because I am a coward.

I remember those good days when he was with me. We, having dinner together and sometimes he'll fetch me from school. I know that I'm getting my hopes up but I just took the risk. So here I am, waiting again.

The wedding was approaching and I don't know how to approach him.

I ran away and found myself in the park. All alone. Always alone. I made my way on the swings and pushed myself. The rain kept on pouring down. God! Why is it raining in mid-winter?

My lips quivered as the rain fall down harder. I stopped swinging myself and ran to the nearby tree.

The park was empty and it was dark, too dark for me to see anything. My heart hurts for thinking so much about him. Why do I feel this way?

I pinched myself. Trying to wake from this dream but no, I'm still here drenched in the rain with no shoulder to cry on.

I slapped my cheek and stomped my feet. I hate it. It was raining hard I can barely see the cars passing by. As the lightning and thunder crash, I scream my heart out.

"Arrghh! Why does it all have to happen to me? What have I done to deserve all of this?" The thunder roared with my heart. I was so angry that I've kicked the tree I am leaning in furiously.

I punched it and kicked it, telling myself that it was Caiden. My arms were sore and I can feel my fingers burning. My vision blurred because I'm drench with sweat, tears and raindrops.

"Why?" A shiver ran down my spine as the rain continues to pour down harder.

As the alcohol burn in my blood, I made my way back to the penthouse and go inside the elevator, leaning in for my head was spinning. My shirt was soaking wet, my eyes were red from crying, my body was shivering from the cold and my heart, still aching.

I made my way in, dragging my body in the process. I can't register anything. All I want is to sleep

"Sleep. All I need is sleep." I sniffed "I'm going to sleep" I plopped on the bed, not caring about it getting wet. "Den-den, he'll return, right?" The teddy bear just look at me with his plastic eyes "You won't leave me, right?" I sniffed and wipe the side of my cheek.

I miss him even if he’s not with me. I love him, even if I don’t think that he don't feel the same. I wish he will go back soon, so I could ask him. How he really feels about me for I do not want to be confuse.

My body shook harder, my limbs are numb and I can't move them. My body can't decide on which temperature would it take and as I scream in pain the darkness took me.

•••

© A.G_2018