Chapter 42: Chapter 42

Before going home, I stopped at a cafe nearer to the office for lunch. I don’t want to face the empty walls of my home yet. I tried my best not to think about what Raphael’s doing in his office with her. Am I judging too soon? Maybe he has a legitimate reason for having her in his office. What if she is not Elizabeth but some executive from his other branch or something? At this point I’m picking straws I know, but what if I’m jumping to a conclusion without hearing the verdict? Doesn’t he have a say? I know how he treated me is wrong. But shouldn’t I give him a chance to hear his side? For the relationship's sake? All these doubts my mind will definitely play dirty tricks enough to make me mad. Only one way to get clarified. I’m no coward, then why take a coward’s route now?

With that in mind, I returned to the office mustering normalcy with pride wrapped around me like a cloak. The office door is still locked. Not that I haven’t expected any less. I tried to put them quite brutally out of my mind. With little success, I conceded with vast annoyance.

Can we play peeping Tom? Said, my inner diva.

Uhh. Not now. No, we can’t.

How about banging the door? We can say surprise fire drill if asked.

No.

How about-

No. No to everything. I don’t want him to know how much his words affected me.

Ohh. Let him stew then. Nice. Do you want any of my coolness for your ice queen facade?

The door opened and out came Ms. arrogant with a cat-who-got-her-cream smirk. I really don’t want to see that. She turned to Raphael who followed her out and said, ‘I will meet you tomorrow. I’m going to miss you till then. Love you. Bye’, she pouted with a sugary cheerfulness.

A crack appeared in my facade with her declaration of love.

‘Sure. Take care’, said Raphael with an aloofness rivaling his previous emotion towards her.

At least he didn’t say I love you too to her, my inner diva consoled me.

After the way he treated me, I don’t even care if he declared his love to her in front of me. Currently, I don’t care. Love doesn’t mean sacrificing your self-respect. Enough of being a love sappy fool. It’s time to focus on my goal. With that in mind, I built a wall around my heart. One that won’t be penetrated even with Raphael’s charm.

Having determined that, I said coolly, ‘anything I can do for you Mr. Sinclair?’ when he dragged me into his office with my hand.

‘What were you doing back there?’, he grunted when we were alone in his office with the door safely locked.

‘I was being your secretary Mr. Sinclair, which you paid me to be. Is that all? I have work to do. Can I return to my desk?’, I said curtly. My reply was even more succinct than his before and bereft of any warmth or sentiments or an inkling of what I’m feeling.

Startled at my brush off Raphael took a deep look at my attitude. He must have identified my hurt because his tone changed when he said ‘Erica’ holding my face. Remember the humiliation, I began to chant it to diffuse the effect his charm is having on me. I removed myself from his hold, taking a step back.

‘Is that all, Mr. Sinclair?’, I repeated.

Yes, you go, girl, my inner diva said donning a chain mall and helmet with a sword in her hand.

‘So that’s how it is going to be? Very well Ms. Anderson. Bring me the Budget report on McAlister’s project’, he matched my cool façade with his own.

‘Sure. Anything else?’, I asked for- don’t know what I was hoping for. Probably an explanation. Maybe an apology.

‘Nothing else left to discuss. It seems so Ms. Anderson. But to you not to make the same blunder again in the future, I would say please note her name as Charlotte, my sister’, he said, watching my face as what he said registered to me. Sister? A tightness I was feeling inside my chest loosened immensely. But still, the hurt lingered inside me.

‘Of course, Mr. Sinclair’.

‘Erica’, he called me again when I reached the door. I didn’t turn towards him, but replied, ‘Yes Mr. Sinclair?’

‘She went through some things in her life. She is very sensitive right now. I don’t want her to fall back to that phase again. You understand what I’m saying right?’, he gave me a glimpse in his life as an explanation.

‘All I understood Mr. Sinclair is when it comes to your sister you would make the opposite party apologize to her, without knowing what conspired between them. Even though the opposite party is someone who was involved with you’, I said making him know what our current status is.

‘Was? Was? Are you saying we are finished? We are nowhere near over Ms. Anderson’, he said with passion flowing from him, while wrapping his hands around me.

For once, I broke his hold, looked into his eyes, and said, ‘Yes Raphael, it is over. You not only made me look bratty but also humiliated me. Saying sorry didn’t make me feel smaller, no, but the way you utterly humiliated me in front of her, that I couldn’t digest. I expected from the world, but not you. I trust you; I love you…that doesn’t mean I’m ready to lay down my self-respect for you. Love doesn’t roll that way. You know, this all could have been avoided if only you could have said something about yourself. Anything. But you never say anything to me. It’s always me giving and you taking. There was no balance and hence it must topple. Let me be Rafa. Before we are destroyed let me in’, I whispered to him holding back my tears. No more tears.

For a long time, he didn’t say anything. So, this is it then. I touched the door handle thinking of making a quiet exit, when he said, ‘Sorry’.

Hearing his apology halted me in my tracks. ‘Sorry Erica, I was only thinking about Charlotte. I didn’t mean to hurt you. God, what a mess I made! Trust me, Erica, I never meant to say those things to you. It’s just she was a part of my life and I have been protecting her for a long time that it came second nature to me. I know you wouldn’t open your claws unless provoked. I will talk to her. She will apologize to you. It won’t happen again’.

‘What happens when it is repeated, Rafa? What then? Will you take her side every time?’

‘This is not a war, that I have to take sides. Anyway, it won’t come to that once I explain to her what you mean to me. So, will you forgive me?’

Right and I’m the tooth fairy. Men are so stupid.

‘Yes, Rafa. I forgive you, but for now. Talk to me like that again and you would taste the dust. I promise’