Chapter 44: Chapter 44

10 years later

I breathe in sharply and turn my head, examining the rows and rows of grave yards surrounding me. So many loved ones. . . Gone. It's that time of year again, the time of year that drives me to the brink of insanity. I usually find comfort at the bottom of alcohol bottles but nothing is enough to dull the aching pain nestled deep inside my heart.

I slowly begin walking, white and yellow flowers clutched in my hands. The cellophane wrapper crinkles under my fingers and I breathe in sharply again, my throat drying out. It doesn't take long until I reach the most important person in my life.

Trisha Louise Lockwood.

My eyes scan over the name on her gravestone and I clench my jaw, blinking back tears. I slowly fall to my knees, placing one of the flower bunches against her headstone.

"Hey Sugar," I whisper, the wind slowly picking up around me. My pet name for her floats away with the wind and I drop my head, my heart throbbing in pain. I slowly turn to my right and place the second bunch of flowers against the headstone —

Leroy Lockwood.

"Hey buddy," I murmur, settling myself in between both of their graves. The grass is damp underneath me, holding little life.

"Ten years, huh? People are wrong, it definitely doesn't get easier with time." I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. Her beautiful face and wide smile flashes through my mind and I smile back, pools of tears building up inside my eyes.

"God, you're beautiful. You know that? So damn beautiful." I cry, using the cuff of my jacket to wipe away at my eyes. I manage to contain the emotions all year but on this day, the tears don't stop falling. One day is all I have to break down before composing myself again for a whole other year, going through the dull motions of everyday life.

Life?

Can I even call it that anymore?

It sure doesn't feel like living.

"Jake and Emily will be here to see you later. We're all going out for dinner tonight, just like we've done every year. I guess it's best for me not to be alone but sometimes all I want. . . is to be left alone." I murmur, resting my head on my knees. I breathe in as much air as I can, closing my eyes as the cold wind cools my cheeks. For the next hour, I talk to her about everything on my mind, filling her in on another year she's missed. When I leave, I kiss my fingers and press it against the cold stone —

"I love you, Sugar."

*****

I knock on the door and wait for an answer, hugging my jacket closer to me. Moments pass before the door swings open and my eleven year old niece beams up at me.

"Uncle Tobias!" She smiles, lunging for me. I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close. It's almost as if she can sense the sadness seeping from my body because she holds me tighter than usual. I close my eyes and breathe in her warm scent, placing a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"Hey kiddo," I murmur, the painful hold on my heart lessening. It always does when I'm around Ruby.

"Where are your parents?" I ask her, pulling back. She takes hold of my hand and leads me inside. At the mention of her parents, she rolls her eyes, her sassy personality matching her mothers perfectly.

"They haven't stopped fighting all day. It's painful to live with them Uncle Tobias. Take me with you?" She says, giving me an angelic flutter of her eyelids. I chuckle and shake my head —

"You know I'd love to sweetheart but your Dad would hunt me down quicker than we could blink. Why are they fighting?" I question, walking into the kitchen area with her. She drops my hand and I take the chance to turn on the kettle, prepping to make myself a black coffee.

"Something about my Auntie Ivory, I didn't pay much attention." Ruby shrugs. At the mention of my sisters name, I freeze up, my shoulders tensing.

"I'm sure it's nothing. Are you looking forward to your birthday? It's in four days." I say excitedly, changing the subject. Ruby begins bouncing up and down, her large eyes sparkling in my direction.

"Yes! I can't wait! I'm going paint-balling and Mum is buying me a twelve foot birthday cake!"

"A twelve foot cake? That sounds a little exaggerated cupcake." Jake says, suddenly appearing in the kitchen. When his eyes land on me, they soften and he walks towards me, pulling me in for a hug.

"Hey T, how are you doing?"

I return his embrace, grateful for the support of my cousin. Since the death of Trish, we've grown closer than ever. I don't think I'd still be alive if it wasn't for him.

"Hanging in there. The anniversary is always a tough day." I say quietly. He pulls back and nods his head, giving my shoulder a squeeze. I notice Ruby drawing from the corner of my eye so I pull Jake further away from her.

"Ruby mentioned you and Emily are fighting, something about Ivory? What's going on?" I ask him. His exhales a deep breath, shaking his head.

"Ivory wanted to join us for dinner tonight. I agreed but Emily said we should ask you first. I know you and her haven't seen each other in years."

"That's right and I never want to see her again."

I say quickly, growing defensive. I'll never forget what she did, what happened because of her actions. Jake sighs deeply, looking torn over the decision.

"She's your sister Tobias."

"Like I said ten years ago, she's dead to me." I snap back at him. He looks at me from under his lashes, blue eyes fixed on mine.

"She wants to make amends."

"I said no! Don't make me do this Jake, especially not today." I say firmly, holding his stare.

"Hey Uncle Tobias, do you want to draw with me?" Ruby asks, breaking the tense silence between Jake and I. He may have forgiven Ivory for her actions but I never will. I lost the love of my life that day and the pain and misery has followed me around since then.

"I'd love to sweetheart." I respond, pulling away from Jake. . .

The conversation is over.

*****

I glance down at my watch and notice the time. My thoughts turn back ten years ago, when I found Trish's body lying on the floor. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, using the bathroom sink to steady myself. I turn the tap on, splashing cold water on my face. It does little to help the nauseous feeling inside my stomach. My phone suddenly begins ringing inside my jacket pocket and I pull it out, answering the call.

"Yes?"

"We found him Tobias." The voice responds. I suck in a deep breath and stand up straighter, unable to believe what I'm hearing.

"Are you sure?" I murmur quietly, a thousand thoughts whizzing through my mind. I replay this day back ten years ago when I had to explain to Jason that Trish had gone and I couldn't look after him anymore . . . Not on my own. I was completely broken, my body, mind and spirit shattered into pieces. I could barely keep myself alive so trying to give Jason a good life wasn't possible for me. It killed me to say goodbye to the little boy, especially when I loved him so much.

That one action was the biggest mistake of my life.

I shouldn't have given in so easily, especially when I knew how much he meant to Trish. He was part of our family and when Trish went, I sent him away too. I've spent the last three years trying to find him so I can put things right, explain to him why I did what I did. Finding Jason in the childcare system was almost impossible and I'd almost given up . . .

"It's definitely him. He goes by the name Woody now."

"Woody?" I question, frowning. I suddenly remember Jason's one love in life . . . His cowboy doll. A small smile flickers across my face and I chuckle under my breath.

"Where did you find him?"

"On the streets, he's in a bad way."

As soon as I hear those words, my heart falls to the pit of my stomach and I close my eyes. Jason must be fourteen now, not much older than Ruby. He's just a child . . . How has he ended up on the streets?

"Send me the location, I'm going to get him." I say quietly into my phone, ending the call. I pocket my phone and lean against the walls, running a hand through my hair. I haven't seen Jason, Woody for ten years but I know I need to do whatever I can to make it right, he's family.

"I need to go." I murmur to myself, breathing in a sharp breath. As I'm leaving the bathroom, I scan the location on my phone and realise Woody is in an entirely different area code. When I walk past Ruby's bedroom, her door is ajar slightly and I peer inside, my eyes landing on her sleeping figure. I smile at the sight of her, sadness washing over me as I realise I may not see her for a while.

"There's something I need to do but I'll see you soon sweetheart, I promise." I whisper before closing over her door. I head straight out of the house and jump onto my bike, pulling my helmet on. For the past ten years, I've lived life as a broken man. Haunted by my mistakes and the death of Trish. I've floated through life meaninglessly, never finding a true happiness. I don't know what the future will hold or where life will continue to take me . . .

All I know is I need to find Woody and give him the life Trish would have wanted me to.

It's what he deserves.

THE END