Chapter 72: Chapter 72

Nate's POV

My eyes pooled involuntarily with tears as I walked back to my dorm after the arts class. Ethan didn't sit with me. Today unlike usual he sat in the front. I also didn't want him to sit near me after what happened in the wash room, today. His eyes were dark and he was literally shaking with anger while he had me pinned against the bathroom wall and snarled furiously at me for pushing down Gabriel.

I was so angry and jealous at that time that I gave Gabriel a push. I actually didn't intend to make her fall or anything. I only pushed her very gently but she fell down and created a scene there. I think she purposefully did it. I hate her so much.

And Ethan is going to officially ask her out tomorrow. He now hates me so much.

Without knowing, I reached in front of my dorm room. I took my key from my pocket and jammed it into the key hole, pushing the door open. I threw my bag on the desk chair and went to my bed. Some book and things were lying on it. Feeling exasperated, I threw them all down to the floor and lied down on the bed on my stomach.

Grace arrived five minutes later.

" Oh ! My unicorn ! My books ! ", She gasped as she entered the room. Some of her books and her unicorn plushie which Gavin got her from the Arcade was also among the things that were previously lying on my bed.

" Nate ! Why are all this books and things lying on the floor ? Why did you push them down ?", she asked in an angry tone. I didn't reply anything and didn’t look up or sit up from the bed.

" Nate ?? What happened ? Are you crying or something?", She then asked.

" I'm not crying or anything ! Can you give me some peace ?", I said and shot up from the bed.

" Woah ! You didn't stutter even once ! ", She looked at me with surprise. I just got more angry at the mention of 'Stutter' and I stared at her furiously.

" What's wrong with you ? Why are you so angry ?", She asked.

" Why do you p..put your books and things on my bed ?", I asked.

" C'mon..it was you who took my library books to read yesterday and it was you itself who took away my Unicorn to hug while sleeping !", She spat back at me. I couldn't get anything to reply her with.

" What is actually you problem ?", She asked.

" I don't have any problem. L..leave me alone.", I said and crawled out of the bed.

" Okay, tell me is it something related to Ethan. ", She said.

" Ethan ?? What does he have to d..do with me ?", I asked.

" You don't want Ethan to date Gabriel, right ? "

" No ! Wh..why wouldn’t I ? I'm really h..happy about that.", I lied.

" Nate, you like Ethan, right ? Why are you hiding it ?", She asked taking me aback.

" Wh..what ? What an absurd idea ? No way ! ", I scoffed.

" Then why the hell are you so angry now ? And why did you push down Gabriel at the Amusement park ? You were jealous, right ?", She spit out.

" No ! S..stop ! ", I almost shouted. " I don't like Ethan ! "

" Yeah..tell it to yourself a million times until it becomes real.", She sighed. " Look Nate, tomorrow he will ask Gabriel out. After that you can't hope to have a chance with him. You are going to lose him.", She said.

" Listen G..Grace ! I don't want a chance with him. I don't care if he d..date anyone. He is nothing to me."

" I see. Okay then explain why you are angry?", She said.

" Why do I n..need to explain you why I'm angry?", I snarled at her furiously.

"Yeah..you don't need to. Go do anything. I don't care.", She sighed and walked towards the bathroom in exasperation. Then she stepped inside and closed the bathroom door behind harshly. I slumped down on my bed and broke out into tears.

Before Grace stepped out of the bathroom, I wiped my tears and went to the back balcony with a book. Thankfully Grace didn't come to the balcony. She sat down at the desk and started writing something.

I sat at the balcony holding that book for hours until stars started to appear in the sky. Then suddenly I realized I haven't changed my clothes yet. I placed the book down and quietly walked to my cupboard. I took a pair of clothes and my towel and went to the bathroom.

After I finished showering and I was wiping my body, I spotted a razor blade sitting near the wash basin. I stared at it for sometime as I wiped my hair. Then I wrapped the towel around my waist and slowly reached my fingers to grab it.

I dropped the toilet cover down and sat on top of it, discarding the handle of the razor and putting it up on the counter. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I held the razor in between my thumb and index finger.

I'm going to lose Ethan. I love him. But I can't tell him. I'm scared. I'm a coward. I'm fucking weak.

And he hates me. He accused me in front of all those people at the amusement Park for pushing Gabriel. And he looked at me with so much anger and hatred today at the washroom. He said I'll see his real angry face if I try to hurt Gabriel. He hates me so much.

I sucked in a puff of air, closed my eyes and pressed the razor down, sliding it across the skin of my arm. A searing pain went through my body and I dropped the razor down, letting tears slither freely down my cheeks.

I can't bear it. I can't bear to see Ethan with Gabriel. I can't see him dating her.

Shall I confess to Ethan ? Does he still like me ? Yes, he likes me. He is just angry about me hiding my feelings.

He sure knows after last day's incidents that I like him. Then why he decided to ask Gabriel out ? So he likes her too.

Yes, he now likes her more. Maybe he started Hating me after I pushed her.

" Nate..! ", Grace's voice pulled me out of my trance.

" What are you doing inside there for this long ? Get out ! I want to pee.", She shouted.

I quickly scrambled up from the toilet seat. The blood from the cut had dropped down to my towel.

" T..Two minutes ! ", I shouted to Grace. My voice came out hoarse that I feared Grace would get some suspicions. But she didn't say anything.

I quickly started with the process of washing my arms and changing into my fresh pair of clothes.

" Ahh..c'mon..what are doing??", Grace groaned from the other side of the door.

My T-shirt was only half sleeved. So I hung my towel and my dirty clothes on my arm in such a way that it covered my cut.

Then I opened the bathroom door and stepped out. Only then I realized I didn't pick the razor up from the floor in hurry. Grace had already barged into the bathroom and closed the door behind.

I could only pray she won't notice the blade. Fiddling with the dirty clothes, I went to my laundry bucket. I quickly dropped the clothes in it and hurried to take a full sleeved shirt from my cupboard. I knew Grace would take some time in the bathroom. I had seen blood stain on her bed sheet this morning.

I was wearing a blue t-shirt. So I rummaged among my clothes for a blue full sleeved one, hoping that way Grace won't find out I changed dress. Fortunately, I soon found one and I hastily dragged it out. Then I pulled my t-shirt off of my head and changed into the new one which safely covered my cut. After placing the old t-shirt back in the cupboard, I hurried towards the balcony.

" NATE ! "

I froze near the balcony doors. I was afraid to turn around. But anyway I turned around, only to see Grace standing in front of the bathroom doors, looking at me furiously. She had that razor blade in her hands.

" Did you cut ?", She asked.

" N..no..", I shook my head, nervously.

" Lier ! ", She hissed barging towards me. " Why did you change your T-shirt then ? Show me your arms ! "

" No ! S..stop !", I shouted at her. But she already reached near me and forcefully grabbed my right hand. " Leave me Grace ! ", I yelled and squirmed my hands out of her grip.

" So you really cut ! What problem do you have now to start cutting again ? ", She screamed at me furiously trying to grab my hands.

I gave her a push and she stumbled backward, looking at me in terror. "Leave me alone ! Wh..what if I cut ? You don't need to b..bother about me. If I like to cut, I'll c..cut ! It's my body !", I snarled at her through gritted teeth and furiously barged into the balcony, shutting the balcony door behind.