Chapter 68: Chapter 68

I finally saw Ethan after one week on Wednesday.

I had reached back hostel last night and Ethan arrived this morning. On hearing he arrived, Grace and I went to his dorm before class.

Ethan exchanged a quick hug with Grace but he didn't even look at me. That white bandage had disappeared from his forehead and instead there was a sticky bandage on the right side of his head.

" When can you get rid of this bandage ?", Grace asked him.

" Probably by Friday or Saturday. I need to go to the nurse today to redress it.", He told her.

" So how do you feel now.", She asked.

" I'm feeling better. But it's a bit itchy. And it's days since I washed my hair.", he replied.

" Yeah...your hair smells like shit. ", She said and laughed to which Ethan replied with a sigh.

I didn't talk anything. He wasn't even averting his attention to me, for me to start a conversation. And I had decided I won't act so desperate for his attention. I never called him or texted him after last Saturday.

But it was hurting me inwardly and I was actually desperate for his attention. I tried a lot not to think about Ethan but it only made me think about him more. I took one of Alex's photo last day and stared at it for a long time. But Ethan wasn't Alex to me anymore. Both of them suddenly felt entirely different.

Then Anna's words came to my mind and I realized I was walking on a dangerous path. I can't go forward with this anymore. Like she said I won't be able to bear the consequences. And I'm not courageous enough to introduce to my parents a boy looking like Alex as my boyfriend.

Yeah..I think I like Ethan that way.

Maybe there's still time for me to confess to him. He hasn't asked out Gabriel yet. But I'm sure he will just reject me. He now likes Gabriel. And he now treats me with despise.

But he liked me first. What if this is just his way to somehow forget his feelings for me ? Maybe he still likes me ?? Maybe he will accept my confession.

But I'll never do it. I don’t have the courage to confess. I didn’t even have the courage to show my sister his pic.

" Hey Nate ! ", Grace suddenly called shaking me.

" oh..yeah..", I responded, flinching a bit.

" What happened to you ? I've been calling your name since sometime. ", she said frowning.

" Oh..sorry. I was thinking about something.", I replied and quickly glanced at Ethan. He was now packing his bag. Gavin was hurriedly combing his hair beside him, in front of the mirror.

" C'mon..bell rang. Let's hurry.", Grace said and already rushed out of the room. Bell rang ? I didn't even hear the sound.

" Ethan..it's okay if you get a bit late to class. But don't run down the steps, okay ?", Gavin told Ethan before he hurried out of the room behind Grace. Ethan nodded tilting his head to the door and his gaze fell on me. I quickly turned around and rushed out of the room behind Gavin.

My head was filled with lots of disturbing thoughts as I sat inside class. I couldn't concentrate a bit. It's one week since I saw Ethan and I didn't say a word to him. And it’s two weeks since Ethan put forward that deal. That day he told me to tell him honestly what I feel after two weeks. So if I hadn’t cancelled the deal, today is the day I should have told him how I feel about him. But did we really cancel the deal ? And how do I feel about Ethan ? Do I really like him ?

No ! I can’t tell him honestly. I can’t even imagine what will happen after that.

But I can’t bear this. His ignorance is making me crazy. I'll die of madness if he continue doing this. I need to talk to him, just something, anything. I just want him to talk a word nicely to me.

" Ethan, are you g..going for football practice from t..tomorrow ?", I asked him while we were having lunch. He was sitting opposite to me.

" No..he is only going for practice after a week.", Gavin replied for Ethan.

"Oh..yeah..better take rest for s..some more time.", I said. He didn't reply anything or look up at me.

He finished his lunch quickly and got up. " Guys, I need to go to the nurse. Catch you later."

" Ethan, I'll come with you.", I suddenly said.

" Uhm..no..and you didn't finish your lunch.", he said.

" I'm f..full. ", I said and stood up with my plate.

" There's no need for you to come.", he said, his face and voice reflected annoyance.

" Let me come.", I pleaded him.

" Hmm..okay.", he at last nodded after glancing at Gavin and Grace for no apparent reason.

We walked to the canteen's wash together in silence. I stared at his bandage as he was washing his hands. It was a little yellowish- orange at the center. He suddenly tilted his head and looked at me intensely, causing my heart to thud extremely fast. But then he turned his face away and continued washing his hands, thoroughly. Once we wiped our hands with tissues provided inside the wash, we headed towards the nurse.

" Did you b..block me, Ethan ?", I asked him on the way.

He hesitated for a moment. " Uhm..yeah..I did.", the he said.

" Why ?", I asked.

His face reflected great frustration and his hands went to brush his hair backward.

"I'm s..sorry Ethan. But why did you have to b..block me ? I tried to call and t..text you a lot of times.", I said.

"Why ?", he asked stopping in track and tilting his face to me. His brown eyes stared deep into mine, making me almost shiver. " Why did you try to contact me?"

" I- I wanted to know..h..how you were d..doing.", I stuttered nervous.

" Why ? What's actually your problem, Nate ?", he asked coldly. " Why are you acting like this after everything ?", he asked.

" A..acting like what ? ", I asked.

He sighed. " Look, I can't see you as a friend. I talked to you that day just because Grace and Gavin forced me. I don't actually want you to be around me or act friendly to me. But since we are in same friends group, there's no way I can avoid you. So Nate, please let's just ignore each other, since staying away isn't practically possible. That's better for both of us."

I felt pain raising in my chest. " Do you h..hate me Ethan ?", I asked.

He looked away, shifting his weight on his legs uncontrollably. " What if I hate you ? Do you actually care ?"

" Yes.." my lips trembled as I spoke and I looked down.

" C'mon..I don't hate you. I'm just trying to move on.", he said.

" This is making me..m..miserable, Ethan. Why can't we just at least t..talk sonetimes ? And you now like that g..girl, Gabriel, right ? ", I asked desperately, keeping my gaze on the floor.

He clicked his tongue on his cheeks. " Why should this actually make you miserable ?"

I looked up to say something but my gaze fell on someone who was walking towards us. It was none else than Gabriel. Ethan also tilted his head and noticed her walking towards us. His lips slowly curled into a grin.

" Hey Ethan ! ", Gabriel said as she reached near us and flashed her smile at him.

" Hey Gabriel..", he responded.

" Glad you are finally back. How are you feeling now ?", She asked.

" I'm good. My wound almost healed. I was now going to the nurse to dress it.", he said and smiled.

" Oh..uhm..shall I accompany you to the nurse ?", she asked.

" Yeah..sure.", He nodded smiling.

Gabriel then averted her glance to me. " Hi, were you accompanying him to the nurse ?"

" Yeah..I was actually.", I said quickly as I saw Ethan opening his mouth to speak.

" Ahm..Nate, you said you needed to go to the library. You may..."

" I can g..go to the library later.", I cut Ethan off.

And that's how I third wheeled Ethan and Gabriel to the Nurse's cabin. They chatted a little as we walked. But they didn't seem so close from their conversation. It was rather a formal kind of talk between a senior and a junior. Maybe because I was with them.

Gabriel stood beside Ethan as the nurse slowly plucked out the bandage from his head and dressed his wound with a new one. I stood a little away, watching him. Like he said, his wound had almost healed and it was only a scar now. But it was still a little pink and the hair around that area had gone.

I again followed Ethan and Gabriel as they walked out of the nurses room, together.

" What are you trying to do ? Just leave." Ethan murmured to me coldly without Gabriel hearing. I looked up at his eyes and it were dark and hard. I pressed my lips together, feeling immense pain in my chest. Then I turned around and briskly walked away, leaving them alone to peace.

It continued this way for the next two days. Ethan never talked to me. Thursday in Calculus class, he went and sat far away from me. Lunch was the only time we actually met. He caught me staring at him a few times during lunch and every time he looks, I would hastily look away, not able to bear that cold look in his eyes. Ethan was so warm and nice towards me. How he changed ?

Friday night I was sitting in the back balcony of my dorm, looking at the sky and stars above.

" Nate ! ", Grace called loudly from inside the room, almost making me jump. Neither she nor Gavin had gone home for weekend. Ethan of course didn't go, since he just came back on Wednesday.

" What ?", I shouted back to Grace.

" C'mon...let's go to the auditorium.", She squealed and came running to the balcony.

" Auditorium? At this time ? ", I asked confused.

" Gavin just called. They all are at the auditorium. Warden let us to go and play games at the auditorium till 10. ", She replied excitedly.

" Oh..I'm not coming Grace. You g..go.", I said.

" Why ? ", she frowned.

" I don't feel like coming.", I replied.

" Why don't you feel like coming ? And why are you sitting here alone, counting stars ?", she asked. I sighed in reply.

" C'mon..c'mon..get up.", She said sternly and came to me, pulling me up by my arm. She turned a deaf ear to my protests and of course succeeded in dragging me out of the room with her.

There was a lot of people at the auditorium, almost everyone who had not gone home for weekend. Many of them were sitting in circles, playing truth or dare and other games.

Soon I found Ethan and Gabriel sitting on the edge of the stage beside each other with their legs dangling down. Ethan didn't see me as he was so much engrossed in talking with Gabriel.

" Oh..there's Gavin ! ", Grace squealed and held my hand, dragging me to Gavin and a few other guys and girls who were playing some card games whilst sitting in a round.

On seeing us, Gavin quickly made space for us beside him and we sat down along with the group. They were actually playing UNO and Gavin soon tossed a few cards to me and Grace.

I kept on side eying Ethan and Gabriel as we played the game and as a result, my cards were kept on increasing. I averted my gaze fully to them when Ethan suddenly touched Gabriel's curly blond locks. Soon he was twirling his fingers in them whilst laughing to her. I can't explain how miserable I felt on seeing that.

" Hey Nate, your turn.", Gavin told me and I put down some random blue card before averting my eyes back to Ethan and the girl. Ethan now had his phone in his hands and he was showing something to Gabriel who was laughing looking at it. I felt anger and disappointment stir in the pit of my stomach. I was jealous. I wanted to be with Ethan in Gabriel's place.

Suddenly Gabriel's head hit Ethan's as she was laughing uncontrollably. She soon turned to him and cupped his face in her hands, starting to rub the place where she hit him. My heart twitched at the sight. I couldn't bear it anymore. I jumped up from the floor, causing everyone to look at me surprised.

" What happened?", Grace asked me.

" I need to g..go to dorm. I didn't take my ph..phone. My Mom might call. ", with that I turned and ran away from there.