Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Nate’s POV

I run up the stairs leading to my dorm room as fast as my legs can carry me, my right hand itching for some kind of painful attention. Once I reach there, I rush into my room slamming the door harshly behind me.

Hurrying over to my desk drawer, I slump myself down on the chair rummaging through various stuff. My fingers frantically run over papers, pens, markers, a photo of Alex and various other items until I suddenly withdraw my hands as my finger tips slice over the sharp object, a blade, what I was looking for.

I quickly drag it out from the dresser not caring the burn of my freshly cut finger tips. I pull out my right hand and roll my paint stained hoodie sleeves up revealing my right wrist now littered with a lot of cuts along with black burn marks underneath it.

It was two days after I started burning myself with candle wax, that I tried cutting myself for the first time. I was shaving when I decided to experiment it. After that I started cutting continuously and now I can't live without the pain. My arm itch to be cut every now and then.

I place my hand on the table and press the blade of the razor above the relatively new blood red cuts, practically with no hesitation. I watch as blood ooze out of the cut. I again press the blade down to make one more cut and this time the blade cut a little deeper than intended that I yelp before clenching my teeth together tightly and squeezing my eyes shut it pain. Tears slither down my cheeks and falls onto the my bloody arm, the saltine of my tears getting into my new cut, making a tingling sensation there.

Suddenly a knock is heard on my door. I jump up from the chair, frantically dropping the razor down and pulling down my hoodie sleeves, seeing I haven't locked the door. Knocks continue in sound and frequency and I shiver, not knowing what to do.

At last the door thuds open revealing Ethan. I instantly pull my right hand behind me and wipe my tears with my left hand.

" Michael...listen I'm sorry....",

Ethan pauses as he catches what I prayed he shouldn't see. The razor blade. He correctly noticed it lying near my feet. His eyebrows involuntarily furrows. And I toss the blade under the table with my foot, by a stupid reflex.

" Michael ! ", he says in shock and barge into the room, shutting the door behind.

" Wh..why are you here ? G..get out ! ", I yell.

" What were you doing ? Show your hands.", Ethan says coming towards me ignoring what I told him.

" Ethan ! G..get out I said ! ", I shout. " Go away ! ", I cry backing away.

" Show your arm. Why are you hiding your hand ? What did you do ? ", he asks taking more steps towards me. He is at an inches distance from me now.

" What do you w..want ? Get out of my r..room ! Didn't I tell you I d..don't want your sorry. G..go away.", I scream.

" After you show me your wrist.", Ethan says sternly and grab my left hand while I still keep my right hand behind while trying hard to get my other hand out of his grip. I start to cry, squirm and jump as Ethan proceeds to forcefully grab my right hand. He is really strong that I can't free myself from him.

" This is blood, right ?", Ethan asks pointing at my right hand sleeve, trying to pull the sleeve up.

" Let g..go of me Ethan ! What did I ever d..do to you ?", I ask whimpering.

" Michael..look, I don't want to hurt you. Just show your right arm and I'll go.", He says loosening a little on my wrist.

" No ! "

" Why not ?"

" Because it's my arm. My b..business. Why do you want to see it ? G..get lost ! ", I snap fisting the long hoodie sleeve along with my hand for protection.

" Michael...please...won't you show me once ?", Ethan asks. I'm taken aback at his pleading tone but I shake my head ‘no’.

Ethan sighs and makes his grip tight on my right wrist. As he leave my left hand free to pull up my right hand sleeve, I punch on his chest hard and run away from him.

" You are a j..jerk !", I yell going behind my bed. "G..get away from me !

" Yeah..I'm a jerk. And I'm only going after seeing your arm.", he says staring to chase me. I run around the two beds with my life and I can hear his footstep right behind me.

Very soon my legs feel numb and I start feeling dizzy. Ethan takes the chance and knocks me down on one of the beds towering on top of me, trying to pull up my right hand sleeves as I kick and squirm on the mattress. We both together roll about on the bed as I cry and yell profanities at him.

Finally he succeeds pulling up my hoodie sleeve and his eyes widen at the sight. There are more than ten cuts littered on various parts of my arm and the new two cuts are bleeding red.

" oh my Michael ! What did you do ?", he asks in utter shock. I don't reply. I turn away my head and bite down on my lips, trying hard not to cry from humiliation. Now he understood I'm this week. Soon his friends also will know. They got one more thing to make fun of me.

" Oh my God ! All are fresh cuts. Yeah..there were no cuts last week. Shit Michael, Why did you do this to yourself ? is it because of me ? ", Ethan asks towering above me and tilting my face to look at him.

" Aren't you s..satisfied ? Now g..get lost ! ", I shout.

" What are these black lines ? Did you burn yourself ?", Ethan gasp in shock, gently tracing on my hand.

" Yeah..what if I burnt ? And what if I c..cut myself ? You don't need to c..care. You are my g..goddamn bully."

" Michael..I'm sorry.", Ethan cry and suddenly hug me, giving me all his warmth. I flinch at that. " I'm really really sorry Michael.", he whisper into my ear, his voice hoarse as if he is about to cry. Wait ! What is happening? why is he now sobbing in my ear ? Why does he need to care if I cut or burn my hand ?

" Michael, I promise I won't let them hurt you again. Please don't cut. Please don't hurt yourself.", Ethan whimpers in my ear, causing my heart to twitch. And then he start caressing my face while still murmuring sorrys.

" Ethan..wh...what are you doing ? ", I ask in utter surprise. " G..get off of me."

He only hugs me more tighter, almost suffocating me. " I won't leave you alone here. I'm staying. ", he says.

Suddenly the door clicks open and Ethan jumps off of me in shock, revealing to my eyes the face of a beautiful yet shocked looking girl at the doors.

" Ahm...sorry..", she murmurs as we both sit up on the bed, Ethan scrambling to wipe his teary face.

" I think I got the dorm wrong." The girl then says unsurely before looking at the doors and then on the key in her hands. " No this room is right. And wait ! This is co-ed dorm, right ? Why are you two boys here ? Who is the actual owner of this room ?"

" I- I'm his friend. ", Ethan says awkwardly.

" I see.", the girl nods. " So he is my roommate?", she then asks. Only then I notices the two luggage bags sitting outside the door.

" Oh..you are his roommate?", Ethan asks.

" I got this key from the office now. So I guess I'm his roommate.", She replies.

" oh..okay. ", Ethan nods and crawls out of the bed. " I need to talk to him a bit. We'll go outside.", he says and looks at me.

" I'm not coming a..anywhere.", I say.

" Michael....please..I need to talk urgently. And we need to go to nurse.", Ethan says.

" I s..said..I'm n..not coming anywhere. You get out of my room.", I scoff.

" Ahm...is there any problem here ?", the girl asks confused.

" Yes ! Ask him to g..get out of our room.", I say looking at her. Ethan ruffles his hair in frustration.

" But he said he is your friend. And you guys were cuddling when I....I mean You guys can sit and talk. Don't mind me. I might even go and sit somewhere else for sometime.", she says.

" N..no need. And...and he isn't my f..friend. He is a jerk.", I say.

The girl rub on her forehead and then shakes her head in confusion. " Okay then, can you please get out of this room ?", she finally asks Ethan.

" Okay.", Ethan nods and walk towards the door. " What's your name ?", he asks her.

" Grace.", she replies.

" Grace please...can I have a word with you now ?", he asks.

" uhm..why ?”, she asks.

“ Please...”, Ethan says.

“ Hmm..yeah..okay.", Grace nods unsurely. Before I could say something, they both get out of the room, shutting the door behind.