Chapter 62: Chapter 62

THE BROKEN MAN

Silence.

It's not the dropping of a pin, even a feather would break the silence between them.

Janelle replayed the words that had just spilled from Rashid's lips, "No, no." she said to herself, nodding her head negatively.

"No Rashid, No. It's either you've been lied to, or the test results were for another. I, I h-have the e-er-erm, their pictures." She frantically searched for her phone in the pocket of her leather pants, her fingers trembling wildly as she retrieved her phone.

She searched through her gallery, "Here, they're yours." She said softly, trying to convince him.

Rashid looked away from her, "Janelle, we never had sex...

"No, we did. We actually did. I could fly them here, so you could run a paternal test on them." She intervened, not waiting for him to finish speaking.

He raised his brows, "You're not hallucinating right?, How?, Cause, I can remember clearly, I might have grown older, but my mind and brain are still as sharp as ever. So tell me how?" He questioned, flexing his large, calloused hands, before pocketing them.

"I er-erm..." she paused, started playing with her fingers, he was backing her, she walked closer to him, and in an almost whispering tone, "I drugged you." she dropped the bombshell.

He turned swiftly to face her, she stood her ground, although his facial features hardened, "I know it's wrong, I've always been haunted by what I did, but, I can't say I regret making that decision. I'm only unhappy you didn't know, it was selfish of me, and, I'm really sorry."

"It still doesn't change anything, Janelle. I can't just believe it...

"You don't?, Even after seeing an exact replica of yourself?, I've never, ever been with any man asides you and it was just once." Her voice was strained, filled with hurt.

"That night, you came back from work, your favorite tequila was on the glass table. Immediately you went in to take your bath, I added sleeping pills. You came back, you took it and slept off immediately. The pills took it's effect, it was that quick. We had sex, you couldn't have recollected, you were drugged, barely conscious." She wounded her arms around herself.

He felt repulsed, his face was contorted with deep hurt.

"But why?" His voice was somewhat rough on the edges.

"I needed to have something, anything that would remind me of you. Something I could hold in my hands, cherish forever, a piece of you. But then, I got more than that. I was blessed with double." A tear slid down her cheeks.

Sobs emitted from her lips, painful racks tearing her up, "I'm really sorry Rashid. I cared only about myself, I didn't think of you, I felt hurt after everything that had happened. I was going to tell, but, I just didn't know how to or when." She went on her knees, crawling towards him, her chest making heaving sounds.

Rashid turned to face her, "Ohh no, Please." He lifted her up, wrapping his large hands around her, he tried soothing her, consoling her. He kissed the top of her head. While she kept crying, Rashid didn't say a word, he was silent all through. Lifting her off her feet, he walked towards the cushion with her still in his arms, he sat down, placed her head on his shoulder.

"I'm rea-really sorry...

"It's okay. We all made mistakes. I too, made a horrible mistake, choosing to listen to my mother's words over yours, I should have heard from you. I should have known you'd never cheat on me, I was blinded by the love I've for my mother......" he paused, her sobs had quietened as he began talking.

"All my life, I've never wished for more asides an unconditional love of a mother for her son. A mother's love that's so genuine and impartial. I don't know, maybe I've wronged my mother unknowingly and that's why she hates me so. I've done all I could, gone extra miles, same Ol' Results. I don't mind the extra affection she showed my younger brother, Madok. I was never worried about it for once, I felt he was younger and deserved the extra treat. It was loathe, when I came off age, I studied the look she gives me whenever I'm around, it wasn't displeasure over a little misdeed of mine, it was pure loathe, as young as twelve, I'd make sure my brother was my top priority..." Rashid drew Janelle closer to himself, her eyes glued to his face, but her hands were wrapped around his fingers, subconsciously caressing his hands.

He stayed quiet for a long time as they both listened to the wheezing of breeze that came in through the open windows. She slowly shifted in his arms, scooting closer towards him, his jaw almost touching her forehead.

"And w-when you said you couldn't father a child, you were so sure about it, what did you mean?" Janelle questioned, his features tensed immediately, "And it's okay if you don't want to tell me, I guess it's hard on you, so.."

"It's okay, anything you want to know." He nuzzled the back of her palms.

"I was almost clocking seventeen when I became dangerously ill. During that period, it was like I was about to breath my last, no one noticed, the Sheikh, my father travelled on an official leave, and as you know... I'm not close to the Sheikha, so I couldn't tell her my worsening condition, even as my manhood began swelling..." Janelle felt liquid drop on her cheek, even in the dark, she could make out the hard planes of his face, most especially, the emotions he didn't want to dally in. It was big enough that he'd share something so personal with her and disrupting him could make him change his mind, so she sat back in silence, waiting, patiently waiting for him to continue.

"So I told my Best friend, Khalid, and the man who was closest to me after my father, Dargok. Dargok told my mother, I was taken to the hospital, where I did some test, and the doctor said I've been continuously taking Methadone Hydrochloride."

"Methadone Hydrochloride?, What drug is that?" Janelle questioned, sitting up in his lap.

"Well, it causes decrease in sperm motility and seminal vesicle secretions, decreased sperm count and abnormal sperm morphology. So, you already know what that means."

"Drugs that causes male infertility!. Christ! This is pure wickedness. You were only a boy, who had been giving you those drugs to take!." She almost screamed, her eyes widened and rounded like saucers.

"I never got to know. I had to undergo surgery and had the residues of the drugs neutralized from my body. After which the doctor told my mother that I'd never be able to father a child. Since then, my life hadn't remained the same." He took her off his thighs and stood up, pacing around the room.

"Your mother, what did she do about it?." Janelle asked.

"Nothing, she fired all the maids and protocols, hired a new set, and made me swear never to tell my father about it." He began closing the windows.

"Rashid?" She called.

"And told me to disclaim my title as the HEIR To The Throne Of Al Zayed, and give it to my younger brother. She said I'd be mocked if anyone found out I'm infertile."

"The repercussions?, I'm very sure there'd be." Janelle sighed.

"My Uncle Farouq might want to come for the throne later, and she'd be very happy with me if I did that. Until my brother's title was taken from him and conferred back on me, I had long forfeited the throne and was satisfied with my new life."

"You're strong, Rashid. Very strong. Your brother, Madok, is so proud to have you as an older brother. He was manipulated and grew up becoming a manipulative person. You don't know how sorry he is. He tells me how much he looked up to you, and, how he wished there could be a rewind, so he could make up for his wrongdoings." She stopped, " I shouldn't have said this though." she hiccuped.

Rashid drew her a glass of water, "Now you're telling me where you'd been all those mornings. Since you forgive this easily, why was it so hard to forgive me, why was it so difficult for us to sort all these out between ourselves. Why?"

"Well, we do have to let go, that's the only way we could live without a continuous ache in our chest. You? It was really hard, I trusted you, I loved you with everything and in a blink of an eye, you turned your back on me. It was really hard. It was difficult to just let go, I'd be a sinner if I had forgiven you that easily." Janelle cooed.

"How many times would I be broken? I've been abused psychologically and mentally which beats that of physiological torture. I craved love, and above all, a MOTHERs' love. I'd have done anything for it. I was lonely all through my life, even while you were with me, it felt like I was incomplete, ""My past--- My Mother"" he said in a whisper. doesn't acknowledge me and there would never be a future---- no children for me." he took the glass from her, dropped it on the table and walked back to her.

"Moreso, when you left and there was no hope of ever seeing you again, Loneliness and self loathing became number four and six while I was between them."