Chapter 8: Chapter 8

I was in the balcony, strumming my guitar, welcoming the tranquility of the early morning. The vacation house overlooked the sea. It was peaceful, nothing to be heard but the soft breeze and crashing sea. The sun wasn't even out yet. The air was free but my heart was heavy.

I hadn't slept a wink.

He came into my room, again, Asa had written...

Who?

He wanted more...

Just the thought of someone else, forcing himself on her... An inferno lighted in my soul. I struck a bad chord, immediately realizing that I had stopped playing soft music and was drifting closer to something heavier at the moment.

I stopped playing, rubbing my face tiredly.

Asa had gone and picked the room beside mine. To my knowledge, Kam had prepared the best room for her, directly beside his, but she had refused the room and chosen the one right next to mine... Not like she knew at that time.

It was closest to the library, far from the others. I was supposed to have my peace and sanity, but she had chosen the room beside mine and peace of mind became a foreign concept.

It didn't help matters that Kam came to her... Every night, since we kickstarted the vacation... And she let him.

I'm serious, those two get it on, any moment they have alone. It's so damn obvious, I can't even ignore it.

He slept with her again, last night, after he returned from the party. I know it. I know it. I just know it.

I didn't want to, but part of me was beginning to despise Kam for practically taking advantage of her. She nearly got raped. Sex must have been the last thing on her mind.

Sad you didn't think of that before proposing that nonesense to her. My subconscious jabbed me.

I gritted my teeth. "That was before I knew the truth about her."

"The truth about who?"

I gasped, sitting up at the voice. Jemi was looking at me with calm, golden eyes, holding a joint between his thumb and forefinger.

"Truth about who?" He asked again, walking to the railing and leaning against it, turning around to face me. "And what did that guitar do to you?"

I slowly loosened my grip on the guitar, exhaling. "It's nothing, Jemi."

He regarded me for a moment, before he shrugged, resting the joint between his teeth and whipping out a lighter.

I frowned at him.

He took out the joint from his mouth, "You don't mind, do you?" He gestured towards the cancer instrument.

"Actually, I do."

"Sucks to be you, then." He grinned, placing it back between his lips and flicking flame unto the end. He inhaled from the blunt and exhaled, through clenched teeth. "Holy shit! If this isn't the best weed I ever tasted."

I frowned at him, unable to keep the disgust from my face but he was laughing at me.

I knew he was purposely doing this to irk me now.

"Oga, chill!" He laughed, turning around to grip the railing. "You need this, though." He was saying. "Keeps them bad thoughts away."

"I'm never doing drugs, Jemi. Don't try to convince me."

He shrugged again. "I'm a coward that way. Weed takes away all the shit I'd rather not deal with."

"Shit like..."

He considered the question for a moment. "Wait first, I'm not high enough to answer that."

It was quiet between us, him, taking long drags, me, strumming my guitar.

The sun was already peeking out, bathing the world in yellow, golden glow.

"How about you and Kosi?"

A moment passed before he answered. "I don't know... I can't let her see how badly this is affecting me."

"You should tell her the truth. Come clean. Stop trying to hide behind this fuckboy act."

He scoffed. "Fat lot of good that did for me." He shook his head turning around to face me. "Thinking of just keeping things physical between us. I can't stand shit like this. I don't know how you to do it."

I gave him a wane smile. "But seriously, don't talk like that, okay? Keep it real between you two."

"I don't even know what she wants. Fucking confusing the fuck out of me."

"How?"

"Guy... I just don't understand her way at all. She's kissing me one night and twerking on another guy the next. I don't want to play games with her but I don't want her fucking with my feelings just because she can't sort out her shit."

I gazed at him, sadly. "I feel you, bro, but go easy on her. I get why she may be confused. She's just out of an abusive relationship. Won't be easy for her to give her heart out so freely. Maybe she's not into Devontae, the way you're thinking. They were just dancing."

He looked at me skeptically.

They weren't just dancing. Kosi was practically giving him a lap dance. If I were Jemi, my heart would be on fire ...

It already is.

"Not the way I saw it." He finally snorted. "I've liked her forever and when I finally come clean about my crush on her is when she starts feeling another nigga."

I sighed, setting the guitar down beside me. "Guys like us are always the unlucky ones, ain't it?"

"What would you know about unrequited love?" Jemi scoffed, eyeing me coldly.

I gave him a pointed look, and his eyes widened, realizing and remembering.

"Everything," I said.

"Hey," A new voice chirped, walking in on us.

Kam.

A flurry of dark emotions suddenly overwhelmed me. Drowning me. Poisoning me.

He just stepped out from her room! I know it. I know it. I fucking know it!

But I nodded a greeting at him, my fists, tightening into balls as i tried to keep my emotions in check... Emotions that weren't cooperating.

I lifted up my guitar, settling it back on my laps.

Kam was very handsome in that rough, troublemaker, recklessly free type of way. Chocolate brown hair, tumbling into eyes, the colour of honey. I could see why Asa liked him. There was something about him... His light, that attracted people and made them want to dwell in his presence.

But right now? Right now, I felt like poisoning ight and twisting it into shadows.

"Dude, did you or did you not just come out of Asa's room just now?" Jemi asked

I froze. Squeezed my eyes shut, my saliva thickening. The very thing I didn't want to think about.

He had fucked her, after what she just went through. Couldn't he control himself... At least for her?

I suddenly froze.

"He came into my room again tonight. He didn't want me just touching him anymore..."

Could that... Could it have been... Kam?

I narrowed my eyes at Kam who was replying Jemi with one of his usual happy grins. He was back. The Kam I knew was back. With his with the happy smiles and glaringly positive outlook on life.

I remembered Asa's diary. "Dear diary, I met a boy today, with the face of God...

His name is Kam. I believe he's my saving grace."

So, it couldn't be. Kam couldn't have been him... So who is he?

I fisted and unfisted my palms, heartbeat accelerating as I thought about a multitude of guys that may have defiled Asa... And how she still had the strength and courage to fall for kam...

She thinks the world of him. He doesn't deserve her, I muttered to myself. He doesn't deserve her. He doesn't deserve her.

Oh, and you do?

I growled internally at the taunting voice in my head.

"Can't get enough now, can ya?" Jemi was saying and I wished he would shut up.

I was struggling with what little common sense I had now, the pain, stinging. Burning.

"I don't kiss and tell." Kam was laughing with Jemi.

It annoyed me. He wasn't even trying to deny the fact that he had slept with her. I gritted my teeth in annoyance, trying to quell the raging envy and blinding malice that was bubbling in my stomach for him.

How could he fuck her after all she just went through with Teriq. How insensitive could he be? How fucking insensitive could he be?

"Good," Jemi was saying, taking a long drag and exhaling, tiredly. "It's not like I want to know about your sexcapades with my best friend, either. Keep it to your nasty self."

Kam laughed again and I squeezed my eyes shut, sweat, accumulating on my forehead.

I need to breathe. I need to breathe. I need to fucking breathe.

Jemi suddenly yawned, stretching. "I should better catch some sleep. I swear I'm about to drop dead any second." That was all he said before he slipped out.

No! I wanted to call out to him, but he was already gone.

No no no no no.

Quiet, so quiet but there was a war going on in my head.

How could he? How could he be so selfish. How dare he? How dare he take advantage of her?

Kam was looking at me but I was looking down at my guitar, plucking a sad, solemn tune that conveyed exactly how I felt.

"Wanted to apologize about yesterday... How I acted to you. It wasn't cool." He sounded repentant.

I shrugged, internally struggling with my breathing. My hands were shaking but I continued strumming.

He seemed to notice something was wrong with me because he asked. "Hey we're cool, right?"

"Peachy." The caustic reply was out of me before I could stop myself.

All he wants is sex, afterall. Doesn't he know that she's not like the rest? She's been through so much. So so much! How dare he take advantage of her?!

The air between us was crippling with tension. Either he didn't notice it or he was denying the blatant truth.

He asked suddenly, like he just remembered something. "Hey, what about that thing you wanted to talk to me about? You tried telling me before the party."

I had wanted to come clean about my feelings for Asa... Not anymore. "It's nothing. Forget it."

I gulped down a huge lump, my hands wouldn't stop shaking.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!

"Amir, what's wrong?"

"I said, I'm fine!" I snapped, shouting at the top of my voice. "Fucking leave me alone, DeAngeles!"

"Dude!" He shouted back, muscles tensed at me. "What's your problem? We're bros. If you've got beef with me, come at me and fucking let it out."

I didn't say anything for a while, all I could see in my head was Kam, fucking Asa. Taking advantage of her. Taking advantage of her love for him.

Kam. Asa. Kam. Asa. Kam. Asa.

He was looking back at me, slightly taken aback.

"It felt good, didn't it?" I asked quietly, when there were voices, roaring in my head.

He frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you, fucking Asa!" I screamed at him, standing up. Done with his bullshit. "I'm talking about how you're only going to fuck her up when you're done using her 'cause you don't have it in you to keep her!"

"Jesus, Amir, have you gone insane?" He whispered in shock before he seemed to understand what I just asked him. "Wait, do you think I'm with Asa only because I want sex from her?"

My breath was ragged now, my heart, beating out of control. I was seething through my teeth.

"Amir, I love Asa. You know that. Everyone knows that."

Liar! Fucking liar!

"No, no! Fuck you, man! Spare me that bullshit! You probably only invited her here under pretence so you could screw her and dump her next session."

He stumbled back, a hurt expression on his face. "Dude, what's your deal? Why're you on Asa's case all of a sudden?"

Why am I on Asa's case?! Why am I on Asa's case?!

"My deal is that you're doing it again! The exact thing you did to your exes and when you're done screwing them over, you dump them."

I took another shaky breath. My lungs weren't cooperating, my heart squeezing erratically, painfully. "You're treating her like the others and she doesn't need that shit! She's not Ivara. She's not Dara and she's certainly not Haliya!"

"I never said she was!" He shouted at me now. "Get to the fucking point!"

My throat was closing up, my lungs, constricting, but I glared at him with all the envy and anger I had for him, fucking him off and moving to walk away, but he grabbed my arm in a vice clamp, effectively stopping me.

He was quiet. "I know what's up with you, Amir."

My throat tightened even more, anger, turning to dread. "What?"

"I know you like Asa."

"How did you-"

"It's kind of obvious." He cut me off. "I'm not blind. I see the way you look at her."

The anger came back up again. "And you didn't say anything about it."

"There was nothing to say. My opinion wouldn't have changed anything."

The anger was burning my soul. Burning my heart. And all I could think about was hurting him. Wanting him to feel the pain I was feeling.

"We kissed."

He froze, shock, registering on his features. The exact reaction I wanted. "What?!"

"Asa and I kissed. Three times now." I faced him now, an almost smile, touching my lips.

What's wrong with me? This isn't me... What am I doing?

He stepped back as if he just got shot. "That's not true. She would have told me."

So she didn't tell him in the end?

My smile widened at the hurt, unbelieving look on his face.

"That's a lie, Amir!"

Oh, this is so good. I felt a twisted kind of joy. "Why don't you ask Asa if I'm lying or not."

Kam was looking at me as if he couldn't recognize me anymore. His hand went to his chest, squeezing tight and I couldn't stop the sick smile on my lips from widening.

This is bad... This is sick... This is Toxic... This isn't you, Amir.

Something shot up my spine, like electricity, zapping through me, bringing me back to my senses.

That voice... I recognized that voice...

Mum?

I suddenly felt tired, wanting to crumple into a ball and fall asleep... For a long time.

"Don't go yelling like a madman, now. I came on her. She told me off." I confessed truthfully, now.

Kam was looking at me with a horrified expression on his face, as if I had effectively succeeded in tipping his entire world over.

"If you knew how I felt about her all this while, why didn't you do shit?" I finally asked him, curious.

"I wanted Asa to chose who she wanted to be with without being pressured." His reply was curt. Measured.

"And what if she had chosen me? Would you have backed off?"

Everything I'd do from here on out was riding on his reply... And he didn't disappoint.

"Never."

Perfect.

"Good, so you can understand if I don't back off either, eh, Kam?"

He ground his teeth murderously, clenching his fists tight. His knuckles were still bruised up from his fight with Teriq. I was literally looking for a fist punch now, but I honestly didn't care anymore.

"Amir, we're friends. We're bros. I don't want us to fight over my girl."

The fact that he still called her my girl, irked the living shit out of me. My throat started tightening again, a lump, forming, heart, wrenching.

He won't break up with her. He won't break up with her. I'd lose in the end. I'd lose the one thing that set my heart on fire.

I adjusted my hoodie, pulling the hood over my head and tossing him a sad smile. "Your big mistake is that you think you call the shots around here. You're not my boss, Kam. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And right now, what I want is Asa."

His fists tightened into angry balls. I knew he so badly wanted to punch me and that sick part of me was welcoming the thought.

"Don't start a fight you can't win, Amir. Don't do this to our friendship."

Fuck your friendship.

"There's no turning back from this, Kam. I knew what I was doing when I said, 'fuck it' and kissed her." I'd never regret kissing her. Never. "And right now, I don't even give a fuck anymore."

"Amir-"

Oh shut up!

"May the best man win, DeAngeles."

I left him, writhing in maniacal anger, my soul, a flurry of emotions I couldn't properly differentiate.

I walked into my room, slamming the door close, feeling like the walls were constricting on me. I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut until I saw stars, sweat, dripping down my forehead. I was struggling with my breathing now, my hands wouldn't stop shaking.

I stumbled into the bathroom, splashing water on my face, trying to cool off my burning temperature. Everything around me was spinning, my lungs, squeezing within me until I started inhaling in frightened gasps, pain, shooting up my chest.

Anxiety attack, I realized, the worst kind.

I closed my eyes tighter, trying to work on my breathing.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deeper. Deeper.

I was gasping for air now, my lungs weren't cooperating. The last thing I thought of, before sinking into darkness was how beautiful it must be to die alone.

A/N: This is the last in RUSTS AND STARDUSTS. Next Collection: SANDCASTLES IN THE STARS.

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꒰Second Installment- Sandcastles In The Stars꒱˖♡