Chapter 5: Chapter 5

I can't think straight.

I'm trying to get him off, out of my mind but even editing and reading the drafts of the story that I am holding, clearly never helped. I didn't want to hurt him—but he was so stubborn and jealous? Is he jealous? But what does that even mean if he is? I held my pen and put its tip between my teeth, my mind wondering in my oblivion of thoughts. I can't even hear anything, all that replays in my mind is what he said to me about 'nobody knows his situation' type of thing. I felt bad—I should apologize to him later but how can I even do that?

"Hey, girl."

Kate sat down beside me, making my issues in life hide behind the back of my head. "Hi."

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothing."

She lets out a hmmm sound, looking at me with her 'I don't believe you' eyes. "I'm just thinking about my killer." Of course, I wouldn't tell her about Adam.

"Haven't you heard from the police yet?"

I shook my head. "Do you think someone is mad at me?"

"Well, maybe." She shrugged. What do you mean maybe?

"How, so?"

"You're pretty and all." She utters with disbelief in her eyes.

Kate is definitely acting weird.

"I don't even think of myself as that."

"I know." She smiled at me. It really felt so weird, like there is so much more to this conversation than our actual words itself.

"You can tell me your problems, right?" I uttered.

"Yea, I will—So! Where are we going to take our lunch?"

I laughed. I am pretty hungry right now.

"Uhm, Ms. Eva?" A young woman called from the boss's office. "Please, come here to the office."

Am I going to get fired? I didn't do anything wrong though, just daydreaming in the middle of nowhere—Fuck! I told Kate to wait for me in my seat and walked my way to the office. No one ever calls us there, Mr. Leon will just go out and talk to us in our own places if he ever has anything to ask about. I fixed my dress and my coat, so I won't look as messed up in the physical as I am really in— my emotional and mental aspects. I grabbed the glass door handle and opened it. The glasses were actually tinted so no one can peek on the inside. Once I walked in, it was practically empty—is this what a boss's office would normally look like? I expected it to be messy, especially with papers scattered on all tables since we are in publication. The young woman, smaller than me, have her hair tied up—she was pretty and like, calm.

"Please, sit down." Her face was serious but her lips curled up in a smile.

"A-am I in trouble?" I immediately asked, I don't have any backup plans nor do I have any other job I can apply if ever I get fired.

She let out her small cute laugh—I like her, she looks so innocent¬¬—she shakes her head a little.

"No, you're not. I'm not going to take this any further now. Mr. Leon wants you to replace him as the chief editor, which means, you will be the one replacing his position here in the office."

"W-what?"

My voice cracked, I feel as if everything stopped for a while. I am not ready for this. Why would even Mr. Leon leave his position?

"Why would he even pick me? Is there something wrong with Mr. Leon? Did he get into an accident or something? Where is his daughter?" He only got one child, she's already at the right age, she could replace him!

She smiles genuinely at me, "I am his daughter."

"Oh my, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay. Well, my dad is retiring."

On such short notice!? He's not even that old!

"B-but why me?"

"Why can't you even believe that he chose you?" She asked calmly.

"I don't think I can do this. I'm not that good at my job." My throat was so damn, dry. —I don't even know if I'll be happy or sad about it, the news was nerve-racking.

"You're not good at your Job, Ms. Reiss, you are great in it." Her eyes were serious.

"H-how would you even know that?"

"My father speaks highly of you, Ms. Reiss. I even idolize you since he says you were so passionate about the publication, so if ever someone can handle his job, it's you."

My heart was moved. I never thought Mr. Leon even thought of me that way.

We barely talked about things. But all he does is put some files and records in front of me and ask what I think about it, he would just nod and leave afterward, I thought it was just about asking his staff's opinions. I also thought of him as snarky since he never really talked too much.

"Why would he even retire this early?"

"Personal reasons."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Ms. Reiss."

"Please, just Eva."

She smiled, "Okay, Eva."

"What's your name?"

"Natalie."

"Such a beautiful name, it reminds me of a friend."

There's something about this girl that makes me feel so comfy about it. I don't if it's the fact that she is younger than me or what else?

"I will be staying with you as your assistant since the job will be overwhelming to you at first. If you need me to fetch your coffee, or your lunch, or anything, I'm your girl."

She sounds so excited about this, and I'm pretty nervous about it.

"You'll be staying as a friend. If I want coffee and you want some too, we'll both get it, then we'll both have lunch if we get hungry--- we'll get through this together."

She smiles genuinely, "Dad is right about you."

"Nah." We laughed together.

"By the way, Ms. Eva---"

I cut her off immediately and waggled both my eyebrows at her with a smile.

She giggled.

"Eva. You will also be meeting the main CEO of the publication, maybe within this week "

"I remember Mr.Leon saying that once, about Mr...?"

"Mr. Ross."

Oh, fancy.

"Okay. When do you think it will be? Will he go here, or vice versa?

"You will report to him first, then he will go check our office and the status of the new head."

She was just smiling the entire time, but it was so real, she was so proud of, I don't know---me?

This is making me feel more nervous. I'm afraid of having to rise up to someone's expectations. I started to bounce on my knee.

"You can do it, Eva."

I gathered a deep breath and exhaled all throughout.

"Yes."

*****

"I got promoted."

Cathlyn clapped her hands happily at our table of three. Kate, on the other hand just stares at me.

"Wow."

She muttered.

"I know you'll get it," Cathlyn winks at me. I continuously eat carbonara in my plate.

"Why do you think so? I never even thought I'd be in this position."

"Just a hunch, you were so good at what you do."

"Yeah, right," Kate's word made us both look at her, Cathlyn's brow raised, and me? I just want to binge eat, out of fucking stress right now. I savor the cream and mushrooms that filled my mouth, the pasta was so thin that I could roll them all out on my fork and devour it all in one gulp--- including the silverware.

"Why are you so sour this day?" Cathlyn asks.

Kate shrugged and frowned, "Just headache."

The table was filled with silence, but I don't care, as long as I am full, I'm getting out of here to find Zach, and talk to him about the promotion and about--- Adam.

I can't take my mind off of him.

I went back to the office and arrange my things from my desk in a box so I could transfer them immediately on time. I sent Natalie home for now and told her to have her beauty sleep since she'll be joining me tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Zach is not yet here, since he has been assigned to train at a different branch and we'll see each other later at 6 pm.

No one knows about what my position is going to be just yet—I don't even want them to know.

Looks like my life is going to be so busy nowadays, that's a good thing though. I can get away from the house as much as possible.

I know neither, how to face Adam, nor what I could even say to him.

Time passed by quickly at the office, I read some synopsis of the pub's line up and that was it. I closed my eyes and stretched my back at the chair.

"Hey, babe."

As I stretched my back, I looked up to see Zach's pretty face upside down from my chair. I saw his eye twitch a little.

"Is there something wrong?"

He smiled feebly, "No." What's with that look?

He pulls another chair and puts it beside me. He sits down on it and puts his arm at the back of my chair.

"So... Anything you care to tell me?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "If only you know how much there is to my day right now, your head will hurt."

He raised his brow, making his eyes slightly closed. "You're going to have to treat me after that."

I chortled, "There's nothing new to that, you always force me to pay for our food!"

"Let's go." He stood up and handed his hand to me, I gladly took it and we went to our favorite spot, the beef roast kitchen.

*****

"Spill."

Zach uttered as he put our beef strips in the grilling pan. The smell made my stomach growl. I always feel hungry especially with this kind of smell.

"I got promoted."

His eyes widened. "Fuck, really?!"

I laughed at his adorable reaction, he's like a shocked kid who has received his favorite gift for Christmas. He looks so cute with his glistening green eyes, his brown hair was messy and he looks like a character from the manga.

"Yea...?" I answer with doubt.

"Well, this treat is on me then! That's so cool, babe! You deserve it." He beams at me, continuously grilling our favorite strips.

"It's so nerve-racking... I don't even know if I can do it." I felt afraid, I don't even know if I can handle this kind of responsibility. I haven't even got any training, nor any guidance from our boss.

Zach patted my chin with his finger, "Heads up gorgeous, there's no anything that you can't do."

I let out a wobbly laugh, "I hope."

He opened his mouth and hold out the grilled beef near my mouth. I took a bite and the juiciness of the meat leaks to my tongue. I moaned due to the taste, wiggling my body as I chew on it, Zach laughs at me, shaking his head.

"You really do the best grills."

"Hey, that's my exclusive skill made for you."

I feel a blush forming in my cheeks when Zach winked at me.

"Thank you, Zach."

I'm really thankful that I met this man. Without him, maybe I would just be like my old self, locking my existence in a room, scared to even talk with people. He took a roast into his mouth and chews on it. He wrinkles my nose at me as he chews, I giggled, seeing how much of a baby he is.

We finished our feast on the meat and head to walk on the streets until we reach my house.

There were lamp posts on the pathways, and the stars were shining brightly, making the views bright. Under the night sky, we walk slowly.

"Eva."

"Hm?"

"How's Adam?"

Oh. He just reminded me of my bigger problem. I wanted to choke myself up to avoid his question but his eyes were grave.

"We fought."

Zach let out a sad little laugh. But why?

"What the hell would you even fight about?"

"Well, uhm—"

How can I even say to him that Adam and I were about to have sex when he called and then started to fight over him, and then I said things that I shouldn't have?

"Uhm, I told him that he just wants to fuck around with everyone, then he got mad."

"Wow. You really told him that, he'll really get angry." He chuckled.

Wait, what? Are these two, friends now?

"Do you even know him?"

Zach's eyes avoided me, "I mean, why did you even tell him that."

I can't even tell him the truth. I just stepped one to one on the sidewalk, silently.

"I want you to tell me honestly, Eva. Do you like him?"

I stopped in my tracks when Zach held my hand. That's the question that I wanted to avoid as well. His emerald eyes were intently staring at me, forcing the truth out of me.

"I really don't know."

I sighed.

"Do—you wanna know?" My eyes widen as he asked me the question. Is that even possible?

Zach then leaned closer to me. Without even any hesitation, he scooped my face with his hand and placed his lips on me, his tongue pushes in, touching mine. My heart felt heavier, but I closed my eyes and kissed him back. I slowly draped my arms above his neck and he was embracing me closer to him. Our kiss went passionately--- so passionate, it felt slow—it felt calm. His lips devour mine greedily, and my tongue clashing with his' warmly. I can taste the beef roast from his mouth and his warmth made me feel peaceful. There were no thoughts, it was just a tranquil moment, it made me melt all of my burdens away. His arms still holding me close to him, and his other hand laid on my jawline, his thumb stroking my cheek gently. I opened my eyes and had a glimpse of his lovely green eyes which staring at me as we kiss. Still, we never stopped—I can't believe we never did this before.

My mind suddenly opened up the memories of Adam, and the feeling he brought to me--- why does he always have to come up in my mind? Even though we just met, his effect on me is like a drug. The way he touches me—how electrifying it was and how his eyes stare at me as he does.

The passionate moment that Zach and I were having, suddenly felt wrong.

I let go and took a step back, and his lips curled up into a feeble smile. "Now, both you and I already know the answer."

I nodded, and hot tears started flowing down my cheeks. At that time, I discovered how Zach felt about me and about how I wanted someone else--- and I don't want to hurt him.

"Oh, baby, don't cry."

He held my cheeks into his warm hands, I laid my hands into his. He places his forehead on mine as I cry, hushing me down so I would stop.

I love Zach, so much--- and I want to love him the way that he loved me, but something stops me from doing so, and this is what I needed to figure out.

Why? All of these years, why can't I love anyone, even this darling which never left my side?

It's like all of my longings, wanting and desperation rushed out of my body when I met Adam and I wanted to understand. I want to know how it would feel like to be with him.

I never stopped crying and Zach just held me, just as he would always do. As I close my eyes, a vision of a man clouds my mind. My head starts to hurt again but I bit my lip hard so that Zach won't notice it. "We'll meet each other again." A voice of someone rung through my head.

Who is that?

I opened my eyes and the pain is gone.

*****

Zach and I reached the house after walking several meters. I stopped crying after a while and we just held hands as we strolled the street silently. My eyes felt so heavy and I know how swollen it was.

"Here we are."

My best friend beams at me without letting me see through the pain that I know I brought to him.

"Babe. Nothing will change. Don't worry about me."

I hugged him tightly once again. "Thank you Zacharias." He embraced me back, leaving a small and gentle kiss on my head.

We bid our goodbyes for the day, and I went to the front door. I looked back to see Zach but he was just gone.

What the hell was that?

My mind suddenly wondered. He couldn't have walked that fast? Did he run? I would just ask him tomorrow.

I shook my head and opened my door. The lights were turned off.

I touched the switch to light up the house and searched only to find out that there was no Adam. I suddenly felt afraid, where is he? I hurriedly went through my closet and my eyes gaped when I opened it.

His clothes are gone.