Chapter 47: Chapter 47
"If I stay here, I have nothing to do, and one more thing, I can not depend on you for the rest of my life." I was already on the fourth step since I had released the hand that was supporting me. I'm afraid I might give him an answer I'm not convinced about. I'd better inform him what I'm up to. I gazed at his face as he looked at me intently.
The wind practically blasted right through us, indicating how chilly we were. It felt as though the two of us' bodies might freeze at any minute. If only he could tell me how he felt about me, I wouldn't be so perplexed. I'm hoping I can make it through my time here since I know I have something to cling to. But he couldn't even give me the answer I was looking for. So, what other options do I have?
There is something in my heart that screams that one day, he will also become tired and leave me therefore as much as possible I need to prevent hurting myself more. But, when I stared further into his eyes, it didn't appear like he was terrified if I left. It's as though he experiencing worry and anxiety over something I'm not sure of.
I'm not going to stop ascending because it doesn't appear that he's going to talk any longer. Before I could finally reach the top, I returned my gaze to him. He didn't move from his spot and simply stood there watching me until I was able to enter the room. He also did not follow me. I'm not going to go back to embrace him and tell him, "I'm not leaving because you don't want to." when he can't even say that. Why would you stay with someone who doesn't offer you comfort?
If only he'd just give me a straight answer. Even if his response is simply assuring me so that I will be clear and that I know what I should do, even walking out of this house is something I will not do. I flopped on the bed after looking in my drawers for my phone and failing to find it.
I was just lying there thinking about the apple and ketchup we bought. I couldn't eat since I couldn't carry a container. While I was imagining chewing the apple and dipping it to the ketchup, the door unexpectedly opened without even a knock. When I turned around, I noticed Adonis carrying containers and the phone I was looking for.
I had forgotten I had brought it on the ship, and I couldn't change clothes when we abruptly left. I believe I'm growing increasingly forgetful. He handed me both and sat down beside me. What he's up to now is astonishing. I was adding the ketchup to the container as he sat there. Because he doesn't have a knife, I might simply bite the apple. I was salivating and my tummy was growling just thinking about eating this food. While transferring the ketchup, I swallowed.
I was taken aback when he abruptly dropped on my lap, gripped my stomach, and buried his face in my belly. He was like a child whose mother is leaving and he is upset about it. I put down what I was doing and simply stared at him. I bit my lower lip so hard that I couldn't stop myself from putting the container back on the side table since it was within my grasp.
"Is there a problem?" I toyed with his hair before tickling his head. I used to love this when our maid did this to me because it enabled me to sleep.
"Nothing. I feel every second that you are out of my sight I am looking for you. Feels like I am missing you. Does that mean I like you too?” His voice eventually diminished and I almost couldn't hear it. His embrace on my body became even tighter and the bury of his face got deepen.
I stopped playing with his hair. My hand was left in the air because I think I heard it wrong. My body stiffened, not with shock but with the strength of my heartbeat. It was as if something was chasing my heart. I was gasping for breath because of what he asserted. Won't I make a hearing mistake? So to confirm that. I asked him.
"Please repeat what you said." I removed his hand that was hugging me then I turned his face to me. And I can't believe what I see. I can’t imagine that the Adonis I first met was what I am seeing now.
His face was red and he averted his eyes from me. He even overcame my looks every time he was in front of me. He was like a school student who saw his crush on the road and spoke to him. And that person seems to crush him back. These are the ones I often see in teenager movies, how cool students are shy every time people find out they have a crush. I touched my heart as I looked at him. I was wondering how I could stop the sound of it because I felt like he could hear it.
He stood up now. Because he is taller than me it is like he is towering over me. I suppress the escape of smiles on my lips. It was as if my lip was about to tear and bleed from the excessive pressure of biting my lip. He put my runaway hair behind my ear and then kissed my forehead. My heart could not stop beating no matter how hard I took a deep breath. When his lips moved away from my forehead, he spoke.
“I don’t know what to call my feelings. Whenever you’re here, I’m happy. Whenever you are not or maybe with Cole I have a feeling of envy for Cole. Whenever I don’t see you, I get worried. I haven't experienced it yet, so I don't know what it is?” He says that bluntly as if it were just a normal thing. Didn’t he even know he had already confessed to me?
His earlier red face was gone. It was replaced by an anxious face but it was still stained with the desire to avoid his face. I would like to open the window, run and shout:
"THANK YOU, LORD!"
But I didn’t do that because he might think I was captivating him so he could feel these things. I know very well that feeling. Because I was like that at first, I hadn't felt such things when I first met him until they soon introduced themselves to me. It was as if they were shaking hands with me and shouting "I'm the feelings you feel for Adonis."
Because I didn’t want to tell him how he felt for me I didn’t speak up. I want him to find out for himself what they are. Perhaps, he just says them because he doesn’t want me to leave. Conceivably, he's just mumbling these things because he can't have sex with me anymore. Thinking about it is suffocating. It's like someone is choking me, what if what I'm reckoning is true?
"How can I know how you feel when you are the owner of those feelings? We are sometimes deceived into believing what we feel about others. We may believe we are in love, but the fact is that we are simply not used to not having that person by our side. We assumed we loved them, but the fact is that we don't want to lose them because we perceive they make us happy." I was moved to tears while preaching with him. I say this, yet in the end, I will be the only one who suffers.
"Isn't it when you're happy with a person that you already love him/her." he innocently wondered.
"Why? Do you feel that way about me?" I said, with a sorrowful grin. My attitude has shifted dramatically in the last few days; I've grown more sensitive to emotions, therefore I avoid experiencing the things I can't do.
He couldn't say anything, like though I had struck the target. I accurately tossed the words. That's risky when you've never known love. You're not sure if they love you. Because they don't know the real meaning of it or how it feels. You are merely one layer to that person, and other individuals will come to broaden the shallowness of their understanding of love.
"Maybe like I said, you're just used to me being with you?" I fiddled with my nails while waiting for his response. I'm no longer hopeful that he'll be able to respond, but I'm hoping that when he does, it won't be too late.
I could hear my phone ringing throughout the room because of our quiet. I grabbed it immediately away, and Cole's name appeared on my screen. We both stared at each other at that point. I noticed his eyes deepening and his jaw tightening. Also, one of the reasons why I doubt if his feelings are real is because I am thinking that he asks like this because he feels that he has a rival, therefore he acknowledges those things. I moved my gaze away from him and press the green button.
When I put that in my ear, I instantly heard the sigh on the other end of the line. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Cole acted exaggeratedly once more. You were afraid that if he acted, something awful might happen to me. I admire his compassion, but the manner he worries can be stifling at times. It seemed as if I needed to tell him everything I was about to do. But, because I'd already made up my mind, I was prepared to abandon everything and simply forget my rage at him. If I keep going, nothing will happen. What should I do once I've exacted my vengeance? Is it true that I am pleased with his demise? I was just like him. If it occurred to him, it would be as if I were the same as him. It felt as if I had already done to him what he had done to Everdeen once I saw him fall.
"Where have you gone, Luna? I'm concerned about you. You haven't contacted me in a week after we ate. I'm unable to reach you." He continued to speak without pausing. He even vanquished the emotional guy. "You didn't even leave a message," he remarked as his voice increased, causing me to scowl even more. I'm got deafen from the number of things he says.
"First of all, I went somewhere, and all of a sudden I couldn't message." I dropped my feet to the floor and felt the chill of the floor as if it were freezing. When I looked outside, I noticed that it was pouring. I didn't see it was raining since I was conversing with Adonis and didn't notice it.
I rose and went out to talk to Cole. There is no significant topic to have; I will just notify him when I see him tomorrow. I'd already taken two steps when Adonis abruptly drew me back. He held me from behind when I sat on his lap. He instantly whispered to me as soon as I sat down.
"It's not important what you're going to talk about, why do you have to go out?" I felt his hot breath behind my ear then he bit it.
"W-wait." Because of the tickle, I couldn't stop myself from the growl that could come out.
"Ah." The phone was still in my ear but I couldn't stop the loss of the growl when he suddenly squeezed my two breasts even though I was still wearing clothes.
"Continue." Adonis erotically whispers.