Chapter 17: Chapter 17

My heartbeats hammer loudly in my ears. The sense of guilt that I have tried hard to put away now comes back in full strength.

"Kim, what do you mean by that?" I pull up with both my elbows planted on the bed, trying to sit up. Not only do I hate it that he is suspicious of me, it also makes me feel guiltier.

He glances at me and says, "But I like it. Don't worry." He pulls me down again and spreads my legs wider.

"Kim, let's talk."

\"Sure, love. I'll listen."

His head plunges at the base of my inner thighs again, his tongue plowing along the length of my slit. I toss forward, but he takes this angle to close on my clit. My strength instantly leaves me as waves of pleasure rise from within, making me yield in complete surrender.

"What is it, love?" He teases me, now that he knows I'm already holding my breath. Then, he straightens up, a wicked grin spreading on his lips.

"Kim!" I grab him by the hair and push his head down my crotch, urging him to continue. "Don't stop!"

He chuckles before he continues. In less than a minute, all my muscles tense before I tremble in pleasure -- my nectar bursting on his chin.

"Go ahead. What's your question?" he says while positioning himself between my thighs. He then hangs my legs on his shoulders before he inserts his thing into my core.

"Are you jealous?" I finally let it out.

"Should I be?" He smirks, then starts thrusting his shaft forward.

"Kim, I'm asking you."

He pumps harder, his skin slapping against mine.

"If I say yes, what will you do?" he mutters between his ragged breathing.

"Kim, we didn't plan our meeting. You know that?" I also explain between my groans. His thrusting gets so harder and deeper that the building pleasure from within makes it hard for me to talk.

"Yes, but he's back, Jakara!"

I almost forgot he calls me by my Japanese name. Jakara Blue Williams, the name my biological father had registered.

"My goodness. So what?" I grit my teeth, trying to focus on the discussion.

"I don't want to see you affected every time he's near."

He thrusts even harder until my eyes roll up and my whole body rocks. I close my eyes, waiting until my insides stop convulsing in pleasure.

"Kim, it's a normal reaction. But, of course, it feels awkward to be around an ex."

He doesn't answer, so I prop myself up. Only to hear the creaks of a closing door. I sigh.

Zed, the imperfect one, never leaves me like shit on the bed. He always cleaned me up. Even changed my underwear.

Why can't men be perfect? Kim gives me full sexual satisfaction. He even gives me the world -- it's glamour and luxury -- but he can never have Zed's tenderness and the gentle way he cares for me.

I get out of the bed and walk towards the closet. Whenever we're stuck in traffic jams, we often stay here and wait until the road clears. That's why I make sure we also have clothes here.

This hotel started as Jakara Coffee Shop until Kim decided to reconstruct it into a hotel. I thought he would change the name since we were past the romance stage already, but he surprised me one day by announcing that he still named it after me. When asked why his answer was simple:

"Because you're special to me."

I smile as the memory flashes back in my mind. But then Kim's voice startles me.

"I am jealous of the man who makes you smile to yourself."

I furrow my brows as I look at him. He is already in a white bathrobe, his damp hair glistening against the ceiling's LED lights.

"I'm thinking about that day when you announced the name of this hotel."

He chuckles. "Why don't we build another branch of this hotel if it makes you happy?"

"Silly."

He walks toward me then wraps his hands around my waist. "Don't ever think of betraying me, Jakara. Promise me again that you're mine forever."

"What makes your feathers ruffle?" I ask, surprised by this little act of jealousy.

"Zed is younger. I even think he's the one in your mind when we made love."

I scoff, my face heating up. I always know he is brilliant but never have I thought he is so keen even to the details of my emotion.

"Kim, shut up. Have I told you that Zed was like a friend to me?"

"Successful relationship often comes from a good friendship."

"It's not that. Silly."

"Then, what?" he says, his eyes on my breasts. His hands immediately crawl toward them, cupping them leisurely.

"Zed can't do it."

Kim furrows his brows. "What can't he do?"

"He goes limp in bed."

When he stays silent, I add. "To save himself from embarrassment and shame, he avoids sex."

"I think you have mentioned it before. Of course, it hurts a man's ego. But you got pregnant," he says.

"Yes, but we did it only a few times. I can even count them with my fingers."

Kim then holds my hand and walks me to the bed, his eyes darkening.

"Oh, I can't imagine. But Ella gets pregnant also."

"Might be the same case with us. Zed can stay for half a minute, but no foreplay."

But not anymore. How could I ever tell him that Zed is healed already? However, I need to use this reason to spare myself from his unnecessary jealousy. I swear, that indulgence won't happen ever again. I can forgive myself for yielding to the temptation once because that's for my peace of mind. I was the cause of his impotence, and my soul can't rest until I know he's healed.

"Could be."

"But how far did he go?" he asks a.s I sit down on the bed. He stands in front of me, his eyes holding a surprised look.

It's an awkward question I can't escape. "A little kiss or nothing happens if I demand a foreplay."

"That's rude, indeed."

"It's called Premature Ejaculation Syndrome," I add. "He gets into an orgasm just by staring at my breast."

"So sorry for you," he forces a smile, "but I'm happy that he's like that."

I smile inwardly. Finally, I won't worry about his jealousy every time Zed and mine's paths cross. I don't want to make lies just to save myself.

"Won't you be jealous anymore? I ask, cupping his face.

"That depends." He lays me on the bed again and begins kissing me.

"I'll show how your husband is different from him," he says, lifting his face. Then he kisses me again; his hands begin tracing the usual routes he follows on my body.

"No need. You have proven it a thousand times already," I said, laughing.

"But I'm going to show you a different version of me."

I giggle. My mind can never imagine a different version of him in bed anymore. He's already beyond my fantasy, and the thought of a new him excites me.