Chapter 51: Chapter 51

KRISTIN

"I wasn't joking," June said firmly. Her eyes were set, her chin firm and daring. Truly, she is no longer the baby I fed those years ago. At one point, she seemed to have grown so much that I was having a hard time believing it.

Her eyes did not change a bit. I used to easily read her through those brown expressive eyes. I don't know if I still possess that ability, but at that time when June was still a kid, it was much easier.

Whenever she cried, a hug from me was enough for her to spill out every single problem she was facing at school, who made her sad and the events that led to it.

She also didn't lie. That way, she was the best person to send on an errand.

I don't know when things changed, but I know that I don't want this change... I don't want a change that makes me feel like shit, a change that makes me distant... I don't want that change...

If anything, we need to be closer to one another. We only have each other. I don't want to think what her fate will be if she decides to move out.

Well, Mark would seize the opportunity to take her in, like I know he secretly wishes, and it won't end well...

"Doll..." I didn't know what else to say. My hands were twitching, itching to hold her, soothe her, remind her that I was still that loving uncle she knew from years ago... I tried... Feet unsteady, I reached forward, "Doll..."

She beat away from my hold like I had a plague. My heart sank into the pit of my stomach.

"Get out," she repeated with her gaze digging into a part of the floor. The tears had long dried up and were now replaced with a strength I found hard to recognize.

"I am no monster, June," I said softly.

"You will let me decide that. Get out." She strode to the door and turned the knob and held it open for me. "You need to leave now."

I staggered to the door, already knowing that it was a lost cause.

"Doll, please..."

The door banged in my face with a force that pushed the echo to dwell at the bottom of the stairs, reverberating around the house with a thud. A sob filtered into my ears.

Was she crying?

I staggered back to my room, my body lacking natural coordination. On the way, I remembered my drink. After grabbing a bottle and fresh glass, I locked myself in my room and poured a large quantity.

The first sip made me aware of what had just happened. The second was a silent burn that ran down my chest and settled in my stomach with a heat that reminded me that June saw me as an organ of pain.

I sat on the floor, feeling shocked, confused and a bit sad. My eyes were burning with unshed tears but the water-gates did not open; the river refused to flow.

I sat there on the floor, trying to process all the things June said. Anger or not, most of her words seemed to hold a meaning. My thoughts were whirling around, and I couldn't seem to get a grip on them. I felt like I was sinking into a dark hole of sadness and despair...

I took more shots...

As I sat there reeling from June's words, I started to feel a strange, numb detachment from my surroundings. I looked down at my hands, and they appeared to belong to someone else. The room started to feel surreal like it wasn't quite real. It felt like I was floating in a dream or a nightmare as June's words echoed in my mind, over and over again.

"...PAIN..." That's all I hear.

I took another sip of the vodka, trying to dull the pain, but it didn't work. The alcohol just made me feel more unmoored and adrift.

I became lost in the past, in the memories of the incident that led to June being under me. I could see the faces of all the women I have caused "pain" blur together, and it felt like I was being pulled under by the weight of all the pain. My eyes suddenly blurred, making it appear like I was sinking into an abyss, a place I can't get out of...

Fuck, this drink is doing way more than necessary.

Smiling sadly to myself, I took more sips until my eyes became heavy. Aha! It would be easier to sleep now... I know I would probably wake up tomorrow looking like shit, but tomorrow will sort itself out.

Concluding how I would call in sick the following day if my face looked unpresentable, I staggered for my bed.

There is something special about alcohol. It makes you high.

Not the usual high.

Sometimes it takes you higher than the moon but still keeps you in tune.

Other times, you could completely lose grip of your consciousness.

Well, this night, I'm in full—sorry, half—grip of my consciousness and it feels so damn good.

Feels better than sex!

Grinning, I picked up my phone and dialled Edith's number.

I don't know why I did it, I guess the drink is to blame.

"Hey," I whispered giddily immediately the connection sound beeped. "You asleep?"

"Nah, not yet. I'm working on some files I need to send in tomorrow." She paused. "You sound happy."

"More like high," I giggled childishly.

"Oh my God, have you been drinking?"

"It was just some cups, I swear. I'm fine."

There was a long pause on the other end, and it seemed she was trying to gauge if I was truly fine.

"Where is June?" she spoke at last.

"In her room, probably still crying." I really wish I could cry too. It used to be so easy, but now... it might take three days to force out a tear.

"What the hell happened?" I could hear ruffling sounds on the other end signifying her rise from the bed. "Kristin, what did you do?"

I shrugged as if she could see me. "I didn't do anything." Vulnerable and dizzy, I narrated the episode of the evening, not leaving even a word of what June said.

Edith was shocked. "Oh my God, Kristin, I'm so sorry to hear this. Listen to me, you are not a monster. You don't cause pain. You are a good uncle, trust me, you are." She sighed. "She wants you to feel the exact way you are feeling right now. It's something teenagers and new adults do; they force the blame on others. You are a wonderful person, Kristin, and I want you to know that... I love you... so much."

Without hesitation, I found myself saying, "I... I... I think I like you too..."