Chapter 53: Chapter 53

David’s P.O.V.

Two months had passed, and yet, we were still living in the same scenario. Helena kept on doing her different walkout stunts whenever I tried to approach her. It felt like we came back to what we were last year—right after she transferred to our school.

Now, it felt like we were just strangers as we had been before. A rapid pang of pain had struck my chest at the thought. It gradually made me weak, and loneliness was slowly killing me.

Gone were the days where she looked at me with sparks in her green eyes. No matter how I put myself into it, or no matter how much I tried to convince myself that everything would soon be okay, Helena was refraining herself from talking to me.

I was yet to open my mouth, and there she was, already evading her stares. I was yet to take a step forward, but she was ready to step backward or even away from me.

We were groupmates in our Social Science project, and I could feel the awkward ambiance between us. We were actually three in a group and I felt sorry for Jenny because most of the time, she was the only one stuck among us. She didn’t know anything, and she didn’t even have a single clue that her groupmates were engaged in a conflict—a conflict I also knew nothing about.

“Hey! Are you two alright? What’s the matter?” Jenny would sometimes ask out of confusion about what was going on between Helena and me when we were damn so close before. With her fingernails scratching her head, Jenny would only end up looking at us back and forth.

“Can you please show him the files that I sent you last night, Jen? I’ve got to be home early today. I’ll go ahead, see you tomorrow then!” Helena hurriedly bade goodbye as she rose from her chair, leaving Jenny and me inside the classroom. She couldn’t even say Cristoff.

“Am I missing something here, David? Care to explain what’s going on?” Jenny would always snap at me, but it would only earn a dismayed shrug on my shoulders.

“Where are Helena’s files, Jen? Let’s just get this one going, so we will have an output for today.” I would then divert the topic.

So, Helena would only explain to Jenny what she had researched, and it was Jenny who would deliver or elucidate those things to me. Furthermore, I tried to chime in whenever we had a serious group discussion, but Helena would always stop saying things and eventually zip her mouth. If not, she would even walk out!

Jenny would give me the folder to double-check our project proposal when Helena could give it straight to me since she was only sitting at my back. My mind and my heart were battling if I would accept Helena’s cold treatment towards me or not. We were not even able to celebrate our supposed-to-be first Christmas.

Never wanting to give up, I used the opportunity of coursing a Christmas card to Jenny that was meant to be given to Helena. But right after opening the envelope, unfolding the card, and intentionally reading first the sender’s name at the bottom, Helena would end up throwing it at a nearby trash can, as if my name was a plague.

“Hey! Mrs. Gutierrez has canceled our afternoon class. Are you free this afternoon, Helena? You know, we have to research about our Physics project.” I heard Brent approached Helena one time. It was after the holidays.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Gutierrez had paired my girlfriend with him. Their topic was about wave energy, and I was paired with Jack on magnetism.

“Yeah, sure! I’ll meet you in the library after lunch,” Helena quickly responded behind my back. I could hear some rustling folders as she was fixing her things.

“Oh, sounds pretty cool! But would you mind if I join you for lunch? My mom prepared lunch for two, and it would be my honor to share it with you. Please, Helena?” Brent pleadingly asked her.

I didn’t want to look at them, and thinking about Brent holding Helena’s hands was already driving me insane. Seeing him with sparks in his blue-gray eyes would only make my fist land on his face.

No, Helena. If you still love me, please decline his offer! That’s all I could silently ask of you. I couldn’t do anything but scream in my head.

“Hmm… that I can’t guarantee, Brent. I—I’m more comfortable when eating alone,” Helena answered, and only God knew how my lungs expanded to their fullest capacity through relieved and satisfying breaths.

Serves you right, Brent! Helena will only share her lunch with me. I egotistically lifted my chin, but I couldn’t be fully happy knowing that Helena was still avoiding me.

“Okay, if that’s what you want. But you know what? I’m already excited to study more about wave energy to understand how my heart is unstoppably wavering for you. I’ll see you later then.” Brent finally went out of the classroom, but before that, I caught him sardonically smiling at me through my right peripheral vision.

But the question is… does Helena’s heart waver for you too? Get lost, airhead! I hardly closed my fists, as it felt like my eyes were scorching with intensified rage.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just study with him.” I heard Helena said and that quickly earned a smile on my lips.

“Really, Helena? Promise me that—”

Full of anticipation that we would fix things between the two of us right away, I immediately turned my head on her—only to find her talking to her cellular phone. I was openmouthed as my jaws fell off the floor. Helena wasn’t wearing the other pair of the ring, that was on my finger, and I wasn’t the one she was talking to.

“Yeah, sure thing. I’ll text Ricardo as soon as Brent and I finish our report. Bye, Dad! I love you.”

Helena pressed her lips together, ended the call, rose to her feet, and strode towards the door without even glancing at me. I couldn’t stand how she was treating me like I was nothing to her.

It pained me the most after seeing Helena studying in the library that day with Brent! She never agreed to have lunch with him, yes… but still, that moron had the chance to be with her. It was the main reason why I had to fight with my inner demons.

Although they were not really close to each other and Helena was only in front of him at the corner table, it hurt me far beyond what I could control because I should be the one in Brent’s position. It felt like mixed envy and fury were covering my whole body like a dark cloak.

Helena was too engrossed with her research and borrowed books, yes… however, I couldn’t help but be jealous because Brent was looking at her without any restrictions. I couldn’t help but overthink that he looked at her in a way like he was stripping Helena’s uniform. I ended up walking away from the library because I didn’t want to kill that asshole.

Bitter and miserable, I didn’t think that Helena and I were already over. There was no formal breakup yet, and I hated the idea of our possible closure. I was holding on to her—still holding on to her quote when she left me in the Music Room a few months ago.

She said that she loved me so much and it was all I had to remember! But I also couldn’t help thinking that if she really loved me like the last time she told me, and if she truly cared for me, what would be her reasons to complicate such things?

Can we just love each other without hurting our feelings?

I wasn’t numb and stupid. I loved Helena so much! So much, it hurts. It felt like for the first time, I was emotionally unstable. And anytime soon, I would have depression.

Actually, it wasn’t love that hurt me. It was the feeling that in just a blink of an eye, Helena doesn’t want to care about me. Every time she avoided me, it pierced me like an imaginary spear impaling all of me.

Sometimes, I found myself staring blankly at nowhere. If not, I was only browsing our photos on my computer and imagining that Helena was just right beside me—smiling at me. I neglected my studies, even forgot to do my assignment, and rushed to finish it the next day—when it was already the submission day. In short, I was ruining myself.

Only Helena clouded my brain. I could distinctly understand what happened to her, as long as she would elaborate it to me. But right now? I was more than puzzled—even beyond what the word really means.

As far as I could remember, I never did anything wrong. I wasn’t even forcing us to be legal because it was what Helena wanted, and I respected her request. So, I really couldn’t think of a valid reason for what really went wrong and who should be blamed for her to treat me this way. I was totally lost, and my chest was already full of burning pains.

I was thinking of so many things about Helena, her potential secrets, and whatsoever… until the voice of our class adviser dragged me out of my deep reverie. It brought my thoughts back to what should be the reality. And little did I know… that this reality would devastate me even more.