Chapter 134: Chapter 134

"Are you alright?" Tyler asked her, concern in his eyes as she screwed up her line for the umpteenth time. They were on the terrace and according to the script she was supposed to tell him a story about her that would inspire a song.

She unscrewed the cork of the bottled water one of the members of the crew provided her with and hurriedly gulped the whole content. She stood up from the cold slab where she sat with Jared resisting the urge to yell and ask him how he expected her to be fine, but no thanks, she didn't want to trend on social media as the newest added member of the deranged patient in NYC, she thought drily as she removed the microphone on her body and steadily walked out of the room ignoring Tyler as he called her repeatedly.

She had thought she could do it, work and pretend like her life was in order but she had been kidding herself. She felt suffocated like she was burning inside of her and was not expected to shout, was dying but couldn't yell. She couldn't tell pain from excitement anymore and most things that made people around her smile didn't do the same for her.

It has been a week. A week of ignoring Xavier's call, pretending she wasn't at home whenever he came seeking her out. A week of feeling like she was drowning and also melting from the intense heat at the same time as she wondered why in God's name, people wanted to fall in love, why they sought after something so painful, so mentally stimulating it could tilt you to the point of insanity.

"Maya," she heaved. It was Jared.

She slowly turned to stare at him, feeling guilty as it seems of recent she had just been taking advantage of his understanding and kindness. It didn't help that he still looked at her with those eyes of his like he wanted to save her.

"I'm sorry Jared, I'm not feeling like it. I just feel out of sorts."

"Are you pregnant?' her eyes widened at his jokes, in pure terror. Thankfully No she thought to herself. The scar of Mr. Dominic's actions well had made sure she was never brave enough to get it on.

He chuckled, shaking his head, "God you are more screwed than I thought or maybe I'm just that horrible at saying jokes because that was supposed to be one."

She tried to smile but ended up wincing. It was almost like she had forgotten how to do that. She just fixed her gaze on the floor hoping he didn't see how vulnerable she was and looked.

"Can you walk with me for a while?"

She shook her head, "What about the shooting? The crew is waiting for us inside?" She stuttered as the thought of spending some alone time with Jared suddenly terrified her. She could tell he knew something was wrong and was going to try to get the truth off her, and somehow reliving her fear, telling someone what Tyler had shared with her filled her with some kind of dread. Jessica and Jasmine didn't know yet and chalked up her confusing mood swings to heartbreak.

Though she certainly still felt that, numbness too and pain then anguish, then anger, then fear.

"I told Tyler to tell them we would have to reschedule. It is more than obvious you won't be able to shoot a scene." He raised his brow, "I'm a total gentleman honestly, but I can't help but point out the obvious. The dark circles you are doing a horrible job of covering with a concealer? How pale your skin look like you are just existing and wasting oxygen rather than living? Girl, you look like shit!"

She scoffed, "Way to go increasing a girl's self-confidence."

He grabbed her hand and softly tugged her with him, "You don't need your self-esteem to be boosted, you need to learn how to stop." Her gaze met his.

"Look Xavier is scum and I don't care if he suffers. Egoistical, too successful for his good son of a bitch," his hold on her hand loosened, "But why suffer in the process? What is your offense?" A tear slid down her cheeks.

"You need to hear him out, get some closure, curse at him or just have a great tumble on the sheet one last time if you are into that kind of shit," he cringed at the last part and she knew she would smile, she should smile but she couldn't.

She looked away but he gently used a finger to redirect her head back to him, "Stop suffering Maya. You don't deserve it."

He took a step back and she narrowed her gaze. Then she found herself muttering traitor immediately the leaves behind them rustle. She had chosen a remote location for that particular shoot and the thought of him being behind those leaves not minding the creepy creatures in there hurt her more than she wanted to admit.

"Maya," her name from his lips suddenly felt foreign, made her shiver as she realized how long it had been since she heard his voice. She didn't want to be here, she wasn't strong enough to hear him talk to her and not want to fall into his arms and forget everything. Forget that he just might never fall in love with her, forget that he did sleep with those girls, that he probably was back to being available for nameless faces and Timothy was probably at the moment scheduling appointments with them like she had done, composing one line I'm a bastard note for them and dropping bouquet at the threshold of their doors that she knew they would stomp at a million times.

Damn, she wanted to forget that he murdered his best friend. Diane. Another tear rolled down her cheeks.

She looked for Jared, wanting to beg him to take her out of here, tell him that he didn't understand and she was bound to suffer and no one could save her now but he was gone. He was nowhere in sight.

Traitor she thought in her heart once again realizing that now she had no way out. She was going to have to talk to him now and God so helps her from falling on her knees and begging him to take her back because her life seemed useless and meaningless without him. A pale-colored splash of nothingness.