Chapter 23: Chapter 23

The view out Rain’s window hadn’t changed much in the four or so hours since the sun had come up. They’d been driving all night, only stopping for a few minutes now and again for Seth to stretch and to use the bathroom. This part of the road was different from the trip from Judea to Louis City because there were towns along this route every once in a while, and there were people in other vehicles driving past them or traveling in the same direction as they were much more frequently. The roads were not fantastic, and it was slow going, but Rain was thankful they were not having to walk.

Seth didn’t say much, especially not the night before when she’d been sitting in the back seat and Adam had fallen asleep on her shoulder just an hour or so after they’d left the city, and now that she was back in the front seat so that Mist and Walt could sit next to each other and hold hands and make googly eyes at one another, Seth still wasn’t talking.

Really, no one was. They’d had some questions for Adam yesterday afternoon and more this morning, but now, all was quiet except for a fuzzy radio station. Out the window, she saw field after field of tall grass and trees and little more.

The towns they passed through didn’t look too different from Gretchintown--except there were men and women walking around, driving in cars, going in and out of stores. Of course, in Gretchintown, the men weren’t allowed to go anywhere, except for the Constructors and Custodians, and then they had on ankle monitors that only let them go so far. No one drove vehicles except for the Military Mothers, and that was rare. There weren’t any stores, except for the tiny shops in the dorm buildings. But the streets looked similar, the buildings, the nice plants and green grass. It was hard for Rain to believe that this world had been in existence all along when she’d been in Michaelanburg under the illusion that men were incapable of being free, walking around, making their own decisions.

This was still part of Middlecountry. It wasn’t really a country, just a loose conglomeration of towns that ruled themselves. Seth said it was fairly safe, but there were some towns that had lawless parts, like Louis City. They still had fuel and supplies with them, so they hadn’t stopped in any of the towns. Seth was hopeful they’d be able to get to the Nation of Quebec by the next day, but it all depended on the roads. Some of them were not well maintained, and they had to be taken slow.

They’d passed through a small town that looked safe enough where Rain had spotted a restaurant, grocery store, and gas station and were about an hour down the road when the truck suddenly started making an odd noise she hadn’t heard before. Seth cursed under his breath and pulled the truck to the side of the asphalt road.

“What’s going on?” Mist asked for all of them as a bit of smoke or steam came from under the hood.

“I’m not sure,” Seth admitted. “I’ll need to look under the hood and see.”

Rain was nervous. She looked around outside. They hadn’t seen or heard anything from the Mothers for quite some time, but it might be possible that they were hiding out around there somewhere. She hadn’t heard any gunfire or anything like that, so she doubted the Mothers had anything to do with the truck malfunctioning, but she wasn’t taking any chances. She had her hand on her weapon.

Seth, Adam, and Walt got out to go look under the hood, even though she was pretty sure two out of the three of them wouldn’t have any idea what they were looking at, though it was possible Adam had learned something from Naomi, she supposed. She looked at Mist and asked, “Do you think we should get out and set up a perimeter?”

“I think we’re okay,” she said. “Seth said we weren’t taking the most direct route to Quebec, so chances are, the Mothers won’t find us. I think this is mechanical, nothing else.”

Rain assumed she might be right, but she was still anxious to see what was going on. “I’m going to get out anyway,” she said, slinging her backpack on and keeping her revolver in her hand.

Without a word, Mist got her stuff together as well and got out alongside her. Seth was shaking his head as he looked through the smoke coming out of the engine, waving his hand to clear it.

“Do you know what’s wrong?” Rain asked.

“Yeah, I threw a belt,” he said, cursing and stepping back. He put his hands on his hips and cursed again. “I’m going to have to go back to that town we drove through and see if that gas station has a mechanic’s shop attached to it. If I can find the right part, I can fix it, but I’ve got to find a new belt first.”

It was clear by her friends’ expressions that everyone else was as lost as Rain was. She had no idea that a truck had a belt. But as long as Seth knew what he was talking about, that was all that mattered. “You can take the bike,” she suggested.

“That’s true,” he said with a nod. “That’ll make it a lot faster than trying to walk. Shit. I just hate to back track.”

“Do you want me to go?” Adam offered. “I have no idea what kind of belt you need but--”

“No, no, that’s okay,” Seth said, walking around toward the back of the truck. “I’ll go. I still have some money left over from what Mist gave me for the hotel room. It should be enough.”

“I have more if you need it,” Mist offered.

“It’s fine.” Seth didn’t look happy, but Rain couldn’t blame him. It had to be frustrating that his truck had broken down.

With Adam and Walt’s help, he got the bike down, filling up the fuel tank so that he wouldn’t have to take the cart, and prepared to ride off. “I wish you guys had another phone,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t like leaving you like this.”

“It’s just for a couple of hours,” Mist reminded him. “We’ll be fine.”

“We’re fully armed,” Walt said with a reassuring laugh.

Seth nodded. “I know. If I’m not back before dark, though….”

“You will be.” Rain smiled at him, feeling confident in her response.

Seth’s eyes lingered on her. “All right. I’ll… see you all later.” He started the bike and put the helmet on. Rain waved at him, and he waved back then shifted to wave at the others before disappearing down the road.

“Well… this sucks,” Mist said.

“Yeah--I’m sure there’s nothing in the world you can think of to do without the bike in the back and a couple of hours to kill,” Rain said rolling her eyes.

The cart was still out of the back, too, since they’d gotten it all out at once. It didn’t take Mist long to get a mischievous grin on her face. Realizing what she’d done, Rain let out a sigh and said, “I’m going across the road to sit under that tree--out of hearing range.” A few seconds later, Mist grabbed hold of Walt’s arm and yanked him up into the back of the truck. They closed the tailgate and put the door to the camper down. By then, Rain was across the road, her weapon still in her hand, but not on high alert. She found a seat and made herself comfortable. Adam followed her, sitting down next to her beneath the tree. When the truck began to rock a few moments later, neither of them were shocked. Rain snickered, shaking her head, hoping they didn’t hurt themselves, especially Mist. After her injuries, she really shouldn’t be doing that, but she obviously wasn’t going to listen.

“Is she gonna injure herself?” Adam asked after a few moments where the silence of the lonely road did nothing to stop the noises coming from the truck.

“Probably,” Rain said, shaking her head. “But that hasn’t stopped her from doing it lots of times since I cut that piece of metal out of her.”

Adam snickered and shook his head as well. He was sitting with his ankles crossed, his hands fallen over his knees. Rain tried not to stare at him, tried not to wish his hand was in hers. Something had definitely changed since he’d been back, but she couldn’t quite decipher what it was. Had he become someone different out there on the road, or had she changed while she waited for him? Maybe it was a bit of both. Either way, she didn’t like it.

This was the first chance she’d had to speak to him alone since he’d returned. Lots of questions floated around in her mind, colliding with one another as she tried to understand what was happening between them. One of them needed to break the silence. On the phone, Rain had told him they’d talk about what she’d said right before he left, when they were in Louis City. But they hadn’t, and she didn’t know how to bring it up. So she tried bringing up something else, “So… what was Naomi like?”

“She was… nice,” he said with a nod. “Good with mechanical stuff, obviously. I probably would’ve learned a lot if I had been watching, but… I took a nap instead.”

“I don’t blame you,” Rain said with a nervous laugh. “You had to be exhausted by then. Even with the energy pills.” Seth had taken a few of those with him when he left, and had taken a few earlier in the day since he’d been driving all night. They weren’t foolproof, though. Eventually, a person would get tired, whether they took them or not.

“Yeah, I was.”

Adam didn’t say anything else, and the uncomfortable silence rushed back around them as Rain struggled to come up with something else to say. She wanted to know if Naomi was pretty, if she was married, if there’d been a spark between them. She wanted to know, but she also didn’t want to know.

As Rain struggled with something to say, Adam asked, “What did you do while I was gone? I mean, besides the drive to Louis City.”

Rain thought about it for a moment. She wasn’t sure what she should tell him and what she should keep to herself. Part of her wanted to blurt out that she’d kissed Seth and see how he reacted. The rest of her wanted to keep that secret until the grave. She settled on, “I went to a dance.”

“You went to Seth’s dance?” Adam asked, turning to face her, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “How was that?”

“It was good. I guess.” She thought about it for a moment longer and shrugged. “I tried a nice fruity drink I’d never tasted before.” What was that called again? She could never remember. “Smack, I think?”

“Smack?”

“I can’t remember. Anyway, it was all right. I wasn’t there very long. I basically just drank the… whatever it’s called and danced to one song, and then I left.”

“What song did you dance to?”

“I have no idea,” she admitted.

“Did you dance with Seth?”

Rain tried to read his expression. He looked like he was trying to not care--when he really did. She nodded. “Yes, but then his girlfriend--or whatever she is--came over, and I left.”

“Hannah?” Adam asked, and she nodded again. “I don’t think she’s his girlfriend.”

“You’re probably right, but she seems to think she is his girlfriend. Anyway, I left. And then I ran into that Daniel guy….” She hadn’t meant to include that part because she didn’t want to alarm him. His eyes told her that mentioning Daniel’s name had done just that--alarmed him. “He tried to get fresh with me in the alley, but I made sure he knew better than to ever touch another girl without her permission ever again.”

“How did you do that?” Adam asked, a surprised look on his face.

“With my martial art skills.” She smiled at him, hoping he’d remember when she threatened him the same way.

He did. Adam laughed, and Rain did, too. She’d missed that sound. “Damn, Rain. He’ll be remembering that for a while, I guess.”

“Definitely. Anyway… Seth caught up to me a few seconds after I beat Daniel up, and then Hannah wanted him to walk her home. So I went back to Esther’s and talked to her for a few minutes. Seth got there a little after that.” She skipped the part about him walking in on her while she was changing. “We were talking when you called.” That also wasn’t true. They’d been kissing when Adam called.

“Talking about what?”

The question would’ve been an innocent one if she couldn’t tell by his tone that he was suspicious about something. She hadn’t been acting differently toward Seth, had she? Since Adam had gotten back? She didn’t think so. Still, he seemed to be making some assumptions.

“Uh… actually, Adam….” The need to be honest was overwhelming. “We… kissed.”

“Oh.”

That one syllable seemed like a dagger through her heart, like every bad thing she’d ever thought about herself had all come together in one giant ball of ugly disdain that burned through her as quickly as fire through kindling. “It’s not what you think,” she began.

Adam shrugged. “I don’t think anything, Rain.”

“Sure you do,” she insisted, turning more toward him. “You think that I have feelings for Seth.”

“Well, don’t you?” he asked, his eyes not quite the brilliant blue they normally were as the twinkle faded.

“No!” That much was true at the moment. Before, only a few days earlier, if someone had asked her that question, she probably would’ve said she didn’t know or maybe even yes, but now, she did know for sure that she didn’t have feelings for Seth. “He’s a great guy. But…”

“But what?” Adam asked, staring into her eyes.

“But… he’s not--you.”

There, she’d said it. She’d told him. Everything she’d been trying to say both before he left and after he came back was all right there in that one sentence, in that one word.

Adam stared at her for a long time without saying anything at all, and Rain wanted to look away from him but couldn’t. She needed him to say that he understood. Even though her message from before he’d gone on the mission was garbled and incomprehensible, this one was clear, wasn’t it?

Apparently, not as clear as he would like. After what seemed like an eternity, he asked, “You could be her, Rain? You could be the girl I am happy with for the rest of my life? Is that what you were trying to tell me before I left?”

Rain nodded. “That’s what I was trying to say. In Dafo, I wasn’t saying I hope you found someone else that made you happy. Even then, I hoped it was me. I was just saying… you deserve to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me. But if it is with me… then… good.” She shrugged like it was no big deal, like she hadn’t just poured her soul out to him.

Adam took a deep breath, reached over, and took her hand in his. “Rain, I have loved you since before I knew your name. Since before I saw you in the light. Since before I had any idea that you are the strong, intelligent, beautiful woman in front of me. From the first time I met you, I knew there was something different about you, that you cared about me as a person more than any of those other women who came in and simply followed directions. Maybe that was because even though you didn’t know the Mothers were so corrupt at the time, you knew deep down inside that we were people and deserved to be treated better than we were getting, or maybe it was just because I knew eventually fate would bring us together, but the possibility of seeing your face was what kept me going through those dark years of torture at the Insemination Ward. Now that we are free and embarking on a new life in Quebec, even though I know the danger isn’t over, that we’ll most likely be turning right around and heading back to Michaelanburg to continue the fight, knowing that you’re with me keeps me going still. You’re the only motivation I needed to keep me riding when I was so tired I was ready to fall off. Hell, you’re the reason I kept marching through that damn forest when Mist wouldn’t let us stop for five minutes to catch our breath. To hear you say that you want to be with me the same way that I want to be with you is the best thing anyone could ever say to me.”

Rain swallowed hard, tears in her eyes, not even sure how to respond to that. It was the sweetest confession anyone had ever made to her, and she wanted to say so much about how Adam motivated her to keep moving as well. But the words were stuck in her throat, lodged behind her tears.

“That is what you’re saying, isn’t it?” Adam asked, raising one eyebrow.

“Yes!” Rain managed to get out, along with a laugh.

“Good!” He blew out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. “Scared me there for a minute.”

She laughed again and then moved closer to him. “Adam, I haven't had a lot of love in my life, and at one point, I wasn’t sure I’d recognize it if it showed up in front of me with a big red sign and a definition. But the more time I spent with you, the more I realized, the feelings I have for you are exactly that--love. I hope it doesn’t freak you out to hear me say this--but I do love you.”

“Freak me out?” he asked, pulling his face away from her in surprise. “No, it doesn’t freak me out. It’s the best news I’ve ever heard in my whole life. I love you, too, Rain.”

She knew she had to be grinning at him like a little girl with a lollipop, but she didn’t care. There wasn’t anyone around to see them staring at each other with goofy smiles on their faces.

He leaned toward her, and she closed the distance until he was only a few inches away from her, but then Adam stopped and took a deep breath. “I want to kiss you, but I have no idea how.”

Somehow, her smile widened. “It’s okay. It’s not hard.” She hoped he didn’t mind the fact that she had already had that experience with Seth. He didn't seem to. She moved a little bit closer but left him some space to close the gap. Rain closed her eyes and waited.

It took him a second, but then, Adam’s lips pressed against hers. Rain reached her hand around the back of his head and tangled her fingers in his hair as she parted her lips and invited him in. He was still hesitant, still unsure of himself, but the tip of his tongue glided against hers, and she gently tapped her tongue against his until he seemed to relax a little and deepened the kiss. His hands were on the side of her face, and then one slid down to her neck and shoulder as she went up on her knees slightly to reach him.

Kissing Adam was a lot different than kissing Seth had been. It was a lot different than the scenarios she’d imagined in her head, too. She wanted to climb on his lap so she could reach him better. She wanted his hands on her body. All of those times that they’d been together when he’d been strapped to the chair all faded away as if they’d never happened because he hadn’t been able to touch her before. Now, he could. Now, they could be together without any restraints, no rules, no fear of what might happen because they loved one another.

Adam pulled back, and Rain reluctantly let him go, though she immediately missed his lips on hers. “Holy shit,” he murmured. “Now I get why those two are all over each other all the time.”

Rain couldn’t help but giggle. “I’m pretty sure they’re doing more than kissing.”

“Oh, I know,” Adam assured her. “But as much fun as kissing you is, well, I can only imagine what anything beyond that must be like.”

She felt her face redden. She wanted to find out. But not until he was ready. And not on the side of the road while they were waiting for Seth to come back.

Seth. He might be a problem now. She wasn’t sure how he would take it when he found out they were together.

“We don’t have to tell him,” Adam said, as if he were reading her mind.

“I know. He probably won’t stay in Quebec. Still… do you think he’ll be able to tell?”

“No, not if we don’t sit by each other. Which will be easy enough since Mist and Walt won’t let us anyway. I’ve been patient this long. I can continue to be patient.”

Rain nodded and smiled, thinking she could be, too. “He’s done so much for us. I don’t want to do anything to hurt his feelings.”

“I know, but Rain, if he thinks he has a chance with you, and he doesn’t, then his feelings are probably going to get hurt, whether you’re with me or not.”

She inhaled deeply through her nose, realizing he was true. There had to be some way to keep from hurting Seth. Even if she didn’t have romantic feelings for him, she still cared about him and didn’t want to see him get hurt.

Adam took her hand in his and held it. “We’ll figure it out,” he assured her. “We always do.”

She nodded again, hoping he was right. Her eyes went to the path Seth had taken when he’d left, and she prayed he’d be back safe and sound soon, even if it meant she’d be the one to hurt him. At least the wound she inflicted was one he’d be likely to recover from--unlike a blow from the Mothers.