Chapter 45: Chapter 45

The sun was sweltering the day they put Hannah Day in the ground. It wasn’t a dreary, stormy morning like in the movies, but it seemed fitting that Hannah’s funeral wouldn’t quite fit the mold either. She certainly hadn’t.

Beth and Ryan held onto each other as the preacher said a few words about the beautiful girl who had meant so much to so many. There was no mention of the fact that she’d drowned trying to commit murder, and that according to the journal she kept, this was her second such act. Unfortunately for Brock Hill, there’d been no one there to save him.

As the preacher finished his remarks, Beth squeezed Ryan’s hand, and they gave the casket one last look as Hannah’s mother began to wail. Beth couldn’t blame her for being unable to accept what her daughter had done—or what her daughter had been through herself. The journals were full of secrets Hannah hadn’t confided in anyone, and some of them dated back to when she was a little girl, and her mother had invited a parade of unscrupulous men into their home. It was no wonder Hannah had ended up with issues, although it was still difficult to believe she’d let her own abuse push her so far over the edge and no one had noticed in time to help.

“I wonder what would’ve happened,” Ryan said quietly as they walked back toward their parents’ cars, “if Hannah’s mom, or even Phoebe, would’ve realized just how messed up she was.”

“It’s hard to say,” Beth replied, “but I’ve wondered about that a lot myself over the past few days. That’s something we may never know.”

The funeral was held in Hannah’s hometown of Dade City, but quite a few kids from Barryville had made the drive over. Some of them, like Carly and Amber, were there out of curiosity, no doubt. Either that or they just thought it would make a cool story later. Others, such as Michael and Lexy, Brittany, and Andi, were there to support Beth and Ryan. Despite what Hannah had done to them, both of her near victims felt it was important to attend the funeral, to bring some closure, and to recognize the fact that there had been another side to Hannah. It just hadn’t been enough, in the end, to save her from self-destructing.

“Do you think they’ll ever let everyone else know what she’d written in her diary?” Ryan asked, still keeping his voice low. They could see his mother waiting up ahead, a worried expression on her face. She honestly didn’t want to let him out of the house ever again after what had happened, but his dad had convinced her that this was necessary. The doctors assured his parents no permanent damage had been done from the drugs, which Michael had correctly identified as Restoril, and he would make a full recovery from his near drowning as well.

“I don’t know if they’ll tell anyone else.” Beth had been shocked when Sheriff Jones had showed up the day after Hannah’s body was pulled from the lagoon and told her that he’d found some disturbing information in Hannah’s journals. It confirmed that she had shot Brock Hill, that she’d tried to drug and drown Sammy that night at the creek, and that she felt the only way she could get back at the popular kids who had made fun of her and belittled her her entire life was to kill Ryan. None of it made any sense at all, but her Aunt Phoebe confirmed that Hannah had been a victim of bullying growing up. That and her troubled past must’ve been enough to make her snap.

“I hope they at least tell Brock’s parents. They deserve to know what happened to him.” Ryan let out a low sigh, and Beth tightened her grip on his hand. She knew none of this had been easy on him, and the past few nights they’d stayed up late talking about everything that had happened, but they’d also talked about the future, and Beth was looking forward to putting some distance between themselves and Hannah Day. It would take some time, but she hoped this wouldn’t define their relationship going forward, and if Ryan’s grip on her hand was any indication, that was one worry she could let go of.

“I’ll see you at home,” Ryan said. He turned and gave her a small smile, looking her in the eye, and she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck, sparing their parents any further affection. He climbed into the back seat of his parent’s sedan, and Beth got into the minivan next to Shane who said he wanted to be there to support Beth. Maybe a little bit of good would come out of this after all if her big brother no longer treated her like a second class citizen. It seemed he was a little more worried about losing her than he’d been willing to express.

Back at home, Beth went upstairs to change out of the black dress she’d worn to the funeral and then hurried downstairs, taking a few moments to play with her little sisters before she headed out the door. Ryan wasn’t allowed to leave his house, but that wouldn’t stop her from visiting, especially since his dad thought he seemed much healthier whenever Beth was around. His mother insisted no more girls in his room, though, since she’d completely bought the story that Hannah was a sweet girl who was completely trustworthy. Beth couldn’t really blame her for needing some time to remind herself that she’d known Beth Monroe for years, and after all, Beth had dragged Ryan out of the water. In the meantime, Beth was content to sit with him in the living room and watch TV or just talk. That was one thing that was always easy with Ryan, and despite years of chatting, they never ran out of topics to talk about.

She settled onto the couch next to him, aware that his mother was humming loudly in the next room as a reminder that she was within earshot. “So what do you want to do?” Ryan asked, reaching over and taking her hand. “Watch a movie? Play checkers?”

She snickered, eyeing the checkerboard across the room. “No, I don’t think I’ll let you beat me at that particular game again. Not right now anyway. We can watch a movie, but there’s something I want to say to you first.”

“What’s that?” Ryan asked, his forehead crinkling as he leaned slightly closer to her. “We’ve already talked about everything that happened that night so many times. Is there really anything else left to say?”

“I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about before that—back when I first decided I needed to change who I was to win the approval of others. I just wanted to say, if you ever see me start to do that again, will you… shake me or something? I can’t believe I ever thought that’s who I wanted to be.”

“Beth,” Ryan said, pulling her hand so that she scooted even closer to him. “If you’re worried that something like that could happen to you, don’t. You’re not anything like Hannah. Even at your most popular, you weren’t… crazy.”

“I was mean, though. I was shallow. I lost sight of the things that really mattered. I lost sight of you.”

He tipped his head to the side. “True,” he admitted. “But I think you’ve definitely learned a lesson through all of this. I know I have.”

“And what’s that?” Beth asked, assuming there were several topics he could name if he was so inclined but thinking he must’ve had something specific in mind.

“That looks can be deceiving, that it’s important to get to know someone before you trust them completely, even though that doesn’t mean we should look for the worst in people. Still… it really is what’s on the inside that matters.”

Beth nodded. That was definitely the idea that would stick with her more than anything else. Very little of what Hannah had told any of them was true, and her adage that it was what was on the outside that counted turned out to be a curse for both of them, though for Hannah, she wouldn’t have a chance to learn from her mistakes.

“Let’s not worry about any of that now,” Ryan said, sliding his hand up her arm and around her shoulders. The humming grew fainter and then disappeared, as if his mother had left the dining room and moved on to the kitchen, and Ryan took advantage of the privacy for a moment. “You know how much I love you, right Beth? I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.”

“I might not be here if it wasn’t for you either,” she said, her eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips and then back again.

“How’s that?” Ryan asked, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“You saved me, too. From myself.” If he hadn’t made her realize what a huge mistake she was making, pretending to be someone else, she might’ve lost who she really was forever.

“Well, in that case, you are very welcome,” Ryan joked. A wide smile spread across his face as he leaned in and pressed his lips to her. The kiss was soft and quick, but Beth melted into him for just a second before they began to hear his mom again, and she had to pull away.

Beth reached up and brushed his bangs away from his eyes and said, “I might just be a punk kid, but I know I love you, Ryan Wilson.”

“I love you, too, Beth Monroe, my pretty little angel.” He kissed her again, quickly, and Beth settled back against the couch glad to have her best friend back but also happy to know that with Ryan, she would always be accepted for exactly who she was—a smart, friendly, beautiful young lady with a world or possibilities ahead of her. And no one else’s opinion mattered at all.