Chapter 39: Chapter 39

Mrs. Wilson opened the door on the second knock. A surprised, yet pleasant, look crossed her face. “Beth! How nice to see you. How are you, dear?”

“I’m good, Mrs. Wilson. Is Ryan here? I need to talk to him for a few minutes, if he’s not busy.”

“Oh, uh, sure.” She looked worried, like she was afraid Ryan might be unduly stressed by having to talk to his unstable friend. “Come on in.” She gestured at the living room, and Beth walked in slowly. In all of the time she’d been neighbors with Ryan, she’d never come to his house before.

The living room wasn’t what Beth had expected. It was clean, but the furniture looked much newer than the outside of the house would indicate. The television was small and built into a cabinet that sat on the floor, like the one Beth’s parents had had when she was little. She took a seat on a green and white checked sofa and waited as Karen went up the stairs a few steps and shouted at Ryan that he had company.

When he bounded into the room a few minutes later, he looked hopeful at first, as if he was expecting it to be Halley. When he saw it was Beth, his countenance changed to confused and then to slightly embarrassed, like he didn’t know what to say to her. “Hey,” was all he managed as he crossed the room.

Beth stood, though she wasn’t quite sure why. “Hey,” she echoed. “Sorry to just show up on you. It’s just… I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a while, and I can’t seem to….” Knowing Ryan’s mom was in the adjoining dining room, Beth stopped talking. There was no need to finish the sentence anyway. He knew how she’d been trying to get ahold of him.

“It’s cool,” he replied, sitting down a few feet away from her on the sofa, which she sank back onto. “I’ve been busy. I’d offer you a soda, but I’ve been trying not to drink too much of it. I think my mom was right about it messing with my meds.”

“That’s okay,” Beth assured him, shifting a bit so that her knees were turned more toward him. “Well, I just wanted to say… I’m really sorry about… everything. I mean, the way I talked to you the other day was out of line. And I miss you. I’m sorry I was such a jerk face.”

He chuckled at her choice of words. “No, I’m sorry, too, Beth. I wasn’t very nice either. I shouldn’t have said those things to you about this new persona you’ve taken on. If that’s who you want to be, then who am I to judge? And I shouldn’t have told you anything about… the past either. Especially now that it doesn’t even matter.”

She wasn’t sure if his words were intended to tear her heart out, but that was the effect. He was telling her he didn’t feel that way about her anymore, that the opportunity she’d had to embrace his romantic feelings for her was gone. Swallowing hard, Beth did her best to focus on the few things she could control. “I guess you and Halley are pretty close then?” she asked, trying to smile and hoping it didn’t look sad. Or evil.

“Yeah.” His eyes took on a far off dreamy look, and there was no doubt the grin that took over his handsome face was genuine. “Halley is… amazing. I really wish you could get to know her like I have, Beth. I think you’d really like her. She’s so sweet. And funny. She knows a lot about literature like you, too. And she loves to write. She keeps a journal and everything.”

“Wow,” Beth said, trying not to sound too dry. “She sounds great.”

“She just doesn’t like to open up to people at first. It’s hard for her. She’s moved around a lot, and it’s difficult for her to trust people.”

“But you guys hit it off pretty quickly,” Beth noted.

A blush creeped up his face. “I guess so. Anyway, she’s pretty amazing.”

“That’s great. I’m glad you like her. You deserve someone who can make you happy, Ryan. I mean that. You’re a great guy.”

He tipped his head to the side, like he could tell she was going somewhere else with this. “But?”

Beth inhaled deeply and chose her words carefully. “But… you know my friend Dee Dee? The one who hangs out with Zoey? From Lockton?”

“Yes…?”

“Well, I talked to Zoey a few minutes ago, and she said that Dee Dee recognized Halley when she was here the other day, and it took looking through her cousin’s year book to realize who she is. Ryan, her name’s not Halley Night—it’s Hannah Day. She’s Phoebe’s niece. That’s where she’s staying this summer. At Phoebe’s place.”

Ryan stared at her for a moment, his eyes narrowing slightly, and Beth waited to see how he might react. When he finally opened his mouth, his words were not at all what she was expecting, neither was the casual grin that accompanied them. “I know that already, Beth. I mean, I know that she’s Phoebe’s niece and she was staying there. She didn’t tell me she had a different name, but I can’t blame her for changing it, not since she’s trying so hard to fit in here. If people knew she was Phoebe’s niece, they wouldn’t treat her the same way they do now, as Halley Night.”

What he was saying made sense to a degree, but Beth wasn’t going to let Halley off that easily. “What about her first name, Ryan? Why did she feel the need to change that?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted with a shrug, “but, Beth, you of all people can’t blame her for wanting to be someone else, can you?”

His words stung, and for a moment, Beth forgot that she’d come over to apologize and try to warn him. Her response came out a lot sharper than she intended. “Yeah, well, did she tell you about Brock Hill? Or did she conveniently leave that part tucked away in one of her journals, too?” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted it. Not only did his countenance shift to something more defensive, Beth realized she’d just spoken of a dead boy as if his relationship to Halley was more important than the fact he’d passed away so tragically.

“Who is Brock Hill?” Ryan asked quietly, and Beth understood then that he had no idea, that he’d just assumed he was someone else Halley was seeing.

She swallowed hard. “He’s a guy from Lockton that used to date Halley. But he died last November, and Halley was there.”

Ryan’s face went white, and he ran his hand through his hair. “Oh, my God, Beth. That’s terrible! Poor Halley! What happened?”

Clearly, he wasn’t getting her point at all, and once again, Beth grew frustrated. “No, Ryan, not poor Halley. Poor Brock! He died in a hunting accident, and Halley’s story has shifted more than once.”

“What are you saying, Beth? You think Halley had something to do with it? Don’t be ridiculous! She couldn’t hurt a fly.” He stood, taking a step forward, and Beth did the same.

“You don’t know that. You don’t know anything about her, Ryan!”

“I do! I know her better than I know you, Beth! You’re not who I thought you were either!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Beth folded her arms and raised her voice even louder. “I am exactly the same person I’ve always been. Just because I’m acting differently when I’m out with a new crowd, that doesn’t change who I am inside.”

“Yeah, well, I know Halley.” His voice softened, even though he was still clearly frustrated. “And the fact that you think because she’s not like you, because she’d rather hang out with Craig and Olive, and the other people her aunt cares for, than hang out with you and the other fake popular girls doesn’t make her a killer, Beth. She’s an amazing person. Maybe if you’d focus on someone else for a while you could see that.”

Beth began to formulate a response, but before she could shout back at him, his mother’s voice interrupted. “What’s going on?” Karen asked, clearly worried. She was standing in the doorway, a bottle of Windex in her hand, and Beth imagined she’d been standing there a while, not sure how long she should let this go.

“Nothing,” Beth said, shaking her head and dropping her voice. “I was just going. But be careful, Ryan. Don’t trust someone you don’t know.” She started to walk toward the door, but stopped when he spoke.

“Believe me, I don’t.”

Beth turned and looked at him, certain he meant her, not Halley. Part of her wanted to warn him that he might just regret those words when he found out who Halley really was, but it wasn’t worth it, not in front of his mom. Beth headed out the door and back to her house, hearing his mother ask what was going on again, and imagining Ryan probably explained to Karen Wilson just how horrible their next door neighbor really was.