Chapter 33: Chapter 33

Everyone wanted to know what Amber James’s house was like on the inside, but no one as much as Evelyn Monroe, and after spending a good hour answering her mother’s questions, Beth had spent another two or three on the phone with her other friends, telling them everything that had happened. She’d left out the part about Michael talking to Amber, though. It seemed silly to alarm Lexy over something that hadn’t really been much of anything at all.

She’d just hung up the phone with Andi when her mom shouted at her to come downstairs. Thinking she probably just had some chores she wanted her to do, Beth groaned and pulled herself up off of the floor where she’d been camped out most of the morning. She was shocked to see Ryan standing by the front door, a friendly smile on his face.

“Hi, Beth,” he said, a twinkle in his eye. “My mom said I could come over for a little while, if you’re free.”

“Oh, hi.” She wasn’t sure what else to say. It had been so long since he’d stopped over.

“Why don’t you guys go outside? There’s a nice breeze back there. If Ryan gets too hot you can come back in, but I’m trying to clean the living room, and no boys in your bedroom.” Evelyn had a dust rag in one hand and a can of Pledge in the other.

“Okay, Mom,” Beth said, checking with Ryan to see if that sounded agreeable to him, and since his smile never wavered, she assumed it must be. “Do you want a drink?” she asked, opening the fridge.

“Sure. Dr. Pepper’s fine.”

She asked another question with her eyebrows but then realized if he was drinking beer the night before, she probably shouldn’t get too bent out of shape if he was going to consume caffeine. She handed him a can, grabbed one for herself, and headed out the back door.

Lavender and Dani were playing on the eagle’s nest her father had constructed for them the fall before. With swings, slides, and a massive tower that seemed to reach almost as high into the sky as her house, Beth had been jealous that her younger sisters had such a great place to play, but it was nice to hear them laughing, running around, pretending to be princesses.

Beth dropped down onto the adult-sized double swing that was hidden from the sun by a large tree and a canopy. The privacy fence around their back yard was eight feet tall, and back here it seemed like they were out in the country, away from everyone else. Ryan took a seat next to her, both of them popping open their cans and taking a sip, as they began to rock back and forth in silence.

“Did you have fun last night?” Ryan finally asked, several minutes after they sat down.

“Yeah, sure,” Beth replied quickly, even if it wasn’t true. Sure, there had been experiences the night before that were pleasant enough, but honestly, she had been having trouble seeing the point to any of it. She couldn’t let him know that, though. “How about you? Were you pissed with Carly and Jessica came to rescue you from Halley?”

He laughed. “Yeah, a little bit. But… they were pretty funny. I don’t think anything was going to happen anyway. Halley’s not quite the girl everyone thinks she is. I think she has a brick wall around her that not a lot of people have gotten past.” There was something about the way he spoke of her, something akin to longing, to empathy, perhaps, that made Beth feel unsettled. How had he bonded with this girl so quickly already?

“Well, she had her way with Sammy, so there’s that, and apparently he’s not the only one.” She wasn’t sure about that last part, though there had been rumors Halley had taken other guys out into the woods the few times she’d hung out with Beth’s new set of friends. No one else admitted to it like Sammy had. Not to her anyway.

Ryan raised his eyebrows at her. “I think Sammy might be full of shit, but then what do I know?”

“You think? He seemed kind of upset about it, like maybe he shouldn’t have done it. Or her, I guess.”

He chuckled under his breath. “I think Sammy wants everyone to think he’s cool, no matter the cost. And now that he thinks you’re popular, and he might have a shot with you, he’ll play on your sympathy if he has to.”

Beth knew the conversation she’d had with Sammy wasn’t like that at all. But she didn’t want to correct Ryan. She didn’t want to talk about Sammy anymore. “What were you and Halley laughing about last night after you got home?” She thought maybe it wasn’t her business, but if he could bring up her situation with Sammy, why not talk about Halley?

“Oh, she was just telling me stories about her old school, that’s all. She has had some pretty interesting teachers.” He laughed, like he was remembering one of her stories.

“Where did she move here from?” Beth knew so little about Halley. It seemed no one knew her well at all. Not even Sammy. Maybe Ryan knew something the rest of them didn’t about the mysterious girl.

“She said she’s from Idaho,” he replied, though something about the way he said it made Beth wonder if he believed that himself. “I don’t think she ever told me the name of the town.” Maybe that was the reason for his confused expression. “She moved here for the summer to help her aunt out, but she hasn’t decided yet if she’s going to stay.”

This revelation had Beth cocking her head to the side. She’d just assumed she’d have to get used to a world where Halley was the centerpiece, even when school started. “She might not stay?”

“I guess not. She hasn’t decided.”

“Are you sure you should start something with her, then? I mean… if she might leave?” Beth asked the question as innocently as possible, but deep down inside, she knew she wanted Ryan to steer clear of Halley for completely selfish reasons.

He shrugged. “I’m sort of hoping if things continue the way they are, maybe she’ll stay because of me.”

It must’ve been difficult for him to admit that to her, and Beth’s first instinct was to yell at him that he was stupid for getting tangled up with her. Instead, she bit down the fire beginning to blaze inside of her and decided to gather some more intelligence before her emotions overcame her. “So she lives with her aunt? Near here? I mean, how did she get home?”

Ryan looked away, studying the grass for a moment, and Beth’s eyes followed his, waiting. “I can’t really talk about that,” he finally said. “She told me not to.”

Beth thought the comment more than a little odd. “Why would she care if people know where she lives? Or that she’s living with her aunt?”

He looked agitated, like he didn’t want to lie to someone he’d considered a best friend for years or betray the trust of the girl he was trying to win over. “I think… maybe she lives in a bad part of town, that’s all.”

“Near here?”

“I know—but there are some run down houses, some that maybe your new friends wouldn’t approve of. I think she’s afraid if people find out her economic situation, they might make fun of her.”

“You talk about her like she’s some sort of a fragile flower who can’t defend herself with her words,” Beth replied, shaking her head. “If anything, they’d probably be pissed she hasn’t been honest with them. It’s not like Michael lives in the nicest house.”

“And Michael isn’t part of their group.” Ryan’s voice was a little louder than normal as he replied. “It was Halley who worked him in, remember?”

“But they took him anyway. Didn’t you see Amber all over him last night? Oh, no, that’s right. You were too busy sucking on Halley’s face. Or were you too drunk to remember that either?”

He stared at her for a long moment while Beth took deep breaths trying to recover her emotions. It had all come out in an ugly stream, as dirty as the water that flowed passed their hangout. “I wasn’t drunk at all, Beth.” At least Ryan was able to meter his words. “I took two sips, same as you.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. How did he know she hadn’t really been drinking?

“If Michael’s in with them, and that’s what he wants, then good for him. I don’t think it is, though. I think the girl he wanted to spend more time with isn’t exactly who he thought she was. She doesn’t even look like herself anymore.” His eyes narrowed, as if Beth needed more clues to understand he was speaking about her.

“I’m the same person I always was,” Beth argued, though the words sounded ridiculous coming out of her mouth. “Just because I am doing my hair and makeup differently, because I’m wearing different clothes, that doesn’t mean I’m not me. So what if other people actually like me now? That doesn’t mean I’m not me anymore.”

“Beth, you’re not you at all.” He turned to face her now, his knee bumping into hers as the swing came to a halt. “You don’t look the same, but more importantly, you’re not acting the same. The words coming out of your mouth—they’re the same as the other snotty bitches you’ve been hurt by for years. Why would you want to become that?”

“And you think Halley’s different than them?” She couldn’t defend her own choices. The best she could do was attempt to redirect it on to someone else.

“It doesn’t matter what I think about Halley, Beth. I’m talking about you. I miss the old you—the one that used to laugh at those people, who used to pity them. Now, you’re doing everything you can to be one of them, and I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt. Or maybe even hurt someone else. I think… I’m pretty sure… you don’t know that you’ve already done some irreparable damage.”

“To who?” Beth pulled her head back so fast she almost got whiplash. “Michael? He looked just fine to me, chatting up Amber. And if you mean Sammy—he can go screw himself.”

“No, I didn’t mean… never mind. Talking to you about this is pointless. You’re just going to keep doing what you want.” He hopped up off of the swing, crushing his now empty soda can.

She was right behind him as he headed for the side gate that would let him out of her back yard, into the driveway, and then his yard. “Who are you talking about, Ryan?” The latch on the gate always stuck, and it took him a minute to get it open.

“It doesn’t matter, Beth. Just go hang out with your new friends, and have a good time.”

“Ryan!”

He made it out the gate, stopping for a second to toss the empty can in the trash receptacle at the end of the driveway before he entered his own back yard. Beth paused, not sure if she should follow him or let him go. But the burning desire to know what he was talking about continued to eat at her. She ran to where she thought he was headed and jumped in front of him.

Ryan stopped and looked at her, his head dropping. He swiped at the back of his neck with his hand. “It doesn’t matter anymore, Beth. This whole time I’ve been telling you there were plenty of guys who wanted to be with you, if you’d only open your eyes, and you wouldn’t listen to me. You can see most of them now, guys like Sammy and Tom. The rest of the guys, the ones that liked you for you, you can leave them in your wake.”

He started to walk off, but she reached out and put a hand on his arm, making him stop. Realization of what he was not saying, what he was refusing to tell her, began to sink in. “Ryan—who are you talking about?” She could feel tears stinging the corners of her eyes.

Ryan stared right into her eyes. “Nobody, Beth. Not anymore. If you find the old Beth, let her know I miss her.” He pulled away from her now and headed toward his house, leaving her standing with her head hanging, tears running down her cheeks, wondering what might’ve been if she’d never gone searching for what she didn’t have. Everything she needed really had been right in front of her face.