Chapter 31: Chapter 31

The inside of his parents’ sedan smelled a lot like the old people at Beth’s church. Musty, perfumed, and nearer death than anyone wanted to think about. She almost pulled her shirt up over her nose, but when Sammy slid behind the wheel, she could see that whatever he wanted to say to her, he was very serious.

“Beth… something happened to me the last time I was out here.”

“What is it? You got taken advantage of by a pretty little bitch, and now you think there’s something I can do to make you feel more like a man?” She had her arms folded, and her words came out sharp. She hadn’t even realized how much animosity she’d been harboring about the whole thing, but it was clearly there when she finally spoke about it.

“I guess I deserve that,” he said, which wasn’t what she expected. “But, no, that’s not what I meant. I think maybe Halley did something to me. I have never done anything like that before, and now, since I wouldn’t do it again, she won’t even talk to me. I think… there’s something wrong with her.”

Beth was confused. She wasn’t exactly sure what he had done, or when he’d seen Halley again, but she also didn’t know why in the world he thought she needed to know this information. “Sammy, why are you telling me this?” she asked, turning to face him, one knee bent and tucked underneath her.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just… I was hoping you could help me, I guess. And also… I don’t want to see you go down that same road. End up like her.”

She raised her eyebrows. In the dim moonlight, she doubted he could even see her. She could make out his eyes, though, and they still looked slightly hollow. “Sammy, I’m sorry if Halley stole your virginity and then dumped you. Dudes have been doing that to chicks for a long time, and girls are just expected to pick up the pieces and keep going. I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to help you with that, man.”

“No, it’s not that, Beth. I mean, I don’t think that’s it. I just… I feel like I haven’t been myself since that happened, since I let her lead me away, and I thought maybe, since you know me so well… maybe if I hung out with you, maybe I could find myself again.”

He was looking at her so earnestly, Beth thought perhaps he really was on the verge of some sort of breakdown. “Sammy, what makes you think I know you any better than the kids you’ve been hanging out with all these years? You’ve hardly ever even spoken to me. Until a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have even known for certain if you were aware of my name.”

“I’ve known for a while, Beth, that you liked me, though.”

“Liked is the operative word, Sam.”

He looked hurt, like he wasn’t quite certain that was the case, that she had moved on. “I guess I deserve that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have approached you the way I did that night at the park--about Carly. It’s just… I’ve always thought you were pretty, Beth. I have. And you’ve got a great personality—when you’re… you. I just didn’t feel like I could ask you out then because….” His voice trailed off, and despite his admitting that he thought she was pretty, she knew what would come next, if he ever found the courage to say it.

“Because I wasn’t cool enough? Because you want to be one of them so badly, you don’t care who you hurt? Is that it, Sammy?”

He shrugged, a bit of the cockiness she was used to regaining its footing. “Hey, you can’t blame me. You of all people should know how hard it is to get in, what extremes you have to go to.”

“That’s true,” she said quickly. “But I’m not doing this because I feel like I have to be one of them in order to accept who I am.”

“Then why are you doing it, Beth? I mean, you look amazing, and yeah, I wouldn’t have a problem at all dating you now. But—it really is shocking to see you transform yourself so drastically in such a short amount of time. At first, I thought maybe you were doing it to get my attention. But then, when you’d hardly look at me, and I began to think you weren’t just playing hard to get, I couldn’t figure it out. What’s this all about, Beth?”

She swallowed hard, her eyes flickering to the beer sitting on Michael’s truck, wondering if maybe she should down it and get another. She saw a shadow pass by along the tree line nearby, like someone was walking away from the truck, but she couldn’t make out who it was, and for a moment she thought maybe her eyes were playing tricks on her. Even though she hadn’t drank even half of her beer, could it be that it was already messing with her?

“Beth?”

“Look, I don’t have to answer that,” she began, leaving out the fact that she couldn’t answer it if she wanted to.

“But…” he reached for her hand. “Did it have anything at all to do with me, Beth?”

His fingertips were rougher than she’d imagined, and she wondered if perhaps Sammy did more work out there at his country home than she realized. She glanced down at his hand on top of hers, resting on the console, and wondered how many times over the years she’d imagined this. He was leaning toward her, like if she gave him any indication at all that she wanted him to, he would press his lips to hers, something Beth had dreamt of a thousand times. Now, the idea of kissing Halley’s leftovers made her stomach churn, especially when he’d just admitted she wasn’t good enough for him before, back when she would’ve done anything to be his girl.

“No, Sammy. I don’t know what you heard about me, but it wasn’t true. I thought you were a nice guy, and I liked talking to you, but that’s it. Nothing else.”

Sammy’s eyes widened in disbelief, and his mouth fell open. She yanked her hand away, but he reached for it again, grasping it harder this time. “Beth! I know that’s not true. I know how you felt about me. I could see it when you looked at me.”

Beth scrambled for the door handle, trying to free herself from his grip, which had now found its way to her forearm. “Let go!”

Her door came flying open, and she assumed it was Michael there, keeping his five minute deadline, but the head that poked into the vehicle didn’t belong to the lanky outfielder. “Let go, Sammy!” Ryan demanded, looping his arm through Beth’s and pulling her out of the car as Sammy, stunned, released her.