Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Beth glared at her bedroom window, the one that faced Ryan’s room. She couldn’t believe the things he’d said to her. Did he really think that about her, that she was a stuck up bitch? She remembered that’s what he’d initially thought, but he of all people should’ve known her well enough by now to understand who she really was. Maybe she could’ve avoided that entire ugly conversation if she’d just reminded him that Lexy had a crush on Michael, that that was why she couldn’t go out with him. But something had prevented her from saying the words. Maybe it was keeping Lexy’s secret, but Beth didn’t think that was quite it. Maybe that wasn’t all—maybe she didn’t want to go out with Michael because she did think she was too good for him.

Beth exhaled loudly, slipped her shoes off, and leaned backward. She stared into the blue eyes of her Chris O’Donnell poster, which hung directly over her bed and wished she could manifest him to sweep in like D’Artangnan, just like she assumed he would in the movie she’d heard was coming out that fall, and she could show all of those girls they didn’t need to pity Beth Monroe.

She lay there for a long time, the descending sun casting shadows along her pink carpet, replaying the conversation she’d had with Ryan. The last thing in the world she wanted was to argue with Ryan. Having him here to listen to her was a safety net when she was out in the world, and that realization did make her feel selfish. She had been taking him for granted.

Beth rolled over, her back to his house. She hoped he wouldn’t stay mad at her forever, that they could just apologize and things could go back to normal, but now that he’d let her know how he really felt, would she ever be able to confide in him again?

Maybe he was right—maybe Halley was right. Maybe it was time for a change. If she was so unhappy with the way her life was, then maybe she needed to change it. Was it possible she could get past her reputation as Shane’s frumpy little sister? Halley had said she needed to focus on her outside—and even Tom had given her the impression that maybe she wasn’t as hideous as she’d come to think of herself. If she changed her interpretation, the way she was thinking about herself, maybe she could start over.

Beth knew she couldn’t do any of that by herself, however. With a deep breath and a shaking hand, she reached for her telephone and dialed a number she hadn’t called in years. She still had it memorized, and though she realized she’d have to pay her mom back for a long distance phone call, it was worth it.

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Carter? Is Zoey there? It’s Beth.”

“Oh, Beth! How are you, dear? We haven’t heard from you in ages! It’s so nice to hear your voice. How’s your summer been?”

“Good,” Beth lied, certainly not willing to fill her friend’s mother in on the details, even if she was the coolest mom of any that she knew.

“That’s so great to hear. Hold on just a minute. Zoey’s upstairs.”

Beth waited while Mrs. Carter went to collect her daughter, hoping she didn’t chicken out. Next to Ryan, Zoey probably knew her better than any of her other friends, even if it had been a few years since they’d hung out together. Surely, she would understand her predicament and want to help.

“Hey, Beth!” Zoey’s voice chimed, and Beth was glad to know she wasn’t angry at her for not calling--in years. “How’s it going?”

“Good. How are you?”

“Totally awesome,” Zoey replied. “I have my own car. I can go wherever I want. It’s totally radical.”

“Cool.” Beth noted that Zoey sounded a little more valley girlish than the last time they’d spoken. “Well, Shane’s baseball team is playing Lockton this week, so I was wondering if maybe you might be coming this direction. I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Oh? I didn’t know that. I don’t really watch baseball. But I guess there will be a lot of hot guys, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Beth agreed, though she wasn’t sure how many a lot had to be. “Plenty of those.”

“Sure. I’m in. When is it?”

“Tuesday at 7:00, but, uh, actually, I was going to ask you something else, too.”

“What is it, girl? Spill!”

“Okay, so, uh....” Beth wasn’t sure how to explain over the phone in five minutes or less, thanks to the high long distance tolls, that she wanted to change everything about who she was, so she went with the easy explanation. “There’s this guy. And I’d really like to impress him. But you know how I am when it comes to fashion, and hair, and makeup, and everything… so I was just wondering….”

“You need a makeover, Bethy?” Zoey giggled. “You know I can help with that. Why don’t I come over to your house around 6:00? And do you care if my friend Dee Dee comes? We’re kinda inseparable these days.”

Beth had met Dee Dee a few times, and even though she was a little harsh, she didn’t mind her so much, especially if Zoey was willing to help. “No, I don’t mind at all. Do you know where my new house is?”

“Yeah, on Tenth Street, next to that hot guy who can’t leave his room?”

Beth realized she must’ve said something about Ryan at some point, though she had no idea where the word “hot” had come in. Surely, she had never called her asshole next door neighbor hot. It was easier to just say, “Yeah. That’s right. It’s a gray two-story house.”

“All righty. See you Tuesday.”

“Thanks, Zoey. You are a lifesaver.” Butterflies were already churning in her stomach as she thought about whether or not she could actually pull this off.

“No problemo. See you then.”

Zoey clicked off, and Beth hung up, tossing herself back onto the bed. Giggling from the room next door mingled with Nirvana, and Beth turned up her radio. She realized she usually kept the music quieter so that she could hear if Ryan tossed pebbles at her window, but since there was no chance of that happening in the near future, she may as well lose herself in the music. Maybe when she found herself again, the old Beth would be gone for good.