Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Lexy’s parents had let them sleep in so that by the time Beth got home the next day, it was past noon, and her family was already back from church. “Did you have fun at Lexy’s church?” Evelyn asked as Beth dragged herself to the stairs.

“Uh, yeah, it was great,” Beth lied. She wondered why her mom even cared. It’s not like she made her go to church with her own family every Sunday.

“I sure hope you didn’t wear that,” Evelyn muttered as Beth pulled the door to the stairs open.

Beth glanced down at her cut-off jeans. “No, I changed. We went back to Lexy’s house to get our stuff. I didn’t want to wear a dress all day.”

“Good idea. Although, maybe you should consider changing your outfit for batting practice. Those shorts aren’t exactly flattering on your backside.” Evelyn made the comment and then headed out of the room toward the kitchen.

With a sigh of disgust, Beth headed up the winding staircase, thankful that someone had left her bedroom door open so that at least a little light illuminated the small space, even if it was still difficult to navigate in the semi-darkness with all its twists and turns and her bag in one hand. When she reached the top, she saw that Shane’s bedroom door was closed tightly, and she could hear his fan running. It wasn’t a surprise that he was still sleeping since he’d likely been out until at least 2:00 in the morning and would probably be hung over when he did wake up, not that anyone would be able to tell. He had the same disposition regardless of how he was feeling, like everyone on Earth owed him for allowing them to exist.

Beth dropped her bag on the floor and immediately went to the mirror in front of her dresser. Though it wasn’t full-length, she could back up far enough in the large space to get a decent look at her bottom. She took a good look at the shorts, putting her hands in the small of her back and pulling the hem of her T-shirt out of the way before spinning a little bit. While she didn’t necessarily like what she was seeing, it didn’t look that bad, did it? Any worse than any other pair of shorts she owned?

“Try one hand on your hip and the other in your hair.”

The sound of Ryan’s voice made Beth jump, and not only because she was startled. She hadn’t even stopped to consider that her mother may have opened her blinds when she opened the door, but then, it would make sense that she would’ve had to in order for that much light to be streaming in here and down the stairs. “Holy, shit, Ryan! You scared the crap out of me!” Beth stopped her posing and took a few steps closer to the window where her neighbor was smirking at her. Dressed in slacks and a polo shirt, he looked pretty good—for a dweeb who’d almost made her piss her pants.

“Sorry. I thought for sure you’d hear me open my window. Why is yours open?”

“I have no idea. I guess Mom wanted to let some fresh air in.” She looked around and saw that her bed was made much neater than any time she’d made it herself and all of the items on her dresser were straightened. “Apparently, Evelyn took my absence last night as an opportunity to straighten up.”

“Your room is always clean,” he mumbled sitting down on the window seat.

“There’s clean and then there’s Evelyn Monroe clean.” Beth sunk cross-legged onto the floor. “Anyway, sorry you had to see that.” Her cheeks were still burning, wondering exactly what she’d looked like checking out her own ass in the mirror.

“Why were you doing that?” Ryan asked, slowly, his eyes not meeting hers, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not he should ask such a question.

Beth took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “My mom said I shouldn’t wear these shorts to batting practice because they make my behind look… unflattering. I’m not even sure I’m going to batting practice.” She scratched her head and slumped onto her palm. “God—maybe I should just wear jeans.”

“Elizabeth Ann,” Ryan began in his reprimanding voice, “would you stop letting Evelyn get to you like that? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with those shorts. I’ve seen you wear them lots of times and they do not make your ass look anything.” She groaned, thinking that was a compliment before he continued. “Nothing bad anyway. Beth—I really wish you could see yourself the way that your friends see you. You’re… really pretty.”

Beth stopped her groaning and looked up, catching his eyes for just a second before Ryan looked away. “Do you really think so, or are you just trying to be nice?”

Ryan shrugged and then added just above a whisper, “Have you ever known me to go out of my way to be nice?”

Stifling a giggle, she said, “No, that’s not like you at all.”

He looked up at her now, a smirk on his face. “Thanks.”

“I’m just kidding. You’re one of the nicest people I know. That’s why… I didn’t know if you were just saying that to be nice or if you really meant it. It’s okay if you tell me the truth, Ryan. I mean, if you don’t think I’m pretty, that would put you in the same category as every other male in Barryville, except for my dad, I guess, and if you do, then I’m not going to assume you’re declaring your undying love for me. I know we’re just friends.”

Ryan’s eyes lingered on her face for a moment, and Beth could see the wheels spinning in his mind. With each passing second, she braced herself for her best friend to tell her that she was plain, mediocre, homely, or something less stinging—like ‘kind of pretty.’ He cleared his throat and said, “You’re beautiful, Beth. Inside and out. The only person who can’t see that is you. People like to treat you the way you let them, so it’s easier for the other girls to pretend you’re as unattractive as you seem to think you are, and since they’re the ones with the power, the guys go along with them. It’s not a matter of you being so smart or so goodhearted, the fact that every guy in town knows they’d have trouble getting to first base with you, and I’m not talking about baseball, it’s because you allow other people to see you the way you see yourself. And until you change that, I don’t think that mirror’s going to tell you anything different, and neither is anyone else in this shithole of a town.”

Her blue eyes went wide, listening, and it was all Beth could do to keep her mouth from hanging open. It was a much more honest answer than she’d been planning for, and she wasn’t sure how to react to it. There was a lot of information there to mull over. “Ryan, I don’t think my own opinion of myself influences people the same way that you do….”

“Look, Beth, you asked my opinion, and I gave it to you. What the hell do I know? This is my world.” He widened his arms and gestured at the room where he’d spent the summer imprisoned, except for a few doctor’s visits. “But… my mom has approved letting me start spending time outside now that the doctors agree my risk of infection is nil to none on this new medication, so do you wanna go for a walk this evening when you get back from practice?”

“She’s letting you do that? Isn’t it too hot?” Beth was shocked that Karen had agreed to let her prince out of the tower.

“Mom said I had to wait until the evening when it’s cooler, and I can’t stay out for more than twenty minutes, but yeah. You have plans?”

“No, I don’t have plans. I’d love to go for a walk with you.” Despite everything that had happened over the last twenty-four hours, Beth found a genuine smile on her face. Thoughts of last night quickly wiped it away, though.

“Did I say something wrong?” Clearly, Ryan noticed her change in demeanor.

“Oh, no. It’s just… I was thinking about last night.” She groaned and dropped her head into her hands. Her hair was back in a ponytail but the tiny wisps that had escaped cascaded over her hands.

“That doesn’t sound good. You wanna talk about it?”

“Let’s just say it involved half the senior class mooing at me while Halley shined a flashlight in my face.” That wasn’t quite accurate, but it would do now. “Her advice was quite the opposite of yours, by the way. And then she went off to make out with Sammy….” She dropped her head again, hoping it was just making out. Not that that wasn’t bad enough….

“Wait—what? Halley and Sammy? I thought he was with Carly?”

“Yeah, well, I guess he got an upgrade.”

“An upgrade from Carly? I really do need to meet this Halley girl.”

Beth wished she had a harpoon to throw at him. “Real nice, Ryan.”

“I’m sorry, Beth. It’s not like she’d be interested in me anyway….” Once again, Beth was shooting daggers at him out of her eyes, wondering why it was okay for him to put himself down but not her.

“Ryan…”

He cut off her attempt to assure him that he was a very good-looking guy. “So what do you mean she gave you advice? What did she say?”

Once again, Beth found herself sighing. “She said she wasn’t my friend, and she didn’t want to be, but I should do myself a favor and realize it’s what’s on the outside that counts.” Beth shrugged and folded her arms.

Puzzled, Ryan stroked his chin for a second, likely realizing he hadn’t gotten an exact quote or all of the information. “I’m sorry—how is that different than what I just said to you?”

“Huh?” Beth asked, cocking her head to the side.

“I mean, except for the ‘I’m not your friend’ part. I just told you I thought you needed to see yourself on the outside the way other people do. Isn’t that pretty much the same thing?”

“No! She was saying I could be a total bitch on the inside and as long as I was pretty, like her, that’s all that matters. I thought you were saying I’m pretty on the inside and the outside.”

“I was saying that, but I was also saying that you should try to see yourself differently on the outside so that you can change the way you think about yourself. Okay—I guess that we weren’t exactly saying the same thing, but it’s closer than you’re giving her credit for. I don’t know. Maybe there is something to what she’s saying, Beth.”

“You honestly think my personality and brains should count for nothing? That I should just concentrate on what I look like?” Her voice was getting louder, and she half expected Shane to bang on the wall between their rooms to tell her to keep it down, but she imagined he was dead to the world, and she wasn’t in any mood to put up with him right then anyway. Let him pound if he wanted to.

“That’s not what I’m trying to say.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I think we’ve crossed over into material I’m not comfortable talking about with you, Beth. I’m just trying to say… you’re pretty, and you should believe in that more. Okay?”

Beth stared at him for a long time before she managed to find any words at all, and when she did, they were practically useless. “Okay. Thanks.”

“I’m gonna go see what mom’s making for lunch.”

“’Kay.”

“Have fun at batting practice.”

“Thanks.”

Ryan stood and started to pull his window down before he stopped and said, “Oh, and you should wear those shorts, but put on that tank top, the one you wear when it’s hot upstairs, and you’re not going anywhere.”

Her forehead crinkled, Beth asked, “The pink one? I never wear that one out of the house. It shows my chicken wings.”

“I don’t know what that is, Beth, but it looks good on you. Really good.” He closed the window and dropped the shades before she could say anything else, leaving Beth staring at the backside of his blinds in confusion.