Chapter 21: Chapter 21

"I told you I was going to regret this." I say as I walk inside my room where Gretchen is sitting on her bed, flipping through a book.

She looks up at me and frowns.

"What? Why?" She asks as I throw my robe on the bed and head for the wardrobe.

"April?"

I grab the empty cardboard box on top and bring it down, taking it to my bed.

I couldn't cry.

On the way here I tried but I cant...and I wont. I've lost every fight in me to cry. Instead anger had surged through me the whole time on my way back and as I drop the empty cardboard box on my bed, I take a deep breath.

I should have slapped him.

I should have screamed, then slap him so hard, he will realise how bad he had broken whatever we were.

Then again, I knew I was jumping into trouble. Over and over and over and I kept going.

Kept enjoying the ride.

Until it exploded once again, but this time...we won't fix it.

"Why are you back so early? What happened?" Gretchen asks and I realise she is beside me. I move past her and grab the Mickey mouse lamp shade, putting it in the box.

"April."

I open the wardrobe again and take the neatly folded black clothes that belong to him. His scent wafts through the shirt but I'm too wounded to care. I stuff the clothes in the box too.

"April, please, talk to me."

Gretchen is following me as I go back to the wardrobe and take the white coloured sheets with blue patterns, the one that had been on my bed when he had asked to sleep next to me.

I glare at the bed sheet now.

I never should have let him in that night.

"April, will you just stop and talk to me."

Gretchen says and reaches for me.

"No." I mutter and put the sheets in the box.

I'm about to cover the lid when Gretchen reaches for the box but I pull it out of her reach.

"No!" I scream and she freezes. I sit on the bed now, suddenly exhausted, sad and hungry.

"No." I whisper, "No more."

She sits next to me now and puts an arm around me.

"You should take a shower and then we'll talk over breakfast in the cafe." She says softly and I look down at my hands. Naturally, I would avoid going anywhere, I would avoid anything that would make me see Ethan.

But this is different.

This time I hope I see him, so I can walk right past him.

So I can show him that we had played it out and he had ruined it, that I had nothing to do with him now.

So I can show him that this wasn't a fight. We were done fighting and there was nothing to fight for.

Ethan's POV

"Are you crazy?!" Trevor yells at me after I tell him what had happened. He had come down, asking of April and I just had to spill.

Now I'm sure he is one second away from bashing my head into the wall.

"Why would you accept it? What the hell, Ethan?" He demands.

"It's complicated." I say to him, pouring away my coffee that I hadn't even touched.

"It's not fucking complicated. Its either you wanted to work with her or not. So which is it?"

"It's non of that, okay? Its just..." I trail off and take a deep breath. This had taken a turn worse than I thought.

So much worse.

Trevor sighs, then walks over to me.

"Listen, I'm always here to back you up on whatever you decide. But if you don't give me a good, fucking reason, then you're all on your own." He says to me, staring me dead in the eye and I know he isn't joking.

I have to tell him.

I can't handle this by myself if he doesn't back me up.

"Do you still have feelings for Heather?" He asks and I frown.

"No. Of course not."

"Then explain to me." He insists and I sigh.

"Heather left without me that day we were meant to travel together. I lost my parents too. You of all people know that I shut out, I couldn't talk about it, couldn't handle all that loss in one day. And that's was when the pain started, until I met April. She made me talk about it and I had actually felt good, letting it out. I accepted Heather because I need a closure with her, Trev. If talking about my loss with my parents had given me so much relief, then I need to talk to Heather. One on one. Her resumè is good. I'll have her work for a week and find time to talk to her, clear everything that had happened between us once and for all."

Trevor is staring at me quietly and I add,

"How can I be with April if I haven't sorted out this part of my past?"

He looks down now and sighs, then looks up at me and nods.

"Okay, fine. But you better handle this right. You might not know it but April deserves this explanation."

"She wouldn't listen to me. She isn't even picking my calls." I say to him. I had called her for the 15th time this morning and all the calls went to voicemail.

"She deserves to hear this from you one on one, not through the phone. Find her." He says and walks off.

Find her.

That was the trick.

Every time we faced an argument she would vanish.

April's POV

"Eat." Gretchen persuades and I finish my coffee instead.

"I didn't mean that." She says with a skeptical look but I ignore her and ask for more coffee.

"Just finish the pancakes. You've already eaten almost half of it anyway." She says.

"I hate pancakes." I say and she raises a brow at me.

"Thank you." I say to the girl that refills my coffee.

"This is ridiculous." Gretchen says and I ignore her, sipping from the cup.

"Okay, fine. You don't have to finish it but will you please tell me what is going on?"

I look down at my coffee, observing the black liquid. I had never taken coffee black...ever.

But today was different.

Everything was backwards....

Everything was wrong.

I take a deep breath and look at Gretchen.

"Fine."

Ethan's POV

Somehow, I knew I would find her here, sitting in the Crust n' Crunch cafe, with her roommate sitting in front of her.

Her hair is back in a tight ponytail and I frown. She had never put it like that all the time we spent together, which only sends me one clear message.

We won't be spending anymore time together.

She doesn't look sad, she looks...upset, talking rapidly and I'm almost sure she is ready to hit me with that mug she is holding if I so much as went near her.

But she has to know.

I would never accept Heather over her...ever.

But this is different....this is not about my feelings. For the most part, this is for her.

Yes, accepting Heathers contract to work for me was the worst way to go about it.

But I know her.

She would never give up if I had refused, she would keep coming to the apartment, keep finding new ways to be around me.

And April has to know this.

I sigh as I finally step out of the car with my gaze still on her. She is still talking as I walk over to the cafe slowly and she suddenly freezes. She looks around a bit and spots me at the door. Her face goes straight and I think this is the worst look she can ever give me.

A blank stare.

Where I can't read those eyes anymore.

She gets up now, with her friend behind her as she makes her way to the door.

I brace myself as I keep my gaze on her, waiting for whatever her reaction would be when she walks right past me.

April's POV

"April!"

Ethan calls behind me and I want to keep walking, keep walking until my feet is numb but I cant.

I don't want him to keep coming after me.

Not this time.

I want to get it over with, set him straight. He had made his decision and there was nothing to argue over.

I stop in my tracks and take a deep breath before I turn to face him, daring myself not to look him in the eye.

Daring myself to feel nothing.

Both were impossible.

He stops in front of me and I try to maintain my blank stare. He must not see how insecure and rejected I feel today. He must not know how much his words affect me.

"April--"

"What do you want?" I say as emotionless as I can.

He pauses, his eyes searching my face and keep my blank stare at him.

"Please, just come with me."

"No, Ethan. No more of this. No more of our back and forth. We played it out and..."

And you ruined it!

You shattered it.

You were just another person to pick someone over me.

"And it didn't work out. You made a choice." I conclude

"Only, I haven't made any choice." He says softly, reaching for me and I move back.

"Don't you dare touch me." I hiss, shattering my pride as my emotions exposes itself.

"April, please. You don't understand."

"There is nothing to understand. Dont you see? A part of you has always wanted Heather because why else would you let her work beside you every hour of the day, even when she has made you lose so much."

"I don't want her. I will never want her again, April. All this I'm doing is for a reason." He says, his eyes pleading and I surprise myself by laughing.

"Of course. A reason. Always a reason. A reason that you can't tell me because I won't understand."

"Just come with me--" He reaches for me again but I back out.

"It's fine Ethan. Honestly. I'm glad we played this out and you can see where you truly want to stand. You don't have to play the gentleman and try to apologise. You dont." I say to him, hoping he would just leave. I'm tired of all this.

I don't have the strength to argue over anything anymore.

He sighs and looks at me with hurt and pleading eyes. My conscience is over flooding me with guilt but I slowly draw in a breath and hold it instead.

I would rather suffocate than run back to him and the charming spell of his eyes.

"Fine. You don't have to come if you don't want to. But stop at the company anytime you want, just come to my office and I'll prove it to you. Heather isn't going to work there for long, and you'll find out why I really did this."

I shake my head at his words, exhausted from everything suddenly.

"I'm not going to stop over and ruin whatever it is that you have with her. Its done, Ethan. I'm not risking anything anymore."

"April."

He says my name and I turn quickly as Gretchen hails a taxi, needing to get away from his voice strained with hurt before I surrender to it like a fool falling for the same magic trick.

Today is different and abnormal...

Today, its all backwards.