Chapter 29: Chapter 29

“So what are you going to do next?”

Change of topic, but still with a tiring topic.

“I don’t know yet, Sean and I are still talking about this, arguing about this to be exact.”

Caroline chuckled, she got up from her lying position and followed me to sit on the bed, we were facing each other now.

“Don’t argue too much, you guys should learn to understand each other.”

Caroline sounded like a psychiatrist scolding her patients. I bit my lip and nodded weakly, she’s right, we have to learn to understand each other. We talked about a lot of different topics and I was happy to find myself still having this opportunity, talking to other women.

Sean called before we met for lunch, we decided to have lunch at a fast food restaurant. Caroline and I left my old room, she was also going to Andrew’s, we parted in the yard. My mind is messed up, I feel nervous if I have to talk about children with Sean, I’m afraid he won’t agree to it and I still have doubts about myself. I arrived first at the restaurant where Sean and I were going to have lunch, I took a seat near the glass wall with a sofa chair.

My mind went back to the topic of having children. I want to, but if Sean doesn’t want it yet we have to wait for it.

“Hey, you’re daydreaming.”

I turned and saw Ariel smiling in front of me. I’m surprised, he’s here, Really?? My Inner Goddess rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“May I sit down?” he asks and I nod, he sits on the sofa across from me.

“Alone? Where’s Sean?”

“On the way here, what a coincidence we can meet here,” I replied, actually I feel strange about this coincidence.

“My niece wants to eat something from this restaurant, I’m happy with this coincidence.” Ariel smiled with a look that sent an uncomfortable feeling to me.

“Have you decided to work for Mozart?”

This topic again, why does he want me to work there?

“Not yet, Sean still doesn’t agree with that.” I saw Ariel snorted in annoyance with an expression on her face that didn’t like my answer.

“I think Sean restrains you too much, I can help you persuade him if you want,” he offered, I just smiled weakly, helping to persuade Sean? I doubt that.

“Changing Sean’s view is not as easy as you think.”

“I will help you.” Ariel grabbed one of my hands that was on the table, I immediately pulled my hand from his grip.

“Are you done talking to my wife?”

Sean stood near the sofa Ariel was sitting on and looked at the man with a threatening look. Ariel stood awkwardly and immediately smiled at Sean.

“Yes, I’m sorry I have food to order,” he said goodbye and then walked away with a look of fear. Sean looked at me with a probing gaze.

“You came here with him?”

“No, he just happened to be here,” I replied, Sean didn’t respond then he turned to look at Ariel who was standing in line to order food.

“Would you like to have lunch here?”

I shrugged, somehow my mind was filled with various things.

“It’s up to you,” I said resignedly, Sean sighed.

“We eat elsewhere, my mood is ruined because of that boy,” he said, I got up from my place, Sean held my hand and we walked out of the restaurant. Some women looked at Sean with amazement, some looked at him with hungry eyes. My Inner Goddess let out her wolf grin.

He’s mine, bitch!! I said in my mind.

“Give Sam the keys to your Audi, he’ll take them home,” Sean ordered, I gave Sam my car keys and smiled at the loyal middle-aged man.

“Careful, Mr. Abraham, Mrs. Abraham,” he said and then walked past us and disappeared behind the door of my Audi. Sean distracted me by opening the car door for me after which he turned to the driver’s side. His Mercedes Benz slid out of the restaurant.

“Everything is alright?” he asked breaking the silence between us, I nodded uncertainly and without looking.

“Hey,” he called softly as he grabbed one of my hands, I turned and looked at him.

“What is it?” Sean looked at me completely when the car stopped because the traffic light was red. I bit my lip because the feeling of restlessness started to overtake me, should I start discussing having children with him now?? I took a deep breath before starting to speak.

“My mom asked me about....” I was scared, worried and nervous too.

“About what?” Sean looked curious.

“About when we’ll have kids,” I continued weakly, the atmosphere around us slowly changing. Sean let go of his grip on mine and returned to his grip on the steering wheel, the car rolling again when the traffic light turned green. I stared at the highway through the window of the car beside me, silence stretched between us and it stifled me. I shouldn’t have brought this up, a tinge of regret came over me.

“I haven’t thought about it.”

Finally Sean spoke, but the answer didn’t have any impact on my feelings because I hadn’t thought about it either.

“I just wanted to know your opinion,” I said weakly, this is a topic that is still taboo for us to discuss. We arrived at an Italian restaurant, my mind immediately thought of the tiramisu. Apparently Sean has a reservation and this restaurant is included in one of the luxury restaurants in Singapore. A waiter came to give us a menu book, I only know the lasagna and tiramisu that have been on my mind for a long time, Sean ordered fettuccini chicken alfredo maybe it’s some kind of pasta, I don’t know, I decided not to think about it any further, then Sean ordered wine while I ordered a frappe . The waitress smiled at me with a friendly and polite smile before leaving our table.

“We’re leaving for Europe the day after tomorrow, we’re going to Paris and then Italy, Venice.” Sean looked at me with his charming smile, my mood suddenly improved. The thought of us going on a honeymoon and just the two of us would be nice, I need this I guess, a vacation. I nodded with a smile and enthusiasm inside me, my Inner Goddess was lying on her chaise longue with a beaming face dreaming of beautiful things.

“Are we just going to Paris and Italy?” Actually I want to go to other European countries too.

“We’re going to stop by Germany.” Sean looks excited, and his enthusiasm rubs off on me, it’s fun. I thought about seeing Dr. Grace, one of the best obstetricians here.

“I thought of an idea, that’s if you agree to it,” I said nervously, I want to know Sean’s opinion on this. He seemed to be frowning and waiting. Our order came before I could express my idea, we were momentarily distracted by our food.

“What’s your idea?”

I swallowed my lasagna compulsively, then cleared my throat.

“I’m going to see a gynecologist to put in contraception,” I said, then waited for Sean’s reaction, I peeked at him from behind my eyelashes, he seemed to be thinking about what I said.

“I think that’s a great start to the problem of having kids,” he says and I nod, exhaling the breath I’d been holding in just moments ago.

“I’m going to Grace’s doctor today.” I continued to eat my lasagna, a feeling of disappointment occurred to me, why is this discussion so hard and not easy?? Sean didn’t seem to talk much after I discussed this matter, does he really not want to have children?? My blood immediately cooled thinking about it, I got rid of the bad prejudice but, that opinion was already stuck in my mind. Should I discuss this further soon?? I want to know, I don’t want to live my home life without having a child, I also want to feel like being a mother and a parent, sharing my love and affection.

Until we finished our lunch, neither of us spoke. I sat frozen in the car while Sean turned to the driver’s side. Actually, deep down I wanted Sean to be enthusiastic about the topic of having children. I thought about what Caroline said, maybe having kids, our relationship will get stronger, and I don’t mind that. After all, it doesn’t matter now or later, I still want children to be present to color my household life with Sean.

“Sean, do you want a child?” I don’t know where I got the courage to ask the question that had been stuck in my mind for a long time. Sean was silent for a long time and it disappointed me, the previous assumption that worried me so much slowly strengthened. I waited for a statement from him, but until we got to Century he didn’t say anything. Sam came and opened the car door for me, Sean got out of the car too. He just kissed my forehead and smiled weakly before he left me to go back to the office with Sam, I stared at his Mercedes Benz with disappointment inside me, tears starting to stab at the back of my eyes.

I walked with trepidation until I got into the elevator and leaned against the wall.

Sean didn’t want a child, he didn’t want to have a child.

I couldn’t stop the tears, luckily I was alone in the elevator so I was free to cry. I looked at this spacious living room with a feeling of disappointment and sadness, after I got out of the elevator door and passed the main door of the apartment, I rushed to my room and closed the door, my body leaned against the door and slumped to the floor. The bad thought echoed in all corners of my mind, my tears grew louder, I covered my face with my hands, I wanted to be happy with Sean with our children who grew up around us, and we all lived happily. I got up from the floor with tears on my face, took off my higheels and put my bag on the dresser, then walked over to the bed and climbed on top of it. I stared at the ceiling with a confused feeling, maybe I should argue with Sean again, I want to know what’s on his mind for this matter.