Chapter 28: Chapter 28

Silence stretched between them on the way back from Aunt Hamira’s boutique. Rakia, who was still feeling a little dizzy, tried to relax her shaken state while wearing the wedding dress. She felt that ever since Benjamin broke her heart by marrying another woman secretly behind her back and then canceling their wedding, it had left her traumatized. But right now her mind was on the other hand curious about the conversation at Aunt Hamira’s boutique about Dashtan.

“What has that man done in his past? Could he have impregnated someone and left her? Or maybe he aborted a baby from his relationship with a woman so as not to ruin his career? Or....”

All these assumptions flew through her mind like arrows on a battlefield. So many and so many. She had to take a breath many times because her mind was too noisy so it increased her curiosity level to the highest level, if it had reached that level, she would not hesitate to ask, whether she was embarrassed or not was a later matter. The most important thing is that curiosity is answered. But at the moment, she could still hold it on the tip of her tongue and many times she swallowed to keep what she wanted to say unspoken. Rakia even repeatedly glanced at Dashtan who was just as silent as a stone statue behind the wheel.

When Rakia exhaled loudly again, Dashtan was a little disturbed by it, then asked, “Everything okay?” It wasn’t that he didn’t notice Rakia’s current condition, it was just that he didn’t want to open any conversation. He didn’t want to provoke Rakia’s intuition as a journalist who wanted that know of everything. So he would end up telling her about his past that he didn’t want to share with anyone.

“I think... I need a break, are we going somewhere else?” asked Rakia who was desperately trying to refrain from bringing up the topic of what she wanted to know from Dashtan.

“If you’re tired, let’s continue tomorrow to measure the ring, and don’t forget your invitation list.” Dashtan said and Rakia nodded in her mind. It was late afternoon when Rakia arrived home. Adeline looked at her daughter who had just arrived with a slightly surprised face, because Rakia looked a little pale and her face was sluggish.

“Everything okay?” asked Adeline who stopped Rakia’s steps in the living room, where her mother was sitting and sewing something by hand at the moment. Rakia turned to Adeline and took a seat on one of the sofas. Throwing her body there then leaned against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes.

“I’m just....” Rakia’s words disappeared, she did not know what to say. She was confused about her current situation which on the other hand was depressed on the other hand did not feel anything. Then, it wasn’t long before Rakia got up from her seat and walked quickly to her room, Adeline was increasingly surprised by her daughter’s attitude. She would visit Rakia’s room after the stitches were finished.

Rakia closed the door to her room and locked it then dropped her bag on the floor near her bed on the carpet that lined the floor under and around her bed. She lay down on the mattress as she rested one of her arms on her forehead. Her brain was throbbing with pain and her dizziness returned.

“What should I do?” asked Rakia more to herself. But not getting an answer, she forced herself to get up from her lying position then took a shower and changed clothes, trying to keep herself busy with work but as she turned on her laptop and activated her laptop’s internet network, an email from Dashtan came in. He sent her the format of their wedding invitations and he asked for the invitation list. Rakia opened the file that contained the design of her wedding invitations. She held her breath suddenly when her and Dashtan’s names were listed there in full with the intention of them getting married.

The next second, Rakia closed her laptop and got up from her desk. Walking back and forth with her breath rushing and heart pounding.

“Oh, my God, I’m gonna marry, I’m gonna marry, I’m gonna marry,” she muttered the phrase quickly and repeatedly as she paced back and forth and then sat on the edge of her bed as she massaged her forehead. She looked up with her eyes closed and then took a deep breath and let it out as she opened her eyes.

“I’m going to marry a stranger man,” she said, causing him to throw himself on the bed. Everything she felt was now mixed up inside her. The mysterious Dashtan and he who seemed unprepared for this marriage. She wanted to run away but she had agreed with Dashtan on black and white.

“Oh, God... Why me?” muttered Rakia in a tone of protest mixed with sadness. A knock on the door of her room distracted her from thinking about the messed up state of her elbow. She got up to open the door and peeked in the crack of the door she opened. Adeline stood there with a worried look.

“Everything okay?” Adeline repeated her question. Rakia, who didn’t know what to answer, could only open the door for the woman and let her in. Adeline sat on the edge of the bed as Rakia closed the door to her room. She looked at her daughter with a gaze waiting for an explanation. Rakia stared at the woman for a moment wondering where to start telling her story. She pulled her desk chair closer to her mother and sat with her body against the back of the chair, straddling her.

“I’m scared of the wedding,” Rakia said directly, without preamble. Adeline remained silent, waiting for the next explanation she knew her daughter had a lot to say and she wanted to hear it all. Rakia stared at the floor of her room with a half-empty stare.

“Dashtan... A mysterious man, stranger man and handsome, and i want to know that mysterious part of him but I’m reluctant to ask, because....”

“You’re afraid you’ll offend him?!” guessed the half-convinced Adeline. To be honest, that guess was not entirely wrong for Rakia, but what she wanted to say was that they had promised not to interfere in each other’s personal affairs in terms of various information or managing each other’s actions. That was one of the articles in their agreement.

“Yes, it’s more or less like that,” replied Rakia who then looked at Adeline waiting for an explanation. The middle-aged woman just let out a long sigh.

“Rakia... No marriage is easy, everything has its own challenges. Maybe your relationship with Dashtan was too soon for you, but that man took the steps he felt were right to understand each other in a solid bond.”

Her mother’s explanation was only half true and half understood. However, she did not want to talk about the agreement, her mother would definitely not understand and their relationship would end badly because of her decision.

“You have to be ready for this, Sweetie, I believe this marriage will make you happy one day.” Adeline’s prediction only made Rakia doubt it even more.

“How can it make me happy if we’re just pretending? We’re married, but in reality? We’re going to live our own lives, everything is just a front, everything is just a lie.” Her mind was babbling so much that she was starting to get fed up and felt dizzy again. Rakia nodded to end her session with her mom. She could no longer get anything out so she wanted to be alone and contemplate.

Adeline got up from her seat and stroked Rakia’s head and hair affectionately.

“I always pray for you to be happy,” Adeline said and then opened the door and left Rakia’s room. She still hadn’t moved for a few minutes from her current spot, until she remembered her laptop that was still on. Rakia woke up the screen by lifting it back up to display the format of her wedding invitation with Dashtan. She just stared blankly at the image then clicked the cross in the right corner to close the document, then closed her email window and shut down her laptop. After that she went to hee bed and immediately lay down on it.

“If this hurts me..., I’ll stop.” She repeated Dashtan’s words before she turned off the main light in her room with a simple snap of her fingers and automatically switched to the nightlight.