Chapter 30: Chapter 30

"Momma is the camera already ready?" Caelliah asked excitedly. I nodded quickly, making her smile widened.

"Yes it's already ready, I'm just waiting for the both of you."

"Omygee! I'm excited! Tallan come on!" Caelliah screamed and quickly pulled her brother towards the vanity mirror where the camera was positioned.

Tallan stood up and followed his sister. Caelliah quickly sat on the chair and patted the one next to her for Tallan to sit there, Tallan also quickly sat down.

I walked towards the side of the vanity mirror and stood there looking at my children who were staring at the camera. Caelliah is smiling sweetly while looking at the camera while Tallan's face is so serious.

Caelliah looked in my direction "Momma am I pretty right now?" she asked nervously.

I laughed softly "You're always pretty sweetie always remember that."

Her eyes twinkled while looking at me "Okay Momma." She mumbled and turned back her gaze to the camera in front.

"Tallan, who will speak first, me or you?he asked her brother.

"You," Tallan replied sparingly.

Caelliah clapped her hands and quickly pressed the play button of the camera. She looked at the camera happily. Her sweet smile is plastered on her cute face. She then cutely waved at the camera.

"Hi Dadda! Goodmorning! I am Caelliah Raiah Vassamonte. I'm six years old. I just want to say that today is our first day in our grade 1 school year. Dadda Tallan and I are in grade 1, Momma said the lessons in grade 1 are difficult compared to pre-school, but she says I can handle it because she will help me." Caelliah excitedly uttered.

"How are you Dadda? Caelliah misses you a lot. Momma said you also miss us a lot so I'm happy. I hope your health is good. Because we'll see each other again, right? When you reached all your dreams we will meet soon. That's what Momma told us and I can't wait to meet you Dadda. I miss you super. I love you Dadda mwah."

My heart ached while looking at my daughter innocently talking in front of the camera. She makes a flying kiss while smiling happily. Yes they know their Dad. I didn't hide Rainer from them. I show them Rainer's pictures because it is inevitable that they will ask questions as they grow up.

After I gave birth to them I started recording them. I recorded their first laugh, first giggle, first word that came out of their mouth. It's funny how their first word is Dadda even if I'm the one who's with them. I recorded their first crawl and first walk. I was filming and recording all their first.

They didn't know that I lied to them when I said that I always send their videos to their father. But the truth is I just keep their videos in one folder in my laptop. They only saw Rainer's picture and never heard his voice.

So the thought that they would be angry with me when they found out that I was lying makes me nervous. They will surely hate me if they found out that the videos they always recorded wasn't being watched by their father.

Tallan nodded softly before smiling shyly at the camera.

"Hi Dadda! Goodmorning, I am Tallan Raelan Vassamonte. Six years old as what Caelliah said earlier, today is our first day in grade 1. I'm a little bit nervous but I'm fine though because Momma is here. I missed you too but you know what? Momma missed you a hundred times." Tallan said seriously while looking at the camera.

The tears in my eyes started to fall without my permission. My lips parted in shock at my son's words. My heart is clenching painfully while looking at both of them seriously looking at the camera. Caelliah lifted her head to my direction, when she saw that I was crying she started crying too.

She wiped her tears while still looking at the camera. While Tallan kept on talking.

"I saw how she cried every night at the terrace while looking up in the dark sky. she maybe didn't know that I was always watching her. I know that she misses you a lot. She always stared at your graduation picture. Because she missed you so bad. She might not tell it to us but I know and I can feel it how much she missed you." Tallan uttered while biting his lower lip.

I saw how his serious face turned into a pained face. He immediately wiped his tears when they slowly wet his cheeks.

"I know that you're so busy in your dreams. Because that's what Momma told us. That's why you don't come home because you're so busy. That you are busy building your dream. I understand you. I was also wishing to meet you soon. We will wait for you. I love you Dadda." Tallan said while smiling.

I bit my lower lip when it trembled a bit. I'm so sorry I lied. Your father didn't know that the two of you exist. He didn't know that he has a handsome son and a beautiful daughter.

I quickly wiped away the tears that were trying to fall when Tallan suddenly looked in my direction.

"Momma come here talk to Dadda." He softly ordered. I quickly dried my tears and walked towards them.

They quickly parted to give the middle seat space to me. I sat down and quickly pulled them both close to me. Caelliah suddenly snuggled up to my side making me heard hear her cries. While Tallan hugged me tightly around the waist.

I kissed both of their heads and smiled timidly at the camera. I was biting my lower lip while trying to stop myself from crying.

I breathed hard and opened my mouth to start from talking "Hi baby, it's been six years." I bit my bottom lip when it trembled a bit.

"Six years of missing you. Six years without you. I'm so sorry hmm. I hope you'll understand me. There's no day I stopped missing you." My voice quivered a bit.

I heard Caelliah soft sobs. There are so many words I want to say but I don't want my children to hear what I have to say. They don't know that I left their father. I left their father because I knew it was the right thing to do.

I wonder if he's doing well or not. Four years ago I came back to watch him as he climbed up to the stage wearing his gown indicating that he finally graduated. I watched how he received his awards while looking so proud. I was there on his special day in his life. Tallan and Caelliah were two years old at that time when I went back to watch their father in his special day.

I just can't miss it. I was there at the back of the crowd clapping proudly at him. That time I wanted to shout so bad how I'm so proud of him but I stopped myself. Watching him from afar while he's slowly taking steps to his dreams is enough for me.

I'm so proud of him. I ordered one camera man to take a picture of him on his graduation day. His graduation picture is the proof of my sacrifice. His graduation picture is the proof that the decision I made is right. And leaving him to achieve his dreams is worth it. Because look at him now. Caelan Rainer is building himself up.

My baby is surely an Engineer now.

I didn't ask for anything else if he couldn't fulfill all his dreams. even if it will hurt me as long as he's happy I will do anything for him.

Even if watching him grow from afar is hurting my insides I didn't regret what I've done.

"Momma," Caelliah called weakly. I looked at her fluffy eyes and red cheeks.

"Hmm?" I hummed

"When can we see Dadda? I miss him so much Momma," Caelliah mumbled.

Is six years already enough? Am I ready to face him and his anger towards me? What if he's so mad at me? What if he doesn't want me anymore? There's so many what if's running inside my head but for my children I can face all the consequences of what I have done.

"Momma will think okay? I promised that you will meet him so soon. Can you wait for that time to come hmm?"

Caelliah immediately nodded her head and smiled excitedly while looking at my eyes.

"I can wait Momma as long as Dadda and I will meet! Can't wait!" Her mood light up after what I've said.

"Did you hear that Tallan? We will meet our Dadda soon." Caelliah said happily while looking at Tallan.

Tallan smiled sparingly but you could see the sparkle in his eyes.

He looked at his wrist watch and sighed "Let's go Raiah we're going to be late in our first day."

Tallan quickly left his seat and looked for his bag that was on top of my bed. He also took his sister bag and carried it himself.

I looked at my daughter and I felt bad when I saw her fluffy eyes because of so much crying.

Caelliah immediately followed her brother. I walked towards my door but before I closed it I looked at the picture of Rainer that was attached to the wall of my room. My heart beat faster while looking at his handsome face while he's wearing a toga.

Why God made you so perfectly hmm. you're so perfect in my eyes. I don't think I can love another man if it's not you. I promised to bring you back in my life. So proud of you baby.

"Momma hurry up we're going to be late!" I heard Tallan's voice making me blink my eyes twice.

I smiled sweetly while looking at his picture before closing the door of my room.

"Coming sweetie!" I shouted while walking down the stairs.

My dream to be a mother finally happened. The dream of having a child with the man I love happened. Not just one but two. Rainer maybe not here in my side for now but I didn't feel unloved. The twins always make me feel happy and worth it to be loved.

Leaving is not a bad choice after all.