Chapter 26: Chapter 26

I suddenly jumped when my phone suddenly rung. I immediately smiled when I thought it was Talliah but my heart suddenly felt sad when I saw that it was Mom calling.

I cleared my throat first before answering my phone "Son, it's already too late are you still not coming home? You've been like this for two weeks, we're worried about you. Where are you always going and will come home at ten o'clock at night?" Mama asked in a worried voice. I could feel her nervousness as she asked me.

I smiled bitterly while looking at Talliah's house even though it was very dark outside where I was standing. The cold breeze hits my skin. I suddenly blinked when I felt wet liquid running down my cheek.

"Son, are you really okay? Do you have a problem? You can tell me son hmm... Just tell me."

Mom's soft voice brought me back to reality. That I'm still talking to her. I smiled and wiped the tears away from my cheeks.

"I'm fine Ma, don't worry. I'll be home too." I assured her

I heard her sigh on the other line "Come home safe and sound Caelan, if you don't you know what I can." Mama said in a threatening tone but I can hear the worried ness on her voice.

I laughed softly because I knew when she said these words she was very worried.

"I'll come home safe and sound Mom. Don't worry. I'm big enough to take care of myself."

I quickly hung up after Mom said goodbye. I hit my chest when it started to ache again. Every night I was outside waiting for her to come out. I was waiting for her to show up but it's been two weeks she didn't show up anymore. It was as if she suddenly disappeared like a bubble.

To 'My Crazy Mommy':

Hi! I'll be back tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. I'll wait for you. Are you busy? It's okay I understand. I will always wait for you as long as you show up. I hope you are doing well today. I hope you are not sad. But when you're sad, just come to me, okay? I'm always waiting for you. Maybe you're so busy right now that you've forgotten about me. But it's okay I understand you. I will understand you. It was so late at night and Mama told me to go home. Tomorrow I will come here again. I'm just outside your gate. Bye bye I love you so much Talliah.

***

THEY SAID waiting is tiring. Especially if you're waiting for the person you don't even sure if they will come back. But when you love, you're always ready to wait no matter how long it takes for her to come back.

You'll bet she will come back because she knows someone is waiting for her to come back. While he was waiting, he was restless and almost went crazy wondering if the one he was waiting for would come back or not. But the heart still hopes that the person he waited will return.

Who's the first to get tired of waiting? The person or his heart?

When the person who left your life doesn't say goodbye. Does that mean she really left you? But why don't you even know the reason when he left?

You've always asked yourself if what is the reason why that person leaves you.

Is it because he doesn't want you anymore? is he fed up with you? Or is there another reason?

Talliah hasn't shown up in a month. I've been missing him for a month now. I've been asking for a month if he really left. I've been waiting a month for him to show up.

But I've always failed. there's no Talliah who showed up. There's no Talliah who misses Rainer.

Every blow of cold air I moved. Every drop of rain on my skin is ignored by me. the tears I was saving suddenly came out while staring at the lightless and lifeless house of Talliah.

The anger of the rain goes hand in hand with my sad heart. I'm soaked with rain water but I still can't leave.

Did she really leave me? Why? When I was so depressed, he suddenly thought of leaving me. What's this?

She just dropped me off and then suddenly left without saying goodbye? I laughed without humor as I walked towards the gate.

"Talliah! Get out of there!" I shouted at the top of my lungs so that she could hear me.

My chest started to tighten and tears quickly poured from my eyes while the rain fell on my body.

"Didn't you say you love me?" I shouted while my voice cracked a bit.

"You won't leave me hanging right? You will not leave me because you love me right?" I shouted outside the gate.

"Come on, Talliah, I'm going crazy! I'm going crazy thinking why the person who said she loved me left all of a sudden." I shouted again with my weak voice.

I punched the gate while tears were still pouring.

"I hope you don't teach me to love your presence! If you will just leave me! I hope you don't capture my heart if you will let me go immediately! I hope it doesn't hurt like this!" my voice quivered as I felt my heart tightened.

"Why? Why did you leave all of a sudden? When did I fall for it? Damn it! Are you just playing with me?!"

"I wish I hadn't slept all night if that was the last night I could be with you. I wish I could have hugged you tighter." I mumbled with my shaking voice.

My knees were weak as I knelt in front of the gate. I feel my heart breaking little by little. I don't care what I look like now.

I just want to express how hurt I am. Talliah you teach me to love your presence. You teach to love you so much. I didn't know that it hurts to love like this. I wish I had stopped it.

"If I had known that I would lose you so suddenly, I wouldn't have admitted to you that I love you. Maybe you won't leave." I bit my lips when it trembled.

"You are the one who taught me what true love is. P-please come home, I'm not used to being without you. I promise I will make you feel every day how much I love you. I promise Talliah I will love you more than myself just please come back! Don't let go of my heart suddenly like this. I allow you to capture my heart so I hope you don't let it go easily."

My vision became so blurry because of my tears. My heart is slowly breaking as I was on my bended knees while looking at her gate.

"P-please Mommy come home... your baby needs you right now," I mumbled while putting my palms on my face.

"I need your warm hugs. I need you here beside m-me... I want you here Talliah please come h-home..."

No matter how many times I beg, it's fine as long as she will come back to me.

"I will understand you. I will listen to all your reasons, just please come home. It hurts because I will suddenly wake up without you. Maybe that's why my chest was so tight when I woke up the morning you left. That's it."

"I promise to answer your call every time. I will not kill your calls. Just come back please Can you hear me Talliah?! Come back! Is it that easy to leave me? You said you love me right? Why did you leave me?! Why do I feel like you don't want me anymore?" I cried and asked weakly.

My voice is so hoarse as I scream. I blinked when the cellphone suddenly rang in my pocket. Hope started to rise in my chest. That maybe Talliah heard me out. But I was wrong, Mom called again. I was about to answer it when the phone suddenly died. It turned out to be very wet because of the heavy rain.

Sobs escaped my mouth when I saw that it was no longer working.

"Please don't do this oh, work please I'll wait for Talliah's call." I sobbed as I cupped the cellphone with my hands.

But I'm just like a fool because it's still wet because of the force of the downpour. My only cellphone left me. Why is everyone leaving? Damn it!

I put the cellphone in my pocket even though it was no longer working. I looked up at the sky and smiled bitterly. Why did you let her enter my life if she won't stay until the end.

If everything is only temporary. If only I had known, I would have made the most of the days we spent together.

I don't know what will happen tomorrow. I can't accept that she really left me. I waited for her for a month just in case she will come back but she never came back. She disappointed me and my heart hoped.

Will I still be able to sleep peacefully at night if the last memory we had together was inside my room? Will I be able to study safely if there is also trouble in the classroom? Every corner has a trace of her. So it's impossible for me not to be hurt by the thought of her being gone. Thinking that she has left me.

Please let me understand why you left.

I hope you let me understand why you left. It's not like this. I'm groping in the dark and I don't know if I'll ever find the light.

It's just too much unfair because when did I admit to myself and to you that I love you. You suddenly left my life.

I closed my eyes and felt the raindrops falling into my face. It feels like heaven knows that I'm hurting right now. I thought love is so colorful. but I think I was wrong. Love can also be dark and shady.

Is there love like this? Even if it hurts so much, you still choose to be hurt because you know he is the reason.

I never thought I could love a person like this.

You're going crazy thinking where he is. if he is alright If he is not hurt now and why he left.

There are two types of love. There is a love that is willing to wait even if you are hurt that you still prefer to wait for her even if there is no certainty if she will return. There is also love that cannot wait. Because he would rather go on with his life and forget the pain and the past.

Would I choose the first kind of love or the second one?