Chapter 128: Chapter 128

「When you work as a special cleaner, you end up thinking a lot about the job. What exactly is a special cleaner? It’s someone who cleans special things. That something is people.

So if you clean trash, you’re a cleaner, and if you clean special trash, you’re a special cleaner. This leads to the conclusion that people are special trash.

You might wonder who twists words , but for me, it was an interesting dilemma.

The truth is, I graduated with a degree in philosophy.

Studying philosophy made me think a lot, and studying philosophy led me to become a special cleaner. After learning how to think, I ended up doing a job that requires a lot of thinking, so in a way, I’m utilizing my major.

To get back to the main point, my conclusion about the validity of the term ‘special cleaner’ is this:

People are indeed trash. But they’re not special.

In summary, it’s a common pessimism.

Gu Yubin was already surrounded by people. Writers, journalists, and publishers alike swarmed around her like bees.

That was because Gu Yubin was expected to win the grand prize at this award ceremony.

I had already been briefed on the political context surrounding the ceremony by Lim Yang-wook.

Gu Yubin, a rising star who appeared like a comet to the literary magazine suffering from the question, ‘Why don’t they give the award to Moon In?’ provided a convenient excuse.

An excuse to maintain the prestige of the literary award while avoiding the criticism from readers for not awarding the whistleblower who exposed the debut fee practice…

That was the adult backstory.

So, although it was an event I didn’t really need to attend, there was a sincere request for my presence.

It was none other than a request from Seo Woon-pil, the Dark Lord of the Korean literary world.

It wasn’t a direct request; it was a highly political solicitation.

Seo Woon-pil, who embodies the consensus of the literary magazine industry, met Lim Yang-wook through Gu Hak-jun over a meal, and there he made his move through all sorts of metaphors and implications.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with that dreadful task, and Lim Yang-wook, who suffered in my place, gave me a brief summary…

If I just say, ‘We didn’t fight’ at this literary award ceremony, the karma from exposing the debut fee practice would be completely cleared.

In other words, they wanted to preemptively block the inevitable criticism of ‘Why didn’t Moon In get the award?’ when Gu Yubin won the literary award.

That was why I was playing the unexpected role of a guest attendee.

Of course, I had already given up on literary awards. Once, I was obsessed with winning trophies, but now I was devoted to literature itself.

However, I thought Lim Yang-wook couldn’t ignore the literary magazine industry. While I could just brush it off, Lim Yang-wook would suffer continuous retaliation.

So, thinking of it as saving a person, I dragged my tired body out here, but an unexpected incident occurred.

It wasn’t that the literary magazine side was trying to screw me over. Since we had talked beforehand, they approached me with embarrassed smiles.

They had the professional attitude of giving what they should and taking what they could. They probably also intended to make some money off of me.

Though their intentions were obvious, I didn’t particularly feel unpleasant. After all, Gu Yubin wasn’t getting the award for free; she deserved it.

To be honest, if it were someone else, I might have felt a bit bitter.

That feeling of ‘bitterness’ was the starting point of the incident.

While setting aside the award ceremony and chatting leisurely with Park Chang-woon, someone approached and joined our conversation.

“But why did you use a frame narrative?”

“Since the novel’s theme is quite dark, I thought it might be too exhausting for readers. So, I tried to create some narrative distance.”

“Wow, you write novels more methodically than I thought?”

“Actually, it also has a bit of homage to No Longer Human…”

“Do you like Osamu Dazai?”

The owner of the unfamiliar voice was another candidate at the ceremony.

In other words, like me, a novelist destined to be overshadowed by Gu Yubin.

The smiling novelist asked for permission after joining us.

“Oh, Writer Park Chang-woon. May I sit at this table?”

“Do as you please. I’m not the owner of this place…”

Without any self-introduction, the conversation continued straight away.

“Honestly, I don’t understand what’s so great about Osamu Dazai’s novels. Especially ‘No Longer Human’, which college kids always say is their favorite… It’s so strange.”

“It feels like people who try to imitate popular characters from dramas. Everyone seems to relate themselves to Osamu Dazai too much. Haha.”

The criticism of Osamu Dazai continued after that.

Somehow, I felt that this was a criticism of my attempt to pay homage to ‘No Longer Human’.

But as someone who had developed a certain degree of paranoia from a troubled childhood, I tried to continue the conversation cautiously to avoid bearing a grudge against an innocent person.

And it gradually became clear that it was not a misunderstanding.

The distorted psychology directed at me became more and more apparent.

“By the way, I guess Gu Yubin will win the grand prize, right? It seems everything was settled before the ceremony. Well, it’s easier for them too. She’s pretty, popular, and easy to sell…”

“It can’t be helped, I suppose. People making money off novels have to allocate resources to the well-selling ones. This time, that was Gu Yubin, and well…”

Though he spoke vaguely, he implied that Gu Yubin was winning the award for her looks and popularity.

And that was also directed at me.

Whenever I criticized myself or others criticized me, it was always said that I gained the image of a genius boy because of my age.

And this became even clearer with his subsequent meaningful words.

“It’s good to be young, isn’t it?”

As I reflected back, the most crucial realization I had was that selfhood was more important than worldly matters.

Things that exist outside of ‘me’ are illusions that can disappear at any time, and in the unknown world, the only certainty is myself.

This aligns with why I don’t accumulate wealth.

And it also means that I don’t have to be bound by social reputation.

So I didn’t hold back.

“I think I became famous because I write better than you.”