Chapter 39: Chapter 39

: insecure

→Narrator: Asa

OF COURSE I WASN'T OKAY WITH ARIEL COMING OVER! was all I could think about as I fumbled around in my room, looking for what to wear.

But the last thing I wanted to do is play the part of a jealous, mistrustful girlfriend.

The fact that everything Ariel said to me at the party got to me was not something I liked to remember or dwell on... Or worse... Let Kam see.

That was the only reason I pretended like I was fine with everything.

But now, I regretted it.

Ariel was going to be pulling up in our driveway in a couple of minutes and I wanted to... Impress her?

I stopped from reaching for a rubber band, my heart, thundering in my chest...

Was that why?

Why I was so panicked and disoriented and worried about my appearance?

I wanted to look better than her... To be better than her. To prove that I deserved Kam. That I could keep him.

I sat at my vanity, staring at myself. My hair, already a month old, was fraying at the edges, tufts of black, woolly hair, already escaping the faux locs.

Should I loosen it and just let it out of the locs?

I stared at the clock over me.

No. No time...

But I don't look good enough.

I glared at the wild, almost frantic look in my eyes. My large forehead. Frantic black eyes. Overly Sharp chin... Things that have never bothered me before.

What is wrong with me? Where are these insecurities coming from?

Sighing, I decided to pack my hair in an elegant messy bun Kosi tried teaching me some days before.

I tried... I really tried, but I only ended up tangling the locs into each other.

Agh! I groaned in frustration. What is happening to me?

I gripped the table in front of me, staring hard at my reflection.

You're not his usual type, you know?

I ground my teeth.

Thoughts of Ariel were dark places I hated to venture on my own. I remembered everything about her. Her dark brown skin. That vicious smile that could cut through steel. Eyes that literally reined you in the moment you look at them. Sweet poison on her tongue.

She affected me, that girl... I didn't hate her... No, she had even more power over me than that.

I was intimidated by her. Her courage, as admirable as was despicable, her beauty, that i was both pleased and disappointed with, her Instagram account, brimming with likes and followers.

Yes. Instagram.

My pathetic ass had gone and stalked her on the social media app, scrolling through pictures of her having a great time with all her artificially enhanced friends.

She was in Paris one day, in Dubai, the next. Singapore one week, Milan, the next.

Arguably successful and influential. Her posts and pictures, shrouded in a blissful, glamorous veil, desperate to have no pointed sides sticking out. I was so awed by her pictures, I had mistakenly liked one of them, quickly remembering myself, and unliked the picture immediately, hoping she won't find out about that one liked.

She looked like the kind of girl that knew where her life was heading and loved every bit of it. The kind of girl that had martinis and margaritas on yachts and private jets that didn't belong to her...

Next to her, I felt small. Ugly. Provincial... Useless.

Next to her... I was really just... Nothing.

Just then, I heard a soft, hesitant rap on my door.

"Come in!" I called, sighing in frustration at my uncooperative hair. Raw and scathing in my frustration.

I usually had Kosi or Tasha to help me style it. But now, Kosi was hurting and Tasha was miles away.

Should I look up YouTube tutorials?

"Your hair is a mess."

The soft, raspy chuckle made me sit up in my seat, a slight tingle, shooting up my spine as my eyes widened in shock.

"A...Amir?" I choked out, swallowing a lump in my throat. "What are you doing here?"

He had this lopsided grin on his lips, messy, dark hair, flopping over his forehead, into eyes of stardusts. "Well, you did say I could come in. What's up?"

He hadn't been home in days and it honestly felt like I hadn't seen him in a long time.

My heart thudded painfully within me. His classy, expensive scent filled my entire room and I suddenly felt smaller under his intense gaze.

"Hair trouble?" He asked, coming to stand behind me, gripping the back of my chair.

I watched, static as his eyes found mine on the mirror.

"I can help."

His voice...

Soft. So soft. Softer than I ever thought he could sound.

"Can I?"

Still shocked and kind of confused, as to why he was here, I only nodded.

He set to work, grabbing hair clips and rubber bands and picking the braids carefully, styling my hair like a professional.

I watched as his hands worked, long, nimble hands like that of a pianist. His forehead, wrinkled in concentration.

"There," he said, finally. Grinning at me.

Amir had not spoken to me in a while. Infact, he hasn't been home in days. I don't think he's even been around since Kosi and Jemi's fight almost a week ago. Since the last time we talked in the kitchen that night, he had consciously made every effort to avoid me.

So why was he seeking me out now?

At times like this, I wondered if he was masochistic.

He always keeps coming back...

To me.

My gut did a somersault.

"I dunno, Asa. Do you like it, or should I let it down? You've been staring at yourself for five minutes now." His deep voice was soft. Tentative.

That snapped me out of my thoughts.

I looked at the masterpiece he had created, my breath, catching in my throat.

"Wow, Amir!" I breathed, patting my hair gently, so that i don't ruin it. "This is so beautiful."

"No." He said firmly. "You're beautiful." The firmness and intensity in his voice made me look at him again. "Don't doubt it."

"T...thanks." I whispered, fumbling around for what to say. "How did you learn to style braids like that?"

His smile was wistful. "I used to help my mum out, all the time."

My heart dropped everytime I remembered his less than perfect royal family.

I gulped, standing up. "So, is there anything you want?"

His smile was easy and soft. "Yeah. I'm revising languages right now and I'm stuck in Arabic. I need your dictionary. Osahon is in a sour mood,  for whatever reason or I'd have asked for his." He quipped, walking over to my bookshelf where I kept my stack of books.

"But you're part Arab." I told him.  "How can you not understand Arabic?"

He turned from checking something in the huge linguistics dictionary I had. "You're full Igbo. How can you not understand Igbo?" He deadpanned.

Touche.

Against my will, I laughed at the look on his face and in no time,  he joined too, shoulders shaking, laughing softly.

It got quiet quickly and I avoided his gaze at the stone cold silence.

"You know? These past days I've been praying and doing a lot of thinking." He said,  his voice was soft after it got quiet.

"Yeah?"

He sighed, dropping the dictionary and coming to stand in front of me, his eyes were swirling pools of cosmic force.

I just couldn't look away, no matter how hard I tried.

There was something about his eyes that intimidate and intrigue. That made you want to look away and also stare and stare and stare.

"I think I spent so much time trying to fight what I felt for you, I took my own hands and destroyed whatever friendship we could have had... You're a really great person, Asa. And I'm sorry... For everything."

I couldn't fight the smile on my lips. "You should say that to Kam, too."

"Nah. I think a part of me will always resent Kam." He said, easily.

"Amir!"

"No, no. Hear me out, first. I'm obviously not going to pick a fight with him, but I'd never regret everything I did to try to get you."

He must have noticed the horrified look on my face because  he laughed softly, eyes boring even deeper into mind. "It's basic psychology, Asa. He has something I want and even though I'm going to give this friendship thing with you a chance, it's still going to hurt worse than a bitch when I know that he has you... All of you."

He did that thing where he ran his hand through his hair again. Exhaling a tired breath. "So, yeah. Let's start over... As friends."

I nodded, conceding. I stretched out my hand, "hi, I'm Asa. And around school, people call me the Ice Witch."

His eyes of silver and stardust wouldn't stop shining. He took my hand. "Hey, I'm Amir. And I swear, I'm not a serial killer or a rapist. "

I cringed. "Uh... "

"Too much?" He winced at his own words.

"Too much."

He released my hand. "Hey, I want to try something out. Promise me you won't freak."

I nodded, and slowly, carefully,  like he was afraid he'd scare me off, his arms engulfed me in a hug.

It was soft. Warm. Safe.

"What's the point of this?" I asked.

It took him a second to reply. "It's healing me."

His scent filled my nostrils and I was aware of his heart beating out of control.

I was honestly scared he'd have a stroke any minute.

"It's an experiment. " he said,  after a few breaths. "I want to see if I can do this without my feelings going haywire."

I shivered. "Is it?"

"Yeah." He whispered. "But..." He gulped. "But I'm getting better at controlling it."

I waited... One second. Two seconds. Three...

I actually felt... Peace.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, cocooned in warmth and peace, suddenly, the door barged open. "Hey, Asa! I was thinking-"

Kam stopped short when he saw that I was alone with Amir.

Worse!

In. His. Arms!

Fuck me.

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