Chapter 18: Chapter 18

:Morning

→Narrator: Kam.

I made love to Asa.

I made love to Asa.

I made love to Asa.

The realization was skyrocketing me to the moon and never back and I had this stupid shit-eating grin on my face as I held her in my arms that early morning. My heart was slamming wildly in my chest, unable to stop its eternal racing and I could feel the blood rushing in my ears, the quiet peace, tranquil euphoria as I stayed beside her, content with just listening to her breathe in oxygen... How lucky the air was to be a part of her.

I love you, Asa.

I remembered everything from last night. Her voice as she whispered. Moaned. Pleaded. Her eyes, trusting. Begging. Desiring. Her hands, craving. Worshipping. Scathing as I took her with me on our ecstatic journey of exploring and finding each other under the sheets.

She had later kicked me out of her room, in her usual Asa fashion, because, in her own words, she hated sharing her bed when she slept, but came crawling back into my room and we had binged on leftover pizza and beer, (soda for her), watching Riverdale re-runs and she had fallen asleep in my arms, face, plastered to my chest.

I pulled her closer to me, kissing her forehead but she suddenly protested.

"No."

I froze.

It was a faint whisper but it was there.

Confused, I touched her shoulder.

"No. Stop. Please." She protested again.

"Asa." I looked at her. Her eyes were still closed, eyebrows scrunched, and I realized she was dreaming. "Asa, it's me."

Pulled her closer to me again.

"Stop!" She screamed. A loud, ear-piercing sound that twisted my guts to strangled coils, churning and churning until the pain became unbearable.

"I said, stop! Please! Get away from me!" She screamed, suddenly thrashing wildly. "Please. Please!"

My heart stopped beating for one long, painful moment when she wrenched away from my grasp and moved as far away from me as the bed allowed.

Her eyes were wide open. Her face a frightened mask. She was breathing heavily, eyes wide in fear, frantic, wild as she stared back at me with more venom and hate than I've ever seen before. There were tears streaming down her cheeks but she took no notice of it.

"Asa," I whispered gently. "It's me. Kam."

She blinked unsteadily. "Kam?" She croaked, realization seemed to wash over her. "Oh my God, Kam!" She cried relieved, her eyes softening. Hunching her back, she buried her face in her palms and started sobbing quietly.

"Asa-" I moved to her, wanting to comfort her but she inched away again, her hands, clamping down on her mouth.

She suddenly shot out of the bed, stumbling into the en-suite bathroom and moments later, I heard her puking her guts out.

She was sitting on the floor of the bathroom when I found her, staring off into the space in front of her. Knees, drawn to her chest as she hugged herself, tightly.

"Hey, beautiful." I whispered tentatively, walking in, to find her in this vulnerable position.

She didn't grace me with a response. Wouldn't even look at me.

"Um... Should we start preparing for Kam junior?"

She scoffed, trying to fight the smile on her beautiful lips. "We used protection, Kam."

"A man can dream."

She looked at me now, her coffee-brown eyes, lacking the venom and hate I had noticed earlier. "You're no man, Kam."

"Ouch-"

"You're a god."

I swallowed the urge to kiss her senseless. Taking her soft hands in mine, I placed it to my cheek and gazed at her. "Will you tell me what's wrong? Hopefully, I wasn't so horrible last night, was I?"

"You almost sound uncertain of your abilities."

"It takes a lot to please a goddess."

And she smiled that mind blowing smile that she reserves only for me. "This goddess was quite pleased with your abilities."

I didn't want us diverting from the issue at hand. "You had a nightmare, Asa. What was it about?"

Like a switch, she turned rigid and looked away from me, her walls going up against me again.

"Asa, please. Don't do that. Don't hide behind walls anymore. Let me in, please." I begged, desperate, pleading. Aching. "Please. Let me help."

She swallowed, her breath shaky.

"Is it about your stepbrother?" I asked gently, when she remained stubborn.

And she just broke down, crumbling into an emotional heap into my arms as her body wracked with heart-twisting sobs that broke me apart and crushed what broken pieces I had left.

"I'm such a freak."

"Asa-"

"I am, Kam! Look at me!" She struggled herself free from me, glaring. Demanding. "What is wrong with me? Why can't I be normal, Kam? I'm so fucked up. Fucking emotional piece of shit and I can't even love properly like, what the hell is wrong with me, Kam?"

I gazed back sadly at her angry, frustrated eyes.

"I love you, Asa."

That seemed to stop her rambling and she just stopped and stared at me.

"These scars..." I took her hands softly, massaging her wrists, where there were scars, shaped like handprints. The same type of scars on her ankles. "This face. This body... Your soul... Everything. I love everything about you."

She gulped, lower lip, trembling as she fought back tears.

"I love you. And you're not a piece of shit. You're a beautiful work of art."

She just stared back at me with those big, beautiful eyes of hers.

"Tell me, Asa. What did you dream of?"

This time, she kept my gaze, took a shaky breath. "It's just a recurring nightmare... About... Well... About him." She gulped, shaking her head. "I've tried. I swear, I've tried so fucking hard to get him out of my mind... To forget him... But when it feels like I've finally gotten over everything, when it feels like I'm getting better, the nightmares come back. Clearer. Sharper."

Her lips were trembling. She was trembling. "I felt him, Kam. Like, he was here. Watching me. Talking to me. Touching me. God." Her hands went to her lips like she wanted to throw up again. "I'm an abomination."

Oh, Asa...

She whispered the last part. "I don't know why I remembered this, but before I left... He swore to me... Promised me that he'd pay me a visit when I turn eighteen... And pay me back for everything I did to him in Abuja... For speaking out."

Anger pounded in my blood but I struggled to remain in control of myself.

Asa's stepbrother was the vilest, most pathetically disgusting piece of shit to ever walk the earth and part of me wanted so desperately for him to show up in my face right now so I can hurt him as much as he's hurt Asa. What kind of sick, twisted individual would do that to his own sister.

Soft hands clasped gently around my clenched fists. I didn't even know that I was clenching them until I felt her soft skin against mine.

"Please, don't get angry, Kam. You're different when you're angry."

Her voice made me stop my train of thoughts and pay attention to her. I took a deep, calming breath, exhaling through my nostrils.

"I hate him, Asa." I told her.

"Me too."

"I want to punch him until he's shitting his own guts for days."

"Kam-"

"It's true! I swear, that's what I want to do. He deserves every bit of pain for what he's done to you... It's good you did what you did. It's good you spoke out."

She scoffed, sarcastically. "Fat lot of good that did. Look where it got me. Kicked out of home. Treated like a monster by even my friends. I became a social pariah, Kam... Sometimes...

"Sometimes what?" I held her face in my hands, dreading what she was about to say.

"Sometimes, I wish I didn't speak out." She admitted quietly.

"What?" I gasped. "Why?"

"I lost everything, Kam. I'm no longer welcome at home. My family is disgusted by me. I lost everyone."

Not everyone.

"Not everyone." I told her, taking her soft hands in mine.

I stared into her eyes and wondered how plane crashes and thunderstorms could look so beautiful.

"Kam-" she whispered.

"It's true. Think about it. The ones that matter... You still have them... Your aunt. Your cousins. Your grandparents."

Her face broke into a relieved smile.

"And you gained a lot more, too. You gained me... I met you and I'm sorry about the circumstances that brought us together, but I honestly think it was worth it. I'd go through a thousand deaths and a million divorces if I get to have you in the end."

She cringed. "Well, I love you, Kam... But I won't go through a thousand psycho stepbrothers just so I can be with you."

I grimaced. "I wouldn't want you to. That motherfucker needs to be arrested... After he gets a beating from me."

Asa shivered.

"Well, for your sake, I hope you two never meet. I don't want any more hate. Any more negativity. There's already so much darkness within me. I can't bear it if my one golden ray of sunshine turns dark too. Please, Kam. Don't hold on to that hate. Please. For me."

Something about her eyes quelled my anger. Those coffee coloured eyes, begging, pleading, like the fate of her entire world rested on me making this one decision. "Okay, Asa."

"Promise me. Promise me that if something happens... If he comes back into my life, you won't do anything stupid."

"Asa-"

"Promise me!"

I never in my wildest dreams would have ever expected to run into her step brother. So I promised her.

But as I found out sooner than later, the universe is a very weird place and one shouldn't get too comfortable.

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