Chapter 42: Chapter 42
Love?
Myra remembered how she had rejected Jake the night at the old house, but she couldn’t absorb how he readily told her that he loved her. It was like she was dreaming. How was it possible he was in love with her?
Especially with the missing three years from her memory, it made her question what was the truth. Putting one and one together, yes, they were married, but there were just too many puzzle pieces that confused her.
Jake stopped the car just outside a serene-looking park. She didn’t recollect anything in her mind about this place, though the ambience stole her attention. J&M Park. Jake and Myra. A cheesy enough name indeed. So, Jake owned this place, she thought.
She walked with him to the swings. It had been a long time since she remembered last sitting on a swing. It had to be when she was a child, she recalled. It was one of their childhood memories. Yet, they were no longer who they were now.
“Jake, we aren’t who we used to be,” she uttered, but he just wrapped his arms around her.
“Myra, don’t think too much. Just relax.”
She nodded weakly and sat down on the planks that made up the swing.
“I’ll push you, Myra.”
She remembered how Jake would push her on a swing when she was a child. Once, she had accidentally let go of the metal chains holding the swing together. She ended up falling so badly that he ended up with a scolding from her father. From that day onwards, she was exceptionally careful to never let go.
But now, in her mind, she had already let go of her relationship with Jake. For her to wake up nonetheless married to Jake for three years, was something she couldn’t get accustomed to in such a short period of time.
“Jake, I’m not sure about everything.”
“Just hold tight, Myra. Everything will play out on its own. You just have to trust me, and trust yourself.”
Trust him? How could she, when she had lost three important years of her life? She wasn’t sure how she could fall in love with him all over again, especially when she already decided to be with Hart. Everything occurred so unexpectedly. She didn’t have the assurance that this would all work. And especially how she had lost the baby…
Was it true that her unborn child wasn’t Hart’s? What if Jake was lying to cover up the truth?
She knew she needed to find out somehow.
“Jake, I’m feeling a bit unwell. Can we go home?”
Jake furrowed his brow. “Myra, we just got here.”
“I’m really not well.”
Reluctantly he helped her off the swing. “Then, we’ll try to recover your memories some other day.”
“Thanks, Jake.” She straightened her clothes and hurried after him. He was walking so fast, but she didn’t know what to say to stop him. Perhaps he was getting used to this problem of her amnesia too.
When they reached home, she was already fast asleep from the long car journey. She twitched in her sleep, feeling Jake’s strong arms lift her into his arms. He carried her all the way to her bedroom, then put her down on the bed and covered her with a thick blanket.
“Myra, what would it take for you to remember everything?”
She didn’t stir. He knew she had fallen asleep, and he didn’t get a response to his question.
…………………………………………………………………
Jake was gone when she woke up. She assumed he had left for work, realising it was her chance. Then, she called for a taxi and told Jake’s chauffeur that she was going to meet some friends. Instead, she headed down to the obstetrics and gynaecologists clinic downtown.
Jake had told her that she had lost the pregnancy due to their incompatibility. It hadn’t taken her long to decide to find out all on her own what had happened. It didn’t mean she didn’t trust him, she said to herself silently. She just needed to know.
Dr Alisha Kang was her gynaecologist for more than ten years. No matter what, Jake couldn’t keep it all from her. Upon her arrival, the receptionist informed her that Dr Kang was seeing a patient.
Myra sat down at the lobby and picked up a magazine to read. The first page showed a celebrity carrying a newborn, and her heart ached. If what Jake said was true, she was never ever going to have that chance with Jake. The chance to be biological parents of a child in future.
She mustered her courage and tried to think straight. Perhaps there would be another option, she prayed. They were both so young, and she wasn’t even sure of their relationship yet. Surely that was not the end of it all.
“Mrs Yu, you can come in now.”
“Okay.”
Myra stood up slowly, reluctantly putting down the magazine. What would it take for her to be a parent? Was adoption the only option? She couldn’t help feeling nervous as she knocked on the doctor’s door.
Hearing Dr Kang’s response, she pushed open the door and sat down in the patient seat nearest to the doctor.
Dr Kang had some grey hairs from the last time she had seen her. As usual, she greeted her with a smile.
“Myra, what can I do for you today?”
She swallowed hard and explained how she was suffering from partial memory loss after an auto accident. “I wish to view my patient records for the last three years, doc.”
Dr Kang calmly reached for the remote control for the monitor above Myra’s head. The monitor was connected to the doctor’s computer, so Myra could effectively read each of her records.
“Are you ready, Myra?”
“I am,” she firmly answered. She reinforced herself in her mind. No matter what, she needed to know.
The first confirmed her pregnancy.
Then, one by one, she saw how she was gradually losing her pregnancy. Like Jake said, it had been their blood incompatibility. Despite how she had the answer in her brain, she was in denial. Dr Kang explained how her body was treating the fetus as a foreign body and defending herself by destroying its blood cells.
She understood the point as she had studied biology in school before. Yet, she found this so unreal and difficult to believe that it was happening between her and Jake, who she had wanted to be with since a young age. The truth was like a knife slicing through her heart.
Tearfully, she accepted the box of tissues from the doctor and rubbed her eyes in utter silence.
“Does that mean that it’s impossible for me to have a child with my husband?” she eventually asked.
Dr Kang’s voice was grave. “You could have a sperm donor and try for a child with IVF.”
While Dr Kang meant well, she fathomed it wasn’t the answer she was looking for. It meant she couldn’t have a child with Jake, no matter how she tried. And this reality was too harsh for her to accept.
“Thank you, Doctor.” She got up and headed towards the door, tilting her head to mask her crestfallen state. If she lost her memories of loving Jake, why did her heart hurt so much? Was there something more than that?
No further words escaped her mouth as she departed the room. To be deprived of a chance to have a child for the remaining years of her life, was that what she wanted? She was still in her twenties. How could fate be so cruel to her? For now, she wanted to be alone and away from Jake and everyone else.
Jake seemed to have readily accepted it. But it was too hard for her.
She walked through the mall, watching the families with children pass by happily and her heart sank again.
Myra, get a hold of yourself, she commanded herself. But as strong as her will was, she couldn’t stop the tears flowing. She had lost her child and now she would not be able to have a child with her husband, even when she couldn’t remember how they had ended up married. How could she even go on with this marriage?
A dark figure swept in front of her, causing her to freeze in her tracks. She knew she couldn’t be mistaken. This was the very person that she still felt confused about, who had just left her out of the blue. She couldn’t remember what happened between them before she had married Jake, but she needed to know.
And so she ran as fast as she could, trailing after the man. But he was just too fast. She panted heavily, stopping just right outside a dark alley.
She wiped the beads of perspiration from her face, lamenting that she had lost her chance. But all of a sudden, she was dumbfounded by the sight of a man in front of her lighting a cigarette. Was it really him, after all these years?