Chapter 37: Chapter 37

She was still sleeping after the surgery, he sat on the stool staring at her. He heaved a sigh of relief that the surgery was successful and she will be fine, hopefully. He was starting to have peace of mind, not only because she was getting better, but because she was now his wife, his Muharram. The thought of it made him cheerful and also stupefied. He was astonished when her father agreed to his request in just short notice.

He scratched the back of his head, thinking of a way to tell her that the knot has been tied today. Or her parents would tell her? He sighed again, staring at her sleeping. It's been four hours now after the surgery and she was still asleep even though it was 11PM now. He stood up and moved to the couch. He laid down there to have some sleep because he had been having sleepless nights, thinking he was actually going to lose her.

He closed his eyes and soon he drifted off to sleep. In his dream he saw her crying, holding a child and begging him to help her. "They killed my baby," she murmured, weeping uncontrollably. She raised her head up and looked at him. All the anger and hatred that he had for her washed away. He enfolded her and she cried into his chest. "It's okay, I'm here for you. I will protect you, I promise," he cooed, patting her back gently. She took deep breaths and snuggled up to him more.

He broke the hug and looked at the lifeless baby. "I know he might be a bastard but I still love him. Why didn't they kill me instead? Why did they have to kill my child, my first child? He is innocent, he did nothing to them," she spoke with so much pain in her voice. He looked at her feeling remorseful for the way he treated her before. "Manha.... I.... I'm sorry you lost your child.... I'm sorry I wasn’t be able to protect you or the baby...."

She smiled bitterly, her eyes still on the baby. "I have wronged you. I have accused you of many things that you know nothing about. I pushed you away when you were only trying to protect me but I ended up ruining my life, ruining my relationship with you, my parents and everyone. I should be the one to apologize."

The panic starts out as thin cellophane, something her fingers can pierce breathing holes in. In another minute the panic is a deluge of ice water surrounding every limb, creeping higher until it passes her mouth and nose. That's when the attack becomes absolute, shutting her body down as fast as punching a biochemical reset button. She gasped for air but it's like she had forgotten how to breathe. "Manha, calm down now and breathe. Breathe in and out," he instructed holding her shoulders. She nodded and did as he said. He moved her away from the corpse and took her to his room.

"What am I going to do now?" She wailed running her hands through her rough hair. He shushed her and engulfed her in a hug. She sobbed into his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his shirt. He held her in silence, rocking her slowly as her tears soaked his chest. A tiny lapse let her pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears, before she collapsed again, she howls of misery worsening. The pain must have come in waves, minutes of sobbing broken apart by short pauses for recovering breaths, before hurling her back into the outstretched arms of her grief.

His eyes opened like two flashlight beams, the new temporal inserts providing enough light to illuminate whatever he looked at. It's like being shown the woods one tree at a time in some crazy memory game, but it's better than blackness. He was soaked in his own sweat. What kind of a dream was that? Maryam? Having a child? Whose child? Why was she in his house? He cleared his mind the moment he acknowledged Habiba looking at him.

"You okay?" She asked smiling. He stood up and moved to the stool beside her bed. She looked up at his face, "you had a bad dream?" She asked and he nodded. "How are you feeling?" He asked to avoid her next question. She nodded, "I'm feeling much better than before." He simpered and nodded.

“Let me pray now,” he said and stood up because it was almost sunrise. He sauntered into the bathroom, brushed his teeth with the new toothbrush and performed ablution. He offered his Subh prayer, stayed a bit and did his azkhar. She watched him in silence as he made Du’a before he finished and stood up from the prayer mat.

“I'll call the doctor and inform him you're awake," he said, beaming at her. He tapped on the button twice to get the doctor's attention. "Where's my mom? And dad?" She asked looking at him. "I told them to go home and rest," he informed sitting back on the stool. "You spent the night here?" She asked astonished. He chuckled softly and nodded. A soft knock came on the door before the doctor and two nurses appeared.

He asked her some few questions about the pain and did his check up. One of the nurses gave her some injections before they left. "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked already panicking when she grimaced. "I promise you, I am 10 times better than how I was last week." She gave him a assuring smile. He nodded and sighed. Should he tell her that the knot has been tied yesterday when she was in the theater or he should let her parents to tell her? He was afraid of how she would react to the news. But he had to do it. He had to be close to her and take care of her. He had to show her how much he loves her and cares about her.

The knock came slowly first and then there was silence. Soon enough they heard the door opened and shut, its creaking noise bringing a chill to his spine. He knew it was her mother. He turned his head and looked at her holding a basket, Habiba's half sister tailing behind. He stood up from the stool and welcomed them. He squatted and greeted her mother.

"Mommy," Habiba cooed with her weak voice. "Masha Allah, my girl is getting better already," she spoke cheerfully, walking to Habiba's side. She kissed her cheeks and forehead. Habiba giggled a bit, "yes mommy, I am."

Her sister came in too and hugged her. "I baked for you," she said excitedly. She brought out the plastic rubber that was filled with Oreo Stuffed Mint Chocolate Brownies. "Aww my favorite, thank you so much, Adila." Her sister's eyes glowed in happiness. She loved it when Habiba was happy.

Mommy placed both her hands on the Adila's shoulder, "why don't you go to the play ground with Mahmud while I speak with your sister?" She suggested. Mommy looked at Mahmud and gave him a signal. He nodded, knowing that mommy wanted to inform Habiba about the marriage. Adila followed him and they went out to the playground.

The air was cold and wind was strong. He could feel the hairs on his body raise as the cold wind hit his face as he sat on the bench thinking of how Habiba would react. Small children were playing on the various, colourful, play equipment, as their parents kept a watchful eye on them. The noise of children laughing at each other playfully as they chased each other in circles almost drowned out the cries of a baby whose mum was too busy talking to her friends to notice the baby had lost its dummy.

Adila sat beside him instead of joining the kids. He looked at her and raised a brow. "Aren't you going to play?" He asked smiling. "No, it's too early to start running around," she shrugged her shoulders. He chuckled softly and shook his head. She looked at him with a worried face. "Is my half sister going to be okay?" She questioned. He looked away and smiled. "She will be fine, in sha Allah. Just pray for her okay?" He spoke gently. She sighed and nodded.

"And why will you call your actual sister half sister?" He asked wondering. "Because I was adopted," she spoke nonchalantly. "Who told you that?" He asked, astonished. He could remember mommy telling him Adila was adopted when she was a baby, how did she knew she was adopted.

"The kids in my school told me. They always mocked me that I am Arabian and my mother and sister are Americans which makes so much sense," she explained. She spoke like an adult which amazed him. "I asked mommy if I was adopted but she couldn't say anything which gave me my answer," she added. He placed his arm around her shoulder, "adopted or not, they still love you wholeheartedly. Habiba loves you, okay? And never let their words get to you. You're a special kid," he encouraged and poked her nose. She giggled, and her dimples popped.

Mommy sat on the stool where Mahmud sat before and held Habiba's left hand. "I need you to listen to what I have to say.” Habiba slowly nodded, waiting to hear what her mother had to say. She held no facial expression but deep down she was worried about what her mother had to say.

Mommy held a perturbed facial expression as she started speaking. "There is no foundation that has been built in Islam more loved by Allah, (The Greatest and Noblest) than marriage. Our affairs are attached to the destiny decreed by Allah, even our best plans may lead us to destruction. Your faith has been written with the ink of Allah's love, and sealed with His mercy, so fear not, place your trust in Him and have hope in His decree....."

"Mommy is there something wrong with me? Is it about my health?" She cuts mommy off. She was starting to get out of patience. She needed to know what was wrong. "Sabr, my love. Have patience. And I'll tell you everything. Yesterday was Saturday right?" Habiba slowly nodded, swallowing hard. "Last week, Mahmud asked your father if they could get you guys married and your father agreed. The knot has been tied, yesterday."

Her brain stutters for a moment as she tried to take in mommy's words. She's married? So she had been looking at her husband all that while and she didn't know? No wonder she was left with him in the room.

"Remember; no amount of guilt can change the past, no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allah's decree. If something is meant to go somewhere else, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee."

"So.... you're saying that.... I am married now and...." she paused and scoffed still not believing the fact that she's a married woman now. Her mother stroked her hair and kissed the side of her head. "I'll be going now. I will come back later when your father is back from work. Don't stress yourself and behave." Habiba nodded her eyes getting watery. Mommy left the room and she released the waterfall that had been threatening to fall. How could they do that to her without asking her. What if she actually doesn't want to marry him anymore?

The grief surged with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by her long intakes of the damp spring air. Tears began to spill from her helpless eyes onto the newly growing grass. Her gaze fell from bloom to bloom. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would completely change now that she is married, that time was only stopped for her, undid her completely.

She heard the door being opened and closed. He knew things were not going to be easy when she had found out about it. He walked over to her and cupped her face in his palms. That was the first time he was touching her. His warmth seep into her being and he comforted her without ever opening his mouth. "Why didn't you ask me before you did it?" She asked looking at him. He felt guilty for what he did but it was for the best.

He slowly let go of her face and sat down on the stool. "I did it because I love you, I did it because I know that you love me too....."

"Geez, Mahmud I am not ready.... I mean... can't you see that I'm clearly dying? I will be nothing but stress for you. Do you enjoy staying at the hospital all day long and do nothing but sit down and watch me wail in pain?"

"I cannot imagine life without you, Habiba. I don't care how complicated things get, I only want this with you, I only want you. Habiba I prayed for this day to come. I often pray to Allah about you. Allah knows how much I love you because in every Du'a, I pray for you, I pray for your health and happiness. I pray for us. I didn't lose hope. You're the reason I smile when I have nothing to smile about and you really expect me to let go of you because of one tiny thing that we can go through together? No Habiba, your worries are my pain, your tears are my heartache. I will never leave your side, till death do us part, in sha Allah."

She takes a minute looking at his eyes and it held nothing but the truth. Nothing but the love he has for her. She closed her eyes and smiled. "I'm sorry for what I said. I was just afraid...." he placed a hand on her lips and she opened her eyes. He simpered. "I only want this with you," he whispered. She chuckled softly and held his hand that was now on her cheek. "You look super cute when you smile," he commented. She raised her brows and shook her head. "Not when I'm looking all sick and tired."

"I can't explain how happy I am right now.... wife." He winked, making her to blush. She was feeling shy all of a sudden. Someone should wake her up from this fantasy dream before she suffocate herself with happiness. Mahmud was really her husband? Her crush is now her husband? Life is full of crazy things.

She looked at him, his hand was still on her cheek. "It's getting late and you haven't eaten your breakfast," she spoke. He was clearly absent minded. He brushed his fingers on her cheek. She smiled, and he leaned in to kiss her. He kissed her and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek as their breaths mingled. She ran her fingers down his spine, pulling him closer until there was no space left between them and she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest.