Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Celine's POV
The moment Maxine went out the door, I felt my knees give up, my tears are now overflowing as my heart sank. I curled up in my bed crying and the more I cry, the more I see her hurt face. I know I made a mistake but I was afraid. I was afraid of all of these things. I was scared of seeing how disappointed my parents would be. I was scared of how people may see me. I was scared of the judgments of my friends. I was scared of losing her, yet now, i know I already has.
Forgive me, Maxine. I'm too weak to be by your side. I know how dirty can Kris played. Last time I turned her down, she talked to everyone saying we're secretly dating. I never told Maxine this but I am scared of what will happen if Kris found out. The tears in her eyes doubled my pain. I hate seeing her so weak, so vulnerable but I know she's strong. She can move on from me and that shit scared the hell out of me either.
But I had no choice. I want to just hug her and say that I love her too. That I wanted her, all of her but I can’t. I'm so weak to handle this thing. Within the span of time that were together, I'm at my happiest but there is this little voice in my head that everything will end up sooner or later. That I'll messed up. And now, that little voice was right! I messed up. I messed everything up! ] She probably hates me now. And I think this is better. To let her hate me and stay away from me.
Two weeks had passed and now I'm at home celebrating the holidays. Two excruciating, painfully slow weeks since I broke it off between us. Since that day, I tried my best ignoring Maxine and its quite easy because she does the same. Our friends noticed but we don’t care to explain why and they respect that, they let us be since I know they had something on their mind already. I kept hanging out with them and give Maxine space even if every time I see her all I wanted to do was kiss her and annoy her to the point where she'd be mad, a cute kind of mad and to take back all the things that I have said to her. But she busied herself with the student council stuff to avoid me too.
We avoid each other like a plaque. Sometimes, I caught her staring at me but then she'll just looked away and sometimes will glare at me. She stays out of my sight as much as possible and she even changed our seats so that we were seated away from each other.
I miss her. I can’t look at her knowing I had caused her pain. It was the least of the things I wanted to do to her. I miss her smile, her laughter, the way her eyes glimmered at me, the way she gave her sarcasm, her filthy comments, her touch and the way she caresses my body. All about her. But I can’t do anything about it anymore. I wasn't ready. I'm afraid. Its better this way.
"Celine.. will you please pass the chicken?" Leslie, my younger brother said keeping me away from my thoughts. We were having our dinner and was talking about things. I arrived earlier from university, so tonight was complete. I have a small family which consist of my mom, dad, me and my little brother, Leslie. "How was school Celine? You coping up, since last time you mentioned you were having trouble with your schedule that’s why we allowed you to move in there" Dad asked placing his glasses on the bridge of his nose properly. "It's fine by now Dad. Everything went well after I moved in." I plainly replied, gaining a knowing look from my mom "If you're place is not really that good you can always come home and you should come home every weekends Cel. Are you too busy?"
"Yes Dad. Sorry just doing some school stuff during weekends"
"Hun, don't worry about Celine, she's all grown up. I'm sure she's enjoying her study and her place there, but no boys allowed, okay Celine?" Mom said sipping from her wine If you only knew mom.
"Yeah. No boys allowed." I deadpanned as my thoughts immediately come back to Maxine. What was she doing now? Is she having family dinner too? Is she eating now? What will she do for the next days? I know I had led her on. I was planning to spend some days of the holiday with her, because I wanted to but I think I couldn’t just do it. Mark's party had gone unnoticed. I didn't go.
After our dinner, I helped mom cleaned everything up and I excused myself saying I'm tired of the ride. I immediately opened my social media accounts receiving holiday greetings from my friends. I was waiting for Maxine to send me something but there was none. Why would she message you? You told her to leave you alone, bitch! Yeah. Will she reply if I message her first? But what will I have to tell her? Happy holidays! Sorry for breaking your heart and enjoy the rest of the week? Lame! She'd just be angrier at me. I guess I have more time to message her.
Today's just the 24th of December so I still have tomorrow and for the New Year to greet her, right? But I really am bothered to messaged her today. Why? I didn't bother opening her profile, I didn't want to see what she's up to and I'm still too afraid to make the first move. As soon as I know it, sleep had taken over me.