Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Going into the black market and buying a hacking device didn't work at all. But we did get a constant video call which we didn't pick up. We were too chicken shit for it. And I tried my hand at hacking again, it didn't work at all.

Whoever is behind that knows everything too well about technology and there no one that I know is of that level here at my school or Deorgon.

Jack lost hopes, dropped me at home and left.

And now here I am standing in front of my door and my hopes flying in to the air little by little.

I open and the door silently and closed without a sound. Just when I make my way through the staircase, the lights flicker on.

I roll my eyes and stop. I know what is going to happen now, my mom hand on her hips staring at me like I am some kind of deadly disease.

"Where were you? I tried calling you and you didn't pick up?" she says.

"I am sorry, was just doing some homework at a friend's home" I lie. Because If I say the truth, I am dead on the spot.

She narrows her eyes at me, "And by friend, you mean Charlie Gray?"

This is how it goes, me telling her more white lies, but anyways she is wrong.

"Nope, I was at Samara's and also why do care if I was at Charlie’s?"

“Because he is going through some things. I think he’ll need some space right now”

“Um, so you don’t think I am going through some things? You don’t think that I lost my best friend of 4 years. That I need some space too?” I have tears in my eyes. I know there is no going back from this.

“Oh. Honey, I am so sorry that your friend committed suicide but things happen and you have to let them go” she says, not even a trace of sadness in her eyes.

“Suicide? That’s what you all think huh?”

“Well, I know you are traumatized now. But I don’t want you go near him again. You understand sweetie? Don’t waste your time on him; you’ve got a bright future ahead you, all this drama will be nothing when you look back”

Drama?

“Stop! Stop talking to me! Just stop! All you people do is believe some shit that is not even true! You think her death is drama, that Charlie not eating for days and me going crazy about people not caring about! This just shows how psychotic you people are!”

"Hey! Mind your words young lady!"

"I am leaving. I am so sick and tired of you people!"

And with that I left my house with my mom screaming, anyways she'll call the police and they will come looking for me.

I walk until my legs hurt and stop at a highway, where would I go now. I take my phone which was chiming all the way here. It’s just my mom. I switch it off and shove it into my pocket.

A few handfuls of blocks from here are Charlie’s, maybe I could go there. The only person I could now lean on is Charlie.

As I sometime, I see a black Mercedes pass me, the headlight made my eyes hurt, so I closed my eyes.

It just went so fast. God.

**************

I kind of feel independent now. Leaving my house (not for long).

I have two more months to graduate and the thought about us all getting graduated and not having Kez is just heart breaking. I remember her talking about how she always wanted to travel the world and enjoy her life. She made me adventurous, if not, I would still be a nerdy little girl with not social life, well that is not completely true but she is the reason that I am like this right and I am proud of it. I hope she is too.

I miss her so much. She was very bright and had an amazing smile and looked very beautiful. She was everything that I wasn’t. We talked till the morning, cared about nothing and laughed like maniacs until our whole bodies hurt.

I felt like I would lose her if I talked about Charlie, because she was my best friend, my supporter in whatever I did. When my parents said that I’ll have to join medical college, she said me to pursue what I loved the most. She was always there for me.

I feel guilty now, being in love with her boyfriend. I feel like I have betrayed her, this is going to haunt me. Forever.

I feel like I should have been a good friend. Should have known some signs. She did show any though.

She looked kind of dull before she was gone and when I asked she said she was kind of not feeling well and I saw her and Charlie hugging in the hallways, she was smiling and I thought all was fine.

It’s irony though; it never occurred to me that I put on a fake smile to hide all that pain. I should’ve known better as a friend.

I hope she at least finds the happiness that she never found here.

A tiny droplet of water fell on the back of my palm, that’s when I realized I was crying. Just waters running from eyes like waterfalls.

And also that’s when I realized, that I am such a betrayer to our friendship. That I didn’t deserve her friendship.

If she was still alive, she would have graduated with Charlie and would have lived her life and I would have lived mine but now I am just stuck with these thoughts that won’t die any soon.

I deserve every bit of it but also I am sorry.

I am sorry, Kezya, I am sorry if you think I have hurt you, I am sorry I am having feeling for your boyfriend and I am really scared. I should have told you soon. I am sorry, I really am.