Chapter 43: Chapter 43

Joshua wouldn't leave my mind. Was I doing the right thing? I zip up my suitcase. Agatha and Alex were also packing their bags.

I hear the doorbell ring. I walk to the door and open it. Gregory and Nathan stare at me incredulously.

"Can I know what's the story of miss leaving?" Gregory furrows his brows and walks past me into my apartment. "And had the courage to tell me by message?" He raises his phone, showing the screen with my message.

"I thought I wouldn't have time to tell you in person."

"Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" Gregory seems even more incredulous.

I moisten my lips and feel my throat burn.

"Susanna, Joshua's sister, told me to come back to Brazil." I explain.

"And just because she told you to come back, you will?" He raises his eyebrows, stupefied.

"It's my fault Joshua got shot. And the least I can do is let him live his own life. I just want the best for him."

"Alice! You're underestimating yourself! What makes you think you're not the best for him?"

I sigh.

"If I were the best, he wouldn't be in that hospital."

"And will you blame yourself for that for the rest of your life? It was his choice to save you! And I know you would do the same for him, if you had the choice!"

I take a deep breath and shake my head.

"But even if I wanted to, I can't stay. Susanna was very clear that she doesn't want me here. And her thoughts shouldn't be different from Mr. and Mrs. Scott. Especially... I saw the judgmental eyes of Joshua's mother. Surely, she thought it would have been better for me to take the shot instead of her son." Those words sound like they're tearing my throat apart. "And I have nothing to argue. To them, I will always be just the housekeeper."

"But have you thought about what Joshua thinks? Have you imagined when he finds out you left?"

"Susanna will take care of all that."

"And why are you so sure about all of this? What did she do to you?"

"Nothing. She just... emphasized the importance of family."

Gregory narrows his eyes and approaches me.

"She didn't just emphasize the importance of family. She did more than that, didn't she?" He corners me.

"She gave me five hundred thousand dollars to build my life in Brazil."

"What?!" Gregory almost shouts. "She bribed you, Alice! And you accepted?"

"I know it seems like the worst thing I'm doing. But... I'm giving up my own happiness for my family's. And that was the main reason I left Brazil."

Gregory shakes his head negatively, still indignant about the situation.

"I know you want the best for them. But... You also need to want the best for yourself!"

I slide my gaze from Gregory, looking broadly at the living room.

"Are you sure about what you're doing?"

I shake my head.

"A part of me doesn't want to leave and leave Joshua behind. But the other... urges me to move forward. Because, it doesn't want to cause trouble and... believes that I can truly pursue my dream of becoming an artist. And have a promising future. But... to be honest. I don't know what to do.

Gregory sighs and holds my hands.

"I know you're feeling guilty about what happened to Joshua. And I know that, with the amount his sister gave you, which is... very enticing, it would be a great opportunity to alleviate this guilt. You would leave, move on with your life, but... then what? In a few years, after you've achieved your so-called "promising future". Would you be happy? Even after remembering that you abandoned someone you cared about deeply and who also cared about you?"

For that exact reason, I wasn't sure. Taken by the pain, I could easily leave, but thinking about how my future Alice would feel remembering that she left someone who loved her enough to stand in front of her and take a bullet for her, made me hesitate.

"What do you think I should do?" I feel a tear run down my face.

Gregory touches his thumb to my cheek, wiping away the tear.

"I think you should wait for Joshua to wake up. And follow your heart. And screw whether Susanna or Mr. and Mrs. Scott approve of your relationship. Who will be dating Joshua, is you! Only you."

I sniffle and a small smile appears on my lips, hugging Gregory.

"I don't know what I would do without you." My voice sounds muffled against his chest.

"Probably, now, you would be going to the airport and making the biggest mistake of your life. And... you would be leaving the best advisor of your life." He says jokingly.

"You're right."

"I always am." He boasts in a playful tone. "And... you look like you haven't slept at all last night."

"After what happened, I couldn't."

"Then, I think it's time for you to rest a little."

I move away from his chest and look at the girls.

"They need to rest too. They spent the night at Joshua's house."

"Do that. I have to go to work."

Gregory smiles and says goodbye to me, leaving my apartment.

"Good thing we arrived before you did something crazy." Nathan comments, opening a grateful smile and a few seconds later, he leaves the apartment as well.

Agatha and Alex watch that scene.

"We're not traveling anymore?" Alex asks, and I shake my head.

"I don't think we need to anymore."

I exhale a small smile and head to my room, leaving the suitcases in the living room. I would rest first and then unpack them.

***

After resting for a while, I decided to visit Joshua in the hospital. I wanted to see him. I needed to see him, especially after yesterday.

I entered the building and headed to Joshua's room. Luckily, it was still visiting hours and no one from Joshua's family was around. I would enter and leave before being seen.

I opened the door slowly and entered the room, seeing that Joshua was awake.

"Hi," I said as I approached, allowing a small smile to appear on my lips.

"Hi," he replied back, sharing the same smile as me. His breathing was still a little shallow.

"It's good to see you alive," my voice sounded low.

"It was a close call," he let out a low chuckle. "It's good to look at you," he whispered.

"Sorry for not coming earlier. I had to... deal with some problems."

"I hope it wasn't related to Emeraude."

"No. It was... personal problems."

"My family called the police to go after her."

"I hope they find her soon. What she did was unforgivable..."

"Alice?"

Someone enters the room. I look back and see Susanna carrying a cup of coffee in her hands.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were already on your way to Brazil," she raised her eyebrows.

The last person I wanted to see at that moment showed up at the hospital. But I had made sure that no one from Joshua's family was around, how could she be here?

"Brazil?" Joshua questioned.

"I stopped by to check on him," I explained to Susanna.

"Alice is going back to Brazil," she passed by me and sat in the armchair next to Joshua's bed.

"How come you're going back to Brazil?" Joshua looked at me confused.

What would I say to him?

"Well... We don't need to talk about that now, Joshua."

"Alice," he said seriously. "Speak."

I moistened my lips and slid my gaze to Susanna, who was watching the scene curiously.

"Actually... I decided not to go anymore," I confronted Susanna and received a disapproving look from her.

Susanna let out a small chuckle, feeling confronted.

"Is there something I don't know?" Joshua raised one of his eyebrows, perspicacious.

"It's nothing, brother. Just women stuff," Susanna opened a bitter smile.

I looked at her surprised by her attitude. It didn't even seem like we were close when I worked at Mr. Scott's house and before she moved to Seattle. She was totally different, she even seemed like a less problematic copy of Emeraude, who also wanted to separate me from Joshua.

A nurse enters the room, interrupting us. She approaches Joshua.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Alive," he says jokingly, making the nurse let out a small laugh.

"And we like to hear that," she smiles. "I'll change your dressing." She looks slightly at us. "Some companions are sensitive to any injuries. So, do you mind or...?"

"No, it's okay," Susanna smiles politely at the nurse. "Actually..." She seemed to have suddenly changed her mind. "Can we talk for a moment, Alice?"

Susanna gets up from the armchair and walks past me. Before I could respond, she pulls me by the arm out of the room.

"Was I not clear with you or... do you have trouble following orders?" she narrows her eyes in disbelief and crosses her arms.

"I'm not going back to Brazil, Susanna. I'm not going to abandon Joshua. And even if you tried to bribe me... I don't want your money."

Susanna lets out another one of her nasal laughs, emphasizing a sarcastic tone.

"You have no idea how stupid you're being, Alice."

Before I can respond at her level, I feel my cellphone vibrating in the pocket of my sweatshirt. It was a call from home. I answer.

"Mom, it's not a good time..."

"It's not your mom, Alice. It's your aunt. I had to call. Stefanny wanted to hide it from you, but... enough with the lies. She's worse. And I need you to come back to Brazil as soon as possible."

"Wait, aunt... What? What do you mean she's worse?"

"Your mother has been diagnosed with cancer."

"W-What?"

I freeze in shock.

"I'm with her at the hospital. She's been undergoing treatment for the past few months, but... it didn't work."

"And why did she lie to me? She said everything was okay!"

"She didn't want to worry you. But I think it's time for you to come back home... I need to hang up now, I'll talk to the doctor."

My aunt ends the call. That couldn't be happening. I lean back, feeling my body weaken a little. My back collides against the hallway wall. I was amazed. That couldn't be true.

"What's gotten into you?" Susanna analyzes me intrigued.

"My mother. She... She's very sick."

Susanna widens her eyes, appearing to sympathize with what I had just said. She approaches me cautiously.

"I think... Now, you'll need the money more than anything... right?"

I take a deep breath. I can't believe that even seeing my state, she still talked about the money. But, the worst... is that she was right.

"Yes. You're right." I grit my teeth.

I didn't want to agree with her words, let alone follow the same path she had told me to follow, but it was a fateful coincidence. And this time, there was no refuting it.

"I'm so sorry about your mother." Susanna sighs. "And I hope the money helps." Suddenly, the expression on Susanna's face became understandable. "And to be honest, I was still thinking of an excuse to tell Joshua about your departure to Brazil. Because... I don't want him to hate you. I just... don't want him to make the same mistakes as before. I think you should know his relationship history. And I just want to take care of my brother."

"I understand, Susanna. I've heard your speech about just wanting the best for him." I say impatiently.

She nods in agreement.

"So, can I tell Joshua that you went back to Brazil because of your mother and that you're not sure if you'll come back to London?"

I sighed, tired of that story. At that moment, I was too worried about my mother to give Susanna any attention.

The door to the room was opened, we thought it was the nurse, but we were mistaken. Joshua watched us incredulously.

"What's going on here?" His voice shook our entire body.

"N-Nothing!" Susanna looked at him, alarmed. "We were just talking."

Joshua's gaze slid to me.

"What's going on, Alice?"

I pressed my lower lip, without an answer to give, except the truth.

"Alice needs to go back to Brazil. Her mother is sick," Susanna answered for me.

"Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Because... We didn't want to worry you..."

I shook my head, tired of lies.

"But before that... Your sister gave me money to go back to Brazil and forget about you," I revealed, tired of living in a circle of lies.

"What?" Joshua looked at Susanna, stupefied.

"What?! No! Of course not!" she refuted, looking indignant at me. "Alice is mistaken!"

"Mistaken?" I laughed in mockery.

"You know what?" she nodded. "I offered. But don't play dumb, Alice. You accepted! And you didn't even hesitate! You're still with the money, aren't you? And you agreed that it was everything you needed at this moment," she said, astutely.

"Yes, you're right. Actually, at this moment, all I need is money to help my mother's treatment," I replied dryly. "But it's not because you asked."

"How could you do this behind my back?" Joshua commented disappointedly.

"What could I do?" I replied, broken.

"Not you, Alice. My sister," he looked fixedly at Susanna.

"Now it's just my fault?" she said amazed. "Your girlfriend didn't hesitate to keep the money I offered!"

"With the argument that it was the 'best' for me, anyone would believe that, even you," he replied sharply. Susanna's eyes widened automatically when she saw that Joshua had heard more things from our conversation. "That's what happens when you leave the door just ajar, Susanna," he said sagely. "I think it's time for you to go home. And... Leave Alice alone. You have nothing to do with our relationship."

Susanna seemed in shock.

"What are you doing here?" the nurse reprimanded Joshua between the door of the room. "I just had to heat up the water for you, and you run away from bed?" she said reprovingly. "You need to rest! Come on!"

The nurse takes Joshua back inside the room.

Coming out of shock, Susanna passes me like a hurricane, heading towards the hospital exit. I decided to go back inside the room. Joshua deserved an explanation.

Back in bed, Joshua paid attention to what the nurse was telling him. I leaned my head against the wall near the door, watching the conversation between the two and waiting for the nurse to finish and leave the room.

After she finished, I was alone with Joshua again. "I'm sorry for what happened," I said, my voice low, almost a whisper. "No problem," he shrugged. "Anyone in your place would have done the same." "I didn't want this to happen." "Alice," he looked at me. "It's okay. I always knew that between your family and me... they would always be more important. And... that's not wrong. So it's okay. And keep the money that Susanna gave you. Use it to help with your mother's treatment."

I lowered my gaze to the floor, feeling the urge to cry from the night before return. "So, I guess this is goodbye?" I asked.

"What makes you think this is goodbye?" he questioned.

"Because... I'm leaving. And... I don't know when I'll be back. Or even... if I'll be back."

"Ali... Just because you're going back to Brazil, doesn't mean... I'll stop loving you," he said. "I just want you to be happy. And... it may take as long as it needs to... but we'll see each other again."

Joshua reached out his arm, calling me to come closer to him. I walked over to him.

"It's not goodbye, Alice Collins, it's see you later," he said with a small smile.

"I love you," I murmured.

The small smile on Joshua's lips intensified. "I love you too," he replied.

Joshua moved his body a little to the side, allowing space for me to lie down next to him. That would be our last night together.