Chapter 38: Chapter 38

The world seemed to have frozen in that moment. Seeing him there, especially with Madelyn, was the last thing I expected and wanted to see.

"Why did you do this?" I asked Samantha, getting a little annoyed.

"Because it's your birthday. And... I thought it might be a way for you two to make up. But... I didn't imagine he would bring Madelyn. I-I'm sorry," Samantha murmurs, feeling guilty.

"I'll take her inside," Benjamin says and heads towards the cabin.

I let out a heavy sigh. I run my hand through my hair, feeling restless. In that moment, I wished I was completely drunk. Thinking that I was hallucinating would be much better than facing Joshua for real, and the next day, I could easily forget everything.

And that's exactly what I was going to do.

I see Sarah and Nathan talking a little way off from where Joshua was. They both had a beer bottle in hand. Without hesitation, I walk over to them.

"Birthday girl!" Sarah says excitedly. "I saw that your boyfriend came to celebrate your birthday. And... It seems he didn't come with very good company." She looks at Madelyn and laughs, likely due to the effects of the alcohol.

The smell of alcohol was strong on Sarah. I take the beer bottle from her hands and take a long sip.

"Hey, take it easy, Alice," Nathan scolds.

I pull my lips away from the bottle, feeling a little dizzy from having consumed a large amount of alcohol all at once.

"Taking it easy is the last thing I want," I reply.

"Is it because of Joshua?"

"I don't know what got into Samantha to invite him. The whole point of coming on this trip was to get away from him."

"And do you think getting drunk will change anything?" Nathan furrows his brow and takes the beer bottle from my hands.

"No, but it will make me forget tomorrow."

I step away from Nathan and walk towards the porch of the cabin, where earlier I had seen some boxes of alcohol.

The first three boxes I find are empty. How did only five people manage to finish almost the entire stock of drinks in just one day?

"What are you doing?" Benjamin asks when he sees me kneeling and rummaging through the drink boxes.

"I'm looking for some beer bottles."

"Why? Decided to drink now?"

I stand up from the ground and observe the intrigued man with my arms crossed, waiting for a coherent answer from me.

"Joshua is here. And I need to focus on something other than him."

"And so you decided to drink?"

"It's the only thing I'm sure will make me forget about it tomorrow."

"I don't think the drink will make you forget, but amplify what you're feeling."

"Then we have a problem. Because... I don't know what I'm feeling."

I pass by Benjamin and walk to the freezer, finally finding about three bottles left. Maybe those would be enough for me to escape sobriety.

***

Gregory and Hannah continued with all their vigor as they danced and drank, unlike Samantha who was already sleeping, just like my sisters, Nathan who had already given up on drinking and Sarah who had become a completely annoying drunk.

I observed the whole scene while drinking the last beer bottle of the three that were left. In seconds, I found myself laughing at everything, even though it wasn't really funny.

"Don't you think you've had enough to drink?" Benjamin scolded me again.

"Why are you so worried?" I looked at him, almost dizzy, but irritated by his complaints.

"Because a few hours ago, you were the most responsible girl at the party. And now... I've lost count of how many times you've drunk."

"It's only been three bottles, Benjamin." I rolled my eyes.

"Enough to make you out of yourself."

I looked at him and made a face.

"You don't have to be such a stick-in-the-mud. Loosen up a bit. Enjoy!" I looked back at Gregory who was dancing with Hannah near the dying fire. "Gregory! You're killing it!" I shouted and laughed, slipping off Benjamin's shoulder. "This party is amazing!"

"Do you know what I'd like to do now?" Sarah said, wobbling on her feet. "Go for a swim in the sea. Naked!" she said amidst laughter.

"I think it's an awesome idea!" Hannah commented, and put her hands on her shirt, about to take it off.

"No. No one is going to swim in the sea. And definitely not naked!" Jack stopped Hannah, putting his arm around the girl's neck.

"Party pooper," Sarah complained. "Is the beer already finished?" she looked at the various empty bottles scattered on the lawn. "Could someone buy more?"

"It's already very late at night." Jack replied.

"So what? What's the problem?" I retorted, receiving the gaze of everyone, including Joshua, who looked sternly at me. Maybe it was because I was drunk and in the arms of another guy who wasn't him.

"I think you guys need to sleep." Jack said, which made me tilt my head back and laugh, because Jack thought he had enough authority to boss us around when he shouldn't even be here. I almost fell off the wooden chair I was sitting on.

"Be careful!" Benjamin supported me. "I think that's enough, Alice. You've already had too much to drink! Come on." He stood up and tried to pick me up.

"No! Don't be a party pooper!" I struggled, making it difficult for him to pick me up.

"I'm serious." His voice sounded intense and impatient.

"I don't want to go!" I grunted.

"Then, do you want your sisters to see you like this? What kind of responsible figure do you want to transfer to them?"

I rethink my actions.

"Okay!" I huff and wrap my arms around his neck. "But I'm not going because you asked me to." An instant pout appears on my lips."

Benjamin carries me into the cabin. When we arrive at my room, he lays me down on the second empty double bed.

"I just realized that you're such a goody two-shoes... You should let loose more like them... They know how to have fun..." My eyes feel heavy.

"I don't know if you remember, but... I told you that I don't know how to drink. So, it's better if I stay far away from alcohol."

"Ah..." I close my eyes. "Why... Are you so worried about me?"

"Because... I know the reason why you drank. And I know that if you keep acting on impulse from the drink, you might do things you'll regret the next day."

I open my eyes, even though it's hard to keep them open, and briefly look into Benjamin's eyes. They were truly enchanting. He was actually a charming guy. Any girl would easily fall for him. I touch his hand, resting on the bed, and give him a small sleepy smile.

"Thank you." I whisper.

Unable to keep my eyes open any longer, I end up passing out.

***

I toss and turn in bed. My head hurts a little. Even though I didn't drink excessively, it was enough for me to feel the effects of the alcohol. Painfully, I open my eyes and grab my phone from the bedside table, checking the time. There are only a few hours until dawn.

I get out of bed and head towards the door of the room. I urgently needed a migraine pill.

Walking in unsteady steps, I make my way to the bathroom. I glance over at Jack sleeping on the couch. I had no idea where Joshua and Madelyn could be, but I ignore my suggestive thoughts and look for some headache medicine in one of the drawers in the cabinet. Thank God, I find a small orange bottle. I take out a pill and put it in my mouth, leaning over the sink to drink some water.

I leave the bathroom and head to the cabin's porch, patiently waiting for the medicine to take effect so I can go back to sleep.

The almost-dawn breeze runs over my face. I look into the distance, letting thoughts flow through my mind.

My twenty-third birthday. I always imagined that by the time I was twenty-three, I would have graduated from college, be almost successful and... Have found the love of my life. But life, which was no fairy tale, was delaying my long-awaited moment. But despite everything, I still believed that each achievement was already halfway there. I can't be ungrateful and not appreciate what I have now. I have friends, a good job, and... Reasons that make me really happy. So, I guess gratitude is the word I can use as a synonym to define my twenty-third birthday.

I close my eyes for a few moments and take a deep breath, feeling my lungs fill.

I hear distant voices. Who could be awake besides me at a time like this? I approach the side of the cabin, seeing Joshua and Madelyn leaning against the car they came in. They were looking towards the bridge, while talking about something.

Joshua and Madelyn were facing away from the cabin, so they couldn't see me there.

"Do you remember when we used to look up at the sky and make wishes to the stars?" Madelyn asked, enjoying the starry sky with Joshua. "We were so silly." She let out a low laugh. "I never managed to fulfill my dream."

"What was your dream?"

"Living an intense and true love until the grave," she commented and fell silent for a few seconds, but then continued speaking. "But I let myself get carried away by excessive work. And... not enjoying what I should have enjoyed." She sighed.

"One of my wishes has been granted."

"Has it?" She looked at him, seeming curious.

"That my first love could leave a mark on my life." He slid his gaze to Madelyn's. "It didn't matter how. Just someone who could leave a mark on me." He seemed to be analyzing the girl's face. "You've always had beautiful eyes."

"They were the first words you said when we met. And...the last time we were together." She sighed. "I know you still hold a grudge against me, Joshua." She said, making Joshua return to his previous posture. "But...know that what happened between us...was the most real thing I ever experienced."

"I don't hold a grudge against you for leaving, Madelyn." He shook his head. "But yes, for not explaining what had happened. You just left, letting me believe for all these years that the girl I loved was the same idiot who betrayed me."

"Joshua." She turned to him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you would believe me if I came to you and told you that it wasn't me but my twin sister, whom you didn't even know existed. Would you believe me?"

"I loved you, Madelyn. Truly. I loved you with all my might. Why do you think I wouldn't believe you?"

"Because...we say we love someone until the point they don't hurt us. Because when they do, it makes us wonder if being with them is really the best for us. And... I know our relationship wasn't the same as before. I admit that on my side. So, anything that came from me...would lead us to break up."

"But it's something I will never understand."

"And you don't have to understand. After I resolve this situation with Emeraude, I'm leaving."

"And why are you going?"

"Because...the only thing that kept me in London was you. And now...I know your heart doesn't belong to me anymore. I won't interfere with your relationship with Alice."

Joshua sighed, as if he felt his heart soften.

"I just want to be able to have a normal life again." His voice sounded low.

"I know you're in love with Alice, but you're hesitant because an old feeling is awakening."

"There's something about her that I can't figure out. But it...made me lose my balance completely. And I can't admit it to her now. She must be hating me for not answering her question."

"What question?"

"She asked if I still felt something for you. And...I couldn't answer. Because, I admit, I'm a little confused about my feelings since you appeared, since I found out the truth."

"At first, I thought we could get back together. That after you knew the truth, everything would get better. But I saw that it wouldn't happen. Because you can deceive yourself, but never your heart. And what you're really feeling doesn't concern me, but the girl who made you buy a promise ring."

"Promise ring?"

"You never wore it because you thought it was ridiculous. And you bought it before she got hurt, didn't you?"

"I was planning to surprise her when we completed our first month of dating. In a few days."

"I'm sorry you're in such a situation."

"And you? You only talked about my feelings, but...what about yours?"

"Mine?" she releases a small nasal laugh. "I loved you, Joshua. And I still do. But I don't belong in your life anymore. I can't hold you back. Because I know I won't do you any good anymore." She takes a deep breath. "That's why I'm going to let you go. And I won't interfere with your relationship with Alice anymore."

I lean my head against the wall, reflecting on their conversation. I hoped Joshua would muster the courage to tell me how he felt. I needed that, needed to hear clearly that he was now sure of what he felt.

"What are you doing there?" someone asked.

I looked to the side, seeing Sarah in the middle of the cabin door.

"Uh...," I think about what to say. I couldn't say I was listening to the conversation between Madelyn and Joshua, besides, Sarah had nothing to do with it. "I was getting some fresh air."

I turn and lean my back against the wall, letting the side of my body face Sarah.

"The night is beautiful, isn't it?" she says approaching.

"Uh-huh," I nod my head.

"Listen... I'm sorry about earlier, whenever I get drunk, I lose control... I know I was a bit annoying."

I remember her unusual proposition from hours ago about skinny dipping.

"I understand," I shrug it off. "It's okay. Alcohol makes us do embarrassing things," I smile at her.

Sarah laughs and nods her head.

"Are you still awake?" Madelyn asked with a friendly smile on her face, approaching the porch entrance.

My gaze collided once again with Joshua's. And an undeniable chill ran down my spine.

"In fact, we've been awake," Sarah answers awkwardly. "Didn't you guys sleep?"

"We ended up not realizing how quickly time passed," the girl replies.

While Sarah and Madelyn talked amongst themselves, Joshua and I looked at each other, motionless. I didn't know what to say, and probably neither did he.

"Oh! Today is your birthday, isn't it, Alice? The real day," Madelyn's gaze turned to me, breaking the stagnation that existed between Joshua and me. "I heard them talking about it when we arrived," the girl approached me, hugging me suddenly. "Happy birthday!"

I couldn't return her hug, as she ended up holding my arms.

"T-Thank you!" I thank her a little embarrassed.

"Well...," she releases the hug. "With your permission, I need to at least get some sleep."

"Y-You can have my room if you want. I won't be sleeping anymore," Sarah suggests.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course! Come, let me show you where it is."

Sarah leads Madelyn inside the cabin, leaving me alone with Joshua.

I didn't want there to be an awkward silence between us, so I spoke up.

"Well... I'm going back inside. I'm going to try to sleep again. And you should do the same," I turn to enter.

"Alice," Joshua speaks my name, stopping me from proceeding. "How are you?" he asks.

What could I say, if I myself didn't exactly know how I was?

"I don't know," I say in a whisper.

"Alice..." I feel him getting closer. "I'm sorry for that day. I didn't want things to take that turn."

“And why weren't you honest?”

“You would have been hurt just the same.”

“Yes, you're right. I would have been hurt just the same. So, I think you should have completely gotten rid of the feelings you still had for Madelyn before even trying to be with someone else.”

“I didn't think this was going to happen. It never crossed my mind that Madelyn had a twin sister, and that it was her who caused our breakup. If I had known...”

“You wouldn't have believed it and would be with her now.”

“No. I would have ended things with her not for an unfair reason. But because our relationship wasn't working anymore. I feel a heavy sigh from Joshua collide against the bare skin of my neck.”

“Alice, I am completely in love with you. But... I won't force you to believe in my words. You can think about it. About us. And if you still want to have something with me, you can tell me. Otherwise... We'll go our separate ways.”

I stay silent. Joshua finishes his words and walks past me, heading into the cabin.

***

Joshua was sitting on a chair on the porch, lost in thought. He seemed not to have even slept since he talked to me. His gaze was a little distant, as if he let his thoughts flow, but several times I caught him looking at me.

“Suddenly, I woke up with a Madelyn sleeping in Sarah's bed. And for a moment, I thought I was dreaming.” Hannah commented, amazed.

“How did that happen?” Gregory asked, incredulous. He didn't remember much from the night before.

“Samantha invited Joshua, who ended up bringing Madelyn and Jack.” I replied, picking bits of grass where the three of us were sitting.

“She lost her mind, for sure.” Gregory commented, flabbergasted.

“She said she was sorry, but... I was hoping this weekend would be exclusively to stay away from Joshua. Especially... From Madelyn.” I sigh.

“Do you know why he brought them?”

“I have no idea. And I didn't ask either.”

“I'm not sure, but... I overheard a conversation that Joshua would only bring Jack since it seems he's staying at Joshua's house. And Madelyn came because Jack called her.” Hannah replied.

“Have you thought about what you're going to say to him?” Gregory questioned.

“Not yet. But I want to wait a little longer until I'm sure that Madelyn is really out of his life.”

“Are you sure? Because if you wait too long, you might end up losing Joshua.”

“I'm willing to take the risk, because I don't want to live with fears when I fully give myself to him, afraid that I might still feel something for someone else.”

“I understand you, Alice. So, take your time.” Gregory gives an encouraging smile.