Chapter 42: Chapter 42

I didn’t know I would have doubts about Aaron again until Siobhan’s words. I tried not to let them affect me and was only successful to an extent. I couldn’t drive out the thoughts planted by Siobhan’s doubts many of which came from my own insecurities. I’ve been second to Siobhan for way too long that being the second option became the new normal for me. Never has a guy seen me then her and gone for me. Now, why should Aaron?

They had a fling once after all, right? And if I recall, when Aaron’s dad threw an after-party after his Oscar win one time ago, Siobhan was invited. If she hadn’t invited me to come along I wouldn’t have gotten any invites, who would invite the daughter of a nobody after all? But we ended up not going because her mom thought we were too young for a night of wild drinking and dancing with older people who might take advantage of us – but that’s beside the point. The point here is, Aaron told me when we initially resumed that he always liked me and thought he never deserved me. Now, do I believe that? The words of a guy I only just started seeing as a friend?

I know Siobhan has my best interest at heart which was why her words kept coming back to me no matter how much I tried to keep them away. Somehow, I ended up avoiding Aaron without even realizing I was doing that. It wasn’t until he cornered me in the hallway while I was coming back from Coach’s office to check the schedule for our practice that I realized that he was aware that I was avoiding him.

“Hey.”

I looked up and was taken aback to see him standing a few feet away from Coach’s office. It was almost two so he was dressed in his basketball practice jersey.

“Hi.”

He frowned slightly. “Uh…are you good?”

“Sure,” I responded, eager to get away. It’s unlike me to let words get to me. Try being the other friend and see how thick your skin can get. I know how to deflect words but when it’s the words of someone I know and trust, and since this someone is Siobhan, I can’t help it.

“Okay,” he chuckled lightly like he was unsure of my answer. Driving his fingers through his hair he pushed off the wall. “Are we good? I mean, we were good until yesterday and this morning…I don’t know…” He licked his lips. “I don’t know what to think especially since you and Andre were together for a night. It’s almost like you’ve changed your mind about us.”

“And you think it’s because Andre and I spent a night together? I thought we were past that."

He shrugged. “I don’t know what to think. I know I said I trusted you but…I don’t know... if you’re acting this way after one night with Andre…”

“Nothing happened between Andre and me,” I whispered fiercely. “I told you that the other day and that’s not the reason I’ve been avoiding you.” I looked away. “I have doubts but it’s not for reasons you think.”

“Why then?”

It was my turn to lick my lips as I suddenly got nervous. “Aaron, can we talk about this after practice?”

“No please, let’s talk about this now. I need to know where we stand because I have something to tell you and I don’t know how to tell you if I don’t know what we are.”

He is not talking about asking me to be his girlfriend, is he?

He came to stand in front of me and was about to say something when Coach’s door opened. Taking my hand in his he pulled me away and walked toward the other end of the hall where the abandoned chemistry lab was. At least it was neat today, the cleaners must have worked hard cleaning it up before some nosy teacher stumbles on the items used for atrocities during the night.

Aaron stopped walking. At that moment the siren went off and students poured out of their classes; the junior students were most especially happy that we get to close early for now because of the upcoming game. Just three days now until the big day.

I looked at Aaron pleadingly because I needed to put the issue aside for now. I know I am a coward.

“Can we talk about this later now? You have to be on the court before Coach gets mad!”

“I don’t care! Please tell me what’s keeping you away from me.”

“It’s you, okay!” I blurted out before I could help myself. “It’s you! Why do you want me now? You used to make fun of me, remember? Why should that change all of a sudden? Why should you go after me now that Siobhan is taken? Are you just looking for the next best option?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I am talking about you. I’m talking about how I think it’s strange that Aaron Pratt wants me all of a sudden when he could have anyone else. Are you going for second best or what now?”

“Where did you get these thoughts? I am not going for second best, I am going for what I want!” he drove a handful of fingers through his hair. “Are you doubting us? It sounds a lot to me like you are now.”

“I have been doing a lot of thinking, Aaron, and I realized that it’s just strange, isn’t it? Why now all of a sudden? You used to make fun of me in junior class remember? What changed? Did I become a princess overnight? I thought about it, Aaron and I realized that this could just mean one thing, this is all a joke to you, some elaborate plan to trick me into actually believing you like me well enough so that when my guard is lowered you can dump me on my ass and embarrass me. You want to publicly shame me…”

“Stop this!” he held my shoulders and shook me strongly to stop my rants. “What is wrong with you? Why would you think these thoughts? Sure I know I was an absolute jerk once but I promise you I changed! I tried to hide my feelings for you by being a major jerk and look where that has gotten me, you now doubt my feelings for you.” He pulled me closer by my shoulders, his eyes pleading for me to understand. “I am not playing any tricks on you and I will do anything to prove it.”

I struggled to get out of his hold. “Let me go, Aaron, anyone passing can see us and will assume the worst.”

“Let them, the more people who see us together the better. I don’t want anyone to take you away from me, I don’t want you to doubt what I feel for you. I want everyone to know what we are!”

I stopped fighting him. But I couldn’t look into his eyes, I didn’t want to convince myself that he was being honest.

My heart was in my throat as I tried to sift through my feelings. What is happening? I never used to be the desired friend yet here I am fighting off Andre and getting into an emotional mess with Aaron. Did I somehow become the pretty friend over the summer?

“Bianca, I want the next level for us,” Aaron said, drawing my attention back to him. “I thought about it, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now – actually since Andre and Siobhan started dating. I don’t want to stall anymore, I don’t want to second guess what I want with you that’s why..." He looked away for a second but just a second because his eyes turned hard when he looked at me again. "I want to be honest with you.”

This time I looked at him and waited for him to keep talking. The honesty in his eyes scared me.

His thumbs caressed the curves of my shoulders as he licked his lips and took a deep breath to prepare himself for what he had to say next.

“Andre and Siobhan made a promise to each other when they became a couple, they were going to kiss their exes goodbye…”

“Yeah, I know about that.”

“Well…Siobhan…”

Just then three figures came running across the hall, the sound of running feet drew my attention and I looked to see Andre, Siobhan, and Shewa retracing their steps to the corner of the hall. All three of them were breathing heavily.

“There you are, you guys! Coach is mad!” Siobhan called out. “Whatever you guys are talking about can wait until after training. Let’s go.”

Aaron looked like he would rather skip practice. I put my hand on his arm to get his attention. “Let’s go. We can meet up at the quarters after training today, I promise.”

There was a forlorn look in his eyes as he stared at me. Eventually, he nodded. “Fine. After training tonight. I'll come to your room."