Chapter 99: Chapter 99

Chapter 97: The windows

Bad conscience over responsibility.

Regardless of who was right or wrong, she felt shameful for her actions. Black people were already named barbaric uncultured swines. Her anger had pushed forth a uncaring attitude for consequences or self dignity. For someone who knew how to always hold it in when being insulted and abashed; she had clearly derailed off the road. Her whole life Merri had been called names, made to feel inferior, lesser than anything and anyone else. She was well aware, having mastered the art of ignorance to the hurtful slurs. Ignorance to the hypocritical attitudes of those who claimed to be above her. This was not new to her, it honestly wasn't but when Stella did—

Merri could not hold herself.

She was angry. This was the woman who had caused so much harm and refused to acknowledge any of her devious actions. This was the woman who had turnt Austin into a horrid cynical unlikable bastard. Stella has triggered Austin into hurting Merri. For many reasons, she blamed Stella. If she had never hurt Austin as a child none of this tommyrot would have occurred. Merrigold had built so much resentment for a woman she had never met in her life. She had built in anger with every word Austin said, every glimpse of sadness he showed, every inch of pain he cried failing to express his deep grievances for the hurt he experienced at her hands. Merrigold imagined a monster, a heartless hideous goblin but what she found was a decent looking woman. Indifferent, her fading beauty from old age would never justify her ugly deeds and manipulative ways. If Merrigold claimed Stella was hard on the eyes, it would have been a lie. Stella looked decent for her age, anyone could tell she was a looker in her day but nonetheless all Merri felt was resentment. Stella opened the door boastful and pride. She chortled at the sight of Merri, she could not believe Austin was desperate enough to be with a 'nigger'. In a way, Stella felt she had won, she felt she'd always be better. She'd always have Austin's heart. She'd always be the best he has ever had. The nonsense that spewed out of Stella's mouth is what had made Merrigold itch and tingle to smack the smile off Stella's face.

Having put on a few pounds over the years, Stella had to admit she was jealous of this young woman, still fresh in her youth, no lump to her body even after giving birth. Her face delicate, almost naturally giving the impression that she could never hurt a fly. Perhaps she should have never underestimated the innocence Merri's face displayed. As they stared at each other, Stella knew deep down that Merrigold was beautiful and she felt jealous of her youth. Stella would do anything anything, to be young again. Not just young but anything to be Austin's age mate. Everything would have been perfect. So many years Stella thought to herself if only; if only I had been born a few years younger. A few years younger than Austin, a few years young enough to be rightfully with him without being labeled names. Stella loved Austin, she was smitten by him. Always had been, even when his teeth were missing from the loss of his baby teeth. Stella would always tell Austin he was very handsome and he would grow up to have all the girls smitten. She tried so hard to keep to herself, with each passing day he grew handsome, ever more alluring, taller and Stella could not help but feel jealous of the little girls his age. Ones who roamed around him and giggled for his attention. Stella spent so much time chasing them off, telling Austin that young girls were not mature enough for a smart maturely cultivated young man like himself. He deserved someone older, someone as mature as he was. Austin was under the influence he was better than everyone else, better than the woman younger who swooned over him. He was under the impression that he was very mature for his age and deserved to fool around with those who're older. To a certain extent it stunned him how he found Merri attractive when she was clearly much younger than he was. Young women had never been if his interest, not what he'd been groomed to like.

Overthinking and replaying everything that had happened that day, Merri sobbed against her pillow. Muffling her cries, she was embarrassed and did not know how she'd face her shame. She felt regretful, Walter was starting to like her and if he heard about her going round to give white women a hitting, that would quickly change. He was a man who was always greatly concerned with his reputation more than anything. He had given her a chance to be apart of his family only for her to let her anger get the best of her? Her knuckles hurt but Stella has not done as much damage as Merri had towards her.

Austin entered the room flabbergasted, he wanted to inform Merri if his findings. It was quickly forgotten when he found her crying. He was quick to hold her, cuddle her in his embrace. For a moment Merri did not say anything as she sobbed against his chest regretful of her actions. She was more afraid of Stella calling the authorities, Walter would have every reason to hate her now. Merrigold felt she had ruined what was clearly going very well for her. All because of this filthy secret. She wondered if Austin's daughter was exactly like him hopefully not like her horrid mother. She wondered if she was the reason why Austin hated children with a passion. As she inhaled his strong colon, Merri told herself she could do this. She loves Austin with all her heart. She can tolerate a seventeen year old brat who is probably just as racist and horrible as the mother. Merri found comfort in his arms, this was where she always wanted to be with him and she'd never let anything come inbetween them. Merri felt selfish for her actions and anger. She'd accept it. She'd confess to Austin.

"I know things haven't been pitch perfect for that I apologize. It's entirely my fault. I keep hurting you constantly. I can not help but feel responsible for all your sorrows. I'm sorry love, I'm a horrible person but I'm willing to learn. I'm more than willing to put more effort. Tell me where I've gone wrong so we can fix it. Tell me the issue that way, I can change. I know sometimes... I'm ignorant towards your feelings and perhaps all I think about is sex and I'm sorry if I made you feel as if you were a mere sexual object—"

"It's nothing to do with that." She sniffles pulling away to look at him. She adored him so much. He was simply breathtaking. "I love being with you."

"Is it my father again?" He questioned.

"...no..." she hissed. "It's... it's..."

"You can tell me, if anyone has harassed you. I will go deal with them right this second."

"Stella!" Merri muttered. "I-i went to uh assault her."

"What?" Austin furrowed his eyebrows.

"She started it. She insulted me and belittled me and and and she insulted our kids and and insulted you. She refused to admit her horrid deeds so I had no choice but to pin her down and—"

"Merri, you're not funny." Austin laughed, wiping her tears.

"This is not a banter... I'm being truthful."

"You my innocent sweet Merri went to wallop Stella? Goodness, I refuse to believe it. You've never met her. You—"

Merri sighed. "I know it's disappointing and it isn't how a wife should act but I could not help it. I feel regretful of my actions perhaps I could have handled my anger more accordingly."

"What triggered this?"

"She is a nonce!" Merrigold spat.

"I'm aware..."

"A proud nonce!"

"Merri, we're all aware she is a nonce why would you go for her now. There has to have been something that added to this." He asked softly caressing her cheek. She was quiet looking anywhere else but him. He could not help but lay his lips on hers, he missed her dearly. He laid a perk, on her plump lips, she returned the gesture then pulled back.

"I know." She whispered.

"Know what?"

"I know about her Austin."

"Stella?" He asked befuddled with confusion, this conversation had made him forget the scene he had seen a while back.

"No, your daughter."

There was silence, suddenly Austin's heart felt panicked. He could not mutter a word not knowing how he could justify himself. Merrigold spoke again.

"I've had time to think and I will support you always but how do I support you when you do not tell me what is going on in your life! Of all things I never expected you'd have a daughter that old with her..."

"I was planning on telling you."

"When because frankly you were taking your time."

"I'm sorry, I really am. I needed to first accost the situation myself before letting you on. If I had known long enough of her existence. I promise you would have known."

"You had no knowledge of it?" She asked.

Austin shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. He looked around trying to calm himself. "I had no idea, I only found out after Manchester..." clearing his throat. "Her name is Mandy, she isn't well... she can hardly do much for herself. She is handicapped. Stella tried too many times to get rid of her and it only resulted in this mess. I've visited her a couple of times but with each visit... I feel suffocated. I can not be around her. She makes me feel eerie, a clear reminder of this one mistake that seems to follow me continuously."

"I'm sorry..." Merri added softly.

"It's not your fault. I apologize for not saying anything any sooner."

"I should not have meddled." Merri shrugged. "Everything will be alright, I'm glad you're trying to be there for her."

"I do not deserve you." He chuckled. "Do you have any idea how much I've wanted to fight Stella but I could not because of all the double standards. Yet you did and I couldn't be happier. I hope you did it well if not I will need to accompany you to finish it off."

Surprised that he wasn't upset, Merrigold kissed him as they laid back on the bed. It carried onto much more. She straddled him. They laughed inbetween the kiss. Before they could continue making out, Austin whispered. "Everything is complicated but we will figure it out."

It was then that he decided, he would not say a word about Thomas until they had discussed it properly. It was not his place to make assumptions about people, he was not perfect either. He was learning to be down to earth and less sadistic. Austin realized, he had enjoyed watching people suffer only because he was no where near happy and wanted everyone to be in the same position of anhedonia and misery.

Hungry for each other and too distracted. They heard crying. Too desperate and horny. Deciding to ignore it all for two minutes. Breathing hard, they stared at each other. The baby cries escalating. They refused to listen, selfish enough to continue hungrily indulging in each other's needs. Half dressed and nearly there. Merrigold could only whisper "Please... just put it in!" Austin did not protest. Flipping them over, Austin gave into her demands. As soon as they were entwined, there was no going back. Muffled moans, even with the discomfort of half worn clothes with only a leeway into between her thighs. She held onto him tightly. Having waited too long for this touch and entwined delicacy, they did not last long at all.

-

As they both straightened their clothes and tried their best to look as normal as possible. Austin kissed her on the cheek and promised. "Tonight!"

Will be better.

"Tonight." She grinned.

Opening the door, Walter was already at with both the boys crying on either side of his shoulder. He seemed exhausted, sometimes no one could make them quiet except their parents. Austin quickly relieving his father by taking Lionel and Merri taking Lennox. Walter only sneered at them.

"At least open the windows!"

It was then they both realized they reeked of each other and so did their bedroom. A whiff of conjoined muculent intimacy that had lasted fast enough to give a spasming orgasm. Merrigold could only shy away from the scene. Austin seemed almost too proud to say a word. In their parents arms, they were suddenly dead silent. Staring at Merri as she unbuttoned her dress to feed Lennox, Austin felt like the luckiest man alive. He had it all, he honestly had it all.