Chapter 81: Chapter 81

Chapter 79: The honesty

An unexpected visitor.

Henry dropped his suitcase on the first two steps of his parents veranda. Exhausted from the long walk he had taken, dusty and bedraggled. He looked as if he had given up on life as it is. A solemn look of defeat on his face. Mr and Mrs Cunningham had been drinking tea, that early morning.

"Mother..." Henry breathed out, voice creaking with unsaid emotion. He looked so vulnerable as his mother came to his aid. Walter kept sitting, he continued to read his paper. He was already annoyed with Austin, now Henry... this had to be good. He would not disturb his morning bible study for a grown man. A thought crossed his mind, where had he gone wrong with his boys? It was upsetting. Nonetheless he lowered his paper to watch his wife help Henry with his satchel and suitcase. Offering him water, he drank with gusto, so thirstily it dripped on the side of his lips. His hands shook from how anxious he felt, Henry took a seat on the woven porch cushions. His father stared at his unshaven beard. He remembered teaching his boys how to keep clean as soon as they had started to grow a bristle of hair. Shaking his head, the old men sighed. As a father, he had done his part.

"That luggage... exactly how long do you plan on staying?"

"Walter! You haven't even bid him good day. That is very rude of you."

Walter only scrawled at his wife. Catching his breath, Henry finally spoke. "My life is falling apart. Everything has been a utter lie. I have no where to go. I found out some harrying truths, I'm not a father... I never was. I can not have kids—"

"Pardon?" Walter questioned putting his paper onto the stool. Mrs Cunningham sat beside her son comforting him. Walter thought it was ridiculous, how she babied grown men no wonder they were so fragile.

"Be sympathetic and let's giving him time to—"

"No, Rosie! I assume I heard his incorrectly. Ofcourse you can not have kids Henry, you're a man. Women have kids." His father projected.

"No father, I'm infertile."

There was silence.

"There's nothing wrong—"

"Stop lying to him Rosie dammit!"

The woman was slowly losing her patience for this loveless rather toxic marriage. No matter how she tried to speak up for herself, he always found a way to put her down. He overruled anything she had to say, Walter had grown to be a horrid character. Someone she did not recognize.

"Why don't you go up to your room, everything is still the way you left it. Have a shower and then you can come and speak to us when you've calmed down alright mein liebling?"

At the sound of that Henry felt so much better. There was nothing that soothed his pain than his mother muttering kind german words. Austin, Bertha and Henry could not speak any Deutsch but they understood all there was to say. Their mother always spoke to them in german as infants into them being toddlers. Until Walter aired out his frustrations, explaining how would they ever learn any English if all they knew was gibberish. Rosie has always compromised for Walter. When courting her, he had learnt german himself to please her but ten years into the marriage, there was nothing more he hated than hearing someone speak German. It was as if he had pretended to be open minded all those years. Nevertheless, she settled. They were happy, with her many compromises for the marriage to work. She always had to please him and his requests.

Walter cringed.

"Lieberling lieberling, he isn't a child. That is a grown man. You need to stop with these ridiculous gibberish german bynames!"

Mrs Cunningham immediately stood up. "I'm sick and tired of you bullying me into oblivion. I'm tired of this Walter. I'm exhausted, the days I spent here with Austin and Merri without you were the happiest, I've been in years. You exhaust me. Teach everyone how to run a plantation but what you will not do is teach me how to treat my children, my children... that I gave birth to..."

Walter sighed. "You're overreacting—"

"Halt deinen Mund!" She spat furious. Henry watched his parent argue in front of him. Something he had never witnessed in his entire life. Perhaps because he spent most of it in boarding school like any normal boy. Besides that, his mother had always been a push over, it was shocking to see her stand up to his father. An entitled bully, who thought himself to be a Good Samaritan.... well sometimes...

"You will not tell me to shut up on my own porch, on my own forefathers land!"

"Halt deinen Mund!" Rosie hissed yet again knowing it only infuriated him. Ignoring Walter's presence, Rosie helped her son with his luggage. Making sure he settled in well into his old room. Walter remained standing agitated. The few slaves that had been working on the flowers out front, were eagerly listening. Walter immediately dismissed them to go work somewhere else.

—

"Why did you claim this was your child?"

"I never did such a thing."

"That's what Master Cunningham said to Austin. He said you were claiming this was your child. Do you know what that could have caused? If Austin had believed it. You indirectly accused me of being an adulteress."

Thomas huffed.

"I refuse to take claim of the accusations you're making Merrigold. I know very well that mulatto is not my child... my child is somewhere out there fatherless with Faith..."

Merrigold immediately felt bad for him.

"Please do not take out your frustrations on me. All I have done is mind my own."

"I'm not—"

"Yes, you're Merri. Accusing me of something I never did! That is downright shallow. You and that Austin deserve each other."

"I've never heard you speak so bitterly. You have changed... for the worst!"

"What were you expecting? That I'd stand by you until Austin came back. That I'd massage your feet as if you're to bare my child...!"

"No, that's not what I was expecting."

"Exactly. Do not expect anything from me."

"Is there something bothering you? You can speak to me about anything. I will always be your friend Thomas."

"YES! You're bothering me and that thing in your stomach is bothering me because all I can picture is your lousy legs wrapped around that white man's bare waist." He yelled realizing there were people eavesdropping, he lowered his voice but the rage remained in his tone. Losing his appetite, he immediately tied his plastic of peanuts and put them away in his back pocket. Merrigold had no response.

"I apologize for the hurt, I've caused you."

"If you were really sorry Merrigold, if you were really sorry. You wouldn't be here smelling like your rapist. You reek Austin from head to toe. It's disgusting and for a second do not lie to me and tell me you did not open your legs there for him. I know you did, you always do. You slept over for a reason clearly."

"I—"

"Do not feed me any lies."

Merrigold kept quiet until a thought crossed her mind. "I'm having twins."

"Great, do you want a pet on the back?"

"No, I thought perhaps—"

"Nothing Merrigold, nothing. You've hurt me beyond anything I've ever experienced and for you to flaunt your pregnancy better yet that you're carrying two of his offsprings is the most despicable things you could ever do." Thomas added looking down at the wooden bench they were sharing under a tree.

"I'm sorry... I will leave."

"Well that's a smart move for a change."

"Smart, is something you could never comprehend!" Merrigold replied standing the up the bench.

Thomas chuckled. "Oh, how rude?!"

"Did you expect me to continue taking your insults? If it makes you feel any better insult me all you want. Do not ever speak of smart when you're far from smart."

Thomas laughed again, which only made Merrigold more spiteful. "You learn to write a word or two and read numbers and you assume you're the smartest there is around these parts. Brilliant Merri."

"It's not even about that!" She yelled. "If you were smart Thomas, you would have never assumed someone like Austin wanted to be your friend when in reality he was stringing you along like a puppet while he solicited me in your absence."

Thomas was quiet for a moment. He had never thought of it that way. He was genuinely surprised.

"You know all this about him and you still love him? What is the matter with you Merri?"

"Nothing." She dismissed. "What is the matter with you Thomas? Ratting me out to his father knowing that man could very well kill me and bury me in his backyard and no one will ever know or protest against it."

"I—"

"Right? You did not think of that. You're hell bent on hurting Austin that you do not realize that I'm the only one without immunity. Austin will live, I won't and even then it won't matter."

"He won't kill you..."

"Is that what he promised you when you were telling him that I use to entertain your two minutes worth of fornication?"

"I told you, I was tired... exhausted from work in the barn something you will never understand. You said you understood. It's not my fault Austin has nothing to do all day except smoke on his balcony and pleasure you..."

"It's not about that..."

"Then what is it? Why do you not want me Merrigold. Besides my being tired during our lovemaking. Why do you not want me? I will never be as experienced as Austin, he has had the whole town to experiment with. I do not have authority or a wealthy father as well as an inheritance. I do not have a steady job like that your lawyer but I always tried my best to make you happy. Always..."

"It's not your fault. It was never your fault."

Thomas nodded.

"I—"

"He has showed you so much better and now you can not go back to your penniless lover?" Thomas laughed to himself, hurt reeked more than genuineness. "I could never compete with a man who took you to Manchester. Hell, the only place I've ever been to myself is the Gallagher ranch. I can not compete with a man who—" he paused. "It must be his looks. Is that it? He is strikingly handsome? He is always well dressed and presented?"

"Please stop!"

"I WANT ANSWERS MERRIGOLD!" Thomas suddenly yelled. "... i need answers so so so I can move on with clarity and piece of mind." Unexpected he wiped a tear away. "It bothers me so much. I can not even sleep without it crossing my mind. My heart feels heavy, I want to be happy for you because I love you, I always will but I can't. The pain is unbearable. You were once mine. You're the only girl I ever saw myself being with from when we were kids. I never ever imagined a life without you by my side. I always thought you'd be my wife. You'd carry my children. I need answers, so I can move on."

"I-i don't have them either..."

"Why do you love someone who has done nothing but hurt you?"

"I-i don't know..."

"You know dammit, you know it's fine you won't hurt me. You've already hurt me."

"Fine..." Merrigold replied her eyes teary feeling very emotional. "You do not know Austin the way I do. No one does..."

"Fantastic!" Thomas added clapping his hands sardonically in Merrigold's face.

"You know the Austin that tries so hard to be intimidating. You don't know the Austin that laughs at the cartoons page on the paper every morning. You don't know know the Austin that paints and has passion for the simple things in life. You don't know the Austin that talks in his sleep..." for a moment Merri smiled. "...talks in his sleep, trips over his pants in a hurry to get in the blankets to cuddle his child. The Austin that gets excited just at the mere movement of his child. The Austin that sketches the most absurd things when he is bored on his clients sheets. The Austin that hums piano notes when distracted. The Austin that wants to hold your hand when distracted. I could name a lot of things but you will never understand. I know Austin, I know him for who he is. You know him for whom he displays. He has hurt me, in an attempt to be normal. In an attempt to erase what he feels for me. I adore him not for the authority he has or what he has to offer or his skin tone or looks... I adore him for the person he is deep down. The vulnerable molested child in a grown man's body trying to find himself. He is a mess, an annoying mess..." she giggled wiping her tears away. "...a handsome mess, my mess."

Thomas nodded. "That's all I needed to hear, I won't ask anymore questions."

Merrigold nodded. They remained silent until they both decided to go in their separate sleeping arrangements at the commune. Somehow they both needed that. Merrigold needed to accept her feelings for Austin and Thomas needed to understand why she wanted him.