Chapter 74: Chapter 74

Chapter 72: The hate

Sitting on the side of the bed facing the balcony doors. Merrigold sighed, feeling hopeless, helpless. She had done absolutely nothing but felt exhausted. Tired of staring at the same walls. Her bare feet swollen when the only steps she had taken were to relieve herself. She felt like a prisoner. The old clock in one side of the room, made her head rotate. It's ticking reminded her that even though she refused to move, even though she refused to do anything... time was still moving and whether she was pleased with it or not, her belly was ever growing. Sleep had proved to be a struggle, not knowing which side was much better. None of them were any better. Perhaps facing the ceiling and watching the golden chandelier with caliginous lamps. Her thoughts were interrupted by one of the younger girls that worked in the kitchen. Then another one came in, holding belongings, bringing them in and laying the flat on the mahogany chest of drawer.

Confused, Merrigold asked. "What is going on?"

"Master Austin instructed us to bring his belongings into this room."

Merrigold felt her anger ravel.

He always always had something under his sleeves to bother her. As if him coming in every night to cuddle her because he wanted to feel the baby... was that not enough? She asked herself? She was sick of his antics. For the past week, he would come to visit her. Removing his shirt, he'd always ask she do the same... claiming William had said skin to skin nestles were a good way of bonding with the unborn child. If Austin had said he did not enjoy or look forward to holding Merrigold and her now large belly bump then he would have been lying. It was comforting, he could feel the movement... it felt surreal to him. That his offspring was in there. His very own, one that would call him father and Merrigold, mother. Even though Merri never said much, Austin did not mind doing all the talking.

"Does he move around this often?" Austin had asked the night before.

Rolling her eyes, Merrigold replied. "...and who informed you it is a boy?"

With a chuckle, Austin smiled. "I'm only hoping..."

Merrigold did not reply as she tried to shift away from him a little bit. Not like she had anything to cover, she did not know how Austin had even convinced her into agreeing into this ludicrous idea. Regardless of her nakedness, she had asked Austin to keep his pants on. Even then she could still feel how hard it was... behind her, with Austin being the big spoon. His hands softly rubbed circles on her belly bump, it always responded by moving. Austin's breath on her neck, it was getting to her. Not knowing what was suddenly causing her heightened sense of need for sex. Her clit throbbed at his touch. Ever more disgusted by herself. How could she be attracted to someone who had done so much damage... to her wellbeing. It frustrated her, gulping the feeling down. His hands accidentally touched her nipple. As if she had been craving for that, her instincts told her to bring his hand closer to her breasts. She did not want that. Her body wanted that but she did not.

"This is nice..." Austin added, his tone sounded a little excited. Something Merri had never witnessed. He was not trying to terrify or intimidate her. He sounded simply excited... it was odd. As if he had no other motive except holding her tight, in a over protective stance.

"Inform me when you're done this so called bonding with your child, I'd like to sleep."

Austin's smile evacuated just as quickly as the words registered in his mind. "He or she is yours just as much as mine."

"You can not force this on me."

Austin abruptly moved away, letting her go. "So what then? You will deny this child for how long?"

Merrigold kept silent, tugging the sheets to cover herself. She hated having to do this, knowing he would only bother her more and more. She gave in. Merrigold agreed knowing the beast he'd turn into, causing havoc and pain in the lives of her loved one's.

"You know Merri... I get butterflies just at the feel of our child, moving. You can not tell me you do not feel that? It still feels surreal. Do you not feel that? That is our child... you and I... we made that...? An entire human being that is depending on you for air, food and everything possible. You're already a mother, Merri. A mother to my child. The minute our child started to grow, that is the minute you became a mother. Not when the baby arrives..."

A wave of guilt embraced her. A part of her wanted, longed to love this child but she couldn't find it in love herself to. She combined her trauma with her pregnancy. Tied any horrid memory she had of Austin to what she was carrying. He was right it felt surreal, she was going through with this? She had not planned on it. She had not asked herself what would happen if her suicide aims failed. She had not thought that far as to what would happen after. Merrigold had imagined one way or another, she would miscarry. If she did not die, Austin would beat it out of her like the first pregnancy. The thought of her deceased child, disheartened her.

"Have you thought of any names?"

"Anything you want..." she muttered.

"Merrigold?? Please."

"Lennox, Lionel...whatever it maybe, I'm alright with it. Perhaps when you sell them—" A part of Merri wanted to believe that she was having twins. She felt as if she already knew, but she did not want to entertain the thought of being attached to them. The lady was probably right. It scared her.

"Lennox and Lionel, I like tha— Pardon? Sell them?" Austin asked appalled.

"Well are you not?"

"Why would I sell my own child?"

"So what will you do with it?" Merrigold asked. Rage was all Austin felt for Merrigold's ignorance towards their child. It upset him that she thought this way. Sell their child? What kind of a heartless person would one have to be to have their own offspring sold off.

"RAISE THE CHILD MERRIGOLD, I'm daunted that you would assume anything other than that."

"Oh..."

There was awkward silence as Austin stood up picking up his article of clothing to leave. Something did not sit right with him. She was suggesting, he sells? What was she suggesting or even thinking.

They had not spoken ever since that encounter. Merrigold stood up as soon as Austin entered the room with more of his belongings.

"What are you doing?"

"Moving closer to you what-else?"

"For what?!" She hissed at him.

"Incase if you need me, I did after all impregnate you. It's only right that I stay close."

Merrigold scoffed. "Be my guest. Move right in, I was about to return to my pantry room anyways as you had called it."

"You're not going anywhere!"

"You can not stop me!"

"...Merri, you were always unbearable but.... Jesus Christ this pregnancy is making you even worse...!"

"Next time do it right! Maybe we wouldn't be in this mayhem."

Realizing what she had said, the pregnant woman was suddenly embarrassed. Reasonably, she should not have put it that way. The two housekeepers behind them scurried away. A sudden rosy blush dawned on Austin's cheeks.

Clearing his throat, he put his box down in one corner. Turning back to look at her. "I did it right... I—" clearing his throat yet again, intimidated by her stare. "It must have slipped or anything granted. I do not know know what to tell you Merri. It was not my intention to... but it has happened. We can only move forward from here."

"But—"

"Let me speak...!" Austin said softly approaching her in small calculated steps. Staring at her, he caressed her cheek. Her skin tingled as he stared at her lips. Plump and moist, he wanted to devour them. He got lost in thought. He liked Merrigold like this, she looked stunning. He found pride in knowing she was carrying full displayed proof of what they had. Whatever it was, love-lust-passion-hate-weakness-longing. She could not deny it either. She saw it in his grey eyes, reminding her of every emotion she had ever felt for him. Reminding her of how dark they turned when they were entwined. Merrigold refused to look away, so did Austin. They wanted to intimidate each other by not looking away but it only broke their walls. The walls they had been trying to build against each other. It broke any thought of disparity. Itching for more touch, Austin had told himself he'd lecture her and give her a piece of his mind but one look at her doll brown eyes. He could not function. Still caressing her cheek, her hand found its way into his chest. Staring up at him, he leaned in to kiss her. As soon as their lips were a mere inch away... Merrigold moved. Coming to her senses, her heart sank with memories of pain and bitterness.

They stood still not saying a word. Austin felt rejected. He smiled regardless.

"My father is coming over for dinner tonight. I plan on telling him about our child."

Merrigold nodded.

"Bertha gave me most of her maternity clothing. They've been washed and until mother can accompany me to get your more clothing—"

"Do not worry..." she told him.

"I have to, you're my concern."

Merrigold only sighed looking away. Austin took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her from behind. She seemed sad, Austin only wanted to cheer her up. He knew whenever he laid kisses on her neck, she would giggle even if she did not want to. It was her sweet spot. He did— her body responded the only way it knew how. Not even Thomas knew her body like that.

From the far corner, Thomas watched them. What was supposed to be his visit to tell Merri that he would support her no matter what... had turned sour. "I love you." Austin whispered as he embraced her with all his might, she needed it. She needed his comfort. "Did you feel that?he moved Merri. He moved again. You know your father so well bud?" Thomas immediately stormed off and this time. He told himself never again. His heart leapt out of his chest just watching them. They were so perfect together. Like a happy family, it upset him. He would never be able to see his own child but here Merri was getting neck kisses and hugs from the perpetrator. Thomas felt she had betrayed him by even tolerating Austin. With so much resentment, Thomas hoped she would lose that child. He wanted to see Austin heartbroken. Just as Austin was beginning to soften, Thomas prayed Merrigold would have an accident that would render her pregnancy no more. He was tired of being taken for granted, when would things ever go his way. Mrs Cunningham watched him storm past her. She could only hope everything was okay. Nonetheless she went to Merrigold's room to inform her of Thomas short visit. Reaching the door, her eyes threatened to water with tears. Austin was knelt down in the carpeted floor, giving Merrigold's belly kisses. She was giggling telling him how ticklish it was, requesting him to stop. Austin kept telling her that the baby was moving. Mrs Cunningham felt this was all she ever wanted for her son, she did not disturb them. They had spent so much time yelling at each other that it was inevitable that the would somewhat make up.

"Mommy is very grumpy..." Austin spoke in a raspy tone. Merrigold sighed watching the most ridiculous scene in front of her. She wondered since when did he become affectionate. "She makes Daddy grumpy too. You should make mommy happy so mommy can be nice to daddy alright?"

"I do not think that is how it works, Austin." Merri giggled feeling tingles as he laid more kisses. Visible stretch marks caused by the sudden growth. Austin traced each and everyone of them. Her belly button looked rather pointy. Austin constantly asked her if it hurt, his questions annoyed her but she answered none the less.

"How does it work then?" Austin asked innocently. "Perhaps I should kiss you—"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, Austin." Merrigold said dismissively. Putting her dress down. Austin stood up, towering over her. He kiss her, not pulling back... with no regrets it had been something that he had been yearning to do. Merrigold tried to push him off but the feeling of euphoria immediately convulsed and ran through her veins. Feeling drowsy, Austin had to hold her still. They kissed until they ran out of breath. As if some sort of frustration. Merri pulled back from him. Austin cleared his throat yet again. "That was not so bad."

"I hate you." Merrigold voiced. "I hate you!" She murmured walking away from him. This time, he could not tell if she was lying or being honest. She spat the sentence like venom... this type he knew she meant it. She meant it.