Chapter 66: Chapter 66

Chapter 64: The kick

Austin and Merrigold walked back home in silence. It was nearing sunset. She did not want to speak to him, she did not want to pretend they were suddenly friends. Merrigold felt disgusted with herself for putting her lips on his. She was in a vulnerable state, for goodness sake she thought this was her end and her last seconds of life. The kiss reminded her that, this was indeed how she got in the same position she was in. Carrying his offspring. The thought of it made her feel muddled and out of balance. She was really carrying his child? When he looked down at her, her heart puddled with anxiety... this was the father of her child? Oh God. What a brilliant pick! She wanted it off, she wanted it out of her body. Merri wished her almost drowning had caused an abortion. Did she really want to die? Or the thought of carrying Austin's child scared her to the point of being desperate for her life to end. Merrigold thought a lot, what would people say? She'd be so embarrassed and shameful beyond any doubt. Would the child resemble him... because if it did, Merrigold felt, she would die. She would have to look at it and be reminded of everything it's father has ever done. She'd be reminded of the mistakes, she had committed with him. She'd be reminded of how much of a horrible person he is behind that mask. Merrigold felt desperate, she was desperate for this child to come out looking like Thomas. Forlorn, she knew there was no chance it could be Thomas child, Austin had been the only person... it disgusted her. Regardless, she still prayed in her heart. She had faith, God would not allow something this horrible to happen to her. It had to be a mistake, even though it proved to be impossible. Merrigold still hoped.

Let it be Thomas child. Dear God, I will never ask for anything else again.

"If you're tired—"

"...no, I'm fine..." Merrigold cut him off as they continued to walk side by side. Austin tried to entwine their hands... as he did she stopped walking. Something happened! Some—

thing.

It moved. Oh God.

Austin gave her a worried look, with a raised eyebrow. He reached for her hand, caressing with his thumb. "Are you alright?" He questioned his voice raspy.

This was the first time it had ever happened. She had not made it past this far in her last pregnancy. She was shocked. It was still alive? Even after having almost died. Even after water had traveled down her lungs and for a second she had lost her breath. It was still alive? What a perfect time to start moving, she thought to herself with hatred. Every time, Austin touched her... she felt light tingles... an indescribable sensation, some sort of movement in her stomach. It was as if some response to Austin's touch.

"I will carry you?"

"No, please don't touch me." She said almost immediately putting some distance between them. The movement suddenly stopped when Austin went away. Her mind buzzed 'it likes it's father's touch...' it made her want to cry, not tears of joy but tears of horror. This was a bad dream, a nightmare. Tears of regret, for not wanting it or feeling any warm feeling for it. For not wanting to keep it. She blamed herself, this was all her fault. She should have never entertained thoughts of Austin, she should have not had sex with him; a voice told her... he was still going to have sex with you (rape) whether you allowed it or not. She really had no option.

"Mother is really excited about the possibility of Bertha expecting again." Austin tried to make a conversation. He knew Merrigold and Bertha could be considered some what close therefore perhaps she'd like to talk about his twin sister. Assuming Merrigold would feel at ease talking about others, to get her mind of her almost dying.

"...yes..." she muttered.

"It got me thinking..." he paused.

Merrigold panicked in silence with anticipation as to what his response would be. It got him thinking what? He changed his mind on children if his own. He suddenly wants children? It got him thinking what exactly.

"Deutsch names aren't the nicest but mother thinks otherwise." He chucked, with a sigh of relief... a smile sneaked onto Merrigold's lips.

"Franz, Frieda..." Merri replied.

"Hermann.." Austin added laughing.

There was awkward silence.

"Merri...?"

"Yes?"

"Were you really trying to learn how to swim?"

"Excuse me?" Merrigold came to a halt.

"I just—"

"What exactly are you trying to imply?"

"Nothing, forgive me, it just crossed my mind that you might have been trying to end your life... but I'm sorry that is very insensitive of me to say or assume. The way you love your brother, niece and... Thomas. I know you would never do that to them. At least I'm certain..."

"I'm not surprised, you always think so lowly of me. Oh look this lousy hideous nigger was going to commit suicide." Merrigold mimicked his words that had hurt her so much in their last encounters. Even though it was true, she had to remain calm and pretend she had not tried to end her life because of him.

"I'm sorry, I even brought it up." Austin said lowly. Merrigold felt bad for lying, she felt horrible knowing she had been lying much more lately. Austin tried to reach for her hand again... she freaked out. Not wanting the thing inside her stomach to move again. She was afraid, afraid she'd start to like it. Start to imagine life with it. Start accepting it. Start imagining Austin making her life tough for eternity, it was clear he would never leave her own. Thankfully him not staying away helped her not die that day but she hated him for saving her. Something told her, she was almost there. Almost...just a little further all her pain would have ended.

—

Mrs Cunningham was worried, her soup had gone cold. She was ill at ease but knew Austin was present and that he would do anything to protect her and keep her safe. Mrs Cunningham was only concerned with what if Austin hurt her in the mist of their many arguments. As she looked around she saw Faith's siblings. Two little boys, they always roamed around the house waiting for Faith to sneak some food out. Mrs Cunningham chuckled at how Faith assumed she did not know. Realizing there was an extra pot of soup that Faith had made, Mrs Cunningham gave the boys a plate with some bread. Nothing made her happier than seeing them mutter a lot of thanks.

—

Faith was cleaning Austin's room. It smelt so good and manly. She laid back on his bed and imagined him on top of her, the way he had been with Merrigold the day she caught them. The muffled moans Merri made against his skin, he must have been a good delicacy. Faith felt annoyed with Merri, why would she ever complain about being raped by a fine man like himself? Merrigold was a filthy lying attention seeker, she liked every second of being raped. What was the difference even she still had sex with him after he raped her. She did not mind getting raped by him anytime infact. She had no idea where these lustful and sudden liking for Austin had came from. She loved Thomas but there was something about a man who stood his ground, a man with a higher authority. Suppose her mother was getting to her.

She was pregnant, a tad bit regretful but it was nice to wipe that smug off Merrigold's face. Faith still had Thomas, she loved him but could not help getting carried away. It was all curiosity nothing more. Getting off the bed, she remembered she needed to throw that soup away or mix it with Mrs Cunningham soup. If Merrigold ate it, it would be the end of her. It only took four hours before it started to kick in. When she asked about her pot—

the other housekeepers told her Mrs Cunningham has cleared it out. She was relieved hopefully the old hag not tried to taste any of it.

—

Merrigold was sleeping when she heard the door being opened slightly then closed. The sound of clothing being taken off. She felt him cuddle into bed with her. Almost wrapping his arm around her stomach, she squinted... her eyes open.

"Please don't touch me..." she said dismissively.

"Don't you dare!" She told him.

"It's just cuddling.."

"I could never trust a rapist." She replied.

"I'm not a rapist." As he spoke laying behind her, his warm breath tickled her skin.

"There is absolutely no reason to lie."

She suddenly felt nervous when she felt his hard on pressed against her butt.

"Keep that thing away from me."

Adjusting it, Austin muttered a 'sorry' it clearly was not his intention but at the sight of her even in the dark, his manhood knew. The mere smell of her scent made it stand ready to take anything she was willing to offer.

Turning around to face him. His eyes glistened in the dark almost scary. "I can not do anything in this house not even catch some sleep. You enjoy bothering me... you just had to—"

He kissed her, he was tired of talking.

Pulling back he whispered. "You almost died today, I could not sleep without thinking about how much I've taken for granted. I'd rather be here cramped up on your small bed next to you than up there alone and without your warmth."

Merrigold tried to hold her breath in, she was afraid he'd feel it. Her belly bump would touch him and close the space between them.

"I've never been so terrified in my life." He told her. "I've told you before, my worst feeling is losing you. I can't imagine my life without your smart mouth that always has a response or that smile... even though you're trying so hard not to..."

"Why are you telling me this?" Merrigold questioned.

"I want you to know."

"Oh..." Merrigold ignored him turning to face the other side away from him. That way he wouldn't be able to kiss her or feel her bump.

"Do better." Merrigold muttered, clicking her tongue.

"Pardon?"

"Do better, that is exactly what I said. You once told me to look at myself then look at you. I did and here I am telling you to do better. I do not understand why you want me? Do better, Master Austin." She sighed. "A man of caliber should have many other better options. I'm not saying this to be spiteful or anything of that sort. You do not have to keep begging for my attention, it's not worth it. Go find a lady, one you wouldn't be embarrassed to show off. Go find someone, I'd be so overjoyed for you."

"I—"

"Don't say it, every time you do, you always hurt me."

"Every time I see William's son and I can not help but imagine what ours would look like... it's just not everyday you stumble upon mixed children. They're so... stunning and different. They just resemble so much like rebellion by their parents."

Merrigold gulped down suddenly feeling her throat dry up quickly.

Thinking of Stella's daughter, Austin felt ill. He did not want to dwell on that. He refused to acknowledge that he had an offspring... especially one had was mentally and physically disadvantaged.

"What do you think of mixed children?"

"Please leave me alone." Merri hissed, closing her eyes. Tears were streaming down, as she closed her eyes in the dark.

"It is rather nice to think of but if it actually occurred I'd be damned. What would I do with it?"

Merrigold felt... obligated to get rid of it and herself for both their sakes.

Kissing her neck, he muttered good night. Merrigold felt it move, it moved?? It moved. She did not want to be excited. She loathed the thought of it. Hopefully she would not live to birth it, she had to act quickly... it was growing too fast.

"And Merri, when you say do better. I know I'm already doing better. I could never see any other woman the way I see you. You take my breath away, you make me feel all these things that I do not want to feel. You give my life meaning. I'm so glad you're alive."

At this moment, Merrigold wished the ground would open and swallow her.