Chapter 61: Chapter 61

Chapter 59: The talk

"How is Thomas, Merri?"

"...uh...we're no longer together." Merrigold confessed playing with the food on her plate. Trying her best not to vomit at the smell of garlic. Austin immediately dropped his fork. Then apologized when all eyes went on him except for Merri.

"But why? You were both so inlove as teens.."

"It's for the best...for uhm the both of us."

"That is so sad. Mrs Brown what do you think?"

"I have nothing to say Ma'am." Mrs Brown mumbled.

"Is there anyone that has caught your eye maybe my handsome unmarried son here?" She teased. Merrigold immediately felt bile threaten to overtake her throat.

"Oh mother..." Austin chuckled. "You're making her nervous."

Mrs Brown immediately coughed, feeling awkward by how tense it was.

Austin was trying to catch Merrigold's eye but she kept looking at her plate never up. He moved his leg under the table, purposely touching her. She flinched, knowing exactly who was sitting opposite her.

"Sorry.." he muttered.

"It's fine." She mumbled with a forced smile.

"Does Austin make you nervous Merrigold?" His mother asked trying to make a conversation.

It took her a while to reply. "Uh...not at all, ma'am."

"He is harmless. Hopefully he hasn't knocked you up while I was away... knowing him, he can not stay away from pretty girls like yourself Merri."

"Mother!" Austin chuckled.

Merri could not take it anymore so she stood up. "Thank you so much for the food. I- I'm not feeling well. I'd like to be excused please..."

"Oh, ofcourse dear, go lie down for a while. If it persists let me know alright?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Also Merri?" She added. Merrigold's heart started to thud harder than before. Did she see it? Could she it? She had to suspect something? She was doomed. She would tell him. She was finished and done for. Ofcourse she saw— "I love short hair on you. It's very nice and curly."

A sigh of relief.

"Thank you Ma'am." Merri forced a smile. Trying to walk properly with her sucking her breath in. It was painful. Once they were out of view she let out her breath. Breathing in and out as if she had ran a marathon.

—

{generally how a 12 week belly bump for twins would look like.}

—

"Merri certainly has changed or is it just me?" Mrs. Cunningham added.

"I had not known her before so I wouldn't know, perhaps she is simply tired."

"Tired? She seems rather done for. Knowing her, she was always so lively, laughing and ever smiling. Loved to make conversations and always wanted to hear and learn more. It is odd to see her so uninterested in anything."

"Ma'am, it maybe that time of the month that is all." Mrs Brown said trying to defend her.

"Do you reckon so? I should have a talk with her. We used to be so close. She'd tell me everything and anything."

Austin felt uncomfortable, he was afraid Merrigold would air out all their laundry. Something told him she wouldn't. She had the opportunity to do so earlier but she chose to remain quiet. He should have been overjoyed by the news of her finally staying away from Thomas but something seemed off about it. Merrigold displayed no interest for anything, his mother was right. She hardly ate her food, he had hardly seen her consume anything from day to day. He assumed she wore her whale like of woolen jerseys to remove attention from her body. Perhaps she wanted to look unattractive to him but even then there was something about her that made her glow. He could never find her unattractive even with her sudden weight gain. It must have been all from stress, he felt awful. A lot of memories he had shared with her swam in his mind from time to time. He missed her smile, she hardly looked at him. She tried her best not to make eye contact, he tried his best to make eye contact. She tried her best to stir away from any physical contact, he...craved for it. He craved to merely hold her hand.

"Give her space mother." Austin added. He had suddenly lost his appetite as well with worry for Merrigold.

"Oh..."

"I will have a talk with her..." He said standing up.

"No, I will speak to her it's fine." Mrs Brown intervened.

"She is probably right Austin, Mrs. Brown ought to give better help than you as a male."

"But I know Merrigold as well... we've become very close friends overtime." With that Austin went to Merrigold. They needed sometime alone, he thought. Sometime to talk about their issues and so on. He knew Merrigold loved him but as of late he could not see it. He felt guilty knowing his deeds but he was hoping that he'd be able to fix things between them. Softly knocking... Merrigold panicked, taking a pillow and putting it over her stomach. She muttered "Come in." For some reason she had thought it was Mrs. Cunningham when she saw him, her heart threatened to leap out of her chest with fear. Him closing the door behind him, made her feel suffocated with his cologne, covering the little space of room. She felt stifled off air, that was when... an idea hit her. She could make it all easy, make it same as if her death was a mistake and that she had drowned. The thought of the near by lake came to mind. She had grown up around it and never in her wildest dreams did she think that would be her ending. She did not want her brother or Thomas to feel guilty about her death. If she had supposedly drowned then it would not be called a suicide simply a mistake. She did not plan on leaving any note, she had nothing to say. Merrigold has only thought of this when she felt drowned and suffocated by Austin's presence. Perhaps she could drown in many things. Merri told herself she'd go see them, tell them thats eh loved them before going for a walk promising to come back. If anything occurred it would have to be rendered an accident as long as she pretended to be normal and happy.

"Hi Merri, how are you?" Austin broke her thoughts by sitting on her squeaky bed. She thought it was too close for comfort and would have preferred for him to be far. His face resembled a nightmare never forgetting how powerless she felt when he was on top of her. Her arms held back by those men and no way of redeeming herself. His face reminded her of a night she'd chose to block from her thoughts. It hurt to think...or assume that she was carrying this man's child. Her eyes threatened to water. It felt as if it were the worst punishment. She could have taken anything but not this. Merrigold could not imagine herself giving birth to his children... worse if they resembled his characteristics and looks. Which was prone to happen. Like Thomas had said, they'd be tied for life. Merrigold would be forced to see him constantly. That was not a life she wished for. Anything but not near him. Anything but not with him. Anything...

"I'm fine thank you." She replied, nervous, yet again fumbling with her finger. Hiding her stomach with her pillow and never looking at him or his direction. He wanted her to look at him.

"You do not seem fine."

"I'm not feeling well but I will be fine." She mumbled.

"You're never feeling well. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Master Austin." She muttered in a low tone. Her voice threatened to break. He noticed.

"I understand it must be hard departing from your lover."

Merri shook her head in disbelief. "No, it must be hard to be raped in front of someone you love and watch them getting tortured then get raped once more by a man you do not even know." She said it softly, with no harshness. As if she had already given up and content with her reality.

Austin was quiet.

"What have I ever done to you?" She asked, out of curiosity.

"Merrigold... it was never my intention to hurt you. I assumed we'd have sex like we normally do and he'd watch but then you refused and I had to... force myself."

"Well it does not matter anymore. It's already done..."

"I want us to—"

"No please I'm begging you." Merri said almost immediately. "Please you can do whatever you want with me but please do not force me to love you. I've had enough of this."

Austin was speechless.

"Just...treat my brother and Thomas decently. I will work for it. I will try to please you however you want me to. Just please, do not hurt Thomas again."

"I hate when you sell yourself short. You're more than what you claim to be and we both know it."

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked him. "I have no desire to be involved in any foolery. For as long as am here at least..." she muttered.

"And where will you be going?" He questioned.

She remained quiet.

"Please do not hurt my brother or Thomas. They have so much to live for. Thomas is expecting with Faith and my brother has a family. I on the other hand..." she sighed. "I've only caused them shame with my foolishness."

"If you plan on running away then that is a very bad idea." Austin told her.

"I am... well aware, even if I tried, where would I go?"

"You have everyone worried... even my mother."

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention."

"Just stop apologizing... you've done nothing wrong but you're constantly apologizing..."

"I'm sor— I'm mean, I—" she did not know what to say anymore.

"Did you uhm... get your uhm..." Austin mumbled. "Did you...uh...get your lady thing... this month?"

Startled.

Merrigold nodded.

"I wasn't very careful last time."

"Worry not." She forced a smile.

"That's good news for the both of us, I presume."

Merri nodded.

"My mother had me worried with her egg superstition earlier and your weight gain has been troubling me."

Merri looked aside and held onto her pillow.

"I had my period, last week that was one of my reasons for being sick." She told him.

"Does that make me infertile?"

"How would I know? I reckon I'm the damaged one from my past history." Merrigold wanted to add that she would not know because she was simply a lousy hideous nigger but she backed away from saying anything. She did not want to make him upset. Knowing how that pattern went.

"If something ever occurs let me know..."

"It won't."

"William told me that sometimes, what you assume to be your monthly period could be bleeding from the lining of the uterus and the new fertilization in the first month. I'm not very convinced."

"...what are you trying to imply? That I do not know my own body? I'm not pregnant, even if I was how sure are you that it is yours to care for. Please, I'm begging you.."

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to offend you."

"I had my period for five full days and...it was very normal."

"I believe you, I'd go mad if I ever found out you lied to me but I trust you're being truthful. You'd never lie about something this serious..."

Merrigold convinced herself that by the time he'd want to punish her for lying, by the time he would find out... it would be too late for him to cause her pain and misery so she continued lying.