Chapter 37: Chapter 37

Chapter 35: Austin.

"We never have to speak of it, if you wish not to." Austin told her the day before when they parted ways from the comfort of deceit they had both slept in. He did not want to but he had to. Austin had never felt such pleasure in such an unforgettable rush. It crossed his mind more than it should have. In those moments, when she needed him. She wanted him and it had always been something he yearned for... her desire for him. She was out of limb, vulnerable and wanted him to be with Austin and to have him hold her in the most intimate manner. Gulping down a feeling of hysteria thinking of the way she looked at him with every stroke. He couldn't help it, Austin couldn't. He had to give her whatever she wanted. Whenever she looked at him with those doll eyes, he was left feeling helpless, she could tell him to jump off a cliff, at which he gladly would. It was the only time as of recent that she let her guard down and the speck of hate her eyes always held for Austin disappeared for a while.

They sat in silence. Merrigold sat across him quietly working on the financial sheets and budget for the sugar cane duty that had not been touched ever since she left. Austin had tried to work on them but each time he did, he thought of her. Regardless he could not carry on something he did not understand or have any interest in. Each time he tried, Grover reminded him that Merrigold easily knew everything and that without her things were taking a turn for the worst. Her skin glowed with the sunset rays that came from the window of the study. She seemed concentrated and not noticing any of her surroundings. Austin admired her beauty. Her full lips, her furrowed eyebrows... sculpted face, her not having hair showed off just how defined her features were. Austin stared in awe. She turned to look up, her eyelashes flickered pleasantly at him. Still dazed and daydreaming, he did not notice he was staring.

"What is it?" She asked a little confused.

"Uh..." Austin stuttered for a bit. "I'm really glad you're back."

Merri only looked at him confusedly then turned back to bookkeeping. Feeling a lump on her throat, she turned to look at him again. "Why did you feel the need to tell Thomas?" It has been bothering her for a while and she needed answers. Merrigold did not like the dead air between her and Thomas.

"That I giggle..." she added.

Austin laughed, as he did... quickly realizing Merrigold was serious. He cleared his throat and put on a serious face. "Did I tell a lie?"

"You made me it sound as if I spent every night with you." Merri replied cooly.

"He obviously had you on other nights and he knows that."

"Why did you hurt me?"

"...I don't know.."

"You should know... that's why you disgust me."

"Do i really?" Austin questioned a little hurt by her harshness. He had noticed and watched how after their time together she was leaping out of her depressive state. Perhaps she needed his comfort, he thought to himself. Austin also noted that the more Thomas ignored her, the more she came for him. He liked it, he wasn't complaining.

"Yes you do, you disgust me. You're a murderer and—" with a sigh Merri looked at him. "Do not make that face, you're not as appealing as you think you're. Not with that attitude at-least."

"See I missed this Merri." He smirked leaning closer.

Realizing what she had just done. Merrigold sat back in her arm chair aggravated.

"We should get away from here... this awfully depressing dump!" Austin said.

"I'd really love that, just not with you..!"

"You wound me Merri." Austin faked agony. "I know the perfect place, suppose you have never been out of this town, this plantation. You must be sick of the same old same old customary patten."

It was true. Merri thought. She had never gave herself high hopes or unrealistic dreams. Thomas had always been enough for her. She refused to seek out there, she was comfortable at the time. The outside world scared her, the stories she had heard.

"Not for people like me..." Merrigold muttered. "I'm meant to stay here forever and solace the likes of you."

Standing up and going to kneel towards her. He caressed her cheek and laid his hand on hers. "It will only be a week away." Squeezing her hand. "I broke you... I plan on mending you no matter what it takes. I want you to be happy, I can never bring your child back and for that I apologize. I can not fault Thomas, I'm selfish... I told him everything I did because I was dying of jealousy. I needed something to backhand him. A week Merrigold, out of this veteran plot this dingy town, you hate me yes but I'm sure if you could tolerate me being inside you again, then you do not hate me as much as you claim." With a pause, he entwined their fingers, hers fit perfectly in his. His eyes met her scars but decided against saying much on it. "I'm sorry, I hurt you. Caused you mental, physical and emotional pain. I have no reason to justify any of my deeds. I was... hurting and I needed you. Just like the way you needed me yesterday. However when I found out about your pregnancy, it triggered me to the point of exhibiting unkind behavior and actions. I regretted it the minute I left..."

Letting out a somber cry, Merrigold pulled away quickly. "I do not like feeling this way.."

"Feeling what way..?" He asked a little befuddled by her reaction and tears.

"I love Thomas." She said standing up, putting as much space away from him. Her tears were quick to fall, he stared at her confused. He did not understand this woman but simultaneously he understood that she was not in her right emotional state.

"I love Thomas so much and... I do not want any part of this. You're not a good person. You're evil and inconsiderate. You're malicious and only care for yourself and how you benefit from it all at the end of the day. You do not love me, you're confusing your lustful sin and controlling ways for something that you're incapable of feeling. Please stop this."

Triggered, running his hand through his hair. He marched up to her, without hesitation he laid his lips on hers. Letting out a silent shiver, they stood stagnant for some time. "...I know exactly what I feel..." he whispered against her lips sealing it softly with a pucker up smooch. Merri's hand caressed his chin, losing her self control. She allowed him to hoister her up in his strong arms as they hungrily indulged each other's unsatisfied need. Biting on her bottom lip, Merrigold gripped onto the collar of his button up. Wrapping her legs around him tight afraid of falling. He held her close, their chests heaved out of breath... fighting for a hungry endearment. His hands gripped her behind, loving the feel of it. She moaned against his lips... as the sunset, the darker it became in the room. His eyes glimmered with need, so did hers. Pulling away out of breath, they stared at each other having no explanation for their actions. Austin laid kisses on her neck, knowing was her sweet spot, she muffled a teehee. He continued marking her neck, as his and only his. Her tears seemed dry with all the friction that had been caused by the lusty ball of fire endearment.

"...when do we leave..." she asked, hugging and clinging onto him. She was sick of this place, sick of her life, sick of everything that once excited her. Nothing excited her anymore, but the mere feel of the man she hated with all her might. He filled up a void, he always filled up her void. As if she petitioned for danger and discomfort. Lived off the high energy of doing wrong and the opposite. As of late, she refused to think herself into a bad mood, she simply did with no conscience. Her feelings and emotions weren't present but it was nice... nice to be held and feel wanted even if it was by him.

Convincing her to eat, she listened. They did not talk much but simply stared at each other from time to time with an unreadable expression as if they could read each other's minds. Faith and Mrs Brown watched closely at this interaction. The other slaves did not pay much mind as they worked in the house before leaving. Austin and Merrigold shared a bath. Austin delicately washed her back and kissed her wrists. For a moment they were delusional feeding of each other's ignorance. When everyone had left for the commune, Austin and Merrigold indulged in more sin. It felt right, when he was inside her. It felt right when he was on top of her giving her slow painful strokes while kissing her. Faith had forgotten something when she saw the scene unfold with the door slightly open Austin had not suspected for anyone to return. They followed orders religiously. He assumed it was simply him and Merri. He pulled out right on time regardless of how painful it was to keep indulging but not fully indulging. He held Merrigold tight after cleaning up. They spoke here and there of their plans and week away. Faith's throat felt dry, she was confused. Quickly running off, to the commune still in shock. Not sure if she should ever speak of it. With a worried expression, she felt Mrs. Brown's hand on her shoulder.

"Leave them be."

"But Thomas deserves to know.."

"It's not your tale to speak of."

"You knew all along? You simply watched...?" Faith accused.

"It's not my tale to tell either." Mrs. Brown added ignoring her, she continue to knit her scarf for the winter, it was coming soon. A lot was coming soon.